busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, September 25, 2013

    dear tony, Green or Pink? 

    sass in pink IMG_6972

    im not sure exactly how i continue to be given these assignments.

    my personal fashion choices usually revolve around: what is clean, what is most wrinkly,

    and what goes best with a Cubs hat.

    but strangely the most beautiful women ask my advice on what they should wear

    even though my first response is usually haminahaminahamina.

    me personally i dont think men should ever tell women what to put on their body or what to do with their body

    if anything we should just be happy that this isnt a planet filled with men.

    these two looks by Sass bring home that point beautifully.

    although they are both very playful and young, i feel like the pink one wouldn’t be complete without a curved staff.

    the green one is a touch more subtle but still adorbs.

    because im a scientist at heart id like to see that one with the cream socks, but again, who am i to wonder.

    forgive me.

    anyways, the green, to me is more welcoming, the pink is too bright a light, it’s the star trek phaser on stun.

    if you have outfits you’d like me to choose between email them to me at

    merle@thepoutinemachine.com

  2. Saturday, April 6, 2013

    xbi said we need you to go to american apparel hq 

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    i was all, no can do im on vacation.

    they said how can you be on vacation if you’re not working for them and not working for us?

    i said, i believe you just defined vacation to the t.

    they were all, then this is perfect because you dont have to do anything. just take her out to dinner, maybe a drink afterwards.

    let me tell you something about “dont have to do anything”, i told the xbi. im on a personal investigation as to the limits and mystical side effects and benefits of doing Nothing, and arranging a time with a stranger, and a place, and things to do or not do, all go against the basic principles of Nothing. once again you seem to have issues with the definitions of words.

    then they said something about no strings attached which made me hang up the phone because with them theres always strings attached in some way.

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    because Nothingness leads to Everythingness her name was Ana she was from Montreal and we ate poutine in Westwood that night. she was the first to spot the canadian and quebecois flags.

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    because i’m a dorky ugly american i had a Canadian, and because she’s classy she had white wine

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    the poutine, it was amazing. we had shaved duck, creamy beef, and traditional. the curds were imported from Wisconsin because for some reason Californian dairies don’t produce cheese curds. Say what?

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    the owner of the place, Soleil, is from Montreal and made half of his bistro dedicated to poutine. we of course mistakenly sat on the fancy wrong side and when we didn’t see one mention of poutine on the menu he politely walked us over to the correct side and we were amazed by the poutine menu and the fact that you could order a threesome of poutines ($19) of any flavor they had. my fave was the shaved duck.

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    afterwards we drove down sunset blvd and she said lets complete the french theme and have a drink at the chateau marmount. i said id never been there. she said but youve lived here longer than ive been alive. i said i know! she said why? i said i dont know, maybe cuz parking is so bad.

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    so we drank Chimay (moi) wine (la) and now i have two new favorite haunts.

  3. Thursday, February 7, 2013
  4. Tuesday, January 15, 2013

    a letter from etienne to the americans 

    etienne in chileTony,

    Chile is the best place ever.

    The Oscar-nominated film, ‘NO’

    The movie ‘Aftershock’ directed by Chilean, Nicolas Lopez, who came out with the biggest deal with Dimention (hellewwww Weinsteins!) after TIFF

    ‘Young & Wild’, official selection in film festivals around the world and also suuuuper sexy

    ‘Bonsai’, Official Selection in Cannes, written and directed by Cristian Jimenez based on AMAZING short novel written by Alejando Zambra…

    …also called ‘Bonsai’ and won the national critics’ prize for best novel and is now available in English through Melville House

    Amazing female rapper, Ana Tijoux

    The Chilean band, Astro, being written about in the NYT and other such publications that the coolsters like…

    Javiera Mena (Chilean) covering Jorge Gonzalez (another Chilean from the band Los Prisoneros)

    And let me tell you, brother, I could go on. Chile is awesome.

    Land of cool.

    Land where fax machines come to die.

    Land of waiting in lines.

    Land of $3 bottles of wine that you buy in Canada for $15.

    Land where they don’t say ‘East’ but ‘Orient’.

    Land where toilets flush the wrong way.

    Land where the big dipper is upside-down.

    Land where you can’t see the north star.

    Land where people think you’re funny if you take off your shoes in a house.

    Land where the most bread is eaten. Anywhere. In the world.

    Land where bread is shaped like a hockey puck, and no one has ever skated on ice.

    Land where local organic food is the easier option.

    Land where solar panels thrive.

    Land where they protest for quality and free education by dressing as zombies.

    Land where 100% of all water, anywhere, ever, for the rest of the life of the universe is private.

    Land where Wal-Mart bought a big super market chain and now I can buy mac&cheese.

    Land where Uva was born.

    Land where I live.

    Land that I love.

    Land that I call home.

    Etienne Aida Reyes Le Blanc

  5. Sunday, November 11, 2012
  6. Friday, November 2, 2012

    today is sass zucket’s birthday, shes 24 

    the thing about canadians are there arent two exactly the same.

    it’s freaky.

    today i woke up at 4am. i stayed in bed till 4:20. then i made some toast while i read the entire paper.

    theres some messed up things going on in the world. some sweet things, but so many messed up things. it makes you wonder, am i messing things up or sweetening it?

    one of the problems with life is the bad aggressive impolite people generally get way more stuff than the mellow peace and love artists

    and if the name of the game is getting all the things you want in life, then there becomes less incentive for the kids of the world to choose the path marked nice.

    for example, say you’re in your 60s and your wife is 60 and you’re both teachers and you know kids look up to you.

    and lets also say you have a hot tub.

    and lets additionally say one young boy finds you interesting, so you invite him TO YOUR HOME

    you get him drunk

    and you and your wife have sex with him.

    including performing sodomy on the 17 year old.

    and lets say you do all of this week after week for months.

    then lets say you get found out and arrested and you plead guilty

    but all you are given is probation. you’re not even forced to be a registered sex offender.

    so again, what does this teach kids about right and wrong,

    when doing one of the wrongest things there is – humping kids –

    is greeted with zero punishment?

    it does make you grateful for people, like sass, who do the right thing,

    and are nice to people

    and adopt stray dogs.

    im glad she didnt get washed away in the storm.

  7. Tuesday, August 21, 2012
  8. Wednesday, July 25, 2012

    today is carrie cakes birthday, shes 24 

    me and carrie when i first met carrie (pictured) i was already hallucinating.

    we were in toronto, the good people of canada had treated me to a lovely evening of karaoke at the cat in the fiddle, major pitt had just sung a sizzling rendition of the marvin gaye’s “lets get it on.”

    cheese covered french fries had just been placed at my table and it looked like spagetti.

    delicious spagetti. as i said, i was drizzunk.

    someone tapped me on my shoulder and i turned around and i saw what looked to be one of the great white north’s best bloggers, who at the time was going as

    Miss C.

    and mama mia did she look hotter than her myspace photos.

    “my boyfriend is very jealous, he’s waiting in the car,” she said looking quickly (and often) over her shoulder for said beaux. “but i wanted to meet you and say hi.”

    fortunately a photo was taken or i wouldnt have believed it.

    several years later i was back in TO. it was new years eve. the government set me up with a room at the hilton overlooking blah blah blah square where there was ice skating, terrible bands, and later fireworks.

    but carrie said hey i know some lesbians who have big dogs and hot tubs.

    its a 50 kilometer drive through the snow. wanna go?

    before i knew it i was being snowed on while soaking in a hot tub in the mountains of Barrie.

    carrie painted us all up to look like the dudes from Clockwork Orange. why? why not?

    now carrie is an award winning cupcake and cake artist.

    i hope someone makes her an awesome cake for her awesome birthday cuz shes awesome.

    happy birthday ms cakes!

  9. Tuesday, April 17, 2012

    this Hollogramchella may have to be more than just two weekends 

    Coachella 2013 All Hologram Poster

    Kristen Göetz is an interesting Torontoian. Like all the babes in TO and the GTA shes a knock out.

    But what is exceedingly interesting to me is she may be hotter as a blonde than a brunette: something i dont think ive ever preferred.

    Not matter, thanks to holograms, lucky suitors could date both a blonde and a brunette Göetz because life is amazing.

    Likewise, Göetz posted the above poster from an upcoming Coachella featuring nothing but hologram bands.

    As long as the beer and tan lines are real, then it all works for me.

  10. Monday, July 25, 2011

    today is missc’s birthday, shes 24 

    we first met in a brief but amazing twenty minutes when i traveled around the globe and stopped off in toronto to sing karaoke and taste wines.

    her jealous then-boyfriend knew of the powers of the busblog and like arcade fire kept the car running as his stunning blogging gf rushed around saying hi to everyone including yrs truly

    as if carrie would give me the time of day.

    also, it was night.

    i was barely able to put words into sentences as ive always liked her blog and now she shows off even more by making the most amazingly looking cakes and cupcakes youve ever seen.

    thus shes changed her blog name to Carrie Cakes.

    two new years’s ago i found myself back in canadas biggest city and i lucked out and was kidnapped by carrie and her disgusting but sorta hilarious pal pauley. they drove me through the snow to a crazy fun town up in the mountains.

    we soaked in a hut tub as the huge snowflakes floated down on us as we sported clockwork orange makeup and reminisced about her air hockey prowess.

    recently carrie’s bff courtney came to LA and we ate good food and talked about carrie and we both lit up as we did. shes a special girl with a cute accent and i wish she would ship her delicacies to the states. dont you?

    in the meantime happy birthday carrie cakes, inventor of the two cakes one cup delight that has spread across canada like this summers heat wave.