nothing in here is true

  1. Monday, January 6, 2020

    if you ask me imma tell you 

    which is interesting bc I once worked for a person who said they appreciated that I wasn’t a billshitter and asked me how something they said went over

    I said it didn’t go over perfectly but it wasn’t bad.

    I realize bullshitting is one of the things that separates us from apes but I don’t consider it noble.

    For example I’m glad my fuel gage doesn’t try to prevent my Feelings from being hurt. It just delivers the news and occasionally makes the news urgent.

    I try to do the same.

  2. Sunday, January 5, 2020
  3. Thursday, January 2, 2020

    hi 2020 

    Gonna do some things different this year.

    gonna use my iPad more. Gonna use my good camera more. Gonna learn how to edit audio for podcasts better. Gonna learn about the Valley. Gonna talk to the people. Gonna talk to them in a way that isn’t stupid…

    Gonna blog every day now that I’ve got this iPad going.

    Gonna get closer to Amber. Gonna go to church more. Gonna do things faster.

    Today I goofed off and didn’t work like I wanted to for a number of reasons. I was tired I was mad and believe it or not I was a little hungover and just wanted to be lazy.

    I know I’m not the only one on 1/1 who didn’t feel 100 percent this morning, but I hardly ever drink, so the shot and a beer i had yesterday, as nice as they were because they were with cool people, fucked up my day.

    Gonna keep not drinking.

    When i first met Amber and she told me she was sober I didn’t drink on our first dates which was a bit weird for me because i had not made a move on a girl without the benefit of the liquid courage, and so when i did finally kiss her for the first time sober it was a tiny boost to my confidence like, hey, you don’t need that shit.

    Now that i hardly drink at all… when i do it fucks me up.

    Dont get me wrong i still love a good margarita, or a sip of some good rum, or a glass or two of wine,

    And this might sound cheesy, but I’d much rather have a real conversation with someone, where we are both just looking each other in the eyes and keeping it real.

    So today i learned how to input my recordings into Garage Band. I learned how to do blog posts on my iPad. I got real with Amber and said we are gonna learn how to really talk to each other on a higher plane, an XBI level, almost. So tomorrow i want to learn how to cut seconds out of a part of an audio bit. And i need to go to East LA to ask some strangers some controversial things.

    I am stoked to have made it to 2020. I enjoyed talking with my niece on the phone today.

    And i especially liked telling her, now that Illinois has legalized weed, do not, i repeat do not eat edibles, and if you’re gonna smoke any weed, grow it first in your grandmas basement.

  4. Tuesday, December 31, 2019

    end of the year not so blues 

    i worked all night. why because im a procrastinator.

    what i did was good.

    how i feel is bad.

    what will motivate me next year?

    love? success? fear? hope?

    i wanna be better. i wanna do cooler things.

    i wanna show the haters… actually i dont care about them.

    i only care about the Lord and my ma.

    fuck the haters.

    interviewed these kids who go to Glendale High.

    i asked them who their mascot was.

    they said they are the Dynomites or the Dynos

    I was all, what the hell is that.

    they said this guy dresses up like a stick of dynomite.

    i was all, get outta town

    they were all, no seriously.

    got home, Googled it

    and thats the greatest thing ive ever seen.

    have i told you that im going to go to every neighborhood in LA and talk to all the people and learn stuff?

    look at me learning shit.

  5. Sunday, December 29, 2019

    saw uncut gems last night 

    it was incredible.

    top three movies i saw in 2019

    the black godfather
    uncut gems

    i dont know why but shazam really got me.

    but all i thought about today was uncut gems.

    it was classic college of creative studies: be truthful, create likable characters, put them through the wringer, see what happens

    amber hated it. half america hates it. but almost all the critics love it.

    as you can see from the high ranking i gave shazam, one would think that i usually side with the audience, that may be true. who knows. i thought parasite was overrated.

    and once upon a time in hollywood.

    weirder crazier shit has gone down in hollywood and there is no need to make any of it up.

    weirder shit goes down on my block.

    i also loved booksmart, longshot, joker and aladdin.

    i went to 40 movies this year. next year i wanna make it 52.

    trying to figure out how to see 1917 tomorrow.


