dear ufos who read this blog, hi

im sorry i didnt believe in you.

i had enough problems.

i hope you are here to collect all the air pollution to bring back to your planets to use to cure diseases or something.

i hope you arent here to film us all and then laugh and laugh and laugh at your movie theaters

ok fine

if thats why youre here just dont call me anthony

i know thats the name you will see on all of my government-issued documents

but the only time anyone uses it it is bad news.

once the government thought i had impregnated a homeless lady and we had a kid.

when my lawyer asked me, just between you and me, did you do it?

i said, i always wear a condom

she said always?

i said i use condoms with people you know. dont you think i would use one with a homeless lady?

she said so you DID have sex with her!

i said i meant hypothetically.

last night i was talking with a lawyer on twitter and she said she didnt like lawyers

but i have had really good luck with them.

kim got me out of that one with the homeless lady

and at the Times i would talk with karleene almost every day to ask her about journalism law

the first amendment, slander, fair use,


not only is she super smart but it was a full blown education in there.

the other day i was looking through pictures and i thought

i have had like 5 college educations, on the clock, while getting paid.

almost every job ive held for about 4 years taught me so much.

and yet theres so much to learn.

i cant even habla espanol.

anyways, ufos, if theres one thing you should do while youre here its try some real mexican food.

tacos and burritos, sure, but figure out a way to get into a sit down family style mexican restaurant

with hot plates and flaming presentations

margaritas and mariachis.

warm chips.

good friends.

and spicy salsa.

you cant really go back to planet Zip and have someone ask,

oh you went to Earth? did you try a wet tamale and a cadillac marg?

and not have a good answer.

also try the mdma