busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, August 17, 2017

    hi future, it’s 2017 and we’re talking about nazis 

    and whats weird is we have a president who is afraid and angry about

    every damn thing

    but he’s not afraid or angry about Nazis, Russia, or Vladmir P on the wheels of steel.

    as you know every Sunday for the last 25 years i have read the bible for an hour.

    and when i do i put on either Miles Davis, John Coltrane or Thelonious Monk

    which might not always be the best idea because i love that music so much i sometimes fall asleep.

    one of my favorite Monk records is “Underground” which I really should read up on because the cover alone is fantastic, in particular one aspect of it

    namely the Nazi tied up in the corner.

    the thing i don’t get about todays political climate is if we had seen the resurrection of the Black Panthers,

    with black folk marching around with torches and mace and open carrying semi-automatic weapons

    and Heaven forbid one of them got in a muscle car and killed someone

    trump’s head would have exploded and there would have been marshall law.

    instead we barely know this suspect other than the fact his mom is in a wheelchair and he has a history of being abusive to her. WHICH SHOULD BE BAD ENOUGH AND ENOUGH REASON TO SAY NAZI BAD.

    we live in a politically correct world where there seems to be two groups of people: those who seriously dont give a fuck and those who try super hard not to step on any toes.

    and both of those sides tend to be consistent with which political beliefs they eschew.

    so unfortunately there is not much room in the Venn Diagram for discourse.

    yet there should be.

    maybe there isn’t room because when the IDAF speak, what they say is so hateful and ignorant that it gets to their bosses and they (rightfully) get fired because who wants a Nazi in the building with access to the server?

    but we are not going to get anywhere until we hear the fears of our brothers and sisters and allow them to speak their minds.

    because it isnt until they speak from their hearts that we can help their anxiety.

    i mean, i wouldn’t know, as a black man born to parents from the South, but i can imagine if you and your family have been somewhere for hundreds of years

    and all of you have been able to call most of the shots in your life and have privilege and live in the best neighborhoods and can travel unmolested

    that you might be fearful thinking of the fact that those who have been oppressed over time might want a little payback once the tables turn.

    but heres the thing they dont realize: minorities don’t want payback.

    we want peace.

    we want love.

    we want all the things contained in the ideal of the American Dream

    and violence and revenge might make for great Tarantino movies but they bloody the cul-de-sac, so fuck that.

    there are great black neighborhoods all over the USA.

    i yearn for a tv show where they assemble some of those Americans and sit them down with the freaked out white males and educate them that we have our own problems, we don’t have time to treat others the way we and our ancestors have been treated.

    we want simple simple things: respect, opportunity, and the ability to move freely and grow our families.

    if you don’t trust me, trust that Good Book you flip through on Sundays.

  2. Thursday, December 22, 2016

    today Trump whined that the US doesn’t have enough nukes 

    The weird thing about humans, and this goes all the way back to the Biblical times, is some of us want a Strong Daddy figure as King. The Bible has an entire book about it. It’s called Kings. God was all, why do you want a fucking king? I’m the King of all Kings. But the Jews were like, “but everyone else has a king.” So God went, “fine, you want a stupid king, oh you’ll get some kings.” And some of the kings were completely awful and some were pretty good.

    Eventually Jesus came around: their actual king. Except he didn’t act like one. He lived extremely modestly, he preached in the temples and on the hilltops. He hung out with the sick and healed them. He felt best when he was around what is now known as “low energy” people. He preached about having faith and helping the poor. He rejected money as being something that was ridiculous and the opposite of Heavenly.

    Then 2,000+ years later, people who swore they were Christians, voted for a king who had the opposite values of Jesus, who never talked about the bible, who never talked about helping the poor, who never espoused the power of love and friendship and hope.

    Because these so-called Christians secretly didn’t want some other worldly hippie peace-nic. They wanted a Strong Daddy. Even though their previous leader actually was strong. Even though nothing bad happened to them when a truly intelligent Christian was in charge. Even though they knew this Strong Daddy was probably full of shit.

    They didn’t care. And it will be interesting to see when they will care.

