nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, November 13, 2015

    it’s been 47 days since Zulieka has posted on her blog 


    heres the problem with life: it’s fleeting.

    the older we get the faster it goes and then justlikethat it’s gone.

    did we learn anything? what was life like? all those things become folklore unless we, writers,

    which is all of us,

    write it down in as much detail or fiction as we can.

    today in paris, for example, future readers, terrorists went to a

    Eagles of Death Metal concert

    shot up the place and bombed it and a few other places

    suicide bombed, to be specific, and over 100 people died.

    on friday the 13th.

    same day beautiful zulieka, out in whereever she is decided, nope this isnt the day i write again.

    you know how many stories shes got?

    writes 20 times better than me, and always has this hint of sensuality about it.

    pariswho doesnt want that every damn day?

    bloggers need to be blogging the same way firemen need to pull up those big pants.

    we’re volunteer firemen, doing it for the people.

    and the people wave and thank us and bring us milk for some reason

    and buy our calendars at the Hallmark store in the mall.

    zulieka is everyones favorite fireman.

    she cant not do her thing.

    nobody can replace her.

    todays neil youngs birthday.

    the millennials, wheres their neil young? gen y didnt have any and the millennials give us none neither.

    sometimes the generations behind you cannot replace you and theres this terrible void

    write it down.

    it doesnt matter that no one is reading it or commenting or sharing it on facebook

    almost all of the best writers of olden times were losers

    but when that shit got to cable suddenly everyone loved it.

    who knows why? no one.

    it happened to pinkerton. at first everyone was all meh

    then a year later they were like omg.

    time takes time, ringo.

    but first you have to have something out there for time to do something with.

    but the good news is, the older we get the faster time goes.

    so make it baby, and put it out there.

  2. Wednesday, September 23, 2015

    on this day on the busblog 

    springsteen on the sunset strip

    2001: me and this girl i work with were talking about True Hollywood Stories. We edit the closed-captions so that the deaf, hearing-impared, and hotties working out in the gym can keep up with the daliances of the famous. my co-worker said the other day, “you know you have a rough life when it’s only the year 2000 and your THS is only half-way done.”

    2002: a gaggle of cheerleaders bum rushed my back door as I was taking out the trash last night to my surprise. they had picnic baskets with tasty foods, thermoses full of tangy fruit drinks and wines, bales of hay and trick ropes for entertainment, and of course pom-poms and silly string and ecstasy and chewing gum.

    2003: jlo and ben got hitched in georgia my space watch tells me and i gave it the tivo triple red thumbs down cuz i dont care about that sort of news cuz i would make a far better beau to jlo than benlow, i wouldnt go to any damn strip clubs unless i was a judge at the jlo lookalike stripalike contest and one day there will be a wishingwell and there will be a penny and there wil be a dream and there will be a toss and it will flip in the air fly through the sky splash in the pond and sparkle my eye and everything will fall in place and she will see my face and not look away but instead say stay.

    2004: i am going to the pixies concert in about 20 minutes. it should last a few hours. when i come home i want you to be there. i will make sure that i am alone.

    2005: Its fine filmmaking, great writing, interesting characters, and best of all, some of the scariest eviliest bad guys you’ll ever run across. They rape you, kill you, eat you, and then sew your skin onto their clothes.

    2006: its 229pm im hungover. im still in yesterdays clothes. pitt was nice enough to let me crash at his pad last night. the best thing is i got to sleep on a regulation canadian army cot. i knew id sleep well on it but i didnt know id sleep THAT great. i had vivid beautiful dreams that nearly compared to the vivid beautiful reality of last night starring two chinese twins who covered their mouths as they laughed to my dirty jokes.

    2007: 17. I pretty much hate any picture I’m in.
    18. I love writing every day because I once had a teacher that said that noone can write well every day.
    19. I’ve met a lot of wonderful amazing people, but no one as great as my mom.

    the actual homepage of the LA Times

    2008: we at the Times are thrilled and still a little stunned that out of 100 million blogs we have one in the technorati top 100, meanwhile those little kitties are still mopping the floor with us no matter how much marketing, no matter how much support, no matter what we cover, no matter how great our writers are. that frigging kitteh blog is just lulzing its way to teh banks.

    2009: had a great night last night, great flight, great dinner. but first lets review some of the chicago trip through the magic of photographs:

    2010: the winner of the cuteness award goes to the puppy

    2011: who the hell are we to even call ourselves “americans”. south americans dont call themselves that, central americans dont either, and our fellow north americans – the canadians – sure as hell dont have the gall neither.

    2012: Billie Joe gets pissed off at the iHeart Radio concert, swears, smashes guitar and then goes to rehab

    2013: for a very long time i had a bruce springsteen poster over my bed.

