nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, August 22, 2019

    had quite a day today 

    it started early in the morning.

    i wanted it to start at 5pm cuz they said u can pick 5pm or 10am in santa monica and i said 5pm and they said too late all we have is 10am

    and because they were paying $200 and beggars cant be choosers i said fine, fuckit, 10am. problem is last night after a delicious thai dinner, i passed out at 8pm. around 1am amber still wasnt in bed and weirdly that wakes me up.

    its not that im afraid shes cheating on me or nothin, i just have grown accustomed to a hot babe spooning my unworthy ass at that hour and when it’s not happening i wake up and my body goes wtf.

    but then my body thinks that four hours of z’s was a nap, and then im fucked till 5am. and my alarm was set for 8 because going from East Hollywood to Santa Monica in the morning is a schlep. i know this because ive been considering jobs on that side of town as that is “Silicone Beach” now and all your favorite companies are there for some reason which is ridic because the rents are the highest, the commutes are the worst and wtf, make your shit in DTLA in cool old buildings surrounded with possibilities.

    woke up, shit showered and didnt shave and listened to the end of Artie Lange’s crash and burn which was touching because it was a little about Bruce Springsteen which was interesting because just yesterday i saw Blinded By The Light which is now my favorite movie of the year.

    got to the place and its 90 minutes with Twitter. and i gave them the best advice and i wonder if they will take it to heart. it was not about a topic that i woulda brought up, which made my advice even that much more magical. this was something that they were really interested in and i gave them The Solution.

    afterwards i had the rest of the day to myself and because i had paid $14 all day parking at santa monica civic i decided to deposit the money and take a little uber bike to venice.

    that was a disaster. in fact my bike got stolen while i was at the ATM and this son of a gun rode the bike for three hours, i shit you not. $50 charge. not sure if he just did a bunch of drug deals or because he couldn’t turn it off, he parked it then someone else stole it. and so on and so on.

    life is so weird.

    so then i tried to take a Bird. but parts of Venice wont let you Bird. they’ll let you rent it but they wont let you ride it. the whole things a racket.

    but Venice was where i had my first ever apartment back in the dark ages. it’s where i had some fun shenanigans. and it was even the place, when i first moved to california, where i would watch the sunset into the ocean as often as possible. cuz they just didnt have that where i came from.

    me and venice are bros. so one lady offered me a taste of some pizza. someone else gave me a bottle of water which i gave to a homeless guy. i watched some skateboarding. i heard these jamacians hustle tourists. it was a good day.

    then i wanted to ride a Metro bike back to the Civic Center but that thing was a royal pain in the ass. I had a Tap card. I had the app. but it didnt matter. today was not my day for riding these things around Venice. So i walked over to Innes Place where i once lived and there i saw this little bike thats motorized. so i took that in the bike lane down Ocean Ave and whattya know right after the Santa Monica line, it died. because Santa Monica doesnt allow them. but it didnt die AT the line, it waited a good block to die. and you cant just leave it there you gotta walk it backward from where you are to end the ride.

    this is why the dinosaurs went extent. they jumped off cliffs due to this nonsense.

    have i mentioned santa monica is not the place where i would put my business?

    got in a lyft then drove to the santa monica kanpai, which was showing the last few outs of the Cubs game. yay. incredible lunch. $30? some handrolls, some spicy albacore, a coke, a smile, and a how ya been from the sushi chef who ive waved at for going on 10 years now.

    feeling strong i drove home beating the rush hour.

    turned on the youtube and watched this guy open baseball cards.

    i dont know why but when im working on things – im working on something – i love having this guy on in the background opening baseball cards. i live vicariously through him. but also he teaches you about the players when he does it.

    one of the things i learned is a perfectly graded Ozzie Smith rookie card is worth $20k-$30k because that year the printing was really bad and a lot of the cards were not perfectly centered. like it’s hugging the right edge or the left edge or the top is a little high up there.

    and sure enough two of my Ozzie Smith rooks are way off-center.

    so i started digging around to see if i had any more, because in 79 i was babysitting my neighbor. and back then cards were 20 cents a pack. so i would ask for 40 cents an hour so i could get two packs of baseball cards.

    how crazy would it be if a card from a pack from my babysitting days could wipe out all my credit card debt and get me on the right side of life again? how bizarre would that be?