  3. Wednesday, September 21, 2016

    a trio of Ask Tony questions appeared on my Facebook 

    jack and cokechris asks, Whats the protocol for calling BS on friends of friends racist posts? 

    it’s so interesting that you ask this because im about to finish reading the bible for the 3rd or 4th time (but who’s counting?) and Sunday i read this line in 2 Timothy that totally reminded me of Facebook

    23Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. 24And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, 25correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, 26and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.

    Here St. Paul (the author of the letter to Timothy is Paul) starts off by saying “just totally ignore the haters because you’ll end up in a flame war, and those are for sucker MCs.” but then he says if we are really going to try to be good Christians we have to be super chill with everyone, totally patient, and if you are going to correct someone do it in the smoothest way ever. which in a way is the opposite of a flame, and eventually it’ll work out.

    Personally i have never seen a racist stop being a racist because of words on a Facebook wall. my experience of racism is it is the culmination of years and years of ignorance that starts with someone’s parents and friends and is fertilized over time by a fucked up environment. so i dont see where even the coolest exchange of facts, hyperlinks, and well-turned phrases could undo what years of bullshit formed. so i don’t even try very much any more, even though it can seem so tempting to jump in there.

    Instead I think there are far better places to place ones energies within Facebook, namely the good people in your life who, for whatever reason, Facebook hides from you because you haven’t engaged with them very much. Chill with them instead.

    Peter asks: Is it too soon for Brangelina jokes? 

    on one hand, it is super sad whenever any couple breaks up, especially those with many kids, because divorce affects some kids very emotionally – not to mention the once-happy couple.

    on the other hand, Comedy Is Not Pretty. some of the funniest jokes are dark, tasteless, rude, foul, biting, and OMG WHAT?comedy is not pretty

    but we need comedy, particularly when we see ourselves in others who apparently are having it worse than we are.

    the problem with bashing on Brad and Angie is for all apparent appearances they’re really sweet people. Brad built houses in New Orleans for the poor after a couple of those hurricanes. he produces films that tackle tough issues in artistic ways (The Big Short, 12 Years a Slave, The Normal Heart, Selma, etc)

    And Angie’s list of charitable endeavors was so long that the Academy gave her a humanitarian award a few years ago where even her acceptance speech was selfless, touching and inspiring, focused on her mom who taught her early on that all of us who live a safe, healthy life are extremely fortunate and downright lucky because we could have just as easily been born in another part of the world devoid of clean water, plentiful food or peace. so those of us whose head is above water should help those who aren’t.

    so since there are plenty of more deserving people to make fun of, i will be aiming my barbs at those who are far more selfish and foolish and worthy of my incredible barbs. perhaps you will feel the same way.

    Asher asks: If Tony is at Wrigley Field for the Word Series, how does he react to the national anthem?

    First of all, aint no way I’m going to be at Wrigley for the World Series. The cheapest tickets are going for close to $9,000 and even though i love the Cubs with all of my heart and wear a Cubs hat almost every day and have dozens of Cubs gear, and have lived this way my whole life, i’ve never had $9,000 laying around for such a thing and i sure as hell don’t now.

    But let’s say a miracle ticket comes my way and there i am in the bleachers and someone great like Billy Corgan or Cheap Trick or Bruce Springsteen starts singing The Star Spangled Banner: as much as i am angry and dismayed by so many innocent victims of the police murdering black men, i don’t see how one blogger in a sea of 40,000 Cub fans kneeling or raising my fist would impact anything in the slightest other than making my fellow Cub fans around me feel uncomfortable.

    What has made this protest so fascinating and powerful is it is coming from the players, most of whom have the cameras pointed at them. Because of these players the protest has gained momentum and kept the conversation going. Even if 1,000 fans knelt, the odds of the cameras catching it are minimal, especially on Fox, who will be broadcasting it, who care so little about the game or the viewers that they insist on having Joe Buck ruin it for everyone.

    So no, for once in my life, I would not be trying to change the world. I would be entirely focused on watching my little Cubby world change.