  6. Saturday, December 28, 2019

    sometimes she wants to go on a drive so we take a little drive 

    theres been some girls who ive had a spiritual closeness with

    some who could do it all with a kiss

    one who was rich, some who were poor, three who loved to fight

    one who hated me touching her, and one who hated me not touching her.

    but one thing almost all of them loved doing was going for a little road trip.

    drive she said.

    she requested neptunes net but i wanted to head east old man


    took sunset to caesar chavez through east LA. she said she wanted chinese. theres chinese over there but you get tempted by all these other delights.

    even two tacos from jack in the box will get me to pull over since they’re only about a buck and a quarter.

    but we kept going. slowly. happily.

    the sun was out, the mountains way back in the distance were snow capped.

    there were some clouds up there for decoration.

    after a while we approached the prettiest soup plantation and i was all wanna

    but she wanted chinese. good for her.

    wound up at some dim sum spot that seemed legit. clean. big. easy parking.

    went in and well attended for the late hour. a family at a big round table over there

    an older asian couple on a fourtop.

    a nice little table was empty over in a corner

    how about over there we asked the young lady?

    oh nooo tooo small.

    manager came over in a suit. have a seat here, he said pointing at a big table close to the register and the front door. clearly they wanted passers by to see a famous blogger was dining with them.

    but it was cold there. and way too close to the tv that was showing childrens programming.

    how about over there? i asked him.

    oh nooo so smallllll he said and we sat down.

    menu came out and she was not impressed. im not feeling this place, she said. then lets leave i said, i dont owe nobody nothing. but shes polite. we muscled through.

    soon another lady came by. spoke zero english. maybe 10 people working on the floor i dont think any of them could tell us what was on the menu

    fine with me.

    ive been watching these youtube guys who travel the world and no one understand anyone.

    did any of those girls understand me?

    but sometimes you just point and pray.

    what came out were the most delicious shrimp steamed in a dumpling.

    vegetarian fried rice that was moist and tasty with slivers of egg that didnt seem like any eggs ive been eating

    bok choy, and i dont eat a lot of vegetables, but these tasted like something else entirely, chicken maybe.

    taquitos with shrimp, basically

    and these tiny little pot pies that squirted when you bit in,

    so it’s best to just let them explode in your mouth.

    some girls get riled up after a surprisingly great chinese meal way out east

    other girls say omg lets stop at starbucks

  7. Wednesday, December 25, 2019

    a Christmas story 

    This Christmas I showered Amber with all the gifts you’d expect: diamonds, fur, diabetic candies.

    But I knew she could get that from any man.

    Also I knew what she secretly wanted. Something she’s been hinting at during little bickerings that couples typically have.

    I am perfect in nearly every way. But let’s just say I don’t keep the tidiest house. Never have. Never will. Some say it’s a sign of a creative mind. But I’m not so sure. It might just be that I am a filthy animal.

    So yesterday I had work to do, things to write, errands to run, but instead I spent most of the day cleaning our happy home while she was at work.

    I picked her up, we had a quick dinner, went to a party, attended midnight mass, and when we got home she was exhausted. She opened the door and the house was clean. The lights twinkled. The cats yawned. And she began to cry.

    I hugged her but she didn’t move.

    “This is all I’ve ever wanted.” She cried more.

    She walked around the pad and cried cuz it was all cleaned up. Little did she know I sold most of it for weed and baseball cards but what I couldn’t unload were put away, vacuumed, bed was made, porn was alphabetized, and the presents were neatly stacked beneath the dusty guitar.

    In the morning she woke up in tears again because she thought last night had been a dream.

    I think we’ve all had a few of those mornings.

  8. Tuesday, December 17, 2019

    yesterday they ran a list of things i loved in 2019 

    but i wanted to keep that list short

    here are some other things ive loved

    tube socks

    silver lake ramen


    the clippers’ off season moves

    the black godfather


    jabs family

    emma chamberlain

    my internet download speeds


    al michaels

    social media

    clearance priced three ring binders at staples

    jack in the box tacos


    ambers workplace benefits




    being able to talk to smart people and ask them all the hardest questions in the world