nothing in here is true

  1. Tuesday, July 21, 2020

    what if im doing things wrong 

    i wrote the thing. it got published. someone who i did not expect to like it liked it.

    but i dont like it.

    i tried new things. i did all the stuff youre supposed to do. i took my time. i checked it twice.

    still nothing. like the replacements i feel unsatisfied.

    the last time i felt like this was in 1999. i was in frisco with the truest we had a great apartment i had like three jobs, friends everywhere, but there was a hole in my soul.

    the bible reading that week was the part in the new testament about the rich prince. dude goes to Jesus and says i have done everything, what now? and Jesus said sell everything, give it to the poor and follow me.

    rich prince said, whoops wrong number.

    that story was told three times in three differnt books.

    so i sold what i could and left. first isla vista, then mexico then LA.

    in LA i signed up for a minimum wage job helping people. and within a year i had been promoted and was making more money than i ever had made.

    but was i happy? sorta. am i happy now? sorta.

    but this is about writing. am i happy with that?


    i want something to zing. i want something to fly off the shelves. yeah i hit a huge homer with that video but what have you done for me lately?

    plus that wasnt even writing.

    way back when i was thirty something i dated nineteen year old ashley. people occasionally asked what we talked about. mmmm everything? ashley was super smart.

    one day she said, you are never satisfied tony.

    maybe thats my curse.

  2. Thursday, January 11, 2018

    today is ashleys birthday, shes omg how old? 

    was she the first person i ever met from the internet?

    i think so.

    life is such a weird and wonderful thing that i dont know what advice id have for my kids if i had them.

    i would say try thing, pray a lot, and learn how to judge people by their hearts.

    we can get distracted a lot by how pretty some people are, or how fancy their cars are, or how well they speak foreign languages

    but one thing they teach you in little league football is “if youre trying to tackle someone, aim at their belly button, dont get faked out by their arms or head or eyes.”

    ashley and i chatted a lot on the now ancient AOL instant messenger and the good thing about that is you can learn a lot about someone simply by their words. hours and hours of words.

    to me thats the same as looking into their hearts, which is why i think people fall in love with writers and authors and poets and songwriters. words are the highways to the soul. and on a thing like AIM it’s hard to fake. nowadays everyone has text messages or snapchats and you could show a picture of your infinity pool or your sixpack and if your emoji game is on point who knows what nonsense you can make others believe you are all about.

    but words on a blank screen, live, while you’re living, that’s pretty much you.

    and so when we met it was, oh yes, hi, oh your accent is funny. oh your eyes are that blue.

    oh you really do wear a cubs hat everywhere.

    ashley is pretty active on the social medias and its nice to see her be such a great mom to her little angel. it’s so nice to see that her family and extended family are just as close and happy as they seemed to be decades ago. it makes me happy because it couldn’t have happened to a nicer person. and today i hope she has a great birthday.

  3. Thursday, November 5, 2015
  4. Sunday, June 28, 2015

    the ever wise ashley rose once told me that im never satisfied 

    case closed

    at the time she was 19 and i was in my 30s and some of my female friends would judgingly ask me

    what could you two possibly talk about?

    little did they know that we actually talked a lot about everything all the time

    possibly because she was eerily insightful, particularly about the things she obsessed about

    and for that little stretch of time it was me.

    i thought of her last night as i was at the so-called N.W.A reunion

    so-called because Dr. Dre chose not to attend

    which made it an Ice Cube MC Ren DJ Yella reunion, which is nice but come on.

    with Eazy resting in peace you really need Dre there even more and without him there,

    well let’s just say that even with incredible seats, i was a pouty little disappointed man.

    not even three huge beers helped.


    it’s not wrong to want things. or expect what is being advertised.

    but of the surviving members of Niggaz Wit Attitudes,

    Dr. Dre is just as important as Ice Cube

    and the fact that he took what he learned as their DJ and producer

    and parlayed that into a legendary solo record and incredible post- NWA producing efforts

    makes his fans want him to show up with the ganstas who got him there

    that much more.

    bus drinking water

    his buddy snoop dogg was the opener for Ice Cube and MC Ren and Yella

    yes snoop dogg, who probably would NOT be on the stage if it wasnt for Dre

    snoop dogg, dre’s sidekick immediately after leaving the worlds most dangerous group

    Dre’s “The Chronic” is just as much Snoop’s coming out party as it is Dre’s.

    the only person missing was Eminem, and guess what, he doesn’t like to leave the house neither.

    so yes i was disappointed

    just hours after being hugely satisfied and thrilled about marriage equality becoming law.

    it was nice to feel that feeling of satisfaction because it’s nice to know that im capable of it.

    but man was it sad to be let down by and decent rap show at the basketball stadium.