  4. Saturday, June 4, 2016

    after i finish the bible this time through i may put it down 

    whatas you know i read the bible every sunday for an hour

    it’s a deal i cut with the Lord that instead of going to church every sunday, i would read the bible for that hour, especially since that was always my favorite part of church

    i became upset that they didnt spend more time on the gospel and instead wasted all this time with the ritual and ceremony and handshaking and money giving

    and singing badly and the kneeling and the getting up and the sitting down

    here you have a dude who is so into religion that he has given away all of his money, agreed not to have any sex or family

    and the one big facetime he has with the public, 90 percent of it is scripted and a repeat of the week before.

    i say let him talk. and i say let him talk about what it is in that bible that changed his life. and if he has seriously thrown away all of the earthly obstacles, then what he will say will be clear and honest and

    maybe even a little inspiring.

    but theres none of that. and if it is theres a motive. there should only be one motive: truth

    so i read the bible every sunday, pretty much without fail, for like 15-20 years now.

    hard to keep track, cuz really, whos counting.

    anyways it isnt the joy it used to be. i know whats gonna happen. im not into it.chicago trib

    you should be into something if youre trying to do it for holy reasons.

    so i decided i will spend that time reading regular books.

    i have a house full of incredible regular books, the kind i used to read in college

    in isla vista, the most distracting place in the world.

    how does anyone study there?

    i used to think that i would give the college of creative studies a million if i ever won the lottery,

    but even with a brand new building

    yes in my world it only cost a million dollars to build

    a sweetass building

    but now im thinking i will just give it to robyn directly because

    how do kids pay attention to anything in that world

    how did i? and i read so much.

    answer: there was no internet.

    last night matt welch was in town because he was one of the guests in bill mahers hbo show, real time

    i texted him and said if theres an afterparty let a brotha know

    afterparty was in the courtyard of the boutique beverly hills hotel where everyone speaks french

    fortunately for all of us i dabble in the francais

    so i was all, matt welch, voila? and i pointed

    they were all, oui!

    and i was like merci baby

    the bible is about heartbreak and mistrust.

    its about anger and confusion and

    Screen Shot 2016-06-04 at 12.34.40 PMmost of all,

    disobedience,

    for no good reason other than knuckleheadness.

    after a while it gets depressing.

    i took a lyft over to le hotel so i could drink

    and it turned out hbo was paying for the drinks

    so me basart and welch sat around and they asked me who i was gonna be voting for on tuesday

    and i said willie wilson

    and matt spit out his champaign and said

    the speedy kc royal who swiped 668 stolen bases over his 19 year career?

    and i said, yes and no

    and i told them that i saw dr. wilson’s name on my sample ballot and i went to his website

    and then his facebook page

    and now im gonna vote for him.

    and we toasted to our new friend

    dr willie wilson from chicago

    who never stole shit.

    ali

  5. Friday, November 20, 2015

    the bible says we’re supposed to chill the fuck out 

    my house

    it says that if you are freaking out, then basically you’re dissing The Lord

    because you’re supposed to trust The Lord.

    thats the whole point of faith: trust.

    and thats the whole point of believing in a Higher Power

    you’re supposed to let Him do his thing and enjoy it.

    you remember what it was like to drive the lane

    dribbling through your legs

    looking one way and fake passing to the other

    and mid air youd see the eyes of the cheerleaders and some would be like

    omg

    but in a scared way

    and a few of them would be all

    omg

    but in a do it, baby

    way.

    and those were the cheerleaders you loved the most

    and those were who you’d think of as you were

    swinging from the rim

    right after

    you slammed it home,

    and right before

    you were called

    for a T.

  6. Wednesday, September 16, 2015

    the busblog approach to money 

    snoopydonald trumps favorite book, the bible, pretty much lays out how i feel about money

    one day Jesus was minding his own business, being rad, when someone asked him about taxes.

    i forget if it was about a flat tax or progressive tax or what, but

    Jesus was in the business of souls, he wasnt too concerned about how the 1% could hang on to a few more shekels while shaking down the poor

    near him was a handful of coins.

    he asked the questioner “who’s this?” and flipped him one of the coins.

