nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, December 26, 2014

    a merry busblog Christmas wish 

    merry christmasthis is now the 13th Christmas that the busblog has been around. i know, seriously?

    almost every day for the last year ive had a struggle about what to post or how.

    do i make something fantastical, bizarre, and weird

    or do i simply report the facts in a boring way and get on with real life.

    ive done my best to mix the two because boring isnt beautiful.

    but i have the desire to make things weirder and weirder because thats what hendrix taught us and for some reason we resist.

    so heres my plan for the upcoming year.

    i have about a dozen secret blogs. theyre all boring, which defeats the purpose.

    so on the world famous busblog going forward things will get weird.

    then on the super secret down and dirty try to find it korean hackers blog will be the real life tales of the day. like old school journal diary three ring binder omg i cant believe what happened today.

    but since nothing in here is true who knows what i’ll do.

    my only hope is it isnt boring because the worst thing you could do to your reader is waste their time.

    i have to go into work today because my work-from-home computer isnt syncing with my desk computer

    then im gonna drive around LA because LA is all sparkley from last weeks rains and blow dried from the winds. it’s gorgeous.

    also cuz i miss driving and i get to do it for the next two weeks straight.

    too bad i cant bring the kittens.

    wish i could.

  2. Thursday, December 25, 2014

    ali was all lets have a drink 

    rustic inn

    shes of the jewish persuasion which means her parents made mexican food last night

    i had a pizza and i tossed a little tuna fish into the kitties bowl.

    why not.

    we drank and the music was beautiful, mostly classic rock and a little metal.

    it’s interesting which places are open and which are closed on christmas eve.

    and today i watched movies and passed out as the kittens curled up next to me

    and i chilled to the next episode.

    tonight i’ll dine with jeanine, who today is 100 days sober.

    the best movie i watched today was wreck-it ralph, second time ive seen it.

    the details, the messages, damn.

    and way better than frozen

  3. Tuesday, December 16, 2014
  4. Friday, December 27, 2013
  5. Wednesday, December 25, 2013

    two thousand and 14 years ago today a little baby had a price on his head 

    little house

    dude wasnt even born yet and the king of the land wanted him murdered.

    the baby’s dad had one job. get a motel room.

    bro didn’t have to impregnate the momma, didnt have to have a good job, big house, nothing

    just had to find a place to deliver this angel unto the world.

    today is the birthday of an actual angel.

    the dictionary says an angel is “a spiritual being believed to act as an attendant, agent, or messenger of God, conventionally represented in human form with wings and a long robe.”

    so minus the wings thats what todays birthday boy was: a living angel sent here to be our agent


    and attendant.

    when i think about Christianity i think about those things.

    even in the old testament humans were made by God to attend to the Earth and all the cool freaky things down here

    and some of the freaky things are the people who wanna get in the way of Good.

    or who i find more interesting: the people who get in the way and don’t even realize it.

    Herod wasn’t the only hater Jesus had in his life.

    in fact it’s easier to count the number of people who were all Team Jesus than those who weren’t buying it.

    even his so called disciples turned their back on him – and worse, their hearts – at some point.

    but Jesus kept on trucking because he knew his role: to be our attendant – and who are we?

    idiots who eat apples because talking snakes tell us to.

    morons who lose our minds over things that look pretty in the right light.

    and lemmings who fall for the same traps that our predecessors did no matter how much we claim we’ve learned.

    thats who Jesus signed up to sacrifice everything for

    for some unknown reason thats never fully explained in the good book

    which means it could only be one thing

    if it’s not logical, it must be for love.

    happy birthday you crazy angel

    thank you for making us in your loving image.

    for no good reason other than to see what else can be done using true angelic love.

  6. Tuesday, December 24, 2013

    obey sample sale: giant success 

    obey sign outside

    if you know me, you know that my favorite part of Christmas is the world famous Obey Sample Sale.

    the only nuisance for this 114 year old man is the lines can sometimes be 3-4 hours,

    as etienne and i experienced two years ago.

    but a nice busblog reader who works at Obey Giant was nice enough to give me a Friends & Family pass for Friday

    sadly i had to work late Friday so ali was all, hey lets try to get up early on Saturday and go down there

    ali 1

    when we arrived there was a super long line, food trucks, and a band playing

    but ali said, just go ask the nice man eating the burrito if our pass could be accepted today.

    so i thought good thoughts and handed him the pass and he gave ali and i VIP badges  and in 0 seconds we were in!

    obey sign inside

    after selling the xbi mobile i suddenly had a few extra bucks in my paypal account which is dangerous

    because if it has an obey logo, especially an andre the giant logo, i’ll be very tempted to buy it

    obey stencil

    which is even more dangerous thanks to the fact that the VIP badge meant we had no time limit in the warehouse.

    time limit? yes. back in the day Obey realized that the best way to keep the line moving

    is to restrict people’s shopping sprees to just 30 minutes.

