nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, January 14, 2021
  2. Monday, January 11, 2021

    its so hard to concentrate 

    the world is literally changing every hour here right now.

    people are trying to impeach Trump now 9 days before his term is up.

    mitch mcconnell is hiding in his shell so the Senate won’t be forced to have a vote and out those who still want to pretend that the elections were fixed.

    now theres word that there are helicopters buzzing around the VPs residence signaling what? a quick escape? an implementation of new staff because Trump has resigned?

    then every hour or so theres video released of this traitor or that one being arrested for breaking into the Congress and vandalizing and looting.

    how am i supposed to do anything more than click at things and read and watch and laugh and cry.

    why cry? because people in California are dying in droves every hour due to COVID.

    the only safe place is in your home, alone. which is so unnatural for social animals.

    speaking of animals: a half dozen gorillas at the San Diego wildlife park are said to have gotten COVID.

    i need to work.

    i need to nap.

    i need to do anything other than have the tv on and the newspapers strewn and the Twitter reminding me that this will be the longest 9 days ever.

  3. Sunday, January 10, 2021

    all hells been breaking loose 

    just know that the first week of 2021 felt as crazy as its wikipedia is probably saying it was

    i havent been writing much because ive been working on getting a good job

    and ive been doing a little something on the side for a good person

    and ive been dealing with this and that and

    i just want you to know that even though things are nuts right now

    i feel good about where this is all headed

    which is weird.

    why is it that some of us feel more comfortable in the eye of the hurricane

    than sipping on a hurricane under a palm tree at the beach?

    im so grateful that the Good Lord equipped me with all the tools that id need

    good friends, a great mom

    and six pack abs that bring all the ladies to the yard

    im also grateful that i was raised to read newspapers

    and brought to libraries

    and taught to code from my coder momma

    garbage in, garbage out, she told us.

    and she aint never lied.

  4. Wednesday, January 6, 2021

    today the capitol police let an angry mob invade congress 

    everyone knew they were coming.

    the president said he was looking forward to seeing everyone there.

    and they showed up and for some reason the national guard wasnt there waiting

    for some reason the few capitol police who could do anything opened the gates and let them in

    then when they were inside the cops didnt say much other than

    happy new year

    then hell broke loose

    then all of congress had to hide

    one congresslady was in a room with a bunch of republicans and they werent wearing masks

    so she was all, excuse me, im going to go to a worse hiding place

    with less room, but at least i’ll be around people with masks.

    four people died.

    one lady died because she was trying to bust through and a cop just shot her. dead.

    another guy accidentally tasered himself and got a heart attack.

    which is why i say this to you:

    i love you.

    im sorry im not always there for you.

    im sorry im a fucking weirdo times infinity.

    im sorry that i might freak out and freak people out sometimes

    but what we all learned today was some people can get away with anything they want

    they can go into secure areas, scale walls, assault officers

    waltz into the speaker of the house’s anteroom and steal her mail.

    and then walk back to their comped fancy hotel room.

    what we learned is i am not one of those people who gets away with much.

    which is ok.

    today amber was all, im realizing you have a hard life.

    i said nah.

    she said yeah.

    i said hard is sleeping in a tent right now under the hollywood freeway.

    or worse:

    wishing you had a tent.

  5. Tuesday, January 5, 2021

    this is a picture of me and my mom in Georgia 

    back when i was first learning about Government.

    i asked, how many Black senators are there?

    she said, are you kidding?

    i asked, all of them?

    she said none of them fool!

    and her friend laughed so hard she nearly dropped her baby.

    so then i asked, well you can see into the future,

    when will the first senator from Georgia get elected?

    and she said, you will be bald and fat before that happens.

    i said what?

    she said, the other party will have to do everything wrong, repeatedly, loudly, they’ll have to withhold vital relief money from the entire state, they’ll have to be cowardly, and unusually evil.

    and then, my sweet boy, then Georgia will hire a Black man for Senate.

    and she rubbed my little snow cap and aimed me at my grandpa holding the camera

    and i closed my eyes and thought


  6. Monday, January 4, 2021

    i had a hard time sleeping last night 

    shouldnt i?

    death is literally around every corner.

    i was at the store last week and i heard someone sneeze and i darted in the opposite direction like it was a shotgun blast

    on that trip i also got a covid test in a church parking lot and today they called

    but because it was coming from some 714 area code i was all, pass.

    they left a message saying they had my test results and i should call back.

    i was scared to death! i had been up all night with constipation, and then the opposite and when i wake up in the middle of the night i have a hard time going back to sleep, especially with the world imploding

    so i called back asap and they were all, you’re good.

    and i wanted to yell: couldn’t you just have texted me that? or emailed? or left that on the message?

    why make me call back? i know its a medical thing, but if there’s not a virus, it’s not medical. it’s nothing. it’s the opposite of Anything.

    let me check a box off on the form where I let you text me a big thumbs up if im negative.

    life doesnt need to be hard.

    life is hard enough.

    thank God i have Tums and the Lord above looking out for me when im dumb enough to leave my home.

    no more home leaving for a while.

