nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, August 26, 2015

    it was Born to Run’s birthday yesterday, it’s 40 

    born to run

    i took a long walk last night for a few reasons. one was because i wanted to rest my hands.

    the other was because uber has hired way too many cars and i didnt get one ride after work.

    so i walked.

    and as i walked i listened to Born To Run on its birthday and was amazed as always.

    im a weirdo. if i love a record i wont play it. i dont want it to get old. i never want to be bored of Born to Run.

    bruuuucehow do you start a record with Thunder Road? hows that even possible? it’s possible if thats your only song. or maybe if you only have two good songs.

    but when all of the songs are ridiculously good and different how you gonna just have a screen door slam as Mary’s dress sways?

    when Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out comes on you realize Thunder Road was just an alley to TAFO’s oop?!


    it was all just an intro for The Big Man?

    no wonder from the coastline to the city all the little pretties raise their hands.

    “Night” i can live without. perfectly fine. and for sure id take it on one of Bruce’s current albums, but what the hell is this Backstreets? probably the most overlooked tune on this record. just as dramatic as any of the others. just as idealistic. just as emotional.

    theres a reason the best Bruce zine back in the day was called Backstreets. fuck.

    side two and there’s Born to Run. a song so iconic and perfect when i listen to it i think about the time i walked past this normal apartment house and its door was open and i could see inside and above the couch was a framed print of the Mona Lisa.

    its like who puts the mona lisa in their house? are they being ironic? is it a beautiful joke? is it the funniest joke in the world?

    how about this for the funniest joke in the world: springsteen was about to be fired from Columbia. his first two records (the wild and the innocent, and greetings from asbury park) were not really flops, but the label were disappointed with their sales. they wanted to give Bruce just

    one. more. chance.

    and that last chance turned out to be the mona lisa: born to run.

    the joke is today labels dont give bands three records. you get one. one and done. theres no vision theres no patience. theres no artist DEVELOPMENT. as much as i love bruce’s first two records, and trust me LOVE is the word, theyre not born to run.

    and that song. holy.

    that song is so strong its almost ashame that something has to follow it. who bats after The Babe?

    big man and bruceGehrig. and in this case that’s She’s The One.

    another anthem. another pleading wolf in the moonlight

    With her long hair falling / And her eyes that shine like a midnight sun

    oooooooooooh ohhhhhhhh shes the one!

    fuck bon jovi.

    bon jovi has no shes the one following no born to run. fucking fakers. yet radio wants to pretend they do.

    but we’re not done. theres still two songs left on this record. the super 70s Meeting Across The River which is basically the origin story of The Sopranos

    and then Jungleland

    it’s almost as interesting to think about how Jungleland ends than to think about what happens in it because it ends like three times. and the whole band is involved, just like how they are through the album.

    its a team effort.

    Meeting is about a dark, solo, borderline evil and definitely illegal venture

    but Jungleland is about a team.

    so as much as we are right to praise Bruce on the 40th birthday of one of music’s finest rock records, we also gotta give it up to the E Street Band for delivering something so mighty and so strong that it makes so much of todays robot music feel as shallow and ridiculous as it is.

    happy birthday Mary and Wendy, Scooter and The Big Man

    it is right for all the little pretties to raise their hands

  2. Sunday, August 16, 2015

    todays bukowski and madonnas birthdays, theyre 24 

    bukowski, madonnahad a good hot weekend. it was hot. like hottern itd been all year.

    slept over the covers with the windows open and the fan twirling and the cats purring and the moon looking down saying it dont look that hot from up heres

    and the earth saying who the hell asked you anyways

    friday ali said what are you up to tonight i said imma see a one woman show. she said no way. i said i know i never do that.

    she said i wanna come. i said fine meet me at my place and we’ll take a lyft over there. she said not an uber?

    i said, its good to keep the competition going.

    the show was The Mermaid who learned how to Fly. kyla garcia. she was incredible. did like 20 different characters. two of them were in love with her. so basically she made out with herself twice.

    once even as a lady.

    it took me a little while to get into it because i dont go to plays. and it was hot. and you have to suspend your belief and just let go. but once you do, it gets fantastic.

    so at first i didnt like her irish narrator fairy lady but as the play went on i kept hoping for her to come back, and when she did i was so happy. also of interest was the narrator was sorta falling apart physically as the play went on. bad back. it was funny. kyla was very surprising.

