i almost wanna have kids so i can teach them things

but as the replacements once sang, kids wont listen

i was not lucky with the ladies in high school.

not only was i the only Black guy in school, but i had no male figures to say ok heres what you do.

the first kiss i got in 6th grade was during spin the bottle at a party where one of my best friend’s girlfriend spun the thing and when it pointed at me she grabbed my hand and took me to the bathroom

before i could say what about Dave, she was kissing me the way they do in France.

i was shocked, i felt like i had stomped all over the Bro Code, and i was also alive like i had never been before.

about a half hour later i spun the bottle, got her, and we marched in there and went at it again.

long live italian girls.

but life, it turns out, is not like that.

you gotta hustle. and when you do, sometimes you literally kiss the air as the woman ducks out of the way.


which is why isla vista was so magical.

you could be kneeling at your bed with your nightcap on, saying your prayers good night

and the prettiest girl youve ever seen taps on your sliding glass door

to ask if she could be the little spoon real quick.

was this how life was going to be?

just show up and have your teeth brushed and

miracles would happen to your undeserving soul?