nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, July 20, 2016

    q: did Lyin Ted live up to his nickname? 

    a: no. his whole damn speech was about Freedom and looking good in the eyes of your daughter who wont kiss you

    and they applauded like monkeys

    until they realized the whole thing was a sneaky little set up.

    for him to say, we all just agreed that freedom was kewl

    now im free to take a shit in your punch bowl.

    god bless me and god bless america.

    before he was Lyin Ted

    he was Douchebag Ted

    which is the Ted he’s always been

    and only a great negotiator like trump

    would invite him to his super sweet 16 without

    a deal.

    50 years from now when theyre teaching kids about the election of the first female president

    i hope they leave out the part where the GOP couldnt stop shooting themselves.

  2. dear tony, no offense but 

    pikachuLana asks, “No offense but, does it make you feel good your blog about nothing gets you jobs and dates and not REAL merit? Just popularity?”

    Firstly my blog is about Everything: sex, drugs, rock, religion, politics, Hollywood, Uber, Lyft, movies, Isla Vista, journalism, blogging, writing, the secretive xbi, doubting, art, magic, and love. You should read it.

    Now, does it make me feel good that it has gotten me jobs? I can’t believe it did get me jobs.

    Not just any jobs but amazing jobs. Jobs I never thought I’d ever get. Jobs so magical a few don’t even exist any more. Low paying jobs, high paying jobs, middle paying jobs.

    All because I clack clack clacked on a keyboard, added an image and hit Publish 15 years ago.

    It makes me feel good because this blog got attention not because i was some long legged long haired curvy young lady with an LA face and an Oakland booty, but because the words i typed connected with people in a special way – which is quite an achievement in this cluttered space called the web.

    No one reached down from Above and said, listen everyone you MUST read the busblog (actually many did) (which also made me feel all warm and loved inside) but most of those people were not hugely influential massive bloggers.

    Some were, which was lovely, but what I am saying is CNN didn’t put me on their homepage week after week with a direct link here and a headline that said OMG TONY YES!

    The so-called popularity that you seem to have an issue with was entirely organic, natural, and beautiful. Which is probably why it sustained for so long.

    Did it make me feel good that lovely ladies from around the world wanted to go on “dates” with me because of the things I wrote?

    No. I wanted them to want me for my body, not my mind.

    Which brings us to “REAL merit”.

    There are only three people who matter to me, merit-wise, in regards to my blogging here on the busblog.

    1. My dear mother
    2. Jesus
    3. All the ladies out there who secretly want me

    If I can warm the hearts of all three of these very important people in my life then that is Real merit to me.

    And let me tell you, trying to hit the center of that Venn diagram is not as easy as it looks. My mom doesn’t like swear words, even though I study the bible regularly I’m still unsure what Jesus would find wonderful in this blog, and I am even more clueless about the third group. So I just try to keep it real and come from a place of Goodness and see what happens.

    With that said we are here to rock. Every car has a gas pedal and a brake. My old sink has a hot And a cold faucet. And as a red blooded American single man I have a ying AND a very much alert yang.

    All of my favorite writers (Bukowski, Twain, Moses, etc) kept it real.

    I feel the most satisfied inside immediately after I have finished a blog post where I feel like I have kept it really real and the words sang in a way. To me that is real merit.

    But then there’s the bigger picture. The less selfish one: how did what I write or say help others?

    If my blogging (or Blog Editing) helped people express themselves or get jobs or dates or whatever they were looking for, then that gives me even more satisfaction. That might be harder for you, an outsider, to see, but when I ran the great LA blog, LAist, or the dozens of blogs at the LA Times, I was able to be with people in a way that hopefully was beneficial to them. And that interaction was rooted, weirdly, in my personal experiences of writing the world famous.

    So to answer your question, does it make me feel good that blah blah blah not real merit just popularity?