    2014: twenty years ago today i saw Pulp Fiction on opening night with stacy goodner

  3. Thursday, September 10, 2015

    my computer is decorated by tiny images from shepard fairey 

    nothing in here is  true

    i got a discount code from one of those companies that makes laptop covers

    which are really just huge stickers

    that go over the front of your macbook and i didnt know which one i wanted

    and i had this zip file of all of these obey giant images and posters

    and somehow i just lined them all up in photoshop

    and the company accepted it and there you have it.

    the little sticker you see that says On Central is a blog we had at KPCC

    that was all about central avenue in south LA that used to be the Beale Street of this city

    but has changed a great deal over the years.

    one of the reasons i joined KPCC as their blog editor was because they had a blog about downtown

    and one about south central

    two blogs i was trying to launch at the Times but it never happened.

    life is a very bizarre gumbo pot of weirdness.

    be careful, you might burn your tongue.

  4. Monday, August 31, 2015

    a million years ago today Greg Vaine had an art show 

    portrait by greg vaine

    i wanna do something on Medium. why not.

    im thinking about putting old busblog posts on there. because no one else is.

    i feel like i have 90% crud on this blog, which means 10% is halfway decent so why not repackage it like they do in box sets.

    plus millions of people havent even ever heard of this thing so why not let them see it in a different frame.

    so i was thinking about making a blog that is What Happened Today in the Past on the Busblog.

    so i went back in the archives and the first thing i saw was a link to this photo essay of me chris and jeanine going to Greg’s art show where he had painted, among other things, a bunch of portraits of a few of his friends.

    i was (and am) so honored that he chose me to be one of his subjects. i remember sitting for him for hours as he got my afro just right. then he painted.

    i remember that being a really great day. it was so nice to hang with all of our friends. we’ve known each other for so long, it’s nuts. and theyre all so talented.

    im not sure how medium would take it. old stuff? from a not famous dude? and so much of it is dirty lies? would it work? would it translate?

    shouldnt i just trudge on into the future? shouldnt i try to write smart essays like all the other ppl on that thing?

    who knows. no one knows. the web was just a blank canvas that al gore laid out for us and porn got thrown on there and then ebay and now pretty much anything you ever wanted is on there, but mostly cats.

    time to shave my head and start the work week.

  5. Tuesday, May 19, 2015

    maybe blogging isnt for anyone 

    zuliekai used to think that blogging was for everyone. everybody has dreams and ideas and interesting lives.

    after a while i thought, well thats all true, but not everyone is interested in telling the world about their lives. and dreams and insights and fears and concerts they went to and what its like to be a mom or a dad or an xbi agent

    or a former xbi agent.

    but as time goes on we all realize, we being bloggers of course, we begin to see that blogging isnt a sprint or a marathon, it’s a life sentence.

    marathons end after a few hours. but blogging never ends. you just keep typing keep writing keep telling the world veiled little wisps of secrets.

    and when youre a pillar of your community or when you have a good job that you wanna keep, the best bet is to keep your fool mouth shut.

    especially if youre zulieka, the sexiest blogger there ever was.

    she came into our lives mostly naked both physically and romantically. she even had a nude blog header of her shapely back and backside right there on the top of her site.

    and then what she wrote was equally revealing. and sensual and delightful. everyone wished they could write like her. myself included. top of the list.

    today i was notified by mr. 5chw4r7z that zulieka had let her domain expire. which doesnt mean the end. but it’s a good start to the end.

    blogging isnt easy. even for me. maybe its easy for raymi, maybe thats it. welch. xTx. maybe thats it. hell matt at metafilter even threw in the towel this year and he wasnt even blogging, per se over there.

    it can be a grind if youre doing it right. it can be scary. you have to use your inside voice more than you’d like to, which is why i have recommended secret blogs for so long.


    and that is the sloppy french kiss of death.

    so rest in peace zulieka dot com

    for so many years my favorite among favorites.

  6. Thursday, May 14, 2015

    i once had a boss who told me i was not meant to be a manager 

    crazy home

    she said i was more of an Individual Contributor.

    i took great offense at that because i felt that i had been a good manager in the past and inside i have always felt like a leader.

    but i would need a team around me that understood it would be a funky ride not like all the others.

    since then ive seen my fair share of both good and bad managers and i can understand better now what she was talking about

    but i still disagree with her. and it was funny that a number of years ago she called me up asking me if i was willing to relocate to be a manger up in frisco.

    first off, f frisco, and secondly even though i totally respect her and loved her as a boss, how could i work for someone who didnt fully believe in me?

    but as always it comes back to the Good Book, and in it no one truly believes in either the Father or the Son or most of the kings or other leader/managers.

    pretty much the only ppl the ppl in the Good Book believe in are the graven images that they built themselves. you know, the golden calves and other weird idols that they created when shit was getting crazy.

    thus: dont get distracted if your posse isnt fully behind you because guess what, they aint never gonna be fully into you.

    peter the rock dissed jesus thrice before the damn cock crowed.

    but still i wasnt moving to frisco unless i got paid more money than any damn show dog could jump over.

