nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, February 4, 2015

    Alyson asks: Tony, you lead the coolest life. Can I be your Oscar date? 



    you are beautiful and wonderful and Canadian and sassy and all the things I love in an Oscar date

    but this is the first time that I am eligible to not only bring one guest, but because i am working it i can bring two.

    so this year I am bringing two of the most important women in my life.

    the first is my mom, of course, duh, just like what Leo has done

    and the other is the longest girlfriend i ever had, who has been saving the world for the last decade, Chris

    who hasn’t had a good excuse to dress up all fancy and enjoy the thing she loves the most in a while: movies.

    Chris is so ga ga over the Oscars that she used to have Oscar parties with her bff and catch up on all the nominees

    and in many ways she is one of the few people who i think could do a better job at my job than me.

    so they will be my “dates” this year, even though i wont be able to sit with them as i will be running all around the Dolby snapping photos and live blogging and tweeting and etc., for you and you and you.

    next year, however, Alyson, is a different story, so keep blogging, because, as you know,

    that’s a great shortcut to my heart.

  2. Monday, October 13, 2014

    today is canadian thanksgiving 

    the world needs more canada

    you know how many good times ive had in canada?


    ive partied with rock stars, wooed by locals, been escorted to rippers

    kids even asked me to pose for photos and give them my autograph

    we wont even talk about the trouble this 17-18 year old ashley wanted after she stole my cap

    ashley canada

    what is it with people who wanna steal my caps?

    anyways ive had a blast there. the people are sweet. the beers are delicious.

    the cold weather doesnt even seem all that cold and people dont even dress like it’s cold.

    the food? mama mia. the food. you know i love the food.

    every time ive been there it was a funner weirder excursion than the next.

    did i tell you the time i was in a hot tub with lesbians on new years eve and it began to snow?

    i wanted to stay there forever.

    im so thankful for you canada.

    im glad mexico isnt our hat.

  3. Thursday, March 20, 2014
  4. Sunday, March 16, 2014

    adam bradley carlson asks, “tony do you still have that shirt?” 

    2007 with the girls in vancouver

    in the summer of 2007 i went to vancouver and had a great time with keira-anne, corrina, miss604 and many others

    and some of my best memories is taking pics of us holding our mammaries

    while i wore this killer AC/DC shirt given to me many years ago by one Mr. Os

    today corrina’s husband adam tweeted me wondering if i still had the sweet silk shirt.


    till i die, my man

  5. Monday, January 13, 2014

    wayne asks “how about what they wanna do to Dodger Stadium for hockey?” 

    la-sp-dodgers-stadium-outdoor-hockey-game-20140112 oh you mean beach volley ball in left field, a Kiss concert in RF, and inline skating at homeplate?

    with appearances from Wayne Gretzky and Vin Scully

    and omg fireworks?

    i think only the writers of The Simpsons can find any humor in this.

    this is why Canada secceeded from The Union.

    this is why Bin Laden is rolling in his “watery grave”.

    this is why Dodger Stadium is cursed.

    this is why Magic Johnson was a terrible head coach.

    this is why people point at LA and laugh and laugh and laugh

    and then buy tickets by the millions.

    why must they do this to inline skating?

  6. Wednesday, December 11, 2013

    A TO Tony fan asks: Will Rob Ford will be re-elected as mayor in the next election? 

    chris farley

    heres the problem with Canada: you’re so lovable.

    even your trainwrecks are the most huggable, forgivable, sweetest trainwrecks ever.

    how is your largest city’s mayor a fat crackhead? why is he so honest? where does that accent come from?


    obvs we don’t know his politics, but who cares about that. apparently you stripped him of many of his powers.

    now you have a powerless court jester running around knocking over ladies with his big belly.

    where are the Rob Ford dolls? where is the Rob Ford candy bars? where is the Rob Ford Betty Ford sobriety coins?

    yes i think he will be re-elected because he is the finest in canadian entertainment since pamela anderson.

    the man just wants to lower taxes. while getting drunk. while getting high. while hanging out with hookers.

    and being barraged by the press in front of his modest home.

    this is your creation TO and you shouldnt be embarrassed. we see ourselves when we see Rob Ford.

    and by ourselves, of course we mean our lovable uncle who lives in a van down by the river.

    i hope he runs for Prime Minister.

  7. Monday, November 11, 2013

    today is alyson’s birthday, shes 24 


    one of the biggest problems with not having a flying car (yet)

    is that there are literally hundreds of busblog readers who i would totally be friends with IRL

    if only they lived anywheres near me.

    at the top of the list is todays birthday girl, alyson shane, of winnipeg, manitoba, canada

    alyson is an oldschool blogger who still blogs on blogger.com

    and she does so beautifully and regularly, and with soul.

    every now and then she will send me a little email asking how i am whats going on and am i hanging in there

    i totally super appreciate that.

    we have done some “interviews” that i want to do with other bloggers after i saw how honest she was with her answers, so if i ever have a blogger book, you can thank alyson for being a great test subject.

    i dont know too much aboot manitoba other than, as she says, its lovely and beautiful and filled with great people

    apparently you can walk on rivers of ice as the moon is in the sky like a big apple pie

    and the hockey players commute by holding on to the tails of the wild moose that roam the streets.

    so happy birthday alyson. im sure you’ll have a fine time on the big town tonight!

  8. Tuesday, November 5, 2013

    will Toronto Mayor Rob Ford step down after admitting to smoking crack? 

    rob ford nopeOh hell no. Indeed here is a transcript from his press conference today:

    I embarrassed everyone in the city and I will be forever sorry. There is only one person to blame for this and that is myself.

    I know admitting my mistake was the right thing to do and I feel like 1000 pounds have been lifted off my shoulders.

    I can’t explain how difficult this was to do. I hope, I hope that nobody, that nobody has to go through what I have gone through.

    I know what I did was wrong and admitting it was the most difficult and embarrassing thing I have ever had to do.

    Folks, I have nothing left to hide.

    I would do anything, absolutely anything, to change the past. But the past is the past, and we must move forward. I want to be clear; I want to be crystal clear to every single person: these mistakes will never, ever, ever happen again.

    I kept this from my family, especially my brother Doug. My staff, my council colleagues, because I was embarrassed and ashamed.

    To the residents of Toronto: I know I have let you down and I can’t do anything else but apologize. I’m so sorry.

    I know, I know I have to regain your trust and your confidence. I love my job. I love my job and I love this city. I love saving taxpayers money and I love being your mayor.

    There’s important work that we must advance and important decisions that must be made.

    For the sake of the taxpayers of this great city, for the sake of the taxpayers, we must get back to work immediately. We must keep Toronto moving forward.

    I was elected to do a job and that’s exactly what I’m going to continue doing.

    In 2010, I made a commitment to Toronto voters. I have delivered on that commitment and I will continue to deliver on that commitment of saving taxpayers money.

    But they have a choice. We live in a democracy and on Oct. 27 of 2014 I want the people of this great city to decide whether they want Rob Ford to be their mayor. Again, I sincerely, sincerely, sincerely apologize.
    God bless the people of Toronto. Thank you very much.

  9. Sunday, October 13, 2013
  10. Tuesday, October 8, 2013