    after that ali and i went to malo and ate tacos and drank margueritas. im not crazy about that place but its close and they had an outside so we cooled off.

    saturday i ubered a little. hit my goal and then went to the academy to see Straight Outta Compton. it needs to be stated that since that record dropped back when i was in college, NWA and that record have been super important to me.

    so to see it for free in the best theater in LA was incredible.

    ice cube and the fans

    full house. and almost everyone stayed afterwards to hear Ice Cube, his son, the director, a producer, and the dudes who played Dr. Dre and Eazy talk about it.

    ive never seen that many people stay.

    or cheer so many times at the end.

    i give the movie a B+ but i give ice cube an A+ for staying after the talk and taking pictures with everyone who asked. which were hundreds. he didnt care. he soaked it in.

    and the movie won the weekend. making something like $60 million. smash hit of the summer. a movie about black gangsta rappers whose music is not played on the radio. and yet one of the rappers turns into a movie star another tuns into a billionaire and a third dies of AIDS. so freaky.

    xbi texted me when i was still in the theatre. they wanted a favor i said no. they said order an uber and we can help you out.

    tanya and freedai said i didnt need any help. i was happy. i was in great spirits and i wasnt gonna do squat on sunday. they said dont be a dope, order an uber.

    and when i did a toyota avalon appeared with this great reggae singer as a driver

    and two swedish girls in the back

    and the whole trip i thought, theyre gonna kill me, arent they?

    this is how it ends?


    reggae in swedish probably means good bye i thought but no

    id been to sweden and i knew that hej då meant good bye

    or did it mean hello?

    the girls were just laughing at me.

    they kept calling me Chicago.

    hey Chicago, why dont you change your clothes and meet us at the Chateau

    i said how do you say nothing ever good happens to chicagoans

    late at night at the chateau

    in swedish

  3. Wednesday, August 5, 2015

    yesterday was the president of the usa’s bday, he’s 24 


    we probably shouldnt see race in things, i should probably eat better, i should probably go to the gym

    i should probably buy better clothes.

    and i should probably say how happy i am about soul brother number one.

    it is nice to have someone in the white house who

    isnt completely full of shit

    isnt a total fucking knob

    and even if hes spying on us all, every one of us, all the time

    and lying about it

    at least he’s probably looking for actual terrible people

    and cruising right over the typical embarrassing stuff

    like how bad i am at fantasy baseball.

    things i wish he would do more of:

    television speeches

    beer summits

    interviews with howard stern.

    you promised us change.

    anyway, happy birthday!

  4. Monday, August 3, 2015

    today’s the busblog’s birthday, it’s 14 

    i am super grateful to ev and his team for starting blogger way back when.

    i am also very thankful to all of you for coming here all the time to peek into my so called life

    here’s some random blog posts, one from each of the last 14 years, to celebrate this long, strange, trip

    ken layne at his wedding, shows bonnie his ring as Jeanine looks on

    10/25/01 ken and laura get married in baja mexico and we all went down there and it was incredibly magical

    9/1/2002 greg vaine has an art show in frogtown, turns out it’s all portraits of his friends

    Anna Kournikova

    4/11/2003 – anna kournikova was the biggest busblog fan for a little while, then she got boring

    old addy

    11/29/2004 – that time Shepard Fairey said it was ok for me to use one of his images for my second blook and the orders started rolling in. some of them in beautifully hand drawn envelopes

    sammy sosa

    1/31/2005 – sammy sosa, the best Cub in decades gets traded to Baltimore for a bag of beans and a cow

    9/13/2006 – the third month into running LAist i took a road trip around the country, this was an interview with the graveyard manager of the Kum N Go in Iowa

    da bears

    2/4/2007 the bears lose the super bowl, but prince was good

    kyla and tyler in 2008

    11/18/2008 – how to be an uncle to an ornery kid

    may 20, 2009 i was invited to the american idol finale that adam lambert won. it was the first time i ever saw KISS

    8/22/2010 the sunset junction street fair was pretty much the best thing ever

    6/22/2011 andrea asks “Is it always a good idea to listen to your gut? ”

    8/30/2012 Tsar release the video to “Police Station”

    oj helmet

    5/20/2013 xbi said they were sorry for almost killing me, and were wondering if id consult


    2/22/2014 hey tony wanna announce the ucla baseball game in an hour at jackie robinson stadium?

