nothing in here is true

  1. Tuesday, May 19, 2015

    maybe blogging isnt for anyone 

    zuliekai used to think that blogging was for everyone. everybody has dreams and ideas and interesting lives.

    after a while i thought, well thats all true, but not everyone is interested in telling the world about their lives. and dreams and insights and fears and concerts they went to and what its like to be a mom or a dad or an xbi agent

    or a former xbi agent.

    but as time goes on we all realize, we being bloggers of course, we begin to see that blogging isnt a sprint or a marathon, it’s a life sentence.

    marathons end after a few hours. but blogging never ends. you just keep typing keep writing keep telling the world veiled little wisps of secrets.

    and when youre a pillar of your community or when you have a good job that you wanna keep, the best bet is to keep your fool mouth shut.

    especially if youre zulieka, the sexiest blogger there ever was.

    she came into our lives mostly naked both physically and romantically. she even had a nude blog header of her shapely back and backside right there on the top of her site.

    and then what she wrote was equally revealing. and sensual and delightful. everyone wished they could write like her. myself included. top of the list.

    today i was notified by mr. 5chw4r7z that zulieka had let her domain expire. which doesnt mean the end. but it’s a good start to the end.

    blogging isnt easy. even for me. maybe its easy for raymi, maybe thats it. welch. xTx. maybe thats it. hell matt at metafilter even threw in the towel this year and he wasnt even blogging, per se over there.

    it can be a grind if youre doing it right. it can be scary. you have to use your inside voice more than you’d like to, which is why i have recommended secret blogs for so long.


    and that is the sloppy french kiss of death.

    so rest in peace zulieka dot com

    for so many years my favorite among favorites.

  2. Thursday, May 14, 2015

    i once had a boss who told me i was not meant to be a manager 

    crazy home

    she said i was more of an Individual Contributor.

    i took great offense at that because i felt that i had been a good manager in the past and inside i have always felt like a leader.

    but i would need a team around me that understood it would be a funky ride not like all the others.

    since then ive seen my fair share of both good and bad managers and i can understand better now what she was talking about

    but i still disagree with her. and it was funny that a number of years ago she called me up asking me if i was willing to relocate to be a manger up in frisco.

    first off, f frisco, and secondly even though i totally respect her and loved her as a boss, how could i work for someone who didnt fully believe in me?

    but as always it comes back to the Good Book, and in it no one truly believes in either the Father or the Son or most of the kings or other leader/managers.

    pretty much the only ppl the ppl in the Good Book believe in are the graven images that they built themselves. you know, the golden calves and other weird idols that they created when shit was getting crazy.

    thus: dont get distracted if your posse isnt fully behind you because guess what, they aint never gonna be fully into you.

    peter the rock dissed jesus thrice before the damn cock crowed.

    but still i wasnt moving to frisco unless i got paid more money than any damn show dog could jump over.

  3. Tuesday, May 5, 2015

    had a really good weekend until sunday night 

    rihannaif youve noticed i havent talked about the xbi in a while. everything happens for reasons. for some people attention is good, for some not so good.

    believe it or not i dont like attention. i know that sounds weird coming from a guy who has a long running blog, drives a fake taxi several nights a week and is all over social media (and occasionally regular media). but people are complicated. as is the xbi.

    they want to be feared but not known. they want to be obeyed but attract and recruit rebels. they want to brainwash and poison ppl but get pissed off when their agents learn how to fight the power using skills they were taught… by the agency.

    the mayweather pacquiao fight was big business for uber and uber drivers. everyone wanted to go to their friends’ houses to see the Fight of the Century and they all knew they were gonna drive. meanwhile lots of Uber drivers turned off their phones because They Too wanted to see the battle.

    thus for hours and hours it was surging between 2 and 5 times the normal rates. meaning i was busy busy busy.

    but i also wanted to go home in time to see the end of the clippers game 7 vs the spurs.

    i was torn: make that money, or see the game. at 3.5x the rate i hoped that the guy i was picking up near the Grove wanted to go to Hollywood near my house, but alas it turned out to be one of the longest of the day: Encino, man.

    he knew he was gonna be paying a lot but he said, “you know whats cheap? not getting a DUI”. made $65 off the 45 minute ride and shut off my deal so i could take the 101 home.

    when i got there i watched the last, victorious quarter, and then tried to order the fight on my new Time Warner cable. no such luck. for some reason the cable giant had not predicted that sooooo many ppl were gonna order the fight at the last minute.


    fortunately i had done some due diligence the night before and learned that this weird sports bar / strip club in the arts district of DTLA was showing the fight. $30 to stand, $60 to sit, or $100 for your own table. i took an uber so i could drink, paid my money and boom i was standing in front of two big tvs watching the fight.

    it was very fun. id say most of the place was filled with young latinos a few blacks and maybe 2 white boys. at first they were team mayweather but they cheered any action. the strippers werent stripping, they were watching too.

    fun night. i got one lap dance out of curiosity but maybe im getting too old for that nonsense. paying to have a girl sit on my lap and whisper dirty things she wants to do to me? just ask ppl, bros. they’ll do it.

    the drink was weak so i ubered home, ate a sandwich and ubered for the rest of the night. surpassed my goal by 1am because it was so busy.

    yesterday i woke up with the worst heartburn so i called in sick and went back to sleep.

    woke up and did my laundry even though i didnt feel 100%. then i dropped off my car at the dealer because its having issues. then i went to the barber and got the cleanest closest shave of my beard and my head. i felt like a new man.

    i may have to do that shave business once a month because i still feel great bc of it.

