im very worried about emma

in every one of her videos she seems so sad

and a lone

and desperately wanting love

i had to turn it off after a few minutes because she is just so so down

just a few years ago she was taking the world by storm

almost in a hyperactive way

and now that shes struck it big, is a multi millionaire

being flown to paris

free clothes for days

she mopes around like someone just shot her dog

and left behind a very confusing note that shes constantly contemplating.

i want to say: it’s so simple. find some friends. even if they’re famous.

and kiss them.

fucking a.

whats the point of being young rich and wonderful if you dont let someone in

while yr at it, let em all in.

then you’ll have something to film.

did i have a good day? i did

pretty sure i did pretty well in the interview

did i talk too much: yes.

was i excited to talk with someone who knew a few things? yes.

did i then use that confidence to call this podcast guest who has been hard to nail down?

yes.

did he say yes when i said, i can be over there by 5?

no.

he said, can you be here at 530?

it was a 90 minute interview

he made fun of my laughing, my socks, and how long of an interview it ended up being

but he appreciated the gift i gave him

im nardwuar over here n shit

they say they dont know who invented bitcoin

and in trying to use the internet for clues

they looked at one suspect’s blog

and how he blogged like 3-4 times a week right until bitcoin got released

then his production went down to a trickle: 9-10 posts a year.

but heres the thing about blogging: it’s not easy.

and people quit all the time for lots of reasons

maybe he got a girlfriend

maybe he found a different hobby.

maybe he left when his audience shifted to facebook

maybe he was giving away too many clues as to what his real life was

or maybe he just ran out of ideas.

i remember in college, when robyn bell, my professor who pulled me out of letters and science

she said you need to go to the college of creative studies

i said ok but i have a question for you

i was 22.

i asked, since you teach at this college of creativity

can you tell me if creativity dries up?

she said no

i said then why do bands only have one or two good records?

she said

you should think about actual artists like painters

painters can paint well until the day they die

i said ok but what about rockers?

she said bob dylan has never made a bad record

and i said i cant wait to learn more.

to me whoever invented bitcoin was creative

and probably kept blogging

but not in the place these detectives were lookin

is this blog good or bad when interviewing for jobs?

21 years ago i was part of a very small team that hired over 400 people.

i did my best as that Recruiter to try to see into the hearts of prospective employees

to see if they would like the job, work well with the crew, and be good to the customer.

you really only had a few minutes to make this determination

the few minutes you scanned the resume, the 20 minutes on the phone call

and the 60 minutes in the interview.

some people judged people with how they followed up if the process was taking long

but i didn’t.

the process should not take long. that was on me.

still, some prospective employees dressed provocatively in the interview

which, interesting as it was, a negative checkmark

some people were almost overly prepared, spitting back info about the company that clearly PR put on some dusty corner of the website

and even though it should have been a negative checkmark, at least they were trying

this blog is twenty years of a writer writing in

his

dusty little corner of the web.

i am an open person. i wish more were.

i appreciate when i stumble across something that seems so personal and real.

and i am sad there are fewer of those out there because

i think people are wonderful and we dont have that long to be examples of that.

this blog was weirdly launched a month before 9/11. it saw the first Black president and every episode of Lost.

it documents me going from disgruntled bus rider in a job that didn’t love me to watching the Cubs win the World Series

one game in person.

sometimes i worry that portions will be taken out of context and give someone a reason to give me more than a few negative checkmarks but

what i learned from hiring all those people

was sometimes i made the wrong choice.

of course its bound to happen with that many hires in a short period of time

but nobody wants to make mistakes like that.

this job tomorrow im pretty sure id be great at

and im pretty sure it would allow me to use some of the things i learned

from my last job

and take it to a different level.

and that is exciting.

but i dont know how that crew is,

and that dynamic, i have seen, makes all the difference.

unimately, i just want to be a good element

a positive check mark

among others.

