sometimes, even if i have a lot to say
or a lot to write
and even if it is coming along nicely,
i will stop myself.
i forget that i am my worst enemy and then remember and get back to being an enemy.
ive been working on this thing for a little over a month that i was doing a great job on, and then last week i was all, wait a damn second who do you think you are?
and i applied the brakes.
but then i talked with this person and that one and another and combined everyone basically told me that they loved me and they want to see me kick some serious ass because in a way it inspires THEM to kick serious ass because when they see i have no distractions of kids wife war mental illness etc and i cant do it then they say they feel like they cant do their thing.
and the last thing id wanna be is a bad influence on the people i love.
so tonight i ate some quesadilla a friend left on my doorstep, told alexa to play Philip Glass and i got on it.
and just like as before, the shit just flowed out.
i dont even know whats wrong with me.
tonight is the first of march. and thanks to Joe Biden i now have healthcare. he tweeted it out about two weeks ago and i signed up. and because im a poor i get full blown healthcare for like $25. now dont cry for me argentina, this thing i think im finished with is gonna pay me pretty well and i still get a little unemployment and that stimulus is headed our way, they say,
and i just paid off my hoopty
and even though this other place that has employed me from time to time hasnt called back for some reason, i have a check coming in from old work for them soon.
which means maybe i can just say fuckit and start that podcast i wanna do for the next six years of my life.
just christopher columbus this shit and hop on the boat and raise the anchor
heave away, boys, heave away.
i doubt i’ll do it because i wont be able to be my worst enemy
maybe i will.
because the main reason i wanted this healthcare, besides being able to get my old man pills
is i wanna get in therapy to find out why i sabotage myself so often
even though no one would ever accuse me of sitting on my hands
they are so wrong.