nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, March 19, 2014

    flowers asked me questions 

    20130930-010031.jpgDaisy: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

    6th grade

    Carnation: If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer?


    Jasmine: What color looks best on you?


    foxglove:Name three facts about your family?

    My mom was one of the first black female computer programers, My sister’s pool is as hot as the hot tub, My grandma had 6 german shepards

    Allium:What’s the best thing you can cook?


    Orange Blossom:If you could pick the gender and appearance of your child, would you?

    Yes. If I had a daughter I’d be afraid I’d shoot all of her boyfriends. In the face.

    Calla Lily:If you died right now, what song would you want to play at your funeral?

    Tsar’s “I Don’t Wanna Break Up”

    Poinsettia: Favorite holiday dish?

    That silver platter that looks liek a fish

    Oxlip: Would you ever get into a long distance relationship?

    Thats’ for sucker MCs

    Primrose:Favorite kind of soup?

    Kanpai has a bad ass ramen after 10pm

    Daffodil:What’s the most thoughtful present you’ve ever received?

    The truest got me an expensive camera.

    Rose:Are you currently in love with someone?

    My heart is a flower. It has many petals.

    Amsonia:Would you ever become a vegan?

    Sure, why not. But I would lust for bacon and McRibs. And sushi. And Jello

    Peony:What’s your favorite hot beverage?


    Tulip:For your birthday, what kind of cake do you ask for?

    Birthday cake

    Myrtle:Do you like going on airplanes?

    Yes but I prefer to go in them.

    Hibiscus:Did you ever play an instrument? If so what?

    Sax, drums, and four string guitar.

    Zinnia:Who was your best friend when you were six years old?

    Bob Downing

    Poppy:What color was your childhood home?

    how to blog dogBrown with tan trim

    Hydrangea:Starbucks order?


    Violet:Do you like where you’re from?

    What’s not to like?

    Locust:What was your favorite book as a child?

    The Lew Alcindor Story

    Rhododendron:What’s the scariest dream you’ve ever had?

    I have a recurring dream that I am running from something and I end up in a house that isn’t mine and I can’t get out and the owners of the house are saying who the hell are you and what the hell are you doing here.

    Queen Anne’s Lace:Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents?

    Rap is an artform

    Magnolia:Favorite kind of candy?


    Aster:Would you rather be cold or hot?

    Hot hot

    Marigold:Do you listen to what’s on the radio?

    Constantly. Especially Howard 100

    Heliconia:Do you like when it rains?

    Sure, because that’s God saying wait till you see what Wrigley Field is gonna look like soon.

    Azalea:What’s a movie you cried while watching?

    80 percent of them

    Dandelion:Do you think you’re important?

    I don’t think the NSA does, but I know the IRS does.

  2. Sunday, March 16, 2014

    adam bradley carlson asks, “tony do you still have that shirt?” 

    2007 with the girls in vancouver

    in the summer of 2007 i went to vancouver and had a great time with keira-anne, corrina, miss604 and many others

    and some of my best memories is taking pics of us holding our mammaries

    while i wore this killer AC/DC shirt given to me many years ago by one Mr. Os

    today corrina’s husband adam tweeted me wondering if i still had the sweet silk shirt.


    till i die, my man

  3. Wednesday, March 12, 2014
  4. Tuesday, March 4, 2014

    Ask Tony: What was the Oscars like? 


    You asked so I will answer.

     David DiNucci Are you doing an AMA on Reddit? People would love it.

    Nope I’m doing it on the world famous busblog. Which got me here. And as they say, dance with who brung ya. So lets dance!

    Barbara Doduk “Did you get to take a pee next to anyone super famous?”

    One of the coolest things the Academy did for some of us who were working the Oscars was they gave us hotel rooms at the Loews which is the hotel right next to the Dolby. We had conference rooms where we worked from Friday through yesterday. So we were able to get out of our hotel rooms and walk maybe 200 feet to our temporary work area. One of the best parts about that was we got to pee in the privacy of our rooms. I even took a quick bath in the middle of a particularly stressful day.  I have peed next to famous people before, but not recently.

    spike lees shoesMark Johnson  What was it like hanging with Spike Lee?

    Spike was amazing. Very hyped up. Wildly dressed. He had amazing shoes on. So I was all Spike is it the shoes! Is it the shoes! And he let me take a picture of his shoes. And after I did he wanted to see how the picture turned out. When I showed him he pointed and laughed and laughed and laughed.

    Brian Hardison How spun out was John Travolta?

    To be honest it was loud in the room where we were watching and I was transfixed on his hair.

    James Dornan What item did you take that you might not have been allowed to take?

