This Christmas I showered Amber with all the gifts you’d expect: diamonds, fur, diabetic candies.
But I knew she could get that from any man.
Also I knew what she secretly wanted. Something she’s been hinting at during little bickerings that couples typically have.
I am perfect in nearly every way. But let’s just say I don’t keep the tidiest house. Never have. Never will. Some say it’s a sign of a creative mind. But I’m not so sure. It might just be that I am a filthy animal.
So yesterday I had work to do, things to write, errands to run, but instead I spent most of the day cleaning our happy home while she was at work.
I picked her up, we had a quick dinner, went to a party, attended midnight mass, and when we got home she was exhausted. She opened the door and the house was clean. The lights twinkled. The cats yawned. And she began to cry.
I hugged her but she didn’t move.
“This is all I’ve ever wanted.” She cried more.
She walked around the pad and cried cuz it was all cleaned up. Little did she know I sold most of it for weed and baseball cards but what I couldn’t unload were put away, vacuumed, bed was made, porn was alphabetized, and the presents were neatly stacked beneath the dusty guitar.
In the morning she woke up in tears again because she thought last night had been a dream.
I think we’ve all had a few of those mornings.