    me and mom at the Oscars

    2/23/15 few things are better than taking your mom to the Oscars

    happy birthday weird ass blog that could

  5. Sunday, August 2, 2015

    ive known these dudes for 27 years?!?!?! 

    chris and robwhen i met chris he weighed 20 pounds more than he does now.

    when i met rob he was a long haired jew. now he’s Indian.

    over the years we’ve gone through a lot and done a lot. and you know i can’t remember us ever being mad at each other

    about anything!

    is that possible?

    how is that possible?

    maybe because we have always allowed each other to be ourselves. over the years you change and we rolled with those changes. why not?

    we never lied to each other or tried to “get” anything from anyone. we’ve been supportive of whatever we’re in to.

    maybe it had something to do with the fact that we liked who we met 27 years ago and that never changed.

    chris was quietly wild. rob was quietly the voice of reason. who knows what my role was, but i was accepted immediately and i loved them for that.

    yesterday was rob’s wife carrie’s birthday. rob and carrie were high school sweethearts. during college they broke up, but after college they got back together and theyve been together ever since. it’s very sweet.

    they have a lovely little boy named ben who was at the party last night at carrie’s mom’s house. the place was all decked out in an Indian theme because why not.


    carrie had a beautiful indian dress and her hands done and jewels on her forehead


    rob was the bartender and dj. it was a perfect party now that i think of it.

    the pool

    there were lights everywhere and beautiful colors. benjamin and his buddy chilled on this pillow next to the pool and once the food was eaten and the belly dancer danced they got in their swim trunks and swam.

    belly dancer

    i never thought about having an Indian themed party before. some of the men dressed the part and pretty much all of the ladies did. the belly dancer was a great touch. as were the fireworks and the food.


    i know i had a good time because i left my wallet by the pool. of course i didnt notice until i got home but i summoned an uber and had it pick it up at the house and drive it from claremont to hollywood.

    fortunately i had a free ride (valued at $20) on my account. the trip cost $55 minus $20. $35 total. i tipped the guy $10 and an hour later i ubered the drunks home to pay it all off.

    full night to say the least.

    happy birthday Carrie!

  6. Friday, July 31, 2015

    today is Prince and Michael’s birthdays, they’re one 

    kittensthere were all these stray cats in our courtyard for a good year due to the cat lady next door who was evicted for having all of these cats in her home and hallway.

    instead of taking them with her she just bailed and came back now and then to feed them.

    the cats eventually wandered to our tropical courtyard and me and the neighbors feed them because they were cute and they pooped across the street in the unused grass of the big church.

    i liked two cats the most, a black and white one that i named Blanket and a brown and white one i named Boldy but changed it to Wrigley. Wrigley would follow me from my car to my door and i would occasionally let him in but i respected his freedom and when he wanted to leave, i let him leave. same with Blanket.

    one day Blanket seemed scratched up like he’d been in a fight. the next day he didnt come around. but the day after that he came back and he seemed even more scratched up. a week later in the middle of the night we neighbors heard such a blood curdling cry that we assumed a bald eagle had swooped down and torn one of the cats asunder.

    the next day we agreed to stop feeding them because we were putting them in danger.

    a few months later i stopped seeing Blanket. i figured he died.

    until two little kittens appeared on my doorstep looking a lot like him.

    i named them Prince and Michael.

    i’d never held kittens. and these two were adorable and so sweet. i asked my neighbor what i should do and she said no way can we let them stay outside because what if that bald eagle comes back. i was all yeah. so i got some kitty litter and a box and plopped them on it and boom they peed. it was a modern miracle.

    i got them some food and they ate it and feel asleep on my lap.

    that was a year ago. they’ve never run out of the house. they seem very content inside running around, killing spiders and any creepy crawlers. they even killed a rodent once and that was when i loved them the most.

    they are super co-dependent on each other and a joy to have around.

    i dont even mind the cat hair that ends up on my clothes.

    it’s their way of saying, thanks for all the fish.

