nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, October 15, 2014
  2. Tuesday, October 14, 2014

    tonight imma fix my internet i swear 


    it gets me super mad when i cannot do things

    even when im not trained at it

    even if im not the expert.

    for some reason i believe what the xbi taught us when we were 20

    you can do anything

    we can all do anything

    but you can do it better than most

    always believe in yourself.

    even when it’s Game Over

    for it’s never Game Over.

    then of course they shot us but thats another, much longer story.

  3. anyone heard of Simon of the Desert? 


    heres what wikipedia has to say about it.

    Simon of the Desert is a 1965 film directed by Luis Buñel.


    It is loosely based on the story of the ascetic 5th-century Syrian saint Simeon Stylites


    who lived for 39 years on top of a column.


    maybe im a crazy person but id actually love to see a movie about a dude who spent 39 years on top of a column.

    fortunately for all of us it’s only 42 minutes long.

    maybe he fell off.

  4. Monday, October 13, 2014

    today is canadian thanksgiving 

    the world needs more canada

    you know how many good times ive had in canada?


    ive partied with rock stars, wooed by locals, been escorted to rippers

    kids even asked me to pose for photos and give them my autograph

    we wont even talk about the trouble this 17-18 year old ashley wanted after she stole my cap

    ashley canada

    what is it with people who wanna steal my caps?

    anyways ive had a blast there. the people are sweet. the beers are delicious.

    the cold weather doesnt even seem all that cold and people dont even dress like it’s cold.

    the food? mama mia. the food. you know i love the food.

    every time ive been there it was a funner weirder excursion than the next.

    did i tell you the time i was in a hot tub with lesbians on new years eve and it began to snow?

    i wanted to stay there forever.

    im so thankful for you canada.

    im glad mexico isnt our hat.

  5. gotta be careful with the drunks when you uber them 


    some will try to strangle you or play with your eyes or steal your cap

    some will barf in the barf bag you hand them when you see them in your rearview, and then they’ll spill the bag on the floor

    some will ask you how old you are and you say 14 and they’ll say nooooo so you say your real age and they’ll say NOOOOOO

    some will try to take you into their house and you’ll be all baby it’s Surging out there!

    some will make you wait forever as they do anything else except leave the club to get the Uber they asked for 20 minutes ago

    some will ask you to go through the drive thru after a wedding at the beverly hills country club and not even offer to get you two tacos for 99 cents

    some will refuse to give you the address or name of the restaurant theyre headed to instead insisting on giving you directions but then they’ll space out while texting and miss turns like crazy

    some will ask you how much money you make some will ask you to turn down the radio some will ask you to crank it.

    some will get in the car after youve cleaned it of vomit and say omg it smells like oranges in here!

    and you’ll say it does

    i mean yes IT DOES!

  6. Saturday, October 11, 2014
  7. Friday, October 10, 2014
  8. busblogs dont explain things with words 

    kyla and tyler in 2008which is ironic because of the blog the poems the stories the novellas and the text messages.

    busblogs explain with actions.

    in a perfect world all there’d be is scoreboard. results. stuff.

    i hear some people say oh he means well or oh he has a good heart but in real life what were his actions. they werent good.

    my actions are so good theyre boring. my words are so boring theyre dull.

    theres two things ive noticed in my waning years on this crust: people like to do things with me on nights where i want to uber

    and people want to talk talk talk to me on the phone.

    bill murray invented the perfect way of life. he got a cell phone to text his sons and he got an 800 number for people to


    to reach him. but for the most part he never calls anyone back. unless it’s awesome.

    i love the people. all the people. theres probably only 4-5 people i dont love and they know who they are.

    they wronged me in brutal ways and never apologized so the hell with them.

    the rest i love and they all know the best days to hang out with me are weekdays after work minus fridays.

    and they also know not to make me call them on the phone. i know i have a pretty voice. how about i just whisper it.

    i also dont like to be told what to do. if you ask nice i’ll probably do it. especially if you whisper it.

    do these things mean that i’ll never be married and tied down with a mortgage and kids and soccer practices

    and animals barking as im trying to watch the bears game in my study?

    is bill murray happy?

    not even the barking dog in my neighbors apartment is happy and that fucker can lick his own nuts

    so what chance do any of us have

  9. Thursday, October 9, 2014

    we have a new website 

    oscar website

    we’ve been working on it for a very long time. it’s a huuuge website with lots of interesting nooks and crannies.

    Screen Shot 2014-10-09 at 10.55.59 AM

    there’s a social media drawer on the right side of every page – something ive never seen before. tons of photos.

    Screen Shot 2014-10-09 at 10.54.56 AM

    and right now if you bop around a little on it you might find a contest to win tickets to sit in the stands next to the red carpet.

    Screen Shot 2014-10-09 at 11.00.54 AM

    ive been involved in several redesigns and relaunches. this is the first time a newspaper had an article about it the morning it came out.

    Screen Shot 2014-10-09 at 10.58.30 AM

    i guess people really do like our story.