all i wanna do is do well

i have a job interview next week for a job i really want

i want it for a few reasons including the fact that it is new technology

sitting on top of different ground breaking tech

mixed with social media and communities

right up my alley, right?

so you’d think.

i dont know if it’ll come up in this interview or if i get a second one with them, in that one

but i just wanna tell them

i just wanna be good.

i was debating with a stranger the other day about office dynamics

and say you have a staff of 300 people, how many are replaceable

and how many, if you lost them, you’d really notice them not being there

it was a terrible debate because these are peoples lives and careers we are talking about and shits bad enough

but when i was thinking about that particular place i had a hard time thinking about 10 percent that were truly irreplaceable.

for example, you cannot replace michael jordan, walter payton, or even sammy sosa – love them or hate them.

yeah you can start another running back, but there was only one Sweetness.

who doesnt want to be one of those 10%?

but do they work out like those guys did? do they study? do they take risks? are they courageous? are they always always always figuring out ways to improve and dominate their position?

and not in a nasty way, HIS NICKNAME WAS LITERALLY SWEETNESS

i want to be one of those 10%

i want to be one of the people someone says are you kidding, tony, i love seeing him here. fuck.

but how do you say that on a zoom call when the strangers are far from the camera in a meeting room?

 

you whisper

my day was ruined because of a cancelation

there was a time i woulda blown my top about such a thing

but im so much older now.

water under the bridge man

then a delivery didnt happen.

also frustrating. because wtf.

but when you think about the grand scheme of things

the ballet that we are forever dancing with each other

a slam dance at times,

you realize we should celebrate all the times we actually do connect

we should marvel when souls really do meet

because we do

the mom of a dear friend died

we talked about it today

and it put things in perspective.

most dudes have a hard time talking about things like this

especially some of the xbi dudes i hang out with

our i-aint-got-no-feelings-man facade is what gets us through the day

but sometimes we forget to trust each other

and just let the guard down a little

bc we bros, dude

i told him over and over, i am here for you

whatever you need, lemme know

but i dont even know if he would ask for anything even if i could ask.

a good friend who is a woman, however

straight up texted me and said

can you babysit tomorrow.

LOL

so that’ll be the first time ive done that

in maybe 40 years?

have i told you i have the greatest friends?

have i told you i have the greatest life

have i told you im the most grateful man in the world

because where i grew up i dreamed of this life and i never thought it was actually possible for a wretch like me

which rhymes with do you see that the price of that ticket is free

which rhymes with row bb means you on the floor,  bb

have i ever told you that they put nachos and nd chili and cheese and sour cream in extra large popcorn tubs now

have i ever told you that shannon texted me this morning and asked if i wanted to go to the rock show and i said yes of course and she brought her daughter and i learned that rivers is her godfather

rivers the man with that crazy billy ray cyrus haircut and funny ass guitar

shannon and justin know how much i love weezer, as in so much, as in i knew every word tonight and every song and am hoarse right now from singing

and even though fall out boy and green day were on next i left after weezer because do you really need to have dessert after youve eaten two tubs of nachos, a beer, a coke, and a water?

have i ever told you that i used to see those palm trees when i was a teen, those very ones beyond the bullpen at dodger stadium and they looked so foreign and beautiful

and i said i want to go there.

i want to live there.

the same way you say that when you see pictures of hawaii for the first time

or when the prettiest girl in school sits down with you and you wanna be her friend

have i told you i never want this to end

i was so happy i walked home

through the packed parking lot

through echo park and lil joy

and then learned my favorite magazine had written to ask me if i wanted to interview

with them

on tuesday.

theres this great unreleased Bob Dylan song

its from the Shot of Love sessions called “aint gonna go to hell for anyone”

where he says he’s good at manipulation and all these things

but what good is it if you go to hell?

over the last few days here, people from the future,

so many bad things happened in war and politics.

people who routinely call themselves Christians

did terrible things to their neighbors.

if you live in texas and you find out your neighbor is getting an abortion you can sue them for $10,000 and i think even have them arrested

and if someone like me drives them to the nearest abortion joint in Louisiana, I can get sued for $10k too.