  7. Sunday, January 3, 2021

    today the 101 cafe was shut down forever 

    it was a throwback to all things mid century modern

    on the ground floor of best western

    at the foot of the hollywood hills

    next to the 101 hollywood freeway.

    it looked exactly like a place your grandparents ate breakfast at when they were dating


    usually packed with hipsters,

    jet setters,

    and locals,

    i know i ate there at least four or five times but not one memory of the food or the company come to mind.

    it was perfectly fine in every way.

    i dont even remember there being any issues parking, which is saying something in that part of town.

    its shutting down


    i wonder if best western thinks how hard is it to make eggs and bacon

    sandwiches and whatnot?

    i wonder if they think just any old thing would work in there

    just because of the legend and momentum

    just keep everything looking the same,

    lease it out to film productions until everyone has a vaccine

    and then find a young chef who knows how to make avocado toast

    and mimosas

    and call it a day?

    put like a mini starbucks in there or something

    is that what someones thinking up in corporate?

    or worse are they thinking about making it a starbucks

    plug and play

    bing bam boom

    bobs yr uncle

    but heres the problem with that

    lorde and sally draper arent gonna wanna chill at the starbucks under the best western

    which, i hate to say it

    was one of the nice things about that place

    even the stars loved it there even though theyd probably get seen.

    that sort of joint is rare here.

    no offense

  8. Saturday, January 2, 2021

    people are moving out of LA, and that’s fine 

    they heading out to texas and the deep south and vegas, florida

    anywhere where there arent state income taxes and homelessness and traffic and insane real estate prices

    and i am on top of runyun canyon, where lemmy posed for this picture,

    and im pointing east saying that way fuckers

    that way.

    like mr motorhead, ive lived in hollywood now 37% of my life. all in this 1 bedroom apt.

    lemmy had a 1bd in hollywood too.

    lately ive been watching videos on youtube of people moving out of LA buying houses.

    and i look at other videos of people around the world: bali, manila, mexico city, india, tokyo to see what its like there

    how much they spend on rent, what they do for fun

    and the weirdest thing happened: i realized i have it good here.

    thanks to 5 years driving uber, if you give me a cross street i pretty much know where it is and whats around it.

    and how to get there quickest.

    do i want to explore? of course.

    but the more i talk with people the more i learn how little i know about this place.

    how little i know about the history and what makes people tick.

    would it be nice to have a pool and a hot tub and a dishwasher, yes.

    but it’s also nice not to have to start all over

    even if it’s on a tropical isle

    with a rooftop cabana

    and maids that come whenever you want

    for six bucks.

  9. in the bible theres a little aside about an old king 

    let me look it up, yes here it is first kings first chapter second line

    Therefore his servants said to him, β€œLet a young woman, a virgin, be sought for our lord the king, and let her stand before the king, and let her care for him; and let her lie in your bosom, that our lord the king may be warm.”

    and sometimes i’ll look at my odometer and then i’ll look at amber’s and i’ll think, did my servants give me this virgin so i could be warm?

    then i remember im not king of shit

    and amber is not the type to lay in anyone’s bosom for too long

    let alone a blogger

    but she does take care of me.

    right now im eating some peas and carrots, potatoes, and crumbled beyond beef.

    her goal is to feed me 5 different vegetables a day.

    the beyond beef should count as one, maybe two.

    for some reason she wants me alive for a few more years.

    maybe because when my servants say

    stand before the king

    shes all, only if he takes a picture.

  10. Friday, January 1, 2021

    today i had a mcrib for lunch 

    i got it at the mcdonalds on vine just south of sunset.

    i order it without onions or pickles.

    amber and i had been bickering, so i took a little drive to get some baseball cards by Six Flags.

    it was gonna be a long drive so she could cool off.

    her anger had nothing to do with me.

    and this year i am going to do my best to diffuse all arguments

    even though im undefeated in twitter fights

    and have a winning percentage in verbal bouts.

    this year though im hanging up my gloves.

    im gandhi in 2021.

    peace love and mcribs, like libras should be.

    when you order no onions or pickles one of two things happen

    either they wipe them off of there and reapply extra bbq sauce

    or they just make a fresh one for you.

    lately ive been getting fresh ones.

    another thing you should know: a mcrib ala cart will set you back $4.35, which is outrageous.

    worse is when you get the combo which can climb up to $8.

    it’s terrible because a large coke ala cart is $1. which means youre paying A LOT for those fries.

    great as they are, fuckem.

    anyways i had made it to the valley when amber called me and apologized and asked me to come home and not catch covid.

    an angeleno is dying every 10 minutes right now for doing dumb things like going to walmarts.

    i accepted her apology and told her that i am here for her

    i am her rock.

    not like Peter the Rock who dissed the Lord three times before the cock crowed but like an actual rock

    one that is hard to sleep with, stubborn, and old.

    but there for her.

    she said ok.

    things were better when i got home. but not perfect. people are mean to her. it sucks.

    so much sucks.

    but not that mcrib.