busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, October 12, 2018

    oh let the sun beat down upon my face 

    Here’s what I think about National Coming Out Day

    I have had gay co-workers, teachers, bosses, and friends.

    On average they treated me with respect and taught me some great lessons.

    I’ve heard that 10% of the population is gay.

    If that’s true, I’ll say this: I wish more were, because the ones I know are fantastic and I’m grateful that they were (and are) in my life.

    Now about the Bible, which I also love, which I think confuses casual readers regarding this topic.

    While it’s true that early in the book there are references to this and that,

    later in the book comes a man named Jesus.

    And after Jesus has experienced life on Earth as a real man, He said this, he said

    I have a New Commandment: love one another, like I’ve loved you.

    And since Jesus was not homophobic, I think, like with most good books,

    we should pay more attention to how it ends than how it begins.

    Because it is in mimicking the growth of others to the light

    that we become enlightened.

  2. Sunday, September 23, 2018

    today was a crazy day 

    but it was also Sunday during the NFL season which meant all that mattered was one thing, and that is the Chicago Bears.

    i know i know im working on a secret project

    and the Repubs are trying to steamroll their naughty frat boy through the supreme court process

    but morrissey announced that joan jett would be opening for him at his show in LA Live

    and the Cubs beat the Sox

    and these Cocoa Pebbles are delicious

    and i did so much laundry

    and yesterday i watched this insane kirk douglas movie where he played this crazy reporter out in the desert and this guy was stuck in a mine and kirk coulda saved him right away but he wanted the story to go on and on

    and all these people showed up and there was a carnival and food and the train started stopping there

    and old kirk started saying super nice things about the sherriff so in return the sheriff blocked the other reporters from doing things and eventually just made kirk a deputy

    there is so much evil in the world. the bible tells us this too.

    so much evil in there that the good book says things like

    and then Ezekanazl was born and he did what was evil in the eyes of the Lord, as his father had done.

    even back then. the good old days. the days before all the minorities showed up and ruined things by working for super cheap (or free) and accepting the scraps as if they were gold. even then people in power were being super selfish and mean to the less fortunate.

    and every time a beggar asks me for money i think, am i being tested? and then i think, shit, they’re being tested and thats one i would fail: try to live in LA while being stinky and homeless and jobless and undereducated.

    oh it was crazy out there, all right.

    i read a bunch of Job and i dont know which way to go with it. he’s right to be pissed off, and his friends are right to tell him to trust God, but mama mia, theres another test i would fail and fail and fail.

    once upon a time someone tried to take stuff away from me and i tried to reason with him but then it appeared that people wanted him to take things from me and i was all, am i the crazy one then?

    so old Job must have thought, wait, i didnt do shit wrong, now my family dead, i got these bumps all over my face and my friends are saying i need to just put myself in time out. wtf is happening?

    and the bible says, tonight wasn’t crazy, every day is crazy.

  3. Friday, June 15, 2018

    all lies matter 

    when politicians start using the bible to explain why they are doing sinful things, it’s time for everyone to start reading the Good Book so they can put these lying liars in their place.

    yesterday the Atty General and then the Press Secretary attempted to use the Bible to explain why this administration is ripping babies from their mothers as they are seeking asylum in the so called Greatest Country in the World.

    these self proclaimed Conservative Christians – a term that is contradictory in every imaginable sense – turn a blind eye to the origin story of Jesus, who as soon as he was born had to haul ass out of Israel and into Africa because the King wanted to kill him because he was a threat to his administration.

    A days-old Jesus was seeking refuge. A stranger in a strange land. And that experience he used as an example in his teachings about other refugees. He even reminded the Jews that they were once immigrants in Egypt when there was a famine in Israel.

    FUCKING BE COOL TO EACH OTHER is the overwhelming theme of Jesus’s teachings.

    love your neighbor

    love your enemy

    love the poor just like you love yourself.

    reading the bible without paying attention to Jesus’s life and teachings is like listening to Van Halen without paying attention to the guitar.

    the guitar, sorry Michael Anthony, is what Van Halen is all about.

