nothing in here is true

  1. Saturday, May 7, 2016
  2. Friday, February 19, 2016

    a bunch of my friends are Aquariuses so we party in February 


    we like to go to Castia de Castia or whatever it’s called because it’s central and they have a big room in the back and a back patio where all the kids can be loud and play and do shots without any of us “old folks” spying on them.

    kidding! the children are actually selling beers to passing strangers at a discount.

    kamikazisone of the kids, the oldest of the mcilvane boys is an excellent baseball player. i taught him everything he knows.

    yesterday he was sporting a sweatshirt for a team he is on. i said The Kamikazes? he said yeah.

    i said, i thought we lived in the politically correct Silver Lake / Los Feliz / Echo Park corridor, how is this possible?

    the boy just looked at me.

    i said, do you know what a Kamikaze is? before he could answer i interrupted, not a delicious drink.

    he said, they are suicide bombers.

    i was a little startled at how concisely he described it.

    i said yes! yes!

    he said, yeah someone got upset and we had to change the name. because our caps already had a K on it, we changed the name to The Kings.

    which was interesting, because here in America, didn’t some of us defect from England because we didn’t wanna be ruled by Kings any more? Didn’t we want some representation to go along with the taxation?

    and then i drove home trying to think of other names that started with K

    The Kanyes

    The Kickstarters

    The Kombuchas

    The Korean BBQs

    The High Flying Kites

    The Killer Kittens

    The Kreepy Klowns

    and then I realized yeah the Kings was probably the smart move.

  3. Thursday, December 24, 2015

    not only does shit happen but we’re lucky it does 

    cheesecakethe knuckleball isnt thrown with the knuckles

    it’s thrown with the finger


    the goal is to throw the ball with absolute

    zero spin on it

    so the wind will take over

    and zig it this way

    and then drop it


    when theres a knuckleball pitcher, the catcher puts on a different (bigger) mitt than he normally uses

    because even he won’t know where the ball is gonna land.

    it turns out the randomness of nature, in this example, minor changes in wind patterns

    is better at fooling batters than pinpoint accuracy.

    happy accidents. the joy luck club. putting the ball in mother natures hands. letting go of the illusion of control. mastering that which cannot be tamed.

    because of its difficulty and its steep downside, there are very few professional knuckleballers in the game today.

    if i was 12 years old right now, theres only one pitch i would be working on

    every day, all day

  4. Friday, August 14, 2015

    gambling seems to be paying off 

    gambling is paying off

    last night i was having a bad dream. it was so bad that as i was waking up i thought it would make for a good scary movie. when i fell back asleep i was right back in it. i forget what was happening now, of course, but evil was involved and there wasn’t anything i could do about it.

    rarely do i dream. sometimes they’re good dreams. but i dont even like those because they are lies.

    when i finally did wake up for reals, i reached over one of the sleeping cats for my phone and saw this on it. that i had won $150 on one of my baseball gambling games. it made me feel like i was still dreaming because i have been doing so poorly that i was thinking about stopping.

    every week i would put $20-$30 in my yahoo account and play $2 or $5 games each day. usually i’d do terrible. but for some reason yesterday even though my pitchers didn’t do all that well, almost every single one of my hitters racked up points and i ended up in 3rd place out of 822 others. if Albert Pujols hadn’t gone 0-5 i would have won $500.

    but $150 is great. thats more than ive spent, so i guess im ahead of the game and more like Bukowski (who gambled on the ponies) than i thought.

  5. Saturday, July 11, 2015
  6. Friday, June 19, 2015
  7. Friday, June 12, 2015

    made a big trade this week 

    big trade

    besides the world famous busblog league, my favorite baseball league is LouisvilleSluggerville.

    this is my seventh year playing in it. it’s a keeper league.

    ive never placed higher than fourth place, but usually i get massacred.

    my problem is i have no pitching.

    my outfield is amazing: trout, braun, harper and now billy burns

    meaning the dirty cardinal Matt Holliday was ripe to get his ass traded.

    young Carlos Correa got called up from triple A on monday and i didnt learn about it until too late

    big papifortunately the commish, mike, owner of Gold Balls, was willing to part with the unproven rookie

    in exchange for Holliday, who’s batting .303, and Nats infielder Yunel Escobar who is hitting .319

    as long as he gave me a decent starting pitcher to help out my horrible rotation.

    so i got Ubaldo Jiménez who only has 3 wins (his last four starts were no decisions and the one before those was a loss).

    why would i want him? because his era is just barely over 3, his whip is just 1.26

    and with 60ks he’s suddenly my second best pitcher in regards to strikeouts.

    the day after mike accepted the trade Correa hit a homer and stole a base and Holliday went on the DL.

    which hopefully symbolizes how amazing a trade this will be for my team, papi*

    why is there an asterisk after the name of my team?

    i put that on there in 2009 once some of the results from the mitchell report came out

    and my best player, who i named my team after, had allegedly failed a drug test.

    mlb refuses to tell papi what drugs were in his system, but

    once someone as huge as Baseball puts a stain on your name

    its super hard to remove it.

  8. Wednesday, April 29, 2015

    today the orioles and white sox played a baseball game in baltimore 

    to the fans

    fans weren’t allowed to attend the game because nobody likes the white sox

    and also because of the rioting in baltimore

    but mostly because of the white sox

    it was the first time in baseball history where there were no fans in the stands.

    orioles first baseman had a little fun with the situation by tossing the third out of an inning to a lucky fan.

    but deep down everyone was happy they didnt have to see the sox in person

  9. Monday, April 6, 2015
  10. Tuesday, October 28, 2014

    theres a lot to hate about the St. Louis Cardinals 

    nice touch cardinals

    they win too much
    they fired harry caray
    they stole Lou Brock from us
    and of course many of their fans are racist
    well some of them.
    (although not my friends from blogger/twitter/LA Times)

    but tonight they did something not terrible.

    On Sunday their top prospect, Oscar Taveras, a right fielder, died in a car crash near his home in the Dominican Republic.

    He was just 22.

    So tonight in Busch Stadium they turned on the lights in right field.

    slow clap