i had this super important call today on zoom.
i showered, shaved, put on a nice shirt
even put on pants even though no one can see.
opening was good. middle was decent.
then i was asked a question i should not have answered.
i knew it was a sensitive subject and worse of all, i knew i had a punk rock answer.
not everyones punk rock. this person was super cool, but not punk rock.
i should have answered the question with another question like
“you’re an expert in this world, what do you think?”
instead because this was a tiny bit like a job interview, i was dead set on
or at least being perceived as bright.
i did the opposite.
i said the thing i should not have said.
i called a play that was complicated.
that required everything to fall into place perfectly.
if it was a football pass i needed to thread the needle
i did not thread the needle and it all fell apart.
i went on a long walk.
then i accepted a lunch date.
i really wish i had someone to talk with about this but
the truth is, it’s ok.
the truth is, imma do this damn thing even if it’s literally the last thing i do
i may get rich off it, it may put me into debt
i dont care. it doesnt matter. it will get done and when i die this is the thing that people will praise me for.
not that i need praise when im dead
but im gonna say here and now, i fucked up today
it was an unforced error.
i knew the question was coming
and i muffed it.
im gonna watch tv now and think about crying
but do everything except that.