    Jesus, the Prince of Peace, is what Christianity is all about.

    He healed the sick, he didn’t lock em up.

    He fed the hungry, he didn’t kick them back to King Herod to get killed.

    He solved problems, he didn’t wipe his hands to them.

    I know there’s worse evil in the world, but this DC, GOP evil is something i never expected in 2018.

  4. Monday, February 26, 2018

    while it’s true i read the bible for an hour every sunday 

    it’s also true that i procrastinate my ass off doing it. and i dont know why other than i really don’t like doing things that i have done already and i have read the bible like 4 times now, and it’s not that i know whats going to happen next, i dont, i am always surprised by what is going to happen

    BECAUSE EVEN BIBLICAL HUMANS ARE HUMANS AND THEREFORE FULL OF SURPRISES

    i just dont like being told what to do even if i am the one doing the telling to myself.

    a long time ago, in college, i was reading the bible for college and it hit me like a lightning bolt.

    and when i was done reading the whole thing i said to myself, church is dumb, all i ever did in church was wait for the band to play and wait for the gospel to get read, so

    i will make you a deal, Lord, i will read the bible every Sunday for an hour, with some jazz playing in the background

    and this way i wont have to put on pants, go to church, kneel stand kneel stand shake hands and wait for the sentence to be over.

    but for years now i have been doing almost exactly the same thing with reading the bible.

    when i do it i learn stuff, duh, but the whole process is work. for me.

    last night was no exception. i read, i procrastinated, i read more, i futzed with the laundry, i read more, i got my secret blog rolling, and then i saw Amber was coming home, so i read until she arrived.

    then we snuggled and passed out.

    i need to set a new rule that i dont get to eat until ive read the bible on Sunday MORNING that way my whole day isnt a waste and a burdon with some terrible deadline oppressing me on what is supposed to be the Day of Rest

    A MEN!

  5. Thursday, August 17, 2017

    hi future, it’s 2017 and we’re talking about nazis 

    and whats weird is we have a president who is afraid and angry about

    every damn thing

    but he’s not afraid or angry about Nazis, Russia, or Vladmir P on the wheels of steel.

    as you know every Sunday for the last 25 years i have read the bible for an hour.

    and when i do i put on either Miles Davis, John Coltrane or Thelonious Monk

    which might not always be the best idea because i love that music so much i sometimes fall asleep.

    one of my favorite Monk records is “Underground” which I really should read up on because the cover alone is fantastic, in particular one aspect of it

    namely the Nazi tied up in the corner.

    the thing i don’t get about todays political climate is if we had seen the resurrection of the Black Panthers,

    with black folk marching around with torches and mace and open carrying semi-automatic weapons

    and Heaven forbid one of them got in a muscle car and killed someone

    trump’s head would have exploded and there would have been marshall law.

    instead we barely know this suspect other than the fact his mom is in a wheelchair and he has a history of being abusive to her. WHICH SHOULD BE BAD ENOUGH AND ENOUGH REASON TO SAY NAZI BAD.

    we live in a politically correct world where there seems to be two groups of people: those who seriously dont give a fuck and those who try super hard not to step on any toes.

    and both of those sides tend to be consistent with which political beliefs they eschew.

    so unfortunately there is not much room in the Venn Diagram for discourse.

    yet there should be.

    maybe there isn’t room because when the IDAF speak, what they say is so hateful and ignorant that it gets to their bosses and they (rightfully) get fired because who wants a Nazi in the building with access to the server?

    but we are not going to get anywhere until we hear the fears of our brothers and sisters and allow them to speak their minds.

    because it isnt until they speak from their hearts that we can help their anxiety.