    Ice Cube


    the girls were pretty

    and the cookie tasted good.

  5. Sunday, January 11, 2015

    today is ashley’s birthday, shes 33 

    ashley is 33a woman i met when i was in college surprised me yesterday by calling me. we talked for about a half hour and nearing the end she asked why i hadnt ever gotten married.

    i told her that sometimes things are about timing. and even though the timing wasn’t right for that particular thing, i will be eternally grateful for the timing that led me to meet each and every one of the fantastic girlfriends ive had so far.

    as many of you know, ashley and i met in jail when she was just 19. she was there to break out a different tony, the bassist of no doubt. we were both there on trumped up charges which were later dropped, but when i saw the lengths the daisy princess would go to for her favorite band, i knew she would make a great girlfriend, so i got her hotmail address and we started emailing.

    eventually that lead to AOL instant messaging which lead to hours and hours a day of getting to know each other.

    over time ashley has written blogs, become bff with her idol miss drew barrymore, and even appeared on stage with gwen stefani at a tribute in vegas.

    but her best accomplishment has been in raising her beautiful mini me daughter, who has now taken prime residence all over the pages of her facebook. rightfully.

    i am very happy for ashley and her family. what she is doing is exactly what she has always wanted and it is so nice to see super sweet people get what they dreamed for.

    and on top of that, to look as beautiful as she did when she was a teenage prison breaker, is just icing on the cake.

    happy birthday ashley and many more to come!

  6. Saturday, January 11, 2014

    todays ashley’s birthday, shes 32 

    ashleyashley often complains that i use old photos of her on here so this is a recent one from around halloween.

    hard to believe it has been 13 years since the busblog was first introduced to the daisy princess.

    since then somethings have changed and some have stayed the same.

    yes she still lives in las vegas

    as you can see she still has beautiful hair

    she is the mother of a gorgeous little girl

    she still adores miss drew barrymore

    she is still running (with her bff anne) the perfectly named Drewseum.

    she still has two sisters

    her favorite movie is still Scream

    she still loves coming to hollywood and visiting places where her favorite movies were shot

    halloween is still her favorite day of the year

    she still loves diet coke

    she still loves disneyland

    her favorite band is still no doubt

    and her first stop on the web every day is still the world famous busblog, incorporated, llc

    when i was sports editor of the daily nexus i had an assistant who was so much more suited for the job that i stepped down and let her take over

    rarely have i had that feeling about any gig ive had

    and as much as i love my new job, if ashley lived in LA id be tempted to hand it over to her because she would be fantastic at it and i think about her all the time when i’m assigned things.

    but ashley has a very important role on the planet and it is based in the magical town in the desert, which is still her favorite place in the world.

  7. Monday, December 9, 2013

    simon asks, “dude how does ashley only get prettier with time?” 

    ashley christmas 2013

    i must say, there is something about vegas.

    either it totally sucks you dry and spits you out.

    or it appears to preserve you forever.

    im sure the daisy princess would credit a strict veggie diet,

    chasing around a beautiful daughter for exercise, and the wonders of diet coke.

    maybe one day she’ll have a blog again and you can ask her yrself

  8. Friday, January 11, 2013

    today’s ashley’s birthday, she’s 31! 


    i think ashley is the only person whose real age i ever use on this blog because she always looks eternally 19 to me.

    unless you’re friends with her on facebook, you probably don’t know that her favorite holiday is halloween, thus she dressed up as glenda the good witch in october with her adorable little daughter who of course dressed as dorothy.

    ashley’s a wiz on the sewing machine and likes to make as many things as she can by hand, partially because its good for the environment, somewhat because her bffs gwen and drew love to sew, and a smidge because the latest designers rarely are able to capture her unique style.

    as most people know, ashley and i met many moons ago due to a radio contest. no doubt was coming out with a new record and a vegas station created a game called “every gwen needs her tony”.

    babes all over sin city took quizzes to show off their ND trivia knowledge and they were matched up with guys named tony who fit the johnny bravo suit.

    who knew that 14 years(!) later we would still be friends, but thats the magic of hollywood, i guess.