  4. Wednesday, March 4, 2015

    watched the Longest Yard last night, but it got cut off at the very end 

    hugsso i laughed.

    which scared the cats, which were laying on me.

    the night before i watched this older Jared Leto movie “Mr. Nobody”, which was weird, but good.

    this is my life without driving Uber.

    not sure i like it. can’t wait to get back out there.

    work has been busy, recapping what went down, setting up new things for the new year.

    xbi has been annoying. new neighbors have been loud.

    yesterday my buddy chris and i had a margarita at lunch. how did Don Draper do it?

    i guess he napped a lot on his couch.

    soon as i got home yesterday i took a nap bc of that silly margarita.

    realized i have good cats. they dont wake me or try to sleep on my head.

    when im asleep they sleep too. when im watching tv they sleep. when im reading they sleep.

    only time they bother me is when im eating, which i do a lot more at home cuz i dont wanna do it in my car.

    because my car is spotless.

    and will soon be earning me some income.

    so soon.

    i wanna see Chappie in iMax friday and it better not suck.

  5. Tuesday, March 3, 2015
  6. Tuesday, January 20, 2015

    a comment from a long time reader 

    i heart LA


    You need to get out of LA pronto. You don’t need the Hollywood Hills house in your rear view mirror all day. The constant visibility of all the things you don’t have is clouding your mind as to all that you do have.

    Ok you just got another job after being down and out for a while, all your friends are there and (insert your favorite rationalization to stay here). Whatever. I ain’t saying never come back.
    I been reading your blog a long time. You need a break my man.

    A radical break.


    fine. but where?

  7. Thursday, November 20, 2014

    mike nichols died today 


    he made some pretty damn good movies.

    id watch some if i wasnt so busy.

    last night we celebrated ali’s birthday at kanpai

    the night before i attended the 20th anniversary screening of The Shawshank Redemption and took pictures of morgan freeman and tim robbins and mel brooks and carl reiner among others

    ive been falling asleep on the couch watching tv and holding the kittens.

    their sleeping behavior is contagious.

    which is probably why we dont let them ride in cars with us.

  8. Friday, October 3, 2014

    do i have any faults? omg ha! 

    taylor swift

    actually i do.

    im terrible on the telephone.

    and im doubly terrible being a shoulder to cry on.

    why? because most of my advice is take a nap and when you wake up take a shower.


    just come over and take a nap with me.

    or. worst of all:

    use this as fuel to write a kickass blog post on your secret blog, the one i dont even know about.

    why is this bad advice? because usually people dont want advice, they just want me to listen.

    and im the worst listener of all.

  9. Monday, July 7, 2014
  10. Thursday, June 19, 2014

    dear tony, you are amazing and dashing and know everything about blogging 

    creative-clever-tattoos-23-277x400 i am a beautiful young lady living in the hollywood Hills having an blessed life and i want to be a fashion blogger

    for like real.

    ive spent money on a new website, a new car, and a laptop.

    now what?

    how do i make this happen?

    yours in rock,


    dear debra,

    im so glad you wrote me, i dont know how you got my phone number, but this is a legitimate question so i will answer this seriously.

    for starters, what you want is extremely difficult.

    the market is saturated. pintrest for godsake has made it worse.

    theres youtube ppl, instagram, and then all the other people who have been doing it forever.

    thats the bad news, the good news is the market is finicky and disloyal.

    everyone wants something new. the new thing. the new scene.


    you have a lot of things going for you, so maybe you can be that new scene the clickers want so badly.

    as you figure that out, you should probably take a look at canada, where all the answers usually lay.

    put on your winter coat, a Grates shirt, a warm Cubs hat and a scarf

    and buy a party ball for keri cdn because she is living the dream


    keri gets a new car every week, drives it around, writes about it for the paper and her blog

    and for fun writes about digital security and how you can best protect yourself from bad ppl.

    she also catches and releases grizzly bears. bare handed.

    be amazed at keriblog.com

    keri used to live in the same skyscraper as casie in toronto or was it the other way around


    no matter, casie is never home. shes constantly partying exploring or jumping off buildings.

    last weekend chevy gave her a convertible camaro. in white.

    last time she was in southern california her day was packed shopping

    going to disneyland, and then singing on stage at the hollywood bowl with that lady from wicked

    kristin cheneworth or whoever you spell it.

    anyways bloggers get whatever they want. even in canada.

    casie just wants things and they come to her.

    one day she said i want the most awesome sweatshirt ever and pow


    miss 604 and keira-anne wanted vancouver and vancouver island, respectively

    and not only did they get it but canada asked them to design the olympics when it was up there

    but they were busy blogging.

    keira recently got hitched and has been on an extended honeymoon from blogging

    but she’s been doing it so long i cant imagine she’ll be gone for much longer

    meanwhile Miss 604 has had something very special going on over there for a solid decade now.

    beautiful choice of photos, solid writing, and actually all the things a person would want to do up there.

    one of the lessons that i learned from these ladies is: go do stuff and you’ll get invited to do more.

    keep writing, keep taking pictures, keep posting it and making it look good.

    learn from all the other bloggers out there. who is doing something right. how can you beat it.

    maybe you can just outlast them.

    the good and bad thing about the blogosphere is it’s full of quitters.

    let em quit.

    find that thing about you thats different than everyone else and milk it.

    as many times in a row as you can, online, every day.

    me, if i had to do it. id not only have my own blog,

    but id see if i could write once a week

    on LAist.

    the secret path to everything good in LA.