nothing in here is true

  1. Tuesday, June 17, 2014

    why lebron should become a clipper 

    tumblr_m9swpcsdh01qb5wbbo1_500Lebron James has a problem. he is the best basketball player in the world but everyone hates him.

    he doesnt wanna be hated. no one does. he may pretend it doesnt bother him but hes human. it kills him.

    which is why when his contract is over he will become a Clipper.

    almost anywhere he could go he would be hated except for the team with the weird recent history

    and two loveable stars.

    paul allen would easily be able to give him whatever he wanted, salary wise

    and he also might be able to pull some strings if the small forward wants microsoft to change the name of Internet Explorer to The King James Browser.

    Bron’s biggest mistake during the last Decision was in picking the favorite instead of the underdog.

    OKC doesnt have what it takes, San Antonio’s old, and the Lakers have a long way to go,

    the Clippers will always remember its first ring because of LeBron James

    and Compton will love him because in an unexpected stroke of genius he decided to buy a few homes in the South Central city.

    and work in the tattoo shop on the corner in the summer.

  2. Sunday, May 4, 2014

    Sat next to Farook and Ali at the Clipper game 


    xbi was all wanna see game 7?

    I was like nah

    They were all front row upper deck drink tickets free tacos

    I said yawn I’d rather see it at home, alone, in my pajamas

    They were all: you can park in our parking lot for free

    I said can I get a plus one?


    They were like sure but you gotta do a flavor for us.

    I went see always a catch with you guys can’t just flow a brother outta the kindness of your heart alwas gotta be quid pro quo alwas gotta be a ying pro yang. What. What do you want me to do: kill someone at halftime? Poison the other teams Gatorade? Hack the scoreboard? Trade arms for hostages?


    They said those are all great ideas, but can you bring us back a few shirts? They might be giving them away.

    And I felt bad for distrusting my old agency.

    So I said yeah sure.

    And at halftime I did them an extra favor at no add’l cost bc they had been so nice.

  3. Tuesday, April 29, 2014

    today donald sterling got banned for life from the nba for saying racist things 

    donald sterling with mistress

    because life is amazing and karma can be (close to) instant, heres how it went down.

    Sterling was pretty racist during most of his financially successful life.

    but because people are complex, he fell in lust with a half mexican half black 20something

    and started cheating on his wife of 50 years

    because as Chris Rock says, men are only as loyal as their options

    and apparently when youre rich or handsome you have lots of options.

    since Sterling is both, he can pull any woman in LA.

    unfortunately for him he wound up with someone who didnt appreciate being sued by his wife for $1.8 million

    maybe because she does not have $1.8 million, but she does have access to the Record app on her iPhone

    and she knew how to get her sugar daddy to talk and talk and talk.

    i wonder how she got him to do that. maybe it was the outfit she was pouring him the juice in?

    anyways the chain of events of Wife sues Mistress, Mistress releases Tape of Sugar Daddy

    to Sugar Daddy gets banned from NBA for ever-ever

    was quicker than anyone expected for a few reasons

    1. Sterling was unliked

    2. The evidence of the racism was clear

    3. It involved a beloved black NBA star who has been living beautifully with a deadly disease

    4. It spread through the Internet from a source that isn’t burdened by office politics: T Em Zed

    We are through the looking glass people.

    From now on I will only kiss my mistress and whisper sweet nothings into her ear.

  4. Wednesday, July 17, 2013

    dear tony, why do you think new laker chris kaman asked for a single digit number 

    retired laker jerseys

    instead of the number that he has worn his whole career, 35?


    roland harper

    Dear Roland,

    According to Funky Cold, the former Clipper “deadpanned his newly adorned No. 9 jersey had ‘zero significance’ other than wanting a single-digit number.”

    But I have a feeling that if I was going to join a team who have numbers 32, 33, and 34 hanging from the rafters

    Magic, Kareem and Shaq

    i’d be a little intimidated to put on 35.

    especially since all three of them are still quite vocal in Lakerland.

    indeed taking the number of another former Clipper turned Laker,

    Lamar Odom

    is a far more reasonable goal to shoot for.

  5. Tuesday, May 21, 2013

    why life sucks a lot: lead the eternally lousy Clippers to their best record ever = get canned 

    vinny del negro

    life isnt fair.

    if theres one theme the busblog has beaten into the ground it’s that one.

    the good stuff happens in weird chunks

    and the bad stuff happens when you least expect it to those who dont deserve it.

    the Clippers clearly want to re-sign their star Chris Paul

    Chris Paul clearly does not want Vinny Del Negro to be his coach so the Clippers let him go today.

    but in life it’s not always best to let the big superstar to decide who his boss will be.

    because when you do that you make the wrong person the boss and the one who was hired to be boss really isnt it.

    there are coaches and there are players. theres only one boss and it should never be the player.

    the boss should be the person who gets the best results out of the team.


    you dont have to like him, or understand him, or even believe in him.

    but if that fucker gets you wins in a respectful and honorable way he should not have to worry about job security.

    once again the clippers have made a giant error.

    unless they think Phil Jackson is going to come out of retirement to crush his girlfriend’s team.

    which aint happening neither.

    be loyal to the people who do amazing work for you: or prepare to harvest bitter herbs.

  6. Friday, January 4, 2013
  7. Thursday, December 6, 2012

    you dont even have to know much about hoops to enjoy this 

    the clippers were so on fire last night against the dallas mavericks

    that big mouth Mark Cuban was beside himself courtside during the final seconds

    just looking up in the sky with the saddest expression

    because this is exactly the type of fast break slam dunking run n gun team he loves

    the clips are young, fun, dynamic, deep, and firing on all pistons

    and they blew out the mavs last night at staples to a capacity crowd

    i totally shoulda gone but i took a nap, took a phone call, then slept for 7 hours more

    god bless you donald t sterling for letting this happen

  8. Monday, May 21, 2012

    final clipper game of the year 

    chris at staples

    xbi is taking the truest away for a few years.

    they think it’ll break me. (it may)

    they’re training her for something supercool and blah blah blah but i will miss her and so will LA

    so the xbi got us some front row (upper deck) clippers tix last night at staples and it was nice.

    before the game we went to mohawk bend and tipped a few. i ate fish n chips. she had a burger.

    we took metro there and back which meant i could have a few Sam Adamses for just $12.50 each.

    it made me think: how can i get in a situation where i am allowed to charge people $12.50 for a sixteen ounce beer.

    and then i thought, why would i ever charge someone $12.50 for a beer?

    maybe for a fundraiser to cure cancer. but other than that aren’t i being super greedy

    and kinda a bad person?

    did my mom go through 20 hours of labor so i could gouge people when i grew up?

    pretty sure she didn’t.

    anyway i love chris and it was very nice to see the game with her. even though it ended in heartbreak.

    chris had the best idea: clippers fans should get their beers for $5, tops.

  9. Monday, April 30, 2012

    dont ever give up. ever ever ever 

    phillie phanatic

    ive had girlfriends who dont understand sports. and dude co-workers.

    and they’d ask whats the point? these are all humans with gene mutations.

    these are all roided up jocks who you would have hated to be friends with.

    these are all freaks of nature who are benefiting from over excited pituitary glands.

    but id say this isnt anything like that. yes some of these people are taller or bigger or faster,

    but at the heart of sports just like the heart of anything are people who

    simply want to win.

    indeed, at the heart of sports is heart.

    something we can all relate to. something we can definitely learn from.

    this weekend several things happened that on paper should never have happened.

    The Clippers came back from an insurmountable deficit to beat the Memphis Grizzlies in Tennessee.

    The lowly Chicago Cubs went into Philadelphia to beat a team expected to make it into postseason play.

    and Albert Puljos of the Anaheim Angels, a man paid tens of millions a year, mostly to hit homers,

    could not hit the ball out of the infield, again.

    life has never been predictable.

    not the interesting moments, at least.

    keep playing.

  10. Thursday, April 26, 2012

    if you ever think you’re on the wrong team 

    by etienne

    and that your career is over or this year is gonna be horrible

    or that you need to fire your agent

    or that you should probably reconsider everything.

    here is something i want to interrupt your pessimism with.

    im going to call it The Los Angeles Clippers Playoff Schedule

    Game 1 – Sun, April 29 at Memphis, 6:30 (TNT)
    Game 2 – Wed, May 2 at Memphis, 6:30 (TNT)
    Game 3 – Sat, May 5 at Staples, 1:30 (ESPN)
    Game 4 – Mon, May 7 at Staples, TBD
    Game 5 * Wed, May 9 at Memphis, TBD
    Game 6 * Fri, May 11 at Staples, TBD
    Game 7 * Sun, May 13 at Memphis TBD
    * If necessary

    now take on the day