it’s crazy what will motivate me

if you havent noticed, im a crazy person.

im interested in so many things,

but also not interested in the things i see a lot of “successful” obsess about

things like time management and setting goals and putting things on a calendar.

i am a man with very little anxiety, and i feel a little guilty about that because as i have gotten older i have noticed how many people suffer from it in big and little ways

and yet somehow it has passed me over. thank God.

but one thing that stresses me out a tiny bit, and therefore its totally unacceptable, is having something on my calendar.

i hate it.

i want to be 100% free.

certain things i can deal with. deadlines ive never had a problem with.

we’ve gotta have shows up on mondays and thursdays. fine.

and yes i have to schedule some of the interviews because people have lives and you wanna seem professional. but still

i bet you 30% of the reason i quit having a shrink was because it totally fucked my day up by having something at 3pm on a thursday every week.

it sorta ruined thursdays because i had to think about what i wanted to say, and i couldnt book anything on those days because murphys law something would run long and screw it all up.

it was just way too much stress for the reward. which wasnt that huge of a reward, no offense to the nice lady.

but i dont have problems getting to my problems. in part because my schedule is wide open.

i am comfortable with who i am, my friendships, my self image, my place in the world.

my shrink was on me about omg you broke up with your gf that must be very hard

no. we lasted 4 years. through so much drama. and one year of COVID.

the whole time dumbass mfing trump was president.

anyone who can make it through all of that should feel like they accomplished something and i sure do.

i have no regrets. i tried everything. i did a lot. and now on the back side i cook for myself, do the dishes

AND look at how many posts i wrote for this dead blog last month. which was the point of this post.

that dumb calendar widget that i put in this blog reminds me of the days i miss.

and motivates me to have fewer of them each month.

not so i can save up for a BMW.

not so i can lose weight so Blah Blah Blah will fall in love with me.

but because i want that number to be bold and hyperlinked.

how insane is that?

i learned early early on that everyone is motivated by very odd, personal things that are often unique to them. if you can figure out what it is you can be a great aid to them.

for me, for this blog, its that dumb calendar.