    i mean, i wouldn’t know, as a black man born to parents from the South, but i can imagine if you and your family have been somewhere for hundreds of years

    and all of you have been able to call most of the shots in your life and have privilege and live in the best neighborhoods and can travel unmolested

    that you might be fearful thinking of the fact that those who have been oppressed over time might want a little payback once the tables turn.

    but heres the thing they dont realize: minorities don’t want payback.

    we want peace.

    we want love.

    we want all the things contained in the ideal of the American Dream

    and violence and revenge might make for great Tarantino movies but they bloody the cul-de-sac, so fuck that.

    there are great black neighborhoods all over the USA.

    i yearn for a tv show where they assemble some of those Americans and sit them down with the freaked out white males and educate them that we have our own problems, we don’t have time to treat others the way we and our ancestors have been treated.

    we want simple simple things: respect, opportunity, and the ability to move freely and grow our families.

    if you don’t trust me, trust that Good Book you flip through on Sundays.

  6. Thursday, December 22, 2016

    today Trump whined that the US doesn’t have enough nukes 

    The weird thing about humans, and this goes all the way back to the Biblical times, is some of us want a Strong Daddy figure as King. The Bible has an entire book about it. It’s called Kings. God was all, why do you want a fucking king? I’m the King of all Kings. But the Jews were like, “but everyone else has a king.” So God went, “fine, you want a stupid king, oh you’ll get some kings.” And some of the kings were completely awful and some were pretty good.

    Eventually Jesus came around: their actual king. Except he didn’t act like one. He lived extremely modestly, he preached in the temples and on the hilltops. He hung out with the sick and healed them. He felt best when he was around what is now known as “low energy” people. He preached about having faith and helping the poor. He rejected money as being something that was ridiculous and the opposite of Heavenly.

    Then 2,000+ years later, people who swore they were Christians, voted for a king who had the opposite values of Jesus, who never talked about the bible, who never talked about helping the poor, who never espoused the power of love and friendship and hope.

    Because these so-called Christians secretly didn’t want some other worldly hippie peace-nic. They wanted a Strong Daddy. Even though their previous leader actually was strong. Even though nothing bad happened to them when a truly intelligent Christian was in charge. Even though they knew this Strong Daddy was probably full of shit.

    They didn’t care. And it will be interesting to see when they will care.

  7. Wednesday, September 21, 2016

    a trio of Ask Tony questions appeared on my Facebook 

    jack and cokechris asks, Whats the protocol for calling BS on friends of friends racist posts? 

    it’s so interesting that you ask this because im about to finish reading the bible for the 3rd or 4th time (but who’s counting?) and Sunday i read this line in 2 Timothy that totally reminded me of Facebook

    23Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. 24And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, 25correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, 26and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.

    Here St. Paul (the author of the letter to Timothy is Paul) starts off by saying “just totally ignore the haters because you’ll end up in a flame war, and those are for sucker MCs.” but then he says if we are really going to try to be good Christians we have to be super chill with everyone, totally patient, and if you are going to correct someone do it in the smoothest way ever. which in a way is the opposite of a flame, and eventually it’ll work out.

    Personally i have never seen a racist stop being a racist because of words on a Facebook wall. my experience of racism is it is the culmination of years and years of ignorance that starts with someone’s parents and friends and is fertilized over time by a fucked up environment. so i dont see where even the coolest exchange of facts, hyperlinks, and well-turned phrases could undo what years of bullshit formed. so i don’t even try very much any more, even though it can seem so tempting to jump in there.

    Instead I think there are far better places to place ones energies within Facebook, namely the good people in your life who, for whatever reason, Facebook hides from you because you haven’t engaged with them very much. Chill with them instead.

