nothing in here is true

  1. Monday, May 23, 2016

    why do old people hate beyonce? 

    beyonce formation

    in my weird universe Beyonce is Queen. thats how it is on my social media, in the web sites i read, and the young people i know.

    when i drive if one of her songs comes on, especially the newer ones, everyone will hush up and sing along.

    last week she sold out the 100,000 seat Rose Bowl, by her damn self, to support a record that had just come out a few weeks previous. The average ticket price was about $100 and the good seats were much more.

    before the Rose Bowl concert went off,  she announced a future engagement at the more intimate 50,000 seat Dodger Stadium in September where face value ticket prices on the field range from $500 – $2,000. if you want to sit at the tippy-top of the baseball stadium tickets are a mere $109 before Ticketmaster et all get their cut.

    beyonce poolpeople admire her beauty, singing, dancing, style, lyrics, husband, child, marriage, career, and most importantly the way she handles herself in times of every day real life drama.

    people, other than those who wrote in last week to complain that the LA Times, that is. and what really irked them was the paper put one of their stories about her on the OMG front page.

    Chuck from Huntington Beach said “I love newspapers.  I have been a subscriber of The Times since 1972.  I am not a subscriber of the National Enquirer, but it is beginning to seem that way.  I know all print media are struggling to stay afloat, but come on, guys.  There has to be some actual news you could put on Page 1.”

    Jeff in Eagle Rock wrote, “Does an unusually gushy article about Beyoncé deserve to be on the front page of The Times when another story about her is on Page 1 of Calendar?”

    There was Carole down in San Diego who complained, “Really, Beyoncé is front page news? And we wonder why someone like Donald Trump could be a leading candidate for president. By any chance, have you seen the movie ‘Idiocracy’?”

    And of course Marty in Whittier who asked, “Is it just me or is anyone else getting weary of Beyoncé?”

    if I was the LA Times, I’d write an op-ed defending its coverage and educating it’s whining readership why they, like the ticket buying public of this country and the world, appreciate her.

    beyonce formationperhaps they can get into the fact that it’s rare for a black woman on a solo tour to be able to command such a huge audience that cuts across race, gender, and age. perhaps they can show pictures of attendees of the enormous Rose Bowl audience crying. Maybe it should be written by a choreographer who can explain that while many female stars like Brittany Spears or Rihanna or Taylor Swift pose real nice, Queen Bey is dancing in dozen of numbers in ways we haven’t seen since Tina Turner.

    there’s a reason they keep inviting her back to the Super Bowl. there’s a reason HBO allowed her what amounted to an infomercial last month to air her groundbreaking Lemonade long-form video. there’s a reason she can put her album on the fledgling Tidal and everyone will rush to the streaming service to hear what she has to say.

    it is because for many many many who don’t usually have a voice in papers like the LA Times or even in LA, she is their Streisand, their Elvis, their Beatles. and there is no way in hell that Marty in Whittier would have bitched that the paper gave The King too much ink if he ever sold out the Rose Bowl.

    so he should probably STFU about The Queen getting hers.

    or better yet, perhaps they should OMG listen to what she’s singing about and realize that she’s just not singing to girls, women, black, brown, gay and straight people, she’s singing to and for everyone. and that’s why everyone, pretty much, adore her. including your local rag.

  2. Wednesday, February 11, 2015

    me and jeanine saw Stevie Wonder last night in DTLA 


    it was produced by the Grammys who are gonna air it Monday and pretty much everyone was there



    Jay-Z, Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Tony Bennet, Ed Shereen, Jennifer Hudson, India Arie

    Craig Robinson, Mary Wells, Jill Scott, Gary Clark Jr., Gladys Knight, Pharrell, Babyface


    Beyonce kicked it off with a big crowdpleasing song that was amazing


    id never seen her live before and she was amazing


    it got me thinking that maybe Kanye is right and she deserves unlimited Grammys


    it was a tough ticket to get and im stoked i got to go with jeanine cuz she loved it

    and knew a lot of his songs and the songs meant a lot to her.


    oh yeah Maya Rudolph was also there, and Janelle Monae, and A Band Called Perry, and Tyler Perry

    and Jamie Foxx and Andrea Bocelli who i never knew was blind


    Ed Shereen was the whitest guy there and the biggest surprise, he was fantastic

    Tony Bennet followed Beyonce, which was an impossible trick, but he was soooo damn good.

    At the end they let Stevie sing and it was wonderful.

    Even his daughter sang and she was great too.

    Perfect night all around. so glad I went. Will go to more shows more often, i promise.

  3. Sunday, August 24, 2014
  4. Monday, February 4, 2013
  5. Monday, January 21, 2013
  6. Monday, April 19, 2010
  7. Sunday, June 23, 2002

    beyonce called again. doesnt that girl ever work? 

    “i want to renegotiate our deal,” she said.

    what deal?

    she said, “the deal about you shutting down your site unless you get permanently linked to 100 sites before july 9.”

    oh, that deal, i said. no, i like that deal. randy, the only dude who consistantly beats my ass at fantasy sports linked me to day. he has one of those ultra-jewish sites. funny thing about this conflict in the middle east–

    “baby baby, sshhhh. i have a new agreement that i think you might like,” she said.

    “do you remember when a.beam was saying a few months back that you were #27 of google results for the word “tony“?

    yes, i remember that. by the way, i found out today who a.beam was.

    “how did you do that?”

    well, her real site matched up with her fake site which bisected something on her interview with dawn.

    “why do you keep calling a.beam ‘her’?”

    cuz he’s a she, im telling you, i figured it out today and im bummed. i wish they had never done that interview. i liked it better when i thought he was jason ross.

    “shit, i always thought he was ken basart,” beyonce said.

    nah, basart’s too busy sitting in that hot tub up in the hollywood hills reading the Economist like a spazz.

    “oh, now listen, tony, focus up. in the last 8 weeks your have climbed into the Tony Top Twenty. right now you’re #19 with a bullet.”


    “so?! so youre on the front page, just scroll all the way down to the bottom.”

    who cares about Google? what does this mean? how does this affect our deal?

    “what i would like to propose is, what if everyone goes to google and types in “tony”, scrolls all the way down and clicks your name, and what if you get in the top ten before july 9?”

    i know what you’re saying, and no. i like the deal and i dont wanna be the top ten of anything. especially lame-ass search engine results!

    “but lets be reasonable,” beyonce pleaded, “do you really think you’re more popular than Tony Hawk, or Tony Stone graphics, or The Tony Awards?”

    Beyonce, i dont care. of course im not more popular than Tony Hawk or the others, im just saying that if you want to change the deal then, i will only accept it if i am the number one Google search result by 7/9, which, by the way is my favorite day of the year, the All-Star Game.

    beyonce said, “you suck, but yes, i will try to get people to click you to the top. i guess if Layne can be the number one Ken, you can be the number one Tony.”

    and i said, and if i dont get 100 links and im not the number one tony, then i wont feel bad at all for quitting on top, even though i wouldnt really be on top, based on those results.

    and then she told me about how short mike myers was and i asked her if she got me a keepsake from the movie to give to Chris and she said that she forgot and i called her a bad name.

    45. How Appealing