  7. Tuesday, May 5, 2015

    had a really good weekend until sunday night 

    rihannaif youve noticed i havent talked about the xbi in a while. everything happens for reasons. for some people attention is good, for some not so good.

    believe it or not i dont like attention. i know that sounds weird coming from a guy who has a long running blog, drives a fake taxi several nights a week and is all over social media (and occasionally regular media). but people are complicated. as is the xbi.

    they want to be feared but not known. they want to be obeyed but attract and recruit rebels. they want to brainwash and poison ppl but get pissed off when their agents learn how to fight the power using skills they were taught… by the agency.

    the mayweather pacquiao fight was big business for uber and uber drivers. everyone wanted to go to their friends’ houses to see the Fight of the Century and they all knew they were gonna drive. meanwhile lots of Uber drivers turned off their phones because They Too wanted to see the battle.

    thus for hours and hours it was surging between 2 and 5 times the normal rates. meaning i was busy busy busy.

    but i also wanted to go home in time to see the end of the clippers game 7 vs the spurs.

    i was torn: make that money, or see the game. at 3.5x the rate i hoped that the guy i was picking up near the Grove wanted to go to Hollywood near my house, but alas it turned out to be one of the longest of the day: Encino, man.

    he knew he was gonna be paying a lot but he said, “you know whats cheap? not getting a DUI”. made $65 off the 45 minute ride and shut off my deal so i could take the 101 home.

    when i got there i watched the last, victorious quarter, and then tried to order the fight on my new Time Warner cable. no such luck. for some reason the cable giant had not predicted that sooooo many ppl were gonna order the fight at the last minute.


    fortunately i had done some due diligence the night before and learned that this weird sports bar / strip club in the arts district of DTLA was showing the fight. $30 to stand, $60 to sit, or $100 for your own table. i took an uber so i could drink, paid my money and boom i was standing in front of two big tvs watching the fight.

    it was very fun. id say most of the place was filled with young latinos a few blacks and maybe 2 white boys. at first they were team mayweather but they cheered any action. the strippers werent stripping, they were watching too.

    fun night. i got one lap dance out of curiosity but maybe im getting too old for that nonsense. paying to have a girl sit on my lap and whisper dirty things she wants to do to me? just ask ppl, bros. they’ll do it.

    the drink was weak so i ubered home, ate a sandwich and ubered for the rest of the night. surpassed my goal by 1am because it was so busy.

    yesterday i woke up with the worst heartburn so i called in sick and went back to sleep.

    woke up and did my laundry even though i didnt feel 100%. then i dropped off my car at the dealer because its having issues. then i went to the barber and got the cleanest closest shave of my beard and my head. i felt like a new man.

    i may have to do that shave business once a month because i still feel great bc of it.

  8. Wednesday, March 4, 2015

    watched the Longest Yard last night, but it got cut off at the very end 

    hugsso i laughed.

    which scared the cats, which were laying on me.

    the night before i watched this older Jared Leto movie “Mr. Nobody”, which was weird, but good.

    this is my life without driving Uber.

    not sure i like it. can’t wait to get back out there.

    work has been busy, recapping what went down, setting up new things for the new year.

    xbi has been annoying. new neighbors have been loud.

    yesterday my buddy chris and i had a margarita at lunch. how did Don Draper do it?

    i guess he napped a lot on his couch.

    soon as i got home yesterday i took a nap bc of that silly margarita.

    realized i have good cats. they dont wake me or try to sleep on my head.

    when im asleep they sleep too. when im watching tv they sleep. when im reading they sleep.

    only time they bother me is when im eating, which i do a lot more at home cuz i dont wanna do it in my car.

    because my car is spotless.

    and will soon be earning me some income.

    so soon.

    i wanna see Chappie in iMax friday and it better not suck.

  9. Tuesday, March 3, 2015
  10. Tuesday, January 20, 2015

    a comment from a long time reader 

    i heart LA


    You need to get out of LA pronto. You don’t need the Hollywood Hills house in your rear view mirror all day. The constant visibility of all the things you don’t have is clouding your mind as to all that you do have.

    Ok you just got another job after being down and out for a while, all your friends are there and (insert your favorite rationalization to stay here). Whatever. I ain’t saying never come back.
    I been reading your blog a long time. You need a break my man.

    A radical break.


    fine. but where?