    Peter asks: Is it too soon for Brangelina jokes? 

    on one hand, it is super sad whenever any couple breaks up, especially those with many kids, because divorce affects some kids very emotionally – not to mention the once-happy couple.

    on the other hand, Comedy Is Not Pretty. some of the funniest jokes are dark, tasteless, rude, foul, biting, and OMG WHAT?comedy is not pretty

    but we need comedy, particularly when we see ourselves in others who apparently are having it worse than we are.

    the problem with bashing on Brad and Angie is for all apparent appearances they’re really sweet people. Brad built houses in New Orleans for the poor after a couple of those hurricanes. he produces films that tackle tough issues in artistic ways (The Big Short, 12 Years a Slave, The Normal Heart, Selma, etc)

    And Angie’s list of charitable endeavors was so long that the Academy gave her a humanitarian award a few years ago where even her acceptance speech was selfless, touching and inspiring, focused on her mom who taught her early on that all of us who live a safe, healthy life are extremely fortunate and downright lucky because we could have just as easily been born in another part of the world devoid of clean water, plentiful food or peace. so those of us whose head is above water should help those who aren’t.

    so since there are plenty of more deserving people to make fun of, i will be aiming my barbs at those who are far more selfish and foolish and worthy of my incredible barbs. perhaps you will feel the same way.

    Asher asks: If Tony is at Wrigley Field for the Word Series, how does he react to the national anthem?

    First of all, aint no way I’m going to be at Wrigley for the World Series. The cheapest tickets are going for close to $9,000 and even though i love the Cubs with all of my heart and wear a Cubs hat almost every day and have dozens of Cubs gear, and have lived this way my whole life, i’ve never had $9,000 laying around for such a thing and i sure as hell don’t now.

    But let’s say a miracle ticket comes my way and there i am in the bleachers and someone great like Billy Corgan or Cheap Trick or Bruce Springsteen starts singing The Star Spangled Banner: as much as i am angry and dismayed by so many innocent victims of the police murdering black men, i don’t see how one blogger in a sea of 40,000 Cub fans kneeling or raising my fist would impact anything in the slightest other than making my fellow Cub fans around me feel uncomfortable.

    What has made this protest so fascinating and powerful is it is coming from the players, most of whom have the cameras pointed at them. Because of these players the protest has gained momentum and kept the conversation going. Even if 1,000 fans knelt, the odds of the cameras catching it are minimal, especially on Fox, who will be broadcasting it, who care so little about the game or the viewers that they insist on having Joe Buck ruin it for everyone.

    So no, for once in my life, I would not be trying to change the world. I would be entirely focused on watching my little Cubby world change.

  8. Saturday, June 4, 2016

    after i finish the bible this time through i may put it down 

    whatas you know i read the bible every sunday for an hour

    it’s a deal i cut with the Lord that instead of going to church every sunday, i would read the bible for that hour, especially since that was always my favorite part of church

    i became upset that they didnt spend more time on the gospel and instead wasted all this time with the ritual and ceremony and handshaking and money giving

    and singing badly and the kneeling and the getting up and the sitting down

    here you have a dude who is so into religion that he has given away all of his money, agreed not to have any sex or family

    and the one big facetime he has with the public, 90 percent of it is scripted and a repeat of the week before.

    i say let him talk. and i say let him talk about what it is in that bible that changed his life. and if he has seriously thrown away all of the earthly obstacles, then what he will say will be clear and honest and

    maybe even a little inspiring.

    but theres none of that. and if it is theres a motive. there should only be one motive: truth

    so i read the bible every sunday, pretty much without fail, for like 15-20 years now.

    hard to keep track, cuz really, whos counting.

    anyways it isnt the joy it used to be. i know whats gonna happen. im not into it.chicago trib

    you should be into something if youre trying to do it for holy reasons.

    so i decided i will spend that time reading regular books.

    i have a house full of incredible regular books, the kind i used to read in college

    in isla vista, the most distracting place in the world.

    how does anyone study there?

    i used to think that i would give the college of creative studies a million if i ever won the lottery,

    but even with a brand new building

    yes in my world it only cost a million dollars to build

    a sweetass building

    but now im thinking i will just give it to robyn directly because

    how do kids pay attention to anything in that world

    how did i? and i read so much.

    answer: there was no internet.

    last night matt welch was in town because he was one of the guests in bill mahers hbo show, real time

    i texted him and said if theres an afterparty let a brotha know

    afterparty was in the courtyard of the boutique beverly hills hotel where everyone speaks french

    fortunately for all of us i dabble in the francais

    so i was all, matt welch, voila? and i pointed

    they were all, oui!

    and i was like merci baby

    the bible is about heartbreak and mistrust.

    its about anger and confusion and

    Screen Shot 2016-06-04 at 12.34.40 PMmost of all,

    disobedience,

    for no good reason other than knuckleheadness.

    after a while it gets depressing.

    i took a lyft over to le hotel so i could drink

    and it turned out hbo was paying for the drinks

    so me basart and welch sat around and they asked me who i was gonna be voting for on tuesday

    and i said willie wilson

    and matt spit out his champaign and said

    the speedy kc royal who swiped 668 stolen bases over his 19 year career?

    and i said, yes and no

    and i told them that i saw dr. wilson’s name on my sample ballot and i went to his website

    and then his facebook page

    and now im gonna vote for him.

    and we toasted to our new friend

    dr willie wilson from chicago

    who never stole shit.

    ali

  9. Friday, November 20, 2015

    the bible says we’re supposed to chill the fuck out 

    my house

    it says that if you are freaking out, then basically you’re dissing The Lord

    because you’re supposed to trust The Lord.

    thats the whole point of faith: trust.

    and thats the whole point of believing in a Higher Power

    you’re supposed to let Him do his thing and enjoy it.

    you remember what it was like to drive the lane

    dribbling through your legs

    looking one way and fake passing to the other

    and mid air youd see the eyes of the cheerleaders and some would be like

    omg

    but in a scared way

    and a few of them would be all

    omg

    but in a do it, baby

    way.

    and those were the cheerleaders you loved the most

    and those were who you’d think of as you were

    swinging from the rim

    right after

    you slammed it home,

    and right before

    you were called

    for a T.

  10. Wednesday, September 16, 2015

    the busblog approach to money 

    snoopydonald trumps favorite book, the bible, pretty much lays out how i feel about money

    one day Jesus was minding his own business, being rad, when someone asked him about taxes.

    i forget if it was about a flat tax or progressive tax or what, but

    Jesus was in the business of souls, he wasnt too concerned about how the 1% could hang on to a few more shekels while shaking down the poor

    near him was a handful of coins.

    he asked the questioner “who’s this?” and flipped him one of the coins.

    “That’s Caesar,” the guy told Jesus.

    so Jesus said, “give to Caesar what’s Caesar’s and give the Lord what’s the Lord’s.”

    which is probably the greatest f u in the good book, but it’s also an excellent way to live.

    so much of life on earth can be about the wrong priorities, especially when it comes to money.

    and i dont know precisely how it works, but i’ve noticed that the more i share things like who i am, or my crap, or my time, or “my money”, the more others share back.

    and isnt that way funner than just hoarding everything, alone, in a freaky selfish way, like a dick?

    we’ve all had ups and downs financially. it doesnt matter who you are. even trump had to declare bankruptcy on some of his stuff sometimes.

    but we always end up ok.

    why? because money doesn’t rule us unless we let it. they keep printing more. theres always interesting ways to get it. and theres tons of fun ways to share it.

    we will be ok.

    the thing we should worry way way way more about is our soul.

    how are we treating it? and if thats too weird of a concept, how about our hearts? what are we doing to them?

    trumps favorite book says the good lord will judge us by our heart. is our heart obsessed with doe-ray-me?

    or is it way more concerned about taking care of others and learning more about far more abstract things like

    love

    peace

    and the theory that the pitcher should bat eighth in the lineup so that the number nine hitter gets better pitches?

    we are on this funky ass globe for a blink of an eye

    fuck caesar’s stupid little coins

    unless they can be shared with the angels, saints, and the poor, in fascinating ways.