thank you to the angels

a vacation, a respite, a time out, a cool down.

i needed to control alt delete my shhhh

Ti esrever dna ti pilf, nwod gniht ym tup

Ti esrever dna ti pilf, nwod gniht ym tup.

my ma asked if we wanted to use her timeshare in palm springs and so many years ago i complained when she a) bought a time share and b) bought on in palm springs

but this was, to quote ferris bueller, so choice

it was an hour and forty minutes from my driveway

it was haunted

there were ducks.

there were clouds above with angels saying we love you tony

you too, amber.

the pools were warm the weather was hot

and after a few days everything cooled down and there was even some drizzle

but vacation drizzle like youd get in maui

just enough to clean off the sidewalks so you could draw new, more intense hopscotch games

amber and i looked each other in the eyes and expressed love for me

then we watched the election, then we turned off the election, then we turned it back on

that went on for several days.

then i turned on the Queens Gambit which may have been the second best decision of the week

or was it the sale priced salmon from the Palm Desert Albertson’s that had been driven out by Santa Monica Seafood?

we went back a few days later for another pound.

ridiculously good.

sometimes you get to draw a bath and just soak in it.

lights off

phone off.

just you and your stupid thoughts.

sometimes theres time and space and you get to let those thoughts have a little bit of a life

but only as long as a bubble at a zoo blown by a child

then its popped.

then more arrive.

then more.

finally one giant one emerges.

where did it come from? how did it get here?

that is not my beautiful thought.

it’s better.

the best thing about taking a bath after swimming is the water doesnt get dirty

you can just sit there for the entirety of the new ariana grande record

you can try to get bored but you’ll fail.

all those idealistic thoughts about the future, the present and the past get rolled up like dough and flattened on the cutting board and shaped like race cars.

amber woke up and saw me floating in the tub and was startled

are you alive? she asked.

way more than yesterday.