nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, July 10, 2014

    do you ever get the feeling youre being swindled? 

    dennis-hopper-easy-rideruber is an interesting company. recently they were valuated at like a gazillion dollars.

    all on the backs of normal people like you and me who drive around in their own cars dealing with traffic and people puking so they can make $20 an hour.

    here in LA uber jacked up their cut of the ride by a bunch while lowering the prices for the passengers.

    all of this hurt drivers.

    now they are introducing this thing where the drivers have to rent the iphones from uber for $10 a month.

    is there no end to the nickel and diming?

    sometimes i feel like uber hates success.

    we’ve seen this happen before, of course. we saw friendster own the market for a little while only to get leapfrogged by myspace, and then facebook. now facebook is doing everything they can to shoot themselves in the foot and piss off not just their users but the companies who try to connect with their audience.

    digg did the same thing. they were on top of the world so they decided to change the most important part. they tried to ruin the Digg Effect – and they succeeded. thus ruining Digg. now Reddit is the big cheese.

    uber has amazing lawyers that help them get into cities over the whines of the cab companies. thats impressive. they have deep pockets and will pay for drivers who have their cars impounded. thats also impressive.

    but whats not impressive is the way they show so much disdain for the face of the company, for the real product: the normal people driving in their own cars.

    if lyft was smart theyd just keep improving their game, they wouldnt panic, and theyd just wait for the moment to leapfrog. because all signs are pointing to uber doing one more dumb thing and then it’s over.

    which makes me sad, because as you know, i love uber.

  2. i learn a lot at my real job like this today: 

    marlene dietrichturns out marlene dietrich was a violin player before she was an actress

    she also played the piano and sang,

    thus when you see her in the Blue Angel thats really her.

    she said she wore “mannish” clothes because women in Europe did in the daytime.

    she said she loved bloggers and blogging and flying high above LA.

    she said she didn’t like to talk unless she had something to say.

    back in the day gossip columnists were way more powerful than they are today. so much so that the stars would go on their radio shows so they could tell their stories without the filter of the MSM.

    one day she was on the radio with Louella Parsons, a popular gossip columnist talking about being relatively new to Hollywood. this is how she ended her interview.

    Parsons: Do you find it easy to combine the duties of motherhood with those of being a successful actress?

    Dietrich: Yes, I do, because my daughter is the greatest incentive I could possibly have. I have never been so happy in my life as since I’ve had her.

    Parsons: Do you think little Maria will be an actress or a musician?

    Dietrich: I hope that she will have enough talent to become an actress because I think it is the most beautiful and interesting career a woman can have. And now, Miss Parsons, I would like to say goodnight. You see, I promised to tell my little daughter a story before she goes to bed and it’s getting late.

    marlene dietrich lived to be 90 years old and worked much of that time, she said to make money.

    i hope when im old im doing it for the same reason im doing it now: because i love it and i love being around smart people who are nice.

    the picture on the right is marlene supporting the troops back in the day.

  3. i heard a lot of noise in my otherwise quiet courtyard 

    theres a cat in my seat

    it was a neighbor who a few months ago i heard yelling at another neighbor about a terrible sound we all heard.

    that particular night we heard a blood curdling sound of one animal attacking another.

    we all assumed it was a raccoon eating one of the stray cats alive!


    a few months before that she was yelling at a different neighbor about the automatic lighting thatd just been installed

    and the cement walkway that had been placed over the quaint stepping stones.


    so yesterday when i saw her helping the movers move her i was both surprised and not surprised.

    surprised because it took her a while and i think we all got used to the changes

    including the fact that the cats were no longer lounging in the courtyard– because Blanket is a terror.

    Wrigley has resigned himself to the alley and the three fluffy cats as well. they hang out by my back door now.

    the scared cat is beneath the house still but he only comes out when he hears my front door open and meows when he doesnt see any food.

    pretty sure im their pet now instead of vice versa.

    so this morning when i walked to my car i ran into the neighbor who said, yep im moving. i said oh.

    she said, its really nice what youre doing for the cats.

    which surprised me because i thought she didnt want me helping them.

    still, all i did was smile.

    like the xbi taught us to do.

  4. Wednesday, July 9, 2014

    the only answer is yes 

    come with

    everything else is so boring.

    everything else is just different layers of the same flavorless cake.

    long live LA but so many girls out here dont even eat cake unless its cupped.

    do you know how many girls i know who were good at certain things but said no

    or different flavors of that so often that i was all

    who told you thats even one of the options

    columbus didnt say no. or zeppelin.

    hendrix didnt say no and hes dead but is he

    gravity says no all the time and we do everything we can to say

    f-u gravity and your naysaying. we surf its no’s and make it ours.

    even little girls skipping are all say no again, say it.

    yes sounds good in any language

    even in silence

    even just with the smile

    even just with the eyes.

    yes is yes is yes even to a dog even to a log

    even to a god.

    which is why the good book has way more ouis

    than hold up theres. and i quote:

    for if you had the faith of a mustard seed, you could move mountains.

    but you keep saying nah.