    ashley is an extremely loyal woman. she still co-owns and maintains her drew barrymore site, the drewseum, with her bff anne.

    and not only did she attend the infamous clear channel concert in vegas where no doubt played a few numbers, but it was also the last show that green day did before billie joe checked into rehab.

    how will she celebrate her special day? well she’s already ahead of the game. apparently last night she and her family attended a showing of the blue man group where her little sister plays a not-so-blue robot who looked faintly like Metropolis.

    theres a very small group of very special people who heavily influenced the busblog in its early stages, and for sure todays birthday girl was one of those major players. for that and for many other reasons, i hope she has a very happy birthday.

  9. Friday, November 16, 2012

    ten years ago today, the daisy princess and the busblog became dunzo 

    hard to believe it was that long ago. sorta seems like yesterday. but i guess time flies.

    November 16, 2002

    “i was going to be eight minutes late for work”

    and i knew my boss was going to get on my case and i wondered if i should tell him the truth when he would ask me why i was late.

    would i lie and say subway problems?

    or would i tell the truth which is blonde girl showed up on my doorstep at 2am. the shoes that she came to retrieve were nicely packed into a box next to the satellite dish. in the box was a magazine with her favorite band on the cover and under the magazine was a tape of an hour of her favorite actress on it.

    i might not ever talk to you if i break up with you, but if theres a box on a doorstep from me to you, odds are theres probably gonna be some good shit in it.

    unfortunately, like most things, this made her cry.

    she cried and knocked on my door. tap tap tap tap.

    i snored peacefully.

    bang bang bang bang.

    more snoring. very little can wake me from my slumber. its the only time this haunted mind can stop dreaming and talking and rest. and when it rests it shuts off completely.

    however, the nice woman who lives upstairs can be woken from her slumber.

    disturbed, she got up and went to her balcony and her hardwood floors squeaked and somehow i woke.

    knock knock knock knock.

    i went to the door, turned on the porch light, opened the door. daisy princess sobbing. can i hug you she asked.


    did you guys see giselle last night when the protesters hopped on the catwalk? she didn’t miss a beat. every step she made was exactly the step she would have taken if no one was there. my visitor never blinked.

    i allowed the twenty year old into the home. let her hug my back. i turned off the porch light. shut the door. went back to bed and quieted the disturbance that my neighbor was experiencing.

    perhaps this isn’t what a pro would do. and obviously im no expert on women. i am a victim. anything that happens to me is because they make it so.

    when i was in college i learned from the frat boys. they were handsome and rich and they had nothing inside of them other than mgd and semen but what i learned was no matter what ignorance they spewed or how many times they’d listen to “legend”, because they were surrounded by women with low standards, they were always satisfied.

    so i learned to show up in places where there would be hot babes, keep my mouth shut, and have a clean apartment with a second pair of sheets somewhere.

    all my body wants is peace and quiet and a nice hand to hold.

    ashley is much more than that, and she isn’t right for me and im not right for her and the frat boys would sometimes throw stephen stills in the boom box and you know the one, where the eagles fly with the dove.

    some people can let the sands of the hourglass stream through as they wait for their dreams to come true. im not so patient. i have no willpower.

    i might not ever find the girl of my dreams who also thinks im the boy of her dreams but im not so sure its a great idea to sit around alone while i figure out the answer.

    she apologized and made promises and asked me if there was anything that she could do to prove that she was sorry and i thought of a few things.

    let me sleep with all of your friends.

    she sniffed and hiccuped still sobbing a bit.

    even the fat ones.

    she said, im the only fat one.

    then i said take off your clothes.

    leather chaffs at three am when you’re trying to sleep.

  10. Wednesday, February 22, 2012

    today is drew barrymore’s birthday, shes 36 

    without drew barrymore i would have never met ashley

    pictured, far right.

    for it was because i was looking for drew barrymore pictures did i find a drew website

    and on that website was a folder by all the superfans, of which ashley was the star

    so i emailed ashley in hopes that she would maybe possibly hopefully be a fan of Tsar

    instead she became a fan of the busblog, and moi. (and vice versa)

    best laid plans i guess.

    anyways here are my six favorite drew barrymore films in order of importance

    The Wedding Singer
    Ever After
    Charlie’s Angels
    50 First Dates
    Whip It

    and here is my favorite drew barrymore fan site, in order of importance

    the drewseum