    fell asleep thinking about that. woke up and thought, ambers not gonna be home till late, the rolling stones are playing in pasadena. i wonder if people are panicking and selling their tix at the last minute for below cost and i can catch the boys on what will probably be their last huge tour?

    as i was doing that amber called, emotional, and needed me to do something for her over in beverly hills. swimming pools. movie stars. and of course i said yes because yeah its only rock n roll, but i like her.

    so i did the thing. got a hug out of the deal. and had time to kill. so i went to south LA because thats where the nearest Popeyes is and everyones going crazy about their new chicken sandwich. theres a damn chicken war happening right now between Popeyes and Chick Fil Ayyyyy. Wendys is sniping from the brambles too.

    so i go. huge line inside. two giant drive thru lines happening outside. now im listening to Jim Acosta read his book Enemy of the People. so i dont mind waiting 20 minutes for this sandwhich.

    get to the drive through.

    terrible sign.

    outta the sandwiches.

    but at least the Cubs won.

  2. Wednesday, May 29, 2013

    Romero’s Rotisserie Chicken n Donuts 


    Hello and welcome to the first installment The Quest For the Best Damn Chicken in LA

    Today I went to Romero’s Rotisserie Chicken n Donuts.
    it’s at 611 N Virgil Ave in “Silver Lake”
    but it’s really Wilshire Center right near the 101 next to Royal Laundramat.


    Look for the super bright yellow building with the picture of a chicken holding a pink donut


    They’ve got a wood-fired chicken thing going on. Mesquite. You can see the wood by the laundramat.


    And because we live in America, theres donuts, pastries, croisants and danishes sitting right there for ya.


    Romero’s supports Hollywood High, which is nice but weird, since there’s about 5 schools closer to them

    Including the super freaky looking Camino Nuevo Charter Academy in the middle of the road


    they have two tvs including a big screen in the back. they serve Coke and Pepsi. (nearby KFC only serves pepsi.)


    on Tuesdays tacos are just a buck so you could literally pay in change.


    you can sit out front where the action is or in the back and watch the aforementioned big screen.


    i had the half chicken, spanish rice and potato salad.

    the salsa was mild and flavorful and the chicken was moist

    but the skin was the best. tasty, almost crispy somehow.

    the potato salad was also very good. the dude said it was his wifes recipe.

    isnt that what you want, people

    it’s what i want.

    very happy to start the ball rolling with Romero’s Rotisserie Chicken n Donuts

    i did not eat a donut because im watching my weight

  3. Tuesday, May 28, 2013

    people do some dumbass things in the name of love 

    fly like a beagle

    and in the name of god or country or work.

    they do things that they know aren’t nice or right or visionary or kosher.

    but they do em anyway and they try to get it out of their head and they go to bed.

    and in the morning is a new day.

    and hopefully they do something good that day.

    i love chicken. some may say eating meat is murder and they actually do have a point.

    but i am a black man. and next to my momma and grape soda, i love chicken the most.

    i also find myself currently with a lot of time on my hands while living dead center in the middle of one of the coolest cities in the whole wide world: if not the coolest.

    especially for chicken.

    for, you see, we have black folk, mexican folk, asian folk, armenian folk, and white folk all making delicious chicken dishes every day in this crazy metropolis

    for sale.

    in order to honor the chickens who gave their lives for our nourishment, im thinking i should probably go to a different joint about 3-4 times each week to eat, document, and ultimately rate the establishments so as to determine

    the best chicken in all of LA

    and i might have to start it today.

    if you know of any places i shouldn’t miss feel free to tell me somehow.

  4. Friday, August 3, 2012

    winner winner chicken dinner 

    chick fell-a

    do i agree with ceo’s of companies speaking their minds: sure.

    do i agree with people having a problem with gay marriages? let freedom ring.

    do i think its ok for people to flood chicken restaurants to agree with ceos? sure

    do i think its ok for people to make out in front of chicken restaurants to protest? duh.

    will i make out with my fellow man in front of a chicken restaurant out of solidarity? hmmmm

    will i eat chicken today somewhere? oh hell yeah.

    am i happy that today is friday. omg omg omg.

    do i love each and every one of you so much that i would eat chicken with you tonight?