busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, November 10, 2016

    last night, the first night of president elect Pussy Grabber, the people marched 

    day 1they marched in Seattle and Portland and New York City and Chicago

    and Oakland and Frisco and when they took to the streets in LA they took the most important street, the Hollywood Freeway.

    they held signs that said Fuck Trump and Not My President

    but my favorite was one that simply said NO

    because that’s what i said when i heard the first result Tuesday evening.

    No, not like how you feel when you drop your triple scoop ice cream to the ground accidentally when you’re 10 years old

    but how you feel when the richest guy on tv slaps that ice cream from your hand

    and millions of your countrymen and women applaud.

    the cops were no match for the protesters in NY and LA because there were far too many pissed off Americans. this is a president who has no clue and doesn’t want a clue. for every lie from Hillary, Trump lied 20 times. But his supporters don’t care and they’ll tell you they don’t care. seemingly what they care about is Them and only Them. and by Them i mean people who look like Them who didn’t feel that the previous president was them.

    but how was Barack Hussein Obama, a half black half white kid raised by his mom who got a scholarship to Harvard and then worked the mean streets of the South Side of Chicago not them? was he too smart? is that why they relate to Trump? did they feel intimidated by the Community Organizer? or did they feel uptight that America didn’t need a full white guy to fix the place?

    first a black and then a woman? was that the white man’s fear? were they afraid that this would be the beginning of the phasing out of the Bro Culture?

    we don’t know because they lied to the pollsters, they lie to the press, and when asked now why they voted for the man with zero experience, all they say is Because He’s Going to Make America Great Again.

    when George W was reelected this blog turned its header black. i was just as confused then as i am now. back then i wondered how people who saw four years of 9/11 and its pathetic aftermath could reelect an imbecile liar who mishandled pretty much everything that he touched. i was despondent, i was angry, i was confused, and i felt alienated from the country i loved.

    but out of that suffering came Obama.

    the Light.

    they say sometimes you don’t appreciate things until it’s taken away.

    the ironic thing about the millions who voted Trump is in a few years tens of millions will look back and say holy shit Obama was amazing and i took it for granted. i am so sorry.

    yes you are sorry.

  2. Wednesday, November 9, 2016
  3. the bible tells me not to judge and to use my magical powers for love and beauty 

    bowie and prince

    i was trying to uber last night as the election results were pouring in and i was making some good money because lots of people wanted to watch with their friends.

    but then i got super sad and nervous and i was near the In N Out next to Hollywood High standing in line for a double double fries and a chocolate shake

    when a pretty girl started sexting me. i get worried about that business because even though i love to write and text and talk about those topics,

    what happens if she gets pissed at me one day and publishes it online to embarrass me?

    i will forever be a midwestern boy no matter my age.

    but fuckit i said to myself, the worlds gonna end and at my age everyone knows im a red blooded american man.

    Got home and curled up and watched the end of western civilization via Fox News. Even they couldnt believe it.

    The scene was just as surreal watching the Trump Family and his acceptance speech last night

    as it was watching the Cubs finally get their reward last week in Chicago.

    so many people texted me. some were hard to talk with because it was such an emotional downer. but most were great to hear from.

    i think three beautiful canadian girls proposed to me so i could move up there.

    i asked one of them, your bf wont mind if i marry you? she said nah, hes a dope.

    then this american girl said lets get married. worlds gonna end. i said fine but lets escape to Old Quebec.

    she said why there?

    i said i was there with a girl who wasnt in love with me which was sad because it was like the most romantic place ive been in this hemisphere.

    she said, lets make new memories. how about Costa Rica?

    i said is that in mexico she said no. i said fine. she said but you love mexicans. i said it sounds close to mexico, i can visit.

    so i looked at it on the map and its near cuba sorta. if you have a boat. and why not have a boat if youre living in Costa Rica with a pretty girl with a floppy hat.

    and those are the things you should think about

    even if theyre just glorious fantasies

    as the world melts down

    and the devil smiles

    from his podium.

  4. Tuesday, November 8, 2016

    voted today cuz i love america and female presidents and plants 

    14937405_10154672476418057_7930908855263136740_n

    longest line ive ever seen at the church where ive been voting for the last 15 years.

    there were two lines for the two precincts that vote here. never had i had to stand out in the hallway before.

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    you had to look at the voter rolls to see if you found your name. if your name was on the left you stood in line on the right.

    if your name was on the right you could just walk right in that door.

