nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, April 29, 2015

    today the orioles and white sox played a baseball game in baltimore 

    to the fans

    fans weren’t allowed to attend the game because nobody likes the white sox

    and also because of the rioting in baltimore

    but mostly because of the white sox

    it was the first time in baseball history where there were no fans in the stands.

    orioles first baseman had a little fun with the situation by tossing the third out of an inning to a lucky fan.

    but deep down everyone was happy they didnt have to see the sox in person

  2. Monday, April 6, 2015
  3. Tuesday, October 28, 2014

    theres a lot to hate about the St. Louis Cardinals 

    nice touch cardinals

    they win too much
    they fired harry caray
    they stole Lou Brock from us
    and of course many of their fans are racist
    well some of them.
    (although not my friends from blogger/twitter/LA Times)

    but tonight they did something not terrible.

    On Sunday their top prospect, Oscar Taveras, a right fielder, died in a car crash near his home in the Dominican Republic.

    He was just 22.

    So tonight in Busch Stadium they turned on the lights in right field.

    slow clap

  4. Saturday, August 9, 2014
  5. Monday, July 21, 2014

    seeing lady gaga tonight with amber smith blog 

    amberit’s been nearly four years since ive seen gaga, and even that was just briefly.

    it was for yoko onos 75th birthday celebration.

    yoko did duets with all these famous and interesting people

    and at the end did two songs with lady gaga.

    which were amaaaazzzzzing.

    do i remember what the songs were: no.

    did it make me run out and buy either lady gaga or yoko ono records: no.

    was it one of the best live music moments of 2010 for me? yup.

    am i the weirdest person? si.

    amber texts me during baseball games and asks good questions.

    for example yesterday the dodgers and the cardinals were playing on espn, so LA got to see their first place team for the first time in a long time.

    hanley ramirez got hit with a pitch at his shoulders

    and then when the dodgers took the field clayton kershaw plunked one of the cards right in the leg.

    the ump dramatically pointed at kershaw, then the dodgers’ bench, and then the cardinals bench, to warn them that if anyone else got hit theyd be thrown out.

    but then later in the game hanley got beaned again and nothing happened. no one got ejected. in fact the pitcher struck out the next two batters, but then adrian gonzalez drove in the winning run.

    amber texted me and asked why the pitcher wasn’t tossed after both benches had been warned.

    i said, life isnt always fair. especially in st. louis. the skid mark of the midwest.

  6. Tuesday, July 15, 2014
  7. Sunday, July 6, 2014

    man plays baseball bat violin at cubs game 

    working more than one jobs is something i did in frisco and in college.

    it’s one of the benefits of not have kids.

    in frisco i actually had three jobs: i was a rep for several electronics companies, i had my own business setting up a/v systems in peoples houses, and i worked the box seats selling beer and hotdogs at candlestick for the giants

    the thing i loved the most about the baseball gig was hearing all the different styles of nationals anthems. the most impressive was the dude with the singing saw.

    but today in the nations capital during the cubs nationals game some guy busted with a violin made of a damn baseball bat.

    and not only was he good, he was great.

    somewhere in heaven tom jefferson knocked over his sam adams and said to benjamin franklin now thats what im talking about!

  8. Monday, May 19, 2014
  9. Saturday, February 22, 2014

    got a phone call today at 11am, whattya doing? 


    i answered, well today is saturday, im resting up so i can uber all night.

    dude on the phone, one dave coehlo, said, wanna do the public address for the ucla baseball team today?

    my first response was, are you kidding? hell no. ive never done that in my life.

    but dave persisted and said they were in a bind and really needed me.

    two hours later there i was at jackie robinson stadium


    i met with the lovely rayna who introduced me to the official scorer, the scoreboard lady, the scoreboard dude, and the music guy.

    we went over the promotional things they wanted me to say in between innings,

    the pronunciations of everyones names, and how the mics worked. all of that took 15 minutes.

    then they asked me if i wanted anything. i said yes a hot dog and a bottle of water.

    20 minutes later i was welcoming everyone to the game and asking them to stand, take off their caps, and rise to honor america


    yes i misprounced a few peoples names, and did some things wrong. yes the mic picked up some of the chatter in the booth.

    and yes they switched out that mic and we worked on a way so it sounded better and despite the fact that ucla got crushed 8-0

    i had a really fun time even though i was scared to death every minute of the 3 hour game.

    you seriously cannot eat during the game because at any moment you might have to say something to the crowd.

    but the best was in the 5th inning, this 6 year old girl and her parents came in the booth

    and she announced the bottom of the 5th

    better than me.


    would i do it again: yes.

    do i think they will have me back again: nope.

    do i have much greater respect for PA people everywhere now: oh hell yes.

  10. Sunday, January 19, 2014

    aaron asks, “How does the MLB HOF go about fixing the BBWAA?” 


    the only curses i believe exist in this world are in baseball.

    i think that because the red sox traded babe ruth for the rights to a play,

    they were jinxed from the world series for decades


    i believe that when the cubs wouldnt let that dude bring his goat inside wrigley field,

    that they’ve been cursed ever since


    and i believe that when two and a half baseball commissioners refused to let pete rose

    baseballs finest hitter, enter the hall of fame,

    the hall became will cursed and will remain so until this is corrected.

    sorry,  mike piazza.


    therefore it’s not the major league baseball hall of fame that has to fix the baseball writers of america

    its that the mlb hof needs to stop being hypocritical about who they let in and who they dont.

    it is their terrible lead that is inspiring silly acts by the writers.


    i have a suggestion: if the feats that took place counted on the field, then they should count off the field.

    so if a guy miraculously racks up over 4,000 hits, and then retires and does dumb things while he’s no longer a player

    and if all of those hits still count in the record book, then thats what should be rewarded and celebrated

    and he, the man who did it, should also be rewarded and celebrated.


    likewise if someone, even someone you dont like, hits more home runs than anyone.

    regardless of if he worked out deals with the league office or didnt work out deals with the league office.

    if those home runs counted in the games then it should count in the hall.


    or else get used to the curse and the foulness and the incomplete feeling that your so called special thing has

    and know this is your fault, hall of fame, and you who dont deserve them

    and not the other way around.