WTF is that?

and the majority of the Supreme Court said works for us.

Christians said that.

i need to have a game show except it wont be a LOL ha ha game show like some ryan seacrest thing

it’ll be dark.

i will be the host.

SO YOU THINK YR A CHRISTIAN?

and i;ll ask about your favorite new testament verses

and then people will pop up and say oh hi marco rubio but what about this?

and he will have to explain why he totally fucked over the poor but let the rich get off the hook

right after the last commercial break there will be a

Redemption round.

all your sins can be forgiven and all your negative points can be erased

if you promise something

and it better be sincere.

because who cares about this dumb game show, lil marco

you should care about the man upstairs

Sometimes i dont wanna blog

But those times last hours not days.

20 years. Have always wanted to write.

today i interviewed the most interesting man. I know i say that after every interview i do and in many ways they are all my children, the interviews, not the people.

Although i love the people too. Very much.

He was about the same age as me and grew up in venice and i spent a lot of time in venice when i was 17 and 18 and 19 and i asked him about a dance club for underaged kids named after its address

It’s address was 321 Santa Monica Blvd so the club was simply called 321

I thought it was cool as could be even though it didnt really have any real features, it was just a medium sized place with a dance floor and a bar that sold soda

i dont even remember a back room or any decorations or anything

It was so simple and played the best music which was all new, lots of imports from England and all of it was, at the time, like hearing space age folk songs from alien creatures from the future who have come in peace.

And who was at the club?

The hottest teenage girls in all of LA

That’s who

The first time i went i just looked at the ground because holy shit

I drank my pop and ran home, forgetting i had parked my grandmas car in the parking lot

The next time i went i held up one of the walls with my back and tapped one foot for a lot of the night

Keep in mind i had come to LA having zero friends

After a few months i worked at McDonalds and i asked out this cute Mexican girl but every guy did, and she ended up dating a Mexican teen who could breakdance

He would literally break down a few Big Mac boxes and spread them out in the parking lot and break dance for her.

Was i tempted to learn to break dance?

No

But one night at 321 the smiths how soon is now came on

And the girls gasped and all ran out to the dance floor because secretly this was a super goth club which was another reason i loved it

I had black baggy parachute pants and black karate shoes which was a new wave thing that in a way replicated when girls would just wear basic flats

And then i had an oversized white poofy shirt with a very wide neck that i suppose could have been made to droop over a shoulder but that wasn’t me

Dancing in the middle of the floor wasn’t really me neither but when that song came on i ended up there and a million years later i still remember that clearly.

So when i asked this guy my age if he ever went to 321

And this was a Black guy

He put down his joint and looked at me quietly

I said, it was on 321 Santa Monica

And he continued to pause. I thought he was gonna tell me it was the lamest club in town, because this dude is ridiculously cool. A few minutes previous to that he showed me a picture on his phone of Lenny Kravitz in junior high.

Still silence. So i said, i think there’s a hooters there or something.

And he said

First place i ever played was 321.

I fucking felt like nardwaur

I am extremely tired

For 3 months I have been going full steam, made very little money, probably pissed off my friends, and bored everyone else

But I am so excited when the new episode goes up. And then I wanna make the commercial and then make another one.

I am the happiest i have been in so long and i feel like I’m being so self-indulgent somehow

Even though this is about other people.

Maybe i have now found a reason to want a shrink

Anyways i know this is a marathon. I know this is good.

And I also know i need to fix the website.

And by that i mean get off of Medium but i need to take some days off to do that

Which is also fine because the people i wanna interview cant do it for a little while

Problem is i have zero patience and im not that great at planning

And i just assumed everyone would say yes immediately for anything

And not just most ppl.

Tomorrow all im gonna do is make commercials and try to get unemployment on the horn