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    i didnt like the fact that the church was politicking in a way with their huge board advertising a “drug-free summit”

    despite the fact that we were all voting on a measure that would legalize the “drug” marijuana.

    before i had a chance to call bullshit someone else called bullshit and they removed the sign.

    which is why i love my hollywood neighbors and why i feel good that everything i voted for will win.

    14956432_10154672476253057_212921280809935830_n

    two things we know are true: if you dont have an I Voted sticker, you didnt vote.

    and if you didnt take a selfie of some sort it was all a dream.

    but it was really nice to vote for the first female US president.

    and weed.

    #twofortuesday

  5. Monday, November 7, 2016

    just realized weed might become legal tomorrow 

    14906957_10154656943828057_6060026589581255265_n

    and unlike a certain baseball team, these people did it super quiet like

    14915195_10154656944723057_1287964540351998138_n

    it might just sneak in there when no one is looking. i mean i saw some pretty whiny complaints in some letters in the LA Times but thats about it.

    14947671_10154656944388057_7787174026031244369_n

    tomorrow at this time you might be reading on here that Cali did it. a little late, but still. did it.

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    any other year i might be nervous about what will go down tomorrow.

    art institute

    but this year i know the Good Lord is looking down on us and He’s ready too.

  6. Sunday, November 6, 2016
  7. Friday, November 4, 2016
  8. they arrested twice as many people in Isla Vista on Halloween 

    we did itas they did around wrigley field the night the cubs won the world series.

    in IV there were 500+ people walking around the streets.

    in Wrigleyville there were “hundreds of thousands” according to the police.

    twice as many arrests in iv.

    why do i still care about a town that just lays there and takes it.

    how do you let your brothers and sisters get popped for having a stereo turned on past 10pm on a Monday? how do you let 108 cops come into your town to sniff under every nook and cranny to cite you or jail you simply because it’s the last day of October?

    i want to think it’s because young people do not know that they have power.

    but im starting to think it’s because this generation never really played outside before.

    when i was a kid, in this neighborhood that i blog from tonight, i rode my bike everywhere day or night. we played all over, sometimes after the lights went out.

    so of course in college we roamed the streets all night and everywhere, exploring, learning, stumbling, and boning.

    maybe this gen grew up inside so is comfortable inside in college.

    maybe theyd rather watch videos of people talking about roaming the streets of DP

    than actually doing it.

    what the fuck have we created?

  9. Thursday, November 3, 2016

    me and mom go to Wrigley Field, a film 

    me and mom at wrigley

    my mom hates driving and hates riding in cars too.

    she thinks everyone else on the road are big huge poop monsters and shes possibly right.

    so today around lunch time i was all, ma, lets go TO WRIGLEY FIELD

    she was like, ABSOLUTELY NOT!

    i said, how about if we take Irving Park Road all the way down.

    she was like, it’ll still be full of crazy pants fools around Wrigley.

    i said, true but i promised this sweet young lady that i would write her dad’s name on the wall at Wrigley where everyones writing the names of their loved ones who didnt get to see the Cubs.

    still in the glow of last night’s giant victory my mom caved in and there we were driving the slowest route ever from the suburbs to the Friendly Confines.

    wrigley wall

    once we got there it was awe inspiring.

    names everywhere. i guess over 108 years a lot of sweet people came and went. and tragically none of them saw the Cubs win the world series.

    so here’s why Cub fans are like no other. there was boxes of chalk everywhere. for free.

    cub fans wall

    and there were lots of parentes with their kids and the kids were waaaay into chalking up the wall, the street, light poles, the curb, their sisters, cops, drunk fratboys passed out in the gutter.

    i even saw someone put his grampas name on the shoe of mayor rahm emmanuel.

    and because every reachable part of the walls were covered: PEOPLE BROUGHT LADDERS AND LEFT THEM THERE SO THAT OTHERS COULD GET UP HIGH AND PUT MORE NAMES UP THERE.

    cubs ground

    it was such a beautifully colorful outpouring of love, remembrance, and thanksgiving, i nearly started bawling like a baby, because deep down im just a man on the verge of tears when i think about the Cubs and what it means to so many people in this beautiful city

    a city, that by the way, has had the most wonderful weather this week. like warm and rainy at night and sunny in the day. freaky nice.

    harry's grave

    before we went to Wrigley we visited Harry Caray’s grave in Des Plains. i aint never visited a cemetery to see the headstone of a “celebrity” before, and it was kind of amazing.

    little known fact: cemetarys dont give a shit if you visit them. in fact, they welcome it. the doors are open, you can drive around easily. and on Find A Grave .com they even tell you where the famous person’s resting spot is.

    mom and i drove around the big cemetery for a while, gawking at the unusually large headstones and i expected a group of people or security or something… but when i saw bushels of green apples i knew we were there.

    in a previous photo of harry’s grave i saw like 6 apples on his headstone but as you can see, i was not the first person to go there and say bro, they did it. we are champs. and we are thinking of you!

    i brought a bottle of Old Style and decided id set it down next to that pumpkin.

    me at harry carays grave

    but first my mom took this picture.

    the two women that you see in the far left corner saw us coming and gave us some time to read some of the things people had written on apples and signs and bags of Cracker Jacks and when they saw us leaving they headed back to his grave. the women were both wearing Cubs shirts and I tipped my hat to them and we told each other how happy we were and how great Harry was and it was so ridiculously sweet i wanted to hug them.

    as we got in the car we saw that they were back in front of his grave, tending to it. chatting.

    not leaving any time soon.

    and weirdly me and mom didn’t really feel like leaving either.

    it was an extremely peaceful, chill spot.

    i thought, so is this how its gonna be now?

    is life just mellow and beautiful after your biggest dream comes true?

    hope so.

     

  10. if i wake up tomorrow and this was all a dream 

    bill murray

    well, i guess that would make sense.

    who

    what

     

    HOW

     

    a;sdfh;akshdf;kajshdf;khepoirqhweporifhas;dkjvbnas.dkjvba;dvbd;voihajsd’foiajsdf

     

    GREATEST FUCKING BASEBALL GAME I EVER SAW

     

    AND FOR SURE THE GREATEST WORLD SERIES GAME SEVEN OF ALL TIMES

     

    and best of all i got to watch it with my dear momma

    who kicked the carpet and swore and stomped around the house

    and screamed louder and got madder than i ever saw her get

    and trust me i used to get her plenty pissed off.

    finally she just had to go to the kitchen and play solitare cuz she couldnt handle it.

    WHO COULD HANDLE IT

    i messed up and got ready to drive to Chicago.

    and i threw on my Zambrano jersey and World Series cap

    but that only brought bad very very bad luck.

    so i had to take all of that off again and put on my pajamas

    AND THEN THEY WENT INTO EXTRA INNINGS

    and holy shit was that dangerous

    and then we won

    and i yelled at my mom in the other room MOM WE WON WE WON

    AND SHE CAME RUNNING IN WHAT

    WAAAAHHHHTTTT?

    AND SHE SAW IT ON TV ALL THE PLAYERS HUGGING AND ME SCREAMING

    AND OUTSIDE FIREWORKS GOING OFF

    HERE IN THE SLEEPY SUBURBS AT MIDNIGHT ON A SCHOOL NIGHT

    DRIZZLE OUT SIDE FIREWORKS

    M80s and ROCKETS

    THE MIDWEST!

    I RAN OUTSIDE WITH MY FLAG MY MOM VIDEOED ME AND I POURED ONE OUT FOR ALL THE BROTHERS AND SISSTTERS WHO CAME AND WENT

    108 YEARS WORTH

    AND I POURED OUT AN ENTIRE OLD STYLE TALL BOY JUST AS I PROMISED

    JUST AS WAS WRITTEN

    FOR HARRY AND JACK BRICK HOUSE AND MY RELATIVES AND THE FIRST TONY PIERCE

    AND MY MOMS DAD AND ERNIE BANKS AND PRINCE AND

    MY PHONE WAS BLOWING UP ALL NIGHT AND MY BRO CALLED AND IT WAS MONICAS BIRTHDAY SUDDENLY AND LINDA WAS PROPOSING AND I WAS PROPOSING TO ZULIEKA AND LEAH WAS WATCHING IT ON FACE TIME

     

    IT WAS THE CRAZIEST NIGHT OF SPORT OF ALL TIMES AND I NEED TO WATCH THAT GAME AGAIN IN ITS ENTIRETY BECAUSE I DO NOT AT ALL BELIEVE WHAT  SAW

    and now im exhausted.

    oh god THANK YOU JESUS!