nothing in here is true

  1. Monday, December 1, 2014

    omg it was danielle’s birthday yesterday 


    she texted me saying she was gonna come up here to celebrate with me but for some reason i thought she meant next weekend

    but then she texted me later during the rainstorm saying she had arrived in santa monica

    and i was all, wait, this weekend?!? she was like yeah. i went what.

    so i pulled a few strings and got the rain to stop today so we could hang out.

    i have missed danielle so. and ive definitely missed her blawwwwg.

    there are some people who just radiate all the positive things in the world all at once

    and yet their writing is so dark. it makes you appreciate those who can show all the aspects of life.

    i really need to work on my secret blog so i can exorcise the darker aspects of my mind.

    it’s a slippery slope though for me because it could easily lead to depression for me.

    anyways i cant wait to see danielle today and i will post some pics and tell her you said hi.

  2. Monday, February 24, 2014

    you know who else is feeling crappy? your bff Danielle, but in her heart 


    from her keeping it real blog the other day:

    Cant live by the Russian Metronome.
    Too damn Cool Hand Luke.
    Too Damn Gary Cooper.
    Too Damn John Ford.
    Where are my GlenGarry leads?
    I had to just say I am done.
    And It will be really hard.
    But what gives I ask.
    They say you cant move expecting to solve your problems
    for your problems will travel with you.
    I dont know man
    I have lived in SOCAL for 15 plus years
    and there aint nothin new.
    I got to change something.
    I cant live like this
    or I literally will kill myself.
    I do, I do, I want so badly to be dead
    and I am SO SORRY to say that UNIverse
    but it is true
    I am so so sad and lonely
    so UNHAPPY with everything

    we’ve all been there. none of us thinks a super cool super smart babe with a masters could get there too

    but yes. even her. even in san dieger. even with her mind wide open to possibilities.

    it’s heartbreaking and sad because what can we tell her? what can we do?

    the answer is the same answer for all of us: keep digging your way out.

    aim for the light. listen for the sounds. even in darkness theres a glimmer of brightness

    go for it. remember The Bride in Kill Bill: keep punching out of the impossible jam.

    keep punching, keep fighting. keep doing the one thing you can.

    because if you stop.

    it stops.

  3. Sunday, December 1, 2013

    today is danielle’s birthday, shes 24 


    actually it was yesterday and i missed it because SOMEONE is not on facebook,

    the best way to tell the world it’s your big day.

    danielle is stuck in san dieger. a place that has many faults, the biggest being it has not fully embraced her.

    we all get stuck from time to time and we think there’s no way out.

    we convince ourselves that time or money or situation or circumstance is why we are accepting the mediocre

    but all those things are just demons whispering in our pretty minds – so as to stop us from true joy

    which we deserve. which exists. and which is certainly in the future of todays birthday girl, of whom there is no one like.

    i have an extremely short list of people i would give a million bucks to if i won the mega millions jackpot

    and danielle is on that list. i may have to give her two mil because sagitarrius’s burn through dough: allegedly.

    but she is someone who has been given one bad hand after another

    the worst being that she decided that san diego would be her escape route after a bad hand in LA

    but the sun is now out, and america’s sweetheart needs to beat again, to her own drummer

    and she will. i am sure of it. even if the numbers dont come in.

    all the angels and saints are rooting for the hottest hippie in san diego.

    i hope youre rooting for her too.


  4. Wednesday, September 4, 2013

    you know danielle, america’s sweetheart 

    well did you know that Danielle has a younger sister?

    who lives in LA??

    and goes to dental school in downtown?

    well apparently not every patient in LA wants to go to a dental school


    but maybe thats because they didn’t know that you could

    from Danielle’s sister.

    just send an email correspondence to


    for more information


  5. Saturday, June 22, 2013

    one thing i didnt like aboot etienne was her love of Nike 


    so of course when i asked her how she was feeling

    she made sure to wearing the sweatshop shoes in her photo.

    her brother is here on business so last night we went to Home with danielle and her doctor friend

    where we drank 8pm mimosas and sat in the catbird seat as the sun set on the

    longest day of the year.

    then we had gelato and sped over to the El Rey

    sea wolf at the el rey

    where sea wolf had attracted a very impressive crowd.

    we were on the left balcony and i saw an old guy sitting on a chair

    obsessed with his cell phone for much of the night.

    near the end of the first set i saw his teen daughter ask him for money

    she and her date walked off to buy cokes

    then when they returned the dad wasnt there.

    they put down the cokes

    and standing up kissed. french style but not very much moving at all. so sweet.

    may have been their first kiss ever, cuz then they hugged.

    so i yelled DOWN IN FRONT



    afterwards we mugged the dad for his cell phone

  6. Sunday, April 7, 2013

    omg look who just showed up outta the blue 


    yr bff danielle blew into town and surprised me and we had tacos and schemed


    she just got a new drivers license and photo and it looks omg just like the one she took when she moved to Cali when she was 21 (16 years ago)


    I was all omg what’s your secret? she said I sprinkle a little herb in my cigarettes


    Glendale Styley she calls it

  7. Sunday, February 10, 2013

    sounds like your girl danielle had a good time the other night 


    I have to say my mind is most preoccupied
    with that of a kiss (my heart too)
    I dont know maybe it is nothing
    but my yearning and longing for intimacy
    I certainly feel this intense passion
    like I said maybe it is nothing
    clearly he is a good lover
    I am just perpetually obsessed with having something
    totally intense–a connection that is just inexplicable
    but works
    I am looking for the stuff rock songs are made up of
    I am not seeking anything short of……

    an excerpt from this week’s keeping it real

  8. Wednesday, February 6, 2013
  9. Thursday, January 31, 2013
  10. Saturday, December 8, 2012

    today is danielle’s birthday, shes 24 

    ive met a billion people over my so called life.

    most were fine.

    a few repulsive.

    and because ive spent most of my life in california and illinois, most were beautiful.

    but danielle knows no peers.

    funny, verbose, sexy, creative, dreamy, fun, and totally ready for a photo session at any moment – it’s no surprise that men melt at her very touch.

    its almost like what happens when you put a 110 volt boom box into the socket of a european hotel suite. things get really loud and bright and then it blows out.

    danielle is like no other.

    san dieger rarely knows what to do with its superstars and danielle is no exception.

    the boys havent been good to her, usually fizzing out upon contact.

    the jobs havent known what they have on their hands.

    but fortunately the bartenders know whats up and danielle hasnt paid for a drink down there since she moved there in 20-blahblahblah.

    men have promised to leave their wives for her, led zep decided to get back together in her honor, and some say obama killed bin laden but everyone knows he was reading Keeping it Real in the hours leading up to his demise but didnt care because he was so enthralled and distracted from her world famous blog.

    earth is better for having danielle walk on its crust.

    california is sunnier because of her.

    and her used underwear would be sold for thousands on ebay

    if she wore any.

    happy birthday baby.