1. Saturday, January 16, 2021

    the first time i went to the Oscars, i was there as a guest 

    i was so sad.

    i had lost my job, my best friend, my mojo had evaporated.

    little did i know but seven months later i would end up working there.

    but since i was there as a guest and i was feeling so low, i had nothing to lose

    my buddy mark had gotten me in there with him. at some point we split up and i was handed a glass of champagne and i met not-yet Governor Gavin Newsom and his wife (she was up for an award).

    he was either mayor of frisco at the time or vice governor or whatever you call it. tall. crazy handsome.

    then across the way, on the smokers balcony i saw Joaquin Phoenix with his family. he was nervous. pacing, chain smokin. he was up for lead actor for the master which i had actually seen at the arclight and call it liquid courage or what but fuckit, i thought it would be a good idea for me to tell him so.

    and just as i was heading his way his sister sat down and he leaned against the table alone looking at his cigarette.

    and i was all, Joaquin, why are you nervous, no ones gonna give it to whatshisname playing Abraham Lincoln!

    and we talked for a little while there.

    not one person bothered us.

    a few years later i would see him at a rock and roll show at a bar on vine.

    whats weird is i did not approach him there even though he was completely alone.

    he was loving the band. white dress shirt. black pants.

    and i think its because of this: at the oscars i think he really could use a fan to tell him he was great

    because of course daniel day fucking lewis is gonna win

    but at the bar, even in the back,

    even with the cool rockers

    he was the star.