    At the Governors Ball a server offered me lobster while I was taking pictures.  I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to eat it. But then she said, “it aint gonna eat itself.” So, for science, I sampled it.

    Bob Downing Did you wear the Cubs hat at any point?

    I liveblogged in it.

    Yosi Sergant What does Karen O smell like?

    kylaI didn’t run into her Oscar night, but I did at the Nominees Luncheon. She was very sweet, almost shy and nervous which is weird if youve ever seen her rock out live. She smelled like flowers. Actually every Oscar event has so many flowers it’s hard to smell anything other than the freshness of those roses.

    Bob Downing Who were you wearing?

    Friar Tux.

    Hayley Fox Reyna Who dropped the most f-bombs when they were off camera? How late did you stay up? did they save you any awards show pizza?

    1. Tony Pierce. 2. Very. 3. There was sooooo much food for the press and the staff before during and after the Oscars. Also at the Governors Ball, there was Wolfgang Puck pizza being served. But alas, Chicagoans usually shy away from any pies that weren’t produced in the 312.

    Andrew R. Rice Tony Pierce turned loose at Oscars with “all access” one day. Scarlett Johanson pregnant the next. Connected?

    I may have to go over the birds and bees with you Mr. Rice.

    Maria Niles Did Kerry Washington ever get some pizza?

    I believe the pregnant ladies were afforded every luxury. Which, yes, would include pizza.

    Sara Leonard Is Tom Cruise programming John Travolta back stage… cause well – yeah you know why.

    I didn’t see Mr. Cruise anywhere near the big event.

    1947581_10152240670543057_155014019_nMichael Snadden Must’ve been fun :))

    OMG the funnest. Especially about halfway through the Oscars when I realized everything was going to be ok.

    Brian Banks There’s only one question that needs answering — at what point did Travolta realize he’d become a meme?

    The meme I don’t believe happened until yesterday when Slate made that great name generator.

    Kathy Rehn can I be your date next time?

    If I can have a date next year I promised my mom that she has the first shot at it.

    Karen Lujan Was the pizza order planned in advance or was that a spur of the moment thing?

    I didn’t see it at the two rehearsals I went to. And even though Hollywood Blvd was shut down on Oscar night, I’m sure if security was alerted, they would cooperate with Ellen. Everyone loves Ellen.

    lupitaMaria Isabel Delaossa Is Jeremy renner short? Lol lol

    I did not see him in person, but I was a little surprised about Bono.

    Avatar westondeboer Did you actually watch the oscars?

    Yes, parts of two rehearsals and the live show on tv next to my boss as I live-blogged.


    Avatar5chw4r7z   Was Lupita Nyong’o as beautiful in real life as she was on TV? 

    I’ve never seen a black woman prettier than my mom until I met Lupita backstage after she won her Oscar.

    Avatar Shelley Han were you able to score one of those $50,000 gift bags?

    They were allegedly $80,000 but because the Academy had nothing to do with them I didn’t even see them.

    Avatar Grace  Was anyone embarrassingly drunk/disorderly?

    No but a few of us tried.

  5. Monday, March 3, 2014
  6. Saturday, February 8, 2014

    am i dying a terrible death? 

    build a worldyes.

    do other people have serious problems too and we should also think about them and their needs?


    have some pretty girls sent pretty pictures into my in box and brought smiles to my undeserving face?


    did my boss give me monday off to recover even though thats the Oscar nominees luncheon and i really really really really really wanted to go and see hollywood’s stars eat wolfgang puck’s food and mingle and smile because everyones still in the race?

    :( yes

    have i felt any pains in my side at all today?

    strangely, no

    have i eaten any pain meds since 1am?


    have i been eating today like a normal person?

    i never eat like a normal person, and i feel gross, so ive only had a scoop of oatmeal and a little sushi.

    are you really eating sushi when youre dying?

    what else you want me to eat? big macs?

    have you been saying ridiculous things to people via email text and etc?

    more than usual, yes.

    are you annoyed with pretty much everyone you run across in real life?

    im not proud of that, but probably. the stray cats are fine though.

    what are the odds that theyre going to put a rod up your youwho and laser blast your stones

    id say its about a 50% chance.

    what can we do to support you?

    pray to your god to talk to my god that the next time i take a leak the stone comes out the natural way.


