nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, March 8, 2020

    even though the illness is over 

    that was a bizarre week.

    I couldn’t function.

    I’m just regaining some functions.

    I left the house a few times but in retrospect should I?

    I went to the movies twice. Late.

    free parking.

    I’m thinking about covering an incredible song.

    It’s almost impossible to do it justice.

    Maybe I’ll take a few cracks at it.

  2. Thursday, March 5, 2020

    heres the plan 

    we start small.

    off the radar.

    under the clouds.

    in through the out door.

    wish you were here.

    then, as things do, it’ll grow.

    the question is, can you wait

    do you have patience

    do you have means

    and worst of all

    do you have time.

    i once had this little

    99 cents store plant

    stuck it in a pot

    and ive lived here 19 years


    and it’s climbed up my wall,

    up my neighbors above me

    and should hit the roof

    any day now.

    i never did anything special

    to it




    things are meant to grow

    my mom told me

    pointing out a plant

    she had that grew out of

    the cowboy hat it arrived in.

    it was enormous.

    when i was interviewing for jobs last year

    ppl would say how did you do it

    how did you make those things grow

    i said

    sometimes the best thing you can do


    is just make sure the sunshine gets to it

    since, as im sure you know

    we live in a land of shade.

  3. Wednesday, March 4, 2020

    advice from the king 

    My thoughts on Joe Biden

    If you’re like me, you were up until the wee hours last night, sick, coughing, sneezing, wondering if you have the cornavirus and using that nervous energy to find your missing phone. At some point it became 4am and the Stern show came on live, so you turned it on as you turned your apartment upside down.

    Like many of you I didn’t vote for Joe Biden. His health has seemed to have deteriorated rapidly over the last few years. What was once funny little guffaws are at times now sad. You see flashes of that charming Obama sidekick, but as Matt Welch said on Kennedy’s show the other day, “we all have aging parents and we know what we are seeing in him.”

    At the same time there are all these idealistic candidates. I watched Elizabeth Warren last night do a rally / town hall from Michigan. She was the opposite of Biden: she was full of life. She was literally running from one side of the large stage to the other. Almost a characteur of herself on SNL, any time anyone asked if she had a plan for this or that she would laugh, tell a quick joke and explain that not only did she have a plan but it was on her website and fully understood the issue.

    She was engaging, lovable, and probably could have dropped down and done 20 push ups.

    Then there’s dear Bernie. God love him. He can announce a rally in L.A. on Monday and 20,000 people will show up to stand in a convention center hall on Sunday. Like Warren, he thinks America can break the chain of Big Pharma and deliver this great nation the health care that other countries have shown are NBD.

    As Sarah Silverman said moments before he spoke here, “what an asshole.”

    Amy Klobachar has never lost versus a Republican. Mayor Pete is a well-spoken calm intelligent gay veteran from a state that doesn’t produce a lot of those types of folks. And sitting on the sidelines is Kamela Harris, who if she had been bankrolled by a billionaire would probably be giving Biden a run for his money at this stage.

    But Howard this morning put it all in perspective.

    America is scared. It cannot believe the avalanche of bullshit that it has gone through over these past 3+ years. Every day it’s one thing after another. Lies, unprecedented baloney, lack of transparency, foreign interference, a GOP senate that will sacrifice everything holy to keep the charade going.

    America just wants something safe and stable.

    As fucked up as Biden’s health is, as un-PC as it is that he’s so touchy feely — America knows that he means no harm. America knows he’s an honorable man. And America knows he’s not going to be up to some back-channel shenanigans with our enemies off the record because they’ve got some wild pee tape in a lock box somewhere.

    As Howard said, America just wants a return to normalcy. And unfortunately Warren and Bernie and Mayor Pete are too punk rock right now.

    And that sucks. Which is why so many people are sad today. But what would suck more and make people sadder is if Middle America and the South in November were too scared to vote for actual change and either didn’t vote at all or re-elected the pussy grabber.

    Howard said, and I didn’t expect him to be this rational, that Joe Biden would be the guy who most of America would feel ok voting for, so get over it and win the Senate back and do your miracles there.

    And once again the King of All Media put me at ease because he’s right.

    If you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with.

  4. Tuesday, March 3, 2020

    Turning the corner on this cold 

    So i did the unspeakable, around 11:30pm it dawned on me that tomorrow might just be a madhouse with people voting

    And they have all-night voting tonight in a few places in LA

    So i hopped in the car and drove over to Brentwood to this fancy hotel

    And did some early late night voting.

    I noticed someone who looked familiar in a shirt and a tie and it turned out it was one of the weathermen here who had just voted

    He took a selfie of himself right in front of me.

    I was pretty shocked when i saw it on twitter. Apparently we follow each other.

    But I’m glad he did because i still cant find my phone in my home.

