did something dumb

 

the day started out good. amber woke me up just after noon and we just stared at each other

and she said youre the hottest man alive

and i said

damn straight.

then she said, can you get out of here for a few hours today.

and i said

damn straight.

first stop was this purple church ive seen a million times.

earlier this month we saw a dead guy being examined by the coroner at the los feliz triangle. while we were there i asked the two guys looking if they were journalists. one was the other said he worked at this purple church

and you could get showers there for free.

and they were always looking for clothing donations.

who among us doesnt have a few coats we could give up, and that turned into like six bags of clothes that ended up in my trunk… for nearly three weeks.

today i finally went and they were so great. my buddy brian was there. the guy running the joint was there and as we talked i asked, hey can i get this on video, people need to know. and he was all sure.

so then i emailed that traveling youtuber living in his car because he’s been taking cold showers in Venice.

then i drove to claremont to see rob, his wife, his mother n law and his teenage son.

we all just could not stop talking because we have all been quarantining so long and they have really done a spectacular job with their trees and lights and art and gadgets.

at one point i pointed and said, why do you have this if you have that?

carrie said, thats a jacuzzi and that’s a hot tub. they’re different.

i was sent home with some fruit, berries, and a spotted aloe plant.

and also i am invited back to talk to carrie’s mom whose family was so strict that they wouldn’t let her dance. ever.

she said the first time she ever danced was at rob and carrie’s wedding.

if i only knew i was witnessing history.

on the way home i stopped by walmart and saw this Christmas tree was being sold for $0.

before i could even understand what i was seeing, a sweet young lady saw me and asked, are you going to take it?

things that are cool to do in a mercedes: blast iron maiden

things that are not cool to do in a mercedes: tell a lady driving the not a mercedes that she cannot have the free tree.

the dumb thing i did was go into the walmart looking for baseball cards

because baseball cards are not worth catching a terrible disease.

ok this week i gotta get a job

ive been staying up, driving amber to work, driving home, reading the internet, reading the bible, listening to michelle obamas reading her book to me, petting the cats, eating oatmeal, not watching tv (!), talking to my mom

thanks to daylight savings time its 130am right now and i wanna take a walk. but my neighborhood isn’t really the kind that you just stroll in on a crisp night. you can. you could. i could. i have. but if something went down, lets just say no one would be surprised. havent we had enough surprises?

when i saw this picture of david bowie i realized i would have to dust off my business suit. it means business! it’s hilarious the dance we do to get a girlfriend a job entrance into a college a car loan an apartment. we wear clothes we know we wont wear in the office, we answer questions they probably will never ask again. i may even have to bring a briefcase of my work because who knows how difficult it will be to hook up your mac to their system? paper it is.

and dance it is. we dance when we dont want to all the time. 8th grade dance. prom. weddings when youre a kid. night clubs. of all the times ive danced id say only a few of the times i really wanted to. the end of the 8th grade dance (i was the dj), a few of my friends’ weddings, a handful of concerts, the kitchen with amber, vegas with amber, waiting for tacos with amber.

when i worked at mcdonalds this kid broke down the large cups cardboard boxes and laid them out in the parking lot. he started breakdancing. i think about that a lot. i should have learned from him.

cars stopped being cool when they stopped making vans

IF55Hog

she texted me the most forward, clear, what some would consider disgusting, invitation

to dance.

i knew the moves.

the moves are simple.

drunks do it.

but theres two ways to get me to dance with you.

give me an hour heads up and text me what youre gonna be wearing.

or lie to me and say we’ll go for one drink and after we can pee in the alley

nowadays i dont have a lot of pee left in me.

so that outfit better really fit.

not everyone should twerk

but if you do, make sure you have a spotter.

the other day i heard a nice african american woman complain

that when miley did her little dance on the mtv

that she was disrespecting the african american culture.

as many of my friends can attest to, i have no problems giving lots of credit

to my people for all the contributions we have made to this planet

but shaking ones ass i dont believe has a creator.

im sure there was a First person who moved it in a celebratory fashion to a funky beat,

but babies do that when you click on the lil wayne

it’s in us. i dont think any one group can plant their flag on it.

also, maybe it’s smarter to just pretend what miley did had zero to do with black folks.

thats what im doing.

alex asks “what did you think of Posh Spice muffing it at the Closing Ceremonies”

spice girls

if what you are referring to is this little gif that is making the rounds, im not sure she muffed it.

harking back to my days as a girl group choreographer, it looks like two pairs of the ladies have what we in the industry call “business” and she didnt.

posh has no one to allemande around so she’s at rest for a measure.

me, i would have had her be doing something, especially on a stage as big as that one.

something like blowing on her nails.

but i dont think she blew it.

update: im being told she actually did blow it and was giving the evil eye to a female volleyball player who was making the moves on her man. #nevermind

and now the worlds greatest pole dancer

this woman just pulls off harder and harder tricks as this goes on

all while that Florence vs the Machine track blasts away

and the audience goes wild,

an audience who i can only assume has been watching other pole dancers

as this was taped a few days ago at a pole dancing competition.

apparently this is the type of thing you see when you get out of the house.

keep letting your little light shine.