    “That’s Caesar,” the guy told Jesus.

    so Jesus said, “give to Caesar what’s Caesar’s and give the Lord what’s the Lord’s.”

    which is probably the greatest f u in the good book, but it’s also an excellent way to live.

    so much of life on earth can be about the wrong priorities, especially when it comes to money.

    and i dont know precisely how it works, but i’ve noticed that the more i share things like who i am, or my crap, or my time, or “my money”, the more others share back.

    and isnt that way funner than just hoarding everything, alone, in a freaky selfish way, like a dick?

    we’ve all had ups and downs financially. it doesnt matter who you are. even trump had to declare bankruptcy on some of his stuff sometimes.

    but we always end up ok.

    why? because money doesn’t rule us unless we let it. they keep printing more. theres always interesting ways to get it. and theres tons of fun ways to share it.

    we will be ok.

    the thing we should worry way way way more about is our soul.

    how are we treating it? and if thats too weird of a concept, how about our hearts? what are we doing to them?

    trumps favorite book says the good lord will judge us by our heart. is our heart obsessed with doe-ray-me?

    or is it way more concerned about taking care of others and learning more about far more abstract things like

    love

    peace

    and the theory that the pitcher should bat eighth in the lineup so that the number nine hitter gets better pitches?

    we are on this funky ass globe for a blink of an eye

    fuck caesar’s stupid little coins

    unless they can be shared with the angels, saints, and the poor, in fascinating ways.

  7. Thursday, September 3, 2015

    today tom brady was released from fake jail 

    giselle

    proving once and for all that some people have all the luck and luck it is

    trust me, if i dumped my pregnant girlfriend for a brazillian supermodel id never hear the end of it

    and if i had my equipment manager illegally deflate my footballs before the AFC championship game

    my mom would yell at me and say

    I KNOW I DIDNT CARRY A FREAKING CHEATER AROUND IN MY BELLY FOR DAMN NEAR A YEAR

    but tom brady can get away with murder because he has a symmetrical face and genes that make him a few inches taller than your average bear

    the bible tells us that we shouldnt fret because even though payback is a b-word it doesnt always happen here in earth

    right next to it is a picture of St. Peter cracking his knuckles

    and St. Paul digging crud out of his finger nails

    and St. Mark practicing his nunchucks

    and St. Shadrach turning up the heat in the firey furnace.

    your time is gonna come, led zeppelin warned

    oh yes they did.

  8. Thursday, August 20, 2015

    dear tony, what do you do when things look utterly dire? 

    girl falling

    first, start by knowing that when you die you go to Heaven.

    second, start watching sports.

    what we love in sports is the team who comes back from an impossible deficit, with their star or unlikely star on the ropes, partially injured, undersized, outclassed, who no one believes in anymore

    who makes magic happen when it matters.

    and wins by a narrow margin.

    no one loves the blowout. no one cares for a team that starts strong and finishes strong.

    even the angels and saints want drama, despite what you want.

    speaking of… third, read the bible.

    theres all the stories about david and goliath, but that’s a red herring because david was never the Everyman, he was a superstar with no peers from the get go.

    the better stories are the ones like shadrach meshach and abednego who straight up Trusted the Lord and stayed true to who they were when they were led into the fiery furnace.

    always stay true, ponyboy.

    it’s easy to whine, it’s easy to say oh woe is me, it’s easy to say damn it sure feels like forces are lining against me, but fuck that. life could be a million times worse. theres people with missing limbs, theres people who have babies and the babies are all effed up. theres people who have terrible things that have happened to their faces and brains and imagine what it is like for them to try to find a job

    or try to get a girl to go with them to the dance or even a hay ride.

    crappy as things might be for you, odds are you could find someone to go on a hayride with you.

    start there.

    then remember if parts of life weren’t tough we’d never have poetry or shakespeare or hbo or rage against the machine.

    winter IS coming, fyi

    are you just gonna sit there and whimper and look over at your neighbors green grass and envy what you think is going on over there.