    That has been a bit weird. You never realize how important it is until you dont have it for a couple of days

    Anyways the computerized voting was easy, quick, and best of all they had my address wrong which is why I hadn’t gotten my mail in ballot

    And the guy right there at check in was able to spin his screen around and say “correct any errors” and i was able to put my correct address in there

    Bing bam boom.

    There were maybe 8 people at the poll at midnight and about 6 people working it.

    No waiting.

    You coulda had 20 voters in there maybe 25.

    Plenty of free parking and a nice bathroom afterwards to wash my hand of all of it.

    Now i have insomnia because of the meds I’m on.

    I hope to be 100% by Thursday but you never know. I felt unbelievable terrible this morning.

  5. Sunday, March 1, 2020

    Ive already fucked up my Lent 

    I promised i would blog every day on the world famous and i failed you yesterday. I got sick. I lost my iPhone. I lost my mind. I was puking. I thought i had the corona virus. I was supposed to go somewhere cool today but i had to stay at home

    I fought with my gf. I fought with my neighbor. I drove to the valley last night and fought with the walmart lady because it was 11:15pm and the website said they would be open till midnight and she kept pointing at the sign on the door and i kept pointing to the words on the internet.



    I wanted pills. I had allergies. Not the corona virus. When i was on Venice Beach it was windy it was dusty i could feel the pollen get inside my sensitive body.

    I may be the toughest man in the world, XBI trained through and through but deep down I’m a sensitive poet and when I’m ill I am the biggest baby alive.

    Drove all the way to another valley walmart way out in the midst of nowhere. But on the way there i got a Jack n the Box munchie meal. Ate a few bites and my stomach was all, hell no.

    Couldn’t find squat in that walmart neither. But on the way to the freeway i saw this homeless guy. It was midnight. This was the darkest valley location. He must have been the only homeless guy in town. I said are you hungry? We were buy an In n Out. He said, my doc said I cant eat in n out any more. I said take this jack in the box. Take this water. Here’s a joint. Here’s a lighter.

    I ESPed you could be homeless anywhere in LA why here?

    He ESPed back, the pussy.

    Which is why I take it easy reading people’s minds.

    Like Supertramp I took the long way home listening to American Dirt on audio, the controversial novel about Latino life written by a white lady who everyone hates. It was well written but it was so negative. Then I moved on to Georgia Hardstark;s murder book.

    I had met Georgia once or twice during the Alie and Georgia days. The last time was on a super hot day at the Hotel Roosevelt. I was at the pool with Moxie and I noticed them on the other side. I walked over said hi and Georgia noticed my fingernails. She said omg cut those! Do you know how much damage you would give a girl if you fingered her with those?

    Incredible advice. I am happy with her success. And the first few chapters that I listened to were delightful.

    Then in Los Feliz i saw a billboard for a porn star’s web site

    And it may have well said

    Tony you are in a magic period.

    All is possible.

    Be you 100% before someone sneezes on you wrong and you curl up and die.

  6. Friday, February 28, 2020

    my memory loves me 

    I got a lot of really sweet notes and DMs and comments about my black history piece.

    but the most surprising thing was when one of my high school friends wrote this

    TP – thank you for posting this. I still remember you not coming inside my house for my graduation party 😞. I’ve told that story many times and it makes me sad. You played it “cool”, of course. You were the coolest person I know!

    I had no idea what she was talking about. Why wouldn’t I have come inside her house? We didn’t live close enough for me to walk to or even bike to, so I must have borrowed my moms car to get there.

    Had I not been invited in by some uptight dad? So I asked her. And she said

    not invited in…you and I hung out on the driveway. I’m glad you didn’t remember it.

    How could I not have remembered that?

    sure I had been called the n word from time to time but seriously who hasn’t.

    but to have an adult tell a high school kid he can’t come inside a pretty girl’s graduation party? you’d think that’d stick.

    I was so focused on coming to LA when I was wrapping up school. my head was not in that Midwest world at all.

    some of the best things happened that spring before I came here but I didn’t even notice those things either.

    I went to prom with a junior who the next year would be the rose queen of roselle. a totally different girl kissed me after we went to the movies. these cheerleaders got me drunk and said the nicest things.

    it was all like a dream and maybe I just didn’t let it in because I was laser focused to go West young man. so some racist dad? whatever. I had shit to do.

    I had been in that house since I was tiny.

    it was such a good childhood. three channels on tv, no internet, no cell phones and somehow I felt like I had everything.

    other than permission to party it seems.


  7. Thursday, February 27, 2020

    I wrote a thing 

    Then I wrote another.

    But now I feel sick. I hope it’s allergies. It might be the Corona Virus.

    So I took amber to Hot & Slutty which is a shrimp and crawfish place where most of the diners are black.

    Really messy delicious spicy food.