  5. finally saw kiss play last night 


    super fun, loud, and filled with fireworks, fire, blood, confetti and good vibes


    and also Def Leppard, who opened.


    if youre gonna take a tall drink of water may i suggest amber smith blog who is a delight.

    she will eat wherever, whenever, she’s sweet to everyone, and will even pose with crazy ppl with kiss makeup

    we had a spectacular time and not even one beer was sipped all night: def a first for me at a rock show.


    thanks to the xbi we had front row tickets in the lower bowl at the newly refurbished Forum

    Def Leppard and KISS both expressed sincere gratitude to be back at the arena in Inglewood

    both mentioning how important the venue was for them through their career.

    Joe Elliott said they knew they had made it when, during sound check in 1983, they were opening for Queen there

    and as they were chilling in the back of the stadium during sound check

    they heard Brian May bust with one of their riffs and they couldnt believe their luck.

    likewise, guess who we ran into


    Katie Bain!

    who of course was there. she’s pretty much always at every great show in town

    so if you see her where you’re at you know you’ve chosen right.

    excellent night all around and what a pleasure to go with someone who also blogs because

    now i can say, hey check out amber’s take on the festivities.

  6. Tuesday, July 8, 2014

    kiss + def leppard tonight at the forum 

    kiss armyonly time ive ever seen kiss live was at the american idol finale when adam lambert won.

    they had this thing where the two finalists each sang two songs.

    the first song they sang alone and the second they sang with a famous group. Lamberts was with Kiss. and it was spectacular.

    just one song but mama mia. fireworks. raised platforms. real rock and roll.

    drove this dude yesterday from Los Feliz to Santa Monica and when i told him about the show he was all hmmmm maybe i’ll go too. he had never seen Kiss neither.

    Def Leppard is opening up. my sister had Pyromania which i always thought was a weak version of AC/DC but in a pinch anything AC/DCish is better than some of the crap that was on the radio then.

    nowadays i think they’ll be a fine opener.

    it’s weird, i dont think ive ever owned a KISS record but im pretty sure i know all the songs theyre gonna play tonight. how? osmosis? so many other bands covering them? the radio?

    because rock and roll is in my heart and pumps through my soul?

    anyways im stoked. im going with amber, an excellent young lady who is very fun to hang out with. we have good seats. its at the refurbished Fabulous Forum, which i havent been to since their makeover.

    the show starts a little earlier than id like it to because id sure love to grab some soul food before the gig but i dont wanna miss too much of the leppard.

  7. Monday, July 7, 2014

    regrets, i have a few 

    one was breaking a sweet girl’s heart

    one was nearly dying in vegas

    one was trusting untrustworthy people

    and one huge one was not seeing Page & Plant: whoa momma

  8. Sunday, July 6, 2014

    man plays baseball bat violin at cubs game 

    working more than one jobs is something i did in frisco and in college.

    it’s one of the benefits of not have kids.

    in frisco i actually had three jobs: i was a rep for several electronics companies, i had my own business setting up a/v systems in peoples houses, and i worked the box seats selling beer and hotdogs at candlestick for the giants

    the thing i loved the most about the baseball gig was hearing all the different styles of nationals anthems. the most impressive was the dude with the singing saw.

    but today in the nations capital during the cubs nationals game some guy busted with a violin made of a damn baseball bat.

    and not only was he good, he was great.

    somewhere in heaven tom jefferson knocked over his sam adams and said to benjamin franklin now thats what im talking about!

  9. overdid it on the 4th and paid for it on the 5th 


    when i love something i do it till its physically painful.

    the xbi says pain is an illusion, it’s really pleasure in bad packaging. like a pretty girl in a white sox hat.

    it’s the one time they allude to buddhism. they say buddhists believe that there is the potential for enlightenment in everything, thus the illusion of pain shouldnt be avoided.

    thus after a 13 hour day of driving from the 818 to the 714 that ache in your arms and hands, and that feeling of nausea, and especially that day-long throbbing headache should be absorbed and turned into an opportunity for a breakthrough.

    jodie fosterso even though i started the day with a few uncomfortable rides, i went home put myself in time out. something i never do on a saturday night.

    watched a bunch of Louie’s, then as i was enjoying Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 2 i got involved in the most interesting and enjoyable text message conversation with the loveliest girl.

    we both overshared. but who cares. air signs do that with each other. its why we work well. she told me about her time in jail and i revealed some xbi secrets that they wouldnt appreciate one bit.

    even mentioned Lucho, which i never do. cuz you never know.

    earlier in the day i picked up a guy by the shadiest hotel in all of hollywood. he was bald, but like shaved bald, not old man bald, he had just been smoking, and seemed pissed. off.

    he kept looking around the back of my car like there was a catch.

    finally he said, “this is a cute car.” not really the adjective i would have predicted from him, and thats why people are amazing. the little surprises.

    i told him what it was, that it was Ford’s competitor to the Prius and he asked if i bought it or leased it.

    i said, i bought it.

    the catch apparently because he almost hissed “why do people buy cars any more?”

    the last thing i wanted to do was get into an argument with this gentleman who seemed irritated and connected, but im also one to answer questions when theyre posed at me.

    “i don’t like anyone, especially car manufacturers, to tell me how many miles i can drive,” i said. im not sure it pleased him but it shut him up for a while.

    until we passed an upstart tour van with its roof cut off.

    fucking tourists, he said.