    i’ll tell you whats going on over there

    none of your business is going on over there.

    you have your own life to deal with, and it’s a full life, and it’s yours.

    you are bigger than your struggles.

    you have a terrible flu, youre in utah, and you have the ball.

    do you really want to be known as the black dude who lost a basketball game in utah?

    or do you wanna be known as one of the three bad brothers who casually danced into the firey furnace

    and then breakdanced inside it?

    theres a reason you learned how to pop lock

    theres a reason the Good Lord smiles when He hears your name.

    theres a reason when you walk down the street all the little pretties wave their hand.

    it’s because you can pull off the crazy ass shit

    with style

    that no one thought was even possible.

    which makes them believe They can.

    so if you ever feel like giving up on yourself,

    remember you’re giving up on them as well.

  9. Monday, June 29, 2015

    last week showed why you should never kill yrself 

    9EHjU1kso much can happen in just a day, let alone a week.

    unfortunately for politicians and others who like to drag their feet it also shows how lame excuses are.

    when someone wants to make things happen they usually can.

    for some reason i have let my apartment sorta lay dormant in the decorations department.

    did i think i was going to move or something? no.

    i only have one string of christmas lights, hardly and pictures on the walls.

    it’s been years since the xbi tore everything down in an attempt to rattle my cage.

    maybe my cage was rattled.

    we are all sensitive poets to a certain degree.

    we all react weirdly when weird things happen.

    the politicians and justices who grew up 50 years ago when gays pretty much had to stay in the closet and confederate flags flew everywhere they wanted

    probably never thought theyd see this day where equal rights for all really meant equal rights for all

    except for symbols of hate.

    so i sorta understand mike huckabee saying who cares what the supreme court says.

    although thats not the thing youd expect from a presidential candidate or a preacher, especially when the good book says for us to follow the laws of the land.

    and love our neighbor.

    and not to judge.

    but then again maybe huckabee is the lost sheep that we need to shepard over

    and forgive.

    and remind that we are all god’s creatures. every one of us.

    who all deserve love. and are reflections of the Creator.

    and just like we have grown and changed from the mud we once were in Genesis to the men and women we are today, God evolved in his thinking as well in the bible

    and symbolized his new commitment to love us and protect us

    with the rainbow.

    #neverforget

  10. Friday, May 15, 2015

    even though im a devout Christian, i also tend to be a tad superstitious 

    adam and evemostly because i think the Lord has better things to do than answer my prayers about playoff basketball.

    so i decided to drive around ubering in the rain last night so i could listen to the Clips game on the AM radio.

    in the grand scheme of things, im sure the Almighty cares very much about sports, and is thrilled that the cathedrals of yore have been replaced by sports palaces in cities around the world. but still does he really want me saying

    thanks for letting the Cubs stay above .500, but could you make sure Lob City knocks out the Rockets tonight?

    mortal, please.

    one of my favorite spots has been blown up, the CAA building in Century City, theres uber plus dudes all over that place where there used to be just lil ol me. so you have to adapt.

    so lately ive been chilling in westwood near the condos hoping some of the richies want a ride to the airport.

    last night i ended up with a very jewish young lady with her traditional garb on who was visiting her mother in the UCLA hospital.

    as we were driving i asked her if she had lived in westwood her whole life. she said yes, that her dad was a rabbi at the big temple.

    she added that she was also married to a rabbi.

    so as we passed P’tit Soleil, the best place to eat poutine in LA, i asked her if it was cool for conservative jews to eat poutine.

    she asked what was in it? i said, french fries, cheese curds, and gravy.

    she said well we’re not supposed to mix meats with dairy and the gravy would violate that rule.

    as we kept talking about the Torah she told me that the forbidden fruit actually has a backstory. in the notes of that tale was some detail that Adam and Eve would have been allowed to eat it if they had waited an hour, but they were instructed not to eat it on the Sabbath.

    because the snake tempted them, they ate it too early and thus they were shunned from the Garden.

    it was raining cats and dogs as we drove down Westwood Blvd.

    i could talk about the bible with people all day, so i loved it.