    So good.

    Then I got my car detailed so I could drive Uber again.

    That was fine.

    Then I held ambers hand and said if I go everything’s yours.

    She said put that on paper! I said I have a blog.

    Then we got home and I got on Facebook and saw this girl I always thought was amazing wrote that her BF is in the hospital and he truly is dying of kidney failure and I felt terrible for making death jokes.

    Her nickname in college was Death because she was super goth.

    In the most beautiful way.

  8. Wednesday, February 26, 2020

    todays the first day of Lent, 


    instead of giving up something imma

    write on the world famous busblog every day.

    how you like that?

    yesterday amber had the day off and i had to work but it was on venice beach so we went together.

    she wasnt super into it, she says, because it makes her miss journalism and i make it look so easy and fun.

    while it’s true that the interviewing part that she sees is fun, the transcribing hours of chit chat is def not fun.

    neither is psyching yourself up to get the courage to ask strangers their deepest darkest truths.

    one fellow i met looked like he could be in lynyrd skynryd. he had a camouflage MAGA hat and sunglasses.

    i was all, hey lets talk about your hat.

    twas a bit intimidating. let me tell you.

    and maybe its what he wanted because who goes to Venice with a hat like that and think no one is gonna wanna chat you up?

    there was kobe things everywhere and it made me think about Jimble Kimble about how he said he noticed that on every corner theres a kobe mural now

    and while that is an exaggeration, there is a Ton of remembrances,  sorta how there were flags everywhere after 9/11

    the best shirt i saw was one of kobe in the design of the jerry west NBA logo.

    but instead of NBA it said RIP.

    we ate a bit and went up to High which has such a great view. on our way back to the car i was all, lets go to the sand and watch the sunset.

    ive always wanted to watch it from an unused lifeguard station and thats what we did.

    i had flip flops on which were slippery on the ramp.

    the sun was so perfect. so many ppl were out there watching it set because it was like 73 degrees.

    when it was done i wanted to applaud it but even on venice beach i woulda looked like a freak

    which i am.

    as you know.

    strangely: didnt smell a lot of weed there.

  9. Tuesday, February 25, 2020

    on this day in 1984, “Jump” went #1 

    I first came to LA in 1984 for New Years to see Illinois play UCLA in the Rose Bowl. Don’t research the score of that game.

    Two things struck me about that trip. Three really. The first was the weather was incredible. So much different than the frigid midwest. The other was the women were beautiful and they looked at me and used ESP to talk with me and compliment my raggedy afro and teenage acne.

    But the thing that has stuck with me the most and I remember this clearly, was in the parking lot of our Marina Del Rey hotel, I was listening to KMET 94.7 FM and the DJ said, “now I have something very special here, and you won’t believe who it is.”

    And he played “Jump.” And he was right, I did not believe that the best guitarist at the time had switched to synthesizers, which were roundly loathed in my high school.

    People talk about when Dylan went electric. The audience called him Judas. Trust me when I tell you the burnouts of my school had harsher words for Eddie Van Halen smiling behind the keyboards of this tune. I hated it at first. Why hast he forsaken us? This was the peak of hair metal.

    Fortunately when the full album was released it contained actual rockers like “Hot For Teacher,” “Panama” and “Top Jimmy” but even then we had an inkling that this might be the beginning of the end. How right we were.

    Ironically, “1984” was my favorite record for a little while. Until I moved to L.A. that summer and I was introduced to SST records, and KROQ.

  10. Friday, February 21, 2020

    rotten tomatoes subtweets ftw 

    Today in corporate tweeting:

    During a rally yesterday in Colorado, Vladimir Putin’s choice for U.S. President delivered a two-hour rambling monologue

    where when he wasn’t insulting a teen trying to save the planet from climate change,

    he ripped into the thousands of members of The Academy of Motion Pictures who awarded “Parasite” with several Oscars including Best Picture.

    “Can we get, like, ‘Gone With the Wind’ back please?” he asked,

    referring to the 71 year-old Best Picture epic set on a slave plantation

    during the Civil War.

    Can we have more four-hour-long movies about the good old days

    when black people knew their place, had no freedom,

    worked for free,

    were bought and sold as property

    during a violent time when the nation was tragically divided

    over the abhorrent racist centuries-old American practice

    of human bondage,

    asked the recently impeached president.

    His audience, unsurprisingly, cheered.

    Trump acknowledged that he hadn’t seen the Korean film about a poor family’s relationship with a rich one.

    The film’s studio tweeted that it was because “he can’t read.”

    referring to the fact that the widely lauded movie has subtitles.

    But the subtweet of the day came from Rotten Tomatoes, the film review aggregator,

    who merely listed how overwhelmingly well-received Bong Joon-ho’s film was among critics

    and the worldwide film community.

    That tweet was a master class in shade.