nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, July 16, 2014

    ive got a buddy who’s pregnant and the bb is now overdue 

    sweet candleok fine HE’S not pregnant nor does he say “we’re pregnant”

    but you get the idea: his beautiful better half is about to pop and the due date has come and gone.

    i told him i’d light a candle for him

    but the truth is theres only two ways a candle gets lit in Casa Busblog

    1. i didnt realize i put a banana in my sock draw a week ago and now ive got a fruit fly convention in the crib

    2. a fancy lingerie model wants to “set the mood” before giving me a fashion show.

    3. someone destroyed the lavatory and opening a window isn’t doing it.

    so here’s an animated GIF (hard G) for my buddy, his wife, and their forthcoming dependent.

    if i was the baby id be dragging my feet too, but at some point we all have to enter the void.

    or in this infant’s case – exit it.

    bonne chance, mi amigo.

    the best thing about being born right now is you wont have to wait very long to see the Cubs in the World Series.

    which is probably why if it’s a boy you should be named Banks.

    or Starlin Castro.

  2. Thursday, March 17, 2011

    are babies from outer space? 

    we keep pretending that aliens are so smart.

    we figure if they could make it here then they must be geniuses since we havent made it there yet.

    but thats not scientific that’s narcissistic.

    aliens could have had dumb luck. or could be just super good at space travel but dumb everywhere else.

    its like these dudes at this gym im about to quit cuz it costs way too much. (i’ll use the gym at work now that i know what to do.)

    but often id look at dudes in the locker room and id say how does this guy afford this gym? that guy i understand, he’s getting his rolls valeted at the curb, but This guy?

    they probably say that about me too. but i bet we’ll all say it about the first alien that ends up here. how did this loser make it?

    for if they were really smart, theyd just disguise themselves as babies.

    and let us teach em everything.

    (worked for Moses.)