  7. Saturday, July 11, 2015
  8. Monday, June 8, 2015

    today is jeff solomons birthday, he’s 24 

    jeff solomon

    the reason you have today off is because of the bass player of Tsar

    people complained there were too many federal holidays, but when Ronald Reagan

    heard the soothing bass lines come from the teenage Jeff Solomon’s marshall half stack

    he was all, “damn, lemme sit down for a second, mommy.”

    and the president sat there and put his head in his hands and just wept for a little while.

    because it was beautiful.

    jeff had really long hair back then and he dabbed the tears from the president’s face with it.

    reagan decided there and then that today, june 8th would be a federal holiday

    but his vice president


    said, dude we can’t do this. Solomon is a jew and we cant make the first federal holiday honoring a jew

    be for a teenage boy: people will talk!

    but one thing nice about Dutch Reagan that people loved was, he didn’t really give a shit what people thought.

    ironic. but true. and on his death bed Nancy tried to rip up the executive order making today a holiday

    but Jeff had made a Xerox copy and mailed it to the library of Congress

    where it sits today

    and that is why we all get today off. so thank you Jeff

    and thank you Ronald “Lion of Judah” Reagan for honoring our very dear friend.

  9. Monday, May 11, 2015

    today is my first girlfriend ever marys birthday 

    i wonder where she is how shes doing whats going on with her. how her boys are. if she thinks about me. if she roots for the cubs.

    does she have gray hair. does she still have a sweet voice. if she prays for me. i pray for her.

    she both made everything fantastic for a 15 year old boy and ruined everything. because she was the prettiest, coolest, sweetest girl i knew.

    how on earth did she want to talk to me on the phone? why on earth was she holding my hand. then kissing me? then being my girlfriend?

    she was the best because she taught me you can approach whoever you wanted because who knows maybe theyd be into it. maybe theyd say yes.

    maybe theyd see you for you. you didnt have to make up anything. you didnt have to be a tall blond blue eyed surfer guy.

    you could be the biggest nerd alive and after the movie you could driver home and lean over and kiss her as tom petty was playing

    and shed kiss you right back.

    until her dad turned on the garage light.

    then she would write notes and letters and send gifts and move away but still write and call and

    mama mia.

    so of course when i see its may eleventh i think of her.

    you woulda too.

    her breath always smelled great.

    her stationary was always pretty.

    and any time i heard her voice id feel just like those lucky few who make it into heaven feel:


    and those are the things i shoot for still to these days.

    because i know it’s possible.

    even today.

  10. Friday, February 13, 2015

    today is jeanine’s birthday, she’s back from Hell 


    some of us have been to the edge

    some of us have stared down into the big ugly

    some of us have had the taste of darkness

    jeanine has gone further and deeper and been places that should have never given her back to us.

    but we are so lucky she is still here.

    jeanine could drink more than any person i have ever met, and i know some drinkers.

    she consumed more substances than even her former drug dealer boyfriend

    (except pot. she hates pot.)

    and she did this for years and years and years.

    she was in the ICU on several occasions. french kissing death. saying comeon comeon comeon like kim gordon sneers in “kool thing”

    but even death knew jeanine had more to do here, on this planet, with all of us.

    and spit her back out.

    amber and jeaninethen a miracle happened.

    i was dating young amber smith blog and we discovered that jeanine and amber shared the same birthday

    not only that but they had similar demons.

    the miracle was that amber had gone through the steps that it took to rid her self of her evils and she was sweet enough to share that with her birthday sister.

    amber coached me that i was doing everything wrong. she told me that i had to let jeanine go and do her own thing and she would find the true path alone.

    it was scary but it worked. jeanine rode busses from the beach to DTLA to the valley to jump through all of the red tape that she needed to get help.

    omg socialized help

    which not only saved her life, but restored her to the jeanine we first knew and loved some two decades ago.

    today jeanine is sober, healthy, happy, alert, aware, and full of life.

    she is responsible and motivated and filled with happiness and joy and doing things she probably never thought she’d ever be doing like talking to her mom all the time, reading the bible, and just saying no.

    it’s a transformation we all hoped would happen but never thought would take place so quickly and thoroughly, but Jeanine is the essence of quickness. she taught herself guitar and piano in days. she became a certified jeweler in months. and now she has her sights set to be a master chef. which she will accomplish, no doubt, in part, to honor her late brother.

    i have had the great pleasure of knowing some of the most unique and special people in the world and jeanine continues to surprise me in beautiful ways.  and i love her so much and im so happy for her because i can only imagine how tough it was for her to get here.

    she has been on the craziest road and i thank God that she never gave up.

    happy birthday Jeanine. here’s to many more.

    and thank you and happy birthday Amber. without you who knows what would have happened to Jeanine.