  7. Sunday, January 19, 2014

    aaron asks, “How does the MLB HOF go about fixing the BBWAA?” 


    the only curses i believe exist in this world are in baseball.

    i think that because the red sox traded babe ruth for the rights to a play,

    they were jinxed from the world series for decades


    i believe that when the cubs wouldnt let that dude bring his goat inside wrigley field,

    that they’ve been cursed ever since


    and i believe that when two and a half baseball commissioners refused to let pete rose

    baseballs finest hitter, enter the hall of fame,

    the hall became will cursed and will remain so until this is corrected.

    sorry,  mike piazza.


    therefore it’s not the major league baseball hall of fame that has to fix the baseball writers of america

    its that the mlb hof needs to stop being hypocritical about who they let in and who they dont.

    it is their terrible lead that is inspiring silly acts by the writers.


    i have a suggestion: if the feats that took place counted on the field, then they should count off the field.

    so if a guy miraculously racks up over 4,000 hits, and then retires and does dumb things while he’s no longer a player

    and if all of those hits still count in the record book, then thats what should be rewarded and celebrated

    and he, the man who did it, should also be rewarded and celebrated.


    likewise if someone, even someone you dont like, hits more home runs than anyone.

    regardless of if he worked out deals with the league office or didnt work out deals with the league office.

    if those home runs counted in the games then it should count in the hall.


    or else get used to the curse and the foulness and the incomplete feeling that your so called special thing has

    and know this is your fault, hall of fame, and you who dont deserve them

    and not the other way around.

  8. Sunday, January 12, 2014

    i’m occasionally reminded of the time I called Javier Bardem “Frenchy” 

    cricketer-wallpaperrich asks “If you were to create an Oscar category that you would be a shoo-in to win, what would it be?”

    oh that’s easy “Worst Film Critic”.

    i love movies. love love love them.

    but im a weirdo. i dont like to know who is gonna be in the film, i dont like to know who directed it. and for damn sure i dont wanna know any of the plot.

    im not that interested in the names of the actors or where theyre from.

    and im in the weird minority of people who Demand a good ending or i’m going to feel disappointed in the whole deal.

    when i was running LAist i had zero time to do anything that kept me away from my computer. i was obsessed. it was super fun but it burned me out mentally and rarely did i have a moment where i wasn’t thinking of ways to make that blog better.

    in the weeks leading up to my departure at LAist so i could move to the LAT i found myself doing things i had missed. one of them was watch a damn film. my local theatre had No Country For Old Men in it so i went and wrote this review about how i liked the film but because its ending was flawed it was not a GREAT movie.

    i liked controversial headlines, and especially in pre-Facebook days of SEO the headline “Why No Country For Old Men Isn’t A Great Film” got us a lot of readers – and thus debate.

    one of the things i should have remembered from political debates on blogs is dont make silly mistakes on small details or the discussions will inadvertently swerve away from your important points and get bogged down in ridiculous detours.

    even though id seen Javier Bardem in other movies, i didnt know his full story and i called him Frenchy. sorta mimicking what a guy like Mike Royko (or better, his alter ego Slats Grobnik) would  say in the back of the theatre.

    that went over the heads of the sensitive souls who A-Dored the film and they wrote me off immediately.

    probably for good reason.

    anyways i hate giving away the plot or any of the normal things that most film critics easily divulge in their writings. thus most of my reviews are cryptic, uninformed, and intentionally broad. i pay way more attention to the story arc, the growth of the characters, and if the audience clapped at the end than i probably should.

    good thing i got this pretty face or id starve.

  9. Friday, January 10, 2014
  10. Friday, December 13, 2013

    Gage asks “What song best represents you at age 20, 30 and now? 

    beastie boys license to ill

    the year was 1986, i was selling car stereos and audio at a crazy electronics store.

    i was paid only commission so not only did i need to know my stuff, but i had to hustle.

    the one tape i went through every six weeks was the beastie boys’ debut, licensed to ill.

    not only did i love everything about it: the humor, the stories, the beats, the samples

    but dat bass sold me more crappy 12″ pioneer subwoofers and alpine amps than i could keep in stock.

    the new style is what i put in on any demonstration.

    id say, some voices have treble and some have bass

    and id turn up that volume and the beasties would put their voices right in our face.

    heres an unreleased video of them in 2004 doing it for Dave Chappelle

    that was when i was 20.

    when i was 30, i was living in san francisco with my beautiful girlfriend

    i had friends all around me, three jobs, a great pad, a ford explorer

    but two things sorta bothered me: 1) i was no longer living in isla vista

    2) sammy hagar was ruining van halen while david lee roth was sitting on the bench

    fortunately santa barbara native parry gripp had just recorded

    exactly all of my thoughts n feelings on the self titled debut nerf herder album

    and especially on “van halen”.

    now id say it’s probably say miley’s “we cant stop” best describes my vibe

    because, you know, we run things – things dont run we

    thanks for the great question gage!