    The only time I feel really good is when someone surprises me with a nude on snapchat, when my momma tells me she liked what I wrote, when the Cubs win the World Series, when my bosses tell me fucking a great job tony, or when the girl in my bedroom says “i just Postmated some Poutine, whatever will we do for twenty minutes?”

    the rest of the time i’m a bawling mess alone in my messy room desperately searching for the approval from others.

    my snapchat is Tsarfan 

  3. Tuesday, July 19, 2016

    nothing in here is true 

    thanks mrs obamait is human nature to mimic

    it’s how we learn.

    it’s also human nature to lie when we are caught in an embarrassing situation.

    but the best part about being a human

    is to appreciate the importance of


    doing the things that little kids do

    like lie, and steal, and cheat.

    it’s called maturing.

    it’s called evolving.

    it’s called growing.

    when MLK was being called names and getting things thrown at him, don’t you think his first instinct was to lash back

    don’t you think an orator as skilled as he could have replied to the ignorant slurs with some choice comebacks of his own?

    instead he did what the racists never thought he’d do, he forgave them, he embraced them, he showed them love

    when we think about who should lead the biggest, strongest nation that ever existed

    do we really want someone who hasn’t really matured?

    i do, because i am a whore for free entertainment

    and i believe that when we die we will go to heaven.

    (he will kill us all.)

  4. Monday, July 18, 2016

    dear tony, are you sure you’re not a rock star? 

    tom morello

    let’s see…
    cubs hat: check
    cubs shirt: check
    beautiful cherry wood gibson SG: check
    but i let my axe hang a lot lower than that
    also, the only time i wear a cubs hat and cubs shirt at the same time is at Wrigley Field

    but i do love Tom Morello and Rage and what he wrote in yesterdays LA Times

    is better than anything i ever wrote there times 100

  5. when i was a kid i had the biggest dreams 

    amberi wanted to manage the cubs

    i wanted like 27 kids

    and i wanted to give half of my salary to charity.

    when i was in college i gave up on the cubs

    i only wanted six kids

    and i wanted to be a college professor one day.

    when i moved back to LA the second time

    my dreams were way simpler:

    i wanted hot babes to love me

    and i wanted to see as many great rock shows as i could.

    today my dreams are even simpler

    i want to fix the world

    and give 3/4 of my salary to charity.

    tonight i saw donald trump make a fool out of himself on tv because his money grubbing hasnt satisfied him so now he wants to aquire as much power as he can get

    and i watched on twitter as kim kardashian stood by her man via snapchat.

    we all have dreams.

    some are bigger than others.

    the first thing i want to fix is the block that i have preventing me from writing about my big plan.

    but everything comes to you in due time.

    will you be ready for it is the real question.

  6. Saturday, July 16, 2016

    I’m a little surprised at how bad this graphic is by the Hillary campaign. 

    hillary on pence

    How about this:

    1. Mike Pence believes that gays and lesbians can be turned “straight” via therapy and HIV/AIDS funding should be diverted to pay for it.

    2. He abandoned plans to start a state-run news agency once his local newspaper found out about it.

    3. Is so in the pocket of Big Tobacco he once wrote “Despite the hysteria from the political class and the media, smoking doesn’t kill.”

    4. He believes George Washington was a Republican… even though Washington was against political parties.

    5. Lost a bid for Congress when it was discovered he used political donations to pay the mortgage on his house, golf tournament fees and car payments for his wife.

    But whatever. Trump + Pence is a Hindenburg. It’s probs best to just stay far a way.

  7. Friday, July 15, 2016

    tsar’s band girls money turns 11 today 

    ive had a charmed life

    ive kissed the prettiest girls

    ive traveled the world

    you you and you have read my humble little blog.

    but one of the best parts of my life has been the friendships that ive been lucky enough to have

    and of those friends, it has been so nice to have friends who literally rock

    Tsar is comprised of friends i met in college. some from the dorms and some from the Nexus.

    and Solomon came straight from the pages of the Good Book.

    this video is from the Bootleg when they opened for Nerf Herder.

    what a great show. in part because of Dan’s mustache.