    not only does it let more people in the place, but it creates a tad of a frenzied atmosphere

    obey shirts mens

    that mixed with the amazing deals ($40 shirts for $10, $120 jackets for $40, etc)

    and the dj playing punk rock and gangsta rap

    mad house

    had people filling the aisles and stuffing their garbage bags with sweet ass bargains.


    hats were $10 or 3 for $25, for example.

    at those prices who doesn’t want a doberman sitting next to a flaming garbage can hat!?


    or any variety of these chapeaus for yr former fro?!

    empty bins

    needless to say the supplies went fast but the replenishers replenished quickly

    baby shopping

    this lady got the last baby. lucky.

    womens shirts

    indeed they had lots of new stuff including an expanded womens area.

    happy ali

    ali was stoked

    baby checkout

    the baby was exhausted

    for the kids

    and everyone who brought a toy for a kid or food for the hungry got a free cap. these were all who were that sweet.

    checkout lines

    most people had one bag of stuffs. i had two. two bags set me back $230.

    which accounted for two hoodies, a varsity jacket, a backpack, a belt, a striped shirt, a thick flannel, a thin flannel,

    two tshirts, three hats, and a beautiful sweater.

    my booty

    merry christmas has a posse!

  7. Wednesday, December 18, 2013

    sunset in our office is amaze 


    too bad we cant see it

    but because im sneaky i’ll give you what i can.

    today is brad pitt, steven spielberg, and keith richards’ birthdays

    ones 50 ones 67 and ones 70.

    i did all my Christmas shopping yesterday for my family. thanks Amazon.com!

    i sent everything to my moms house, pre-wrapped: thanks Internet

    how did the Indians do it??

  8. Sunday, December 8, 2013

    pat zaph asks, are you in favour of Elf on a Shelf, why or why not? 


    the story of Jesus’s miracle birth has stiff competition with free toys from Santa Claus.

    youd think thatd be enough in the neverending War on Christmas

    but no, someones gotta add new characters with new superpowers

    with the additional benefit of being adorably cute


    and easy to put into compromising and creative situations.


    Elf on a Shelf is equal parts cute and creepy,

    which i suppose isn’t too far off from the tale of the obese “jolly” guy

    breaking and entering into countless homes


    and although i am overwhelmingly impressed with the creativity the impish elf inspires

    i still find it weird that for a country that swears it’s Christian, i hardly ever hear or see

    the real story about how the sweet and humble new middle eastern family had to escape to Africa

    because the local King wanted to kill their newborn baby boy.

    and how the dad had one job.

    one job.

    find your new wife, the woman who is pregnant with God’s miracle son, somewhere to deliver it.

    he had one job.

    likewise King Herod’s army had one job: kill the lil baby,

    word is he’s on a donkey with his mom and dad heading south


    i don’t know much about kids. maybe kids like this stuff.

    elfs, santas, reindeers.

    and maybe they dont wanna hear about the baby who had a price on his head


    but if i had kids and i had the chance to tell them a totally fake elf tale or a possibly true story

    about a sweet young virgin mom,

    and her husband, a young man who now had a chance to redeem himself from his bethlehem bungle,

    who then makes a run for the border with the help of three bad wisemen you know so well

    (not bad meaning bad but bad meaning good)


    odds are the elf would probably make it into the house anyway,

    and if he did, i’d hope my kids would know what to do with him.

  9. Wednesday, December 26, 2012

    when did the Elf on the shelf or whatever become a Thing? 

    kyla and her elf

    i dont mind Christmas traditions


    ——–> JESUS CHRIST <——

    leading up to and on his birthday.

    but if theres one thing i hate it’s “traditions” that aren’t traditional

    phony, consumer orientated, and/or just another lie to ruin the trust of our children.

    and by “our” of course i mean “your”.

    when i was a lad the lie was that big fat Santa slid down everyones chimneys and delivered toys

    to all the good little boys and girls


    somehow Rudolph, Frosty, and even Mrs. Claus worked their way into the grand sham

    despite the fact that the original story of Jesus was pretty magical and fascinating enough.

    540410_4869051371382_247139618_nBut apparently virgin births of babies who have to high tail it outta town cuz the ruling king was gonna slaughter it wasn’t good enough for the modern world but i digress.

    somewhere in the last 7-8 years this little Elf has made its way into the massive lie.

    from what i gather you buy a cute little elf and put him into random places around your house

    i dont know, to trick your kids into being good because somehow the elf watches to see that youre little angels arent snorting bath salts and trading arms for hostages.

    each night the elf flies to the North Pole and rats out all the bad little kids and appears the next day in a new weird spot in your crib.

    you name him. and tuck him away after Christmas. but has this fake crap backfired?


    one of my niece’s friends said, “I don’t believe in Santa anymore because I saw Merle, our Elf, this summer in a box in our closet.”

    which made me laugh so hard i nearly choked on my Irish coffee.

    so when did all of this become a thing? Fox News tells me: 2004. Figures.

    Bottom photo by Susan, Robinwood Photography