busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Monday, March 2, 2015

    because im a gazillion, ive bought several cars over the yrs 

    benza saturn right outta college

    then an explorer

    then a two seater quasi sports car that i gave to this poor black kid, which i just remembered

    d’monde was his name. that car smelled funny. not bad, but just funny. so fast.

    then i rode the bus for years and years.

    i dated some of the prettiest girls during that time, and started this very blog.

    for some reason waited until i was canned till i bought a nissan from yr pal ken, a sentra,

    and then gave that to americas sweetheart, danielle, down in san dieger because she was broke and i wasnt

    bought a brand new tits out camaro ss fully loaded because mid life not-so-crisis.

    traded that in for the uber mobile ford

    and then yesterday traded that for some german engineering, also for uber

    but as far as the xbi thinks, for them.

    they love benzes in hollywood because they blend in.

    theyre begging me not to transfer the vanity plates but i dont work for them no matter what they say.

    they’re promising me so much money if i just end the joke of an undercover agent telegraphing to the world that we’re right there.

    it would be like if an unmarked cop car had a license plate that said police on it.

    but crooks are dumb, as has been proven zillions of times, and half of them dont even know who the xbi is

    any more.

    which is another thing the xbi loves.

    and even though this ride is a step back technologically, navigationally, gas mileagely, and back seat actioney,

    it is nice to be lower to the ground and hear a damn engine again.

    desperately need the rear view camera fixed though because i got spoiled actually knowing how close i am to the car behind me is when im parallel parking.

  2. Tuesday, January 6, 2015

    the cats lay next to my bedroom door 

    bella and they push their paws under my door.

    usually they’re playing with little cat toys, or bottlecaps, or tacks

    and they’ll push it under the door to me and just lay there waiting for me to return it.

    it’s a bizarre version of catch.

    called CatCh.

    pretty sure im selling my car in a week or two.

    yesterday i went to Carmax and looked at a few Mercedes.

    the 250 is cool looking but the backseat was pretty tight.

    the 300 isnt that much more expensive but they only had it in gray and i wanted it in black.

    cuz its beautiful.

    absolutely no pressure. in fact the saleslady told me to call my Ford dealer and see if they could give me a better price for my Cmax.

    my payment for the mercedes would be exactly the same as for my current car, and it has the same mileage (24k) – how is that possible?!?

    but last night i sorta fell in love with the Audi 6. not only is it slicker looking, i think, but for $25 a month it could be its own personal hotspot.

    yes, wifi in my ride.

    what passenger wouldnt love that?

    to me that would be worth the double price id be charging them to ride with me.

    the 2012 Audi 6 is a little more than the 2013 mercedes 300 but it might be worth it.

    only problem: carmax doesnt have any, and dealerships are $$$$

  3. Thursday, December 19, 2013

    pretty much love my car 

    hybrid

    things i totally love about it:

    the gas mileage is great. every now and then i look at the dashboard after a little trip and see what my MPG was and i see something awesome like 50 MPG or in this case 48.1 and im all, hell yeah.

    the stereo is good and loud and fantastic.

    it drives very nicely and smoothly and quietly.

    things im not crazy about:

    the voice navigation isnt good. if you say something like Destination: Hollywood Palladium, it has no freaking idea what youre talking about

    the touch screen navigation isnt good. if you try to type in an address, it wont let you go to different fields (like city) very easily.

    it doesnt look hot. especially compared to a Camaro.

    other than that i love it and it was a great purchase.

  4. Saturday, November 2, 2013

    i need a new car. xbi has always hated the xbimobile 

    gracias caddy

    its too flashy, its too obvious, its too expensive to insure, its too memorable,

    it freaking says xbi on it.

    its impracticable, its hard to put bad guys in the back.

    the trunk is too small, the gas mileage is bad, and you cant see well when youre driving.

    yes it looks cool and has an excellent stereo, and even though i dont work for them any more, they whine. a lot.

    walked past this used car lot yesterday and saw this old caddy and took a picture

    without even realizing how excellent the license plate was.

    and now i want it.

  5. Tuesday, October 1, 2013
  6. Wednesday, July 24, 2013

    anything is possible… so be careful 

    fat dude hot chick at the poolbecause the Lord is amazing and created a world so large that pretty much anything can happen, the bad news is

    anything can happen.

    good things, bad things, horrible things, magical things.

    one of the least talked about of the ten commandments is the tenth one: do not covet yr neighbor’s ish.

    Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.

    it’s hard at times because you might see your buddy’s new car or his huge backyard or his hot wife (or mistress)… or his life

    and you might say to yourself: oh hell yeah! want!

    but how many times have you wanted something and like neil young realized it was a piece of crap?

    if youre anything like me the answer is lots of times.

    and while it’s true that one mans trash is another mans treasure– seriously how often does that happen.

    usually what happens is one mans treasure is another man’s (foolish) desire to gank steal and ruin, and thats just unfortunate.

    for example i drive an xbi mobile that people seem to love. they love it more than i do for sure.

    despite the fact that ive had some good times in it, it’s really amazing that anything could have happened there.

    in fact the entire thing is impractical and id be shocked if it’s in my possession by the world series.

    likewise ive dated some amazing women. and ive had buddies say to me mama mia whats it like.

    and usually i say it’s probably exactly what it was when you dated: sometimes it’s miserable and sometimes it’s omg

    but theres a reason the alcohol business will never go out of business.

    Buddah’s second noble truth says that all suffering is rooted in desire.

    and because the first noble truth is that suffering is unavoidable, i think the bible is telling us to choose carefully as to what we desire.

    often it tells us to forget about things of this world. like hot babes, fast cars, and probably anything you could get at best buy.

    when we desire less selfish things and put ourselves in positions to omg help our neighbors instead of wanting to pork their concubines

    far less evil transpires in achieving those hopes and wishes.

    now take on the day.

  7. Monday, November 15, 2010

    midlife crisis: engaged 

    there was a bank error in my favor.

    a long lost relative died and left me a small inheritance.

    i bet a lot of money at the beginning of the season that the bears would be 6-3 by 11/15.

    i sold all my baseball cards and bet it all against zenyatta.

    i saved diligently for years and invested wisely.

    next: purchase a members only jacket and start dating teens again.