  8. Thursday, July 14, 2016

    xbi gave me a pair of tickets to see Boston tonight 

    boston 1978but then there were all these strings attached as to whom i could bring

    theyre trying to set me up with someone in the agency who is nice

    and smart, and easy on the eyes

    if you like that sorta thing

    but shes super bossy and judgemental and plays things waaaaay too safe if you ask me.

    she keeps asking me why i dont have a house

    and why my apartment is better furnished

    i told her that some things deserve attention and other things dont.

    i told her that im laser focused right now.

    when i get home i make sure the cats have steak in their bowls

    and theres plenty of gingerale in the gingerale fountain.

    then i look at the kitty litter to make sure their poops are blue and green

    then i look in the fridge and make sure theres plenty of liver and bacon and apple cider.

    whats the difference between apple cider and apple juice she asked me once.

    and i said there are some things that deserve attention and other things dont.

    then i told her i turn on my bedroom tvs and fire up my xbox and ps4

    and she asked why do you need both game systems.

    i told her, are there only blondes and brunettes running around? she said what?

    i said there are more than just those two systems, you know.

    and i said then i switch on the ceiling fan and open the window and guess what, im about 80 percent satisfied with life right there.

    she said what about love?

    i said, are you the pokemon of love that i better catch or someone else will get it and live forever and ever in utter happiness

    and she couldnt say yes so i said, then you probably should either grab a joy stick

    or order us some soul food because this is the part of my day where i take off my pants.

    and thats how i lost my tickets to Boston tonight

  9. drove a 16 year old girl from westwood to torrance in rush hour yesterday 

    sunset silver lakeit took an hour and we talked the whole way

    she has been to coachella the last two years. vip both times.

    she wants to go to college on the east coast.

    she doesnt like Taylor Swift, at all.

    she loves Selena Gomez but wasnt aware that her latest movie is on Netflix

    says she looks at Snapchat maybe 40 times a day

    says that when she looks at it and doesnt see anything new from her friends, she’ll look at Cosmo’s story or something else

    follows the kardashians on snapchat and ariana grande

    goes to private school in west LA and her parents either drive her or she takes lyft

    when she goes to coachella she doesnt camp, she chips in with her friends to rent a house

    loved Flostradamus

    did not see AC/DC or Guns n Roses because: not interested

    wants to try the Kylie Jenner lip kit but hasnt gotten around to it

    loves Obama and will miss him.

    doesnt shop at nearby Del Amo Mall, instead prefers The Grove.

    fascinating convo the whole way.

  10. Wednesday, July 13, 2016

    yesterday was the all star game, one of my favorite days of the year 

    fuck joe buckit was held in san diego, which is only a few hours away from my home

    seven Cubs were named to the team. the entire infield was Cubs.

    but as you know i hate san diego and i hope it falls into the ocean and gets flushed down into the center of the earths core.

    one reason is because in 1984 the padres beat the cubs in the playoffs.

    this week’s all star game was a celebration of sorts of that 84 padres team. they made everyone wear the brown and yellow shit and piss colors of that year during the home run derby.

    during any other circumstance i might have paid big bucks to see my cubbies take the field and represent. but as i just said i hope Dani Targeryian’s dragons fly down there and burn the whole city down.

    as i was getting ready to watch the game on tv my dear friend Dave, who was down there for work, took a picture of the worst announcer in sports, joe buck, and texted it to me. he went one step further by putting my pride and joy,  the busblog’s url on the picture to enhance the “humor”. i nearly choked on my short rib. as you can see the pretty lady interviewing him is keeping her distance because lighting will strike him one day soon and that day cannot come soon enough.

    so yeah that was part of my yesterday. trying to watch my cubs. trying to forget it was being held in the land that time hates. and trying to squint with my ears as joe called the game. what i noticed was because all of his fantasy boyfriends were on the field he had a hard time ruining the game. boy did he try. but it wasnt actually all that bad.

    he did leave out one huge detail because hes a company man robot and only speaks outloud what is written down in front of him.

    the detail was, the NL was the visitors last night even though San Diego, for all its faults, is an NL city.

    what Joe didn’t mention was in the next couple of years MLB is going to have the all star game in two more NL cities so they let the AL be the “home” team last night because, well, the AL is stinky like SD so may as well let them pretend for a night that theyre at home.