nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, October 20, 2013
  2. Monday, September 30, 2013

    the bears lost which pretty much ruined my day 

    bears lions

    in real life im the most normal nice polite person youd ever wanna meet.

    but when the bears are on… and i think they should win… and if their season looks promising

    i will yell at the top of my lungs at the tv

    the only time my neighbors know i exist is during football season

    bbq, screaming, cursing

    and occasionally great laughing.

    its very easy to be a football fan. theres only like 16 games a year for your team.

    the games only last 3 hours tops cuz everyones fat.

    and you only need to know the names of like three of the guys on each team.

    theres even a piss break in the middle of the game so people can ignore the band.

    tickets in chicago start at $250 for the worst seat imaginable.

    youre basically in indiana.

    we paid half that to see the raiders and the bears in the club section on the 0 yard line in oakland

    that was the only game i ever went to where i didnt care who won, they were both my teams

    my real team

    and my california adopted team.

    who both drive me crazy

    especially today. all day.

  3. Sunday, September 29, 2013

    my mother has known me a fairly long time. several decades at least 

    mom text

    she lives in chicago.

    pretty close to Oprah.

    Da Bears going into this game are undefeated.

    when I was out there I watched the first two games with her.

    Everyone in Chicago is super pumped for this season.

    I can’t imagine she didn’t know that on


    in the AFTERNOON,

    the odds are pretty good

    that the Bears are on TV

    playing football.

    and that i would be watching it.

    but she loves me and i love her

    so she just thinks im waiting to find out what my sister won

    at the church auction.

    well now the whole world knows.

    great job angie.

    as soon as i get a job im buying my mom

    a bigger tv

    that automagically turns on on Sundays

    when the Bears are playing

    even though they’re losing big time today

    because Jay Cutlers mom didnt tell him to get his head in the game today

    in fact Jay should pay for my moms new TV

    because this is ridiculous

    and i cant even believe this is happening

    all last year the Lions only won 4 games

    and here they are in the end of the 3rd creaming the bears 37-16

    no wonder my mom cares more about the St. Viator’s freaking gala more than the Monsters of the Midway

    on the Lord’s Day

    on a beautiful fall day in America. Damn you Jay Cutler. Damn you to h-e double hockey sticks.

  4. Sunday, December 30, 2012
  5. then you know what, screw 2012 

    421e7da8dfd3503fb3ab01384e4ac6dc_reasonably_smallonly the bears can make me feel so crappy.

    this is what dating chris brown must be like.

    or ashton kutcher.

    its all fun and games until your heart is ripped out and you can see it being beat on from above.

    and people would be all, well just leave. love someone else

    but you cant.

    youre screwed.

    youre locked in.

    youre stupid and you know it.

    death do you part.

    i cant wait for this year to be over.

  6. Monday, December 24, 2012

    the little girl doesnt know any fairy tales or chicago bears coaches 

    niece at christmaswhich is probably a smart thing for her parents to shield her from.

    so yesterday as we were watching Da Bears beat the crud outta the Cardinals i was all do you know Ditka?

    she said, Whats a Ditka?

    so i pulled her on my lap and hugged her and asked ok, do you know the story of Goldilocks?

    she said, No.

    i was all so you don’t know about Papa Bear Halas then, probs.

    she asked WHO?

    so i said ok once upon a time this little girl was a lot like you (beautiful, a bit of a smarty pants, and a little cynical) and she was super dooper hungry so she broke and entered into what seemed to be a summer cottage in the woods.

    and there she saw three pizzas.

    one was deep dish and a little too cheesy. the other was too cardboard because it was frozen. but the other was JUST RIGHT cuz it was from Tony’s Pizzaria over by the river.

    so she grubbed out and got sleepy.

    my mom my sister my brother in law and my little nephew were all entranced with my tale – which is normal.

    so i said little Goldilocks went upstairs to grab some z’s but one bed was a futon and way too hard.

    the other was one of those hippie dippy feather beds and was omg too soft

    but one was a waterbed and JUST RIGHT and she dove in and fell fast asleep

    turned out this wasnt just some second house of some snowbirds currently soaking in the sunshine of Zona for the winter


    the first Bear who found her was the littlest one, his name was Lovey. he wanted to lick her cheek and hug her.

    as he was about to do that, his older brother Ditka wanted to throw the Fridge at her

    hearing all the commotion, Papa Bear, the oldest bear, saw the scene, blew his whistle

    and all these Soldiers marched in and shipped her off to Green Bay

    where all bad little boys and girls go in the winter

    THE END!

    and everyone breathed a sigh of relief cuz they thought, for some reason

    that i was gonna say something dirty to my sweet little niece.

    AS IF!

    when i was done she was all, uh huh can i go now?

    and i said, no, now tell us about your Christmas trees.

    and she did:

  7. Sunday, November 11, 2012

    Da Bears put this Jay Cutler pic as their Facebook background image 

    chicago bears

    only Cutler, who has quarterbacked the 7-1 team, could get this sort of reaction:

    Ryan Zelek oh god why

    Dorian Mapp YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!

    Cheryl Chey Ebert Yummy

    Jeffrey Good should be Charles Tillman instead of jay cutler oh well

    Matt Cumings OMG there’s no hope for us now. Look what an alcoholic he looks like.

    Josh Wheels Fogel love the bears but why cutler REALLY

    Megan Gilliland Dobner I’d prefer Urlacher, thanks.

    James Thomas Mahoney Add a cigarette

    Alex Rurka He’s pouting!! LOL

    Lee Walston Who’s that chick?

    Benny Beenz Miller Sorry this should be Tillman or somebody on the defense.. Cutler has yet to show up as a Bear and he will get Marshall seriously injured throwing to him soo much..

    Nancy Ruzicka Thiede looking tired, new baby maybe.

    Kevin Brunski is that the new cover for “OUT” magazine?

    Nicholas Dole Why isnt it Tillman im pretty sure he had more touchdowns the cutler in the last game?

    Joseph Mathew cutler looks like he has that face on before each green bay game: ‘oh crap’

    Cesar Cabañas Should be Urlacher instead of that chick

    Zach Sears Cutlers a dbag, but he’s my fav teams QB…

    Mark Koruba Emo warrior.

    Bears vs Texans tonight in the battle of 7-1 teams. BEAR DOWN CHICAGO BEARS!

  8. Tuesday, October 2, 2012

    a crazy thing happened last night 

    tony pierce, a photo by aj goddard

    the bears won their 3rd game.
    at cowboy stadium on monday night football.
    90,000 people were at the game down there in texas.
    millions were watching on espn.
    maybe gazillions.

    usually the bears would ruin a great situation like that.
    but tony romo and the cowboys were more determined to fail.

    intnext week the bears play a team whose only win
    was against the worst team in the league
    then they have a week off.
    which means by my birthday they could be in first place in the division

    thats quite a gift.
    we are all so blessed.
    siri is a ripoff for blogging.
    no one can replace ur boy.

    here are my locks

    10/7 @ JAX w
    10/22 DET w
    10/28 CAR w
    11/4 @ TEN w
    11/11 HOU w
    11/19 @ SF l
    11/25 MIN l
    12/2 SEA w
    12/9 @ MIN l
    12/16 GB l
    12/23 @ AZ w
    12/30 @ DET w

    Da Bears will have an 11-6 record

  9. Sunday, September 9, 2012
  10. Saturday, May 26, 2012