nothing in here is true

  1. Saturday, June 22, 2013

    one thing i didnt like aboot etienne was her love of Nike 


    so of course when i asked her how she was feeling

    she made sure to wearing the sweatshop shoes in her photo.

    her brother is here on business so last night we went to Home with danielle and her doctor friend

    where we drank 8pm mimosas and sat in the catbird seat as the sun set on the

    longest day of the year.

    then we had gelato and sped over to the El Rey

    sea wolf at the el rey

    where sea wolf had attracted a very impressive crowd.

    we were on the left balcony and i saw an old guy sitting on a chair

    obsessed with his cell phone for much of the night.

    near the end of the first set i saw his teen daughter ask him for money

    she and her date walked off to buy cokes

    then when they returned the dad wasnt there.

    they put down the cokes

    and standing up kissed. french style but not very much moving at all. so sweet.

    may have been their first kiss ever, cuz then they hugged.

    so i yelled DOWN IN FRONT



    afterwards we mugged the dad for his cell phone

  2. Sunday, April 7, 2013

    omg look who just showed up outta the blue 


    yr bff danielle blew into town and surprised me and we had tacos and schemed


    she just got a new drivers license and photo and it looks omg just like the one she took when she moved to Cali when she was 21 (16 years ago)


    I was all omg what’s your secret? she said I sprinkle a little herb in my cigarettes


    Glendale Styley she calls it

  3. