2001: today i hate the bus. today i want to get a car. today i want to flush out everything bad in my life. i want to flush everything that isnt perfect out of my life. i want to earn twice as much, i want to wear half as less. i want to grow my hair twice as big and dye it red or just bleach it. im not happy. i was late to work.
2002: do i, sometimes, have a hard time accepting Really Good in my life?
2003: tsar came down from the heavens last night in eastern hollywood to deliver the good news and layeth the smackdown and they cranked their shit to eleven and pretty much busted the eardrums of anyone within the first fifty rows and i just stood there like heston infront of the burning bush turning grey overnight and i have seen the light and its letters flash t s a r, for the big bad wolf is knocking at your door modern rock alternative radio and he has dyed his hair shit brown and hes coming for whats his and you better give it up or he’ll spin that fckr to twelve.
2004: there was a time when when people talked about the xbi they talked about guys without vests on, without nightvision, and without fear. guys so tough they wrote their phone numbers on the ass cheeks of the worst guys they caught, so when the cops found them hogtied and defeated they would know who to thank.
2005: so the little bird, the baby bird, so tiny it had yet become blue did what any little bird would, he walked into the forrest
and hid in the shadows.
until he fell asleep,
shivering in his own sweat.
2006: now i write you from tom’s living room in Pittsfield, MA after watching his tivo and drinking his children’s apple juice. western mass is gorgeous and sunny and americana to the maxima. i want to put it in a pie and eat it.
2007: well according to these records you wouldnt have seen the weekend if we hadnt intervened.
he reverse esped her to see if he could.
let me show you my bra.
nothing in there is true.
stop trying to do whatever youre doing. stop trying to be in control. control is an illusion. this path isnt yours because your path is a finale and there is a long way left for you to do for us so knock it off.
and she injected the venom and it felt cold after a minute and then warm and then shocking.
2008: the edison is so popular on weekend nights that they wont let you in if you dont have a collar on your shirt or if you have jeans (if youre a dude), or if your not super hot (if youre a babe). ok that last part might not be 100% true but it sure seems like it.
2009: the day katie couric destroyed glenn beck’s career
2010: went to the Sound of Music singalong with the truest
2011: first lets talk about the crazy ass stuff i have seen at McDonalds here in Quebec.
the beheaded Ronald McDonalds asking for money was a petite troubling but it didnt stop me from eating francais fries
Ok, now someone asked whats a Quarter Pounder called in French. The answer….
2012: canada reared its beautiful head into baseball news today when cy young winner
eric gagne from pots and pans protest montreal quebec told espn
that 80 percent of his teammates out here in LA were taking illegal performance enhancing drugs. this from a man who himself admitted to taking illegal substances in order to compete.
when the news came out several bloggers emailed me asking that i wouldnt squeal on them.
human growth hormones of course are part of the blogosphere what with repetitive strain injuries, carpal tunnel, and writers block, it isnt easy to maintain a prolific and profitable life as a blogger.
thus drugs are tempting.
2013: but it is hard to look at a kickass swimming pool
or a shiny car with a Star Wars dashboard
or a puppy smoking a cigar with a kitten being dealt blackjack by a baby mule with a garter around his bicep
and not say, why yes, I want that.
2014: two things: why is it that our electrical grid is so sensitive that entire states can be wiped out due to human error?
and how come the second busiest airport in america can be crippled because of one stinking fire?