busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, October 10, 2014
  2. Tuesday, April 22, 2014

    computers broke, moose out front shoulda told you so 

    march of the penguins

    something happened somewhere. might have been my fault. probably was.

    computer’s broke. going to the apple store tonight to see what can be done about it.

    heat probs, im guessing. me getting a chinese power adapter might not have helped.

    or putting it on my bed blanket every night while thinking of things to write to you probs didnt help.

    we’re all just marching to our doom, arent we? probs.

    at least we have iphones to write to each other with though.

    hi.

  3. Thursday, September 19, 2013

    im in the library, working on some freelance stories 

    wally world

    im very grateful to have this opportunity.

    i feel very lucky about so much in my life.

    im sorry for all the times i complain about my first world problems.

    also, im very thankful that i bought $TSLA at $129.

    not to mention $SIRI at $1.75

    and $FB at $19.44

    if only i had been so forward-thinking to bring my iphone charger to the library.

  4. Friday, March 22, 2013

    nokia ceo takes a page from The Lonely Island when confronted with iPhone 

    he THREW IT ON THE GROUND!

    i guess theres a reason the adam sandberg snl video has 50 million views.

    but theres also a reason why Nokia is in trouble: even their own CEO isn’t listening to his customer.

    even though the interviewer was a bit annoying and agressive (compared to U.S. tv interviewers) listen to what he is saying

    “i saw a picture in the newspaper about the Luminia 928. What kind of phone is that?”

    “when are you announcing that?”

    birch please“i have an iPhone. i don’t want to have an iPhone. i want to have a Nokia phone because i believe in you and i believe in Nokia. but i want to have the Lumina 928.”

    any salesman worth his salt realizes the trap being set for him: the customer says he wants to buy something, but it doesn’t exist yet. meanwhile the salesman has something to sell right now.

    rule number one of sales is, as we know, The Customer is Always Right.

    but rule number two, to me, is SWAT. Sell What’s Available Today.

    Stephan Elop must have sold a thing or two to become CEO of Nokia so he knows the obstacle presented to him by this interviewer. he cannot sell him the 928, all he has is a 620.

    but Elop prematurely leaps into a classic amateur salesman blunder: PITCHING TOO EARLY WITHOUT QUALIFYING THE CUSTOMER.

    when the interviewer says that he saw a picture in the paper for the 928, Elop should ask “what did you see in that photo that made you so in love with our phone that you wanted to ditch the Almighty iPhone?”

    and let the guy say wonderful things about your beautiful product. odds are he’s not going to mention the things the 928 has that your piece of crap doesn’t have.

    and then say, well, all those things are true, my friend, but like many protypes and concept cars of the future, what you saw isn’t available. but i do have some good news. excellent news if i heard you right. in fact i have something in my pocket right now that will be available in Finland in a matter of days that has all the things you mentioned.

    it’s the 620 and it’s better than your iphone.

    and then go into that discussion, not the one about how the 620 is so meh in comparison to the 928 that you put it back in your pocket (!?!!)

    ABC: always be closing. bro stopped closing on the 620 as soon as it became obvious that the interviewer only wanted to talk about the 928. did you ever see Steve Jobs stop closing about the current line of apple products when everyone wanted to talk about the next generation? of course not.

    if for a second you think this finnish tv host knows more about your products than you do, then yes, retreat

    but seriously if you can’t get around a very simple consumer objection which any salesman has heard since the beginning of time (“why shouldn’t i WAIT for the next thing coming around the corner”), then you should be in a different line of work.

    “my friend, i’m glad you have an iphone. because when you get this 620 you will love Nokia for improving on what you have been using all these years.”

    then drop the phone.

  5. Saturday, February 23, 2013
  6. Tuesday, February 19, 2013

    a letter from Apple to people who own Macintosh computers 

    internet machine

    Apple has identified malware which infected a limited number of Mac systems through a vulnerability in the Java plug-in for browsers. The malware was employed in an attack against Apple and other companies, and was spread through a website for software developers. We identified a small number of systems within Apple that were infected and isolated them from our network. There is no evidence that any data left Apple. We are working closely with law enforcement to find the source of the malware.

    Since OS X Lion, Macs have shipped without Java installed, and as an added security measure OS X automatically disables Java if it has been unused for 35 days. To protect Mac users that have installed Java, today we are releasing an updated Java malware removal tool that will check Mac systems and remove this malware if found.

    2/19/13

  7. Friday, September 7, 2012

    tony my iPhone home button is acting up, when will the new one come out? – bill 

    clinton obama

    dear mr president,

    no need to buy a whole new phone.

    the iPhone home button forgets its a home button after a while.

    true story.

    you’d think it would totally remember since it gets pressed like every 2-3 minutes

    all day and all night.

    but yeah, life is weird and totally sometimes even home buttons dont remember who they are

    here’s how you realign your iPhone home button’s chakra

    step 1. whisper “damn you lookin fine, home button”

    step 2. say, “yeah you, baby, who else”

    step 3. somehow open up the calculator app

    step 4. hold down the power button on the top of the iphone and say we should totally go to the movies soon, huh.

    step 5. keep it held down until the red “Slide to Power Off” slider appears at the top

    step 6. let go of the power button and say just dont judge how much popcorn i eat, and junior mints.

    step 7. hold down the home button until the red “Slide to Power Off” slider disappears from the top

    step 8: thank Jah for blogs.

  8. Monday, June 4, 2012

    look who has an apple product 

    karisa got an iphonekarisas an independent woman.

    cant tell her what to do.

    dont even try.

    like most of my friends, karisa doesnt like to follow the leader, she likes to be the leader.

    so for years she had anything but an iphone.

    “i dont know why you keep going on and on, my phone can do that too,” shed say.

    and they could. but in a meh way, if you ask me.

    her last phone had a huge screen. good for pictures, but karisa doesnt take a lot of pictures.

    only pics she takes are of me, but the xbi deletes almost all of them.

    so the other night she was all, oh look what i got.

    i couldnt believe it so i took a picture and instagrammed it.

    i still dont believe it.

  9. Thursday, October 13, 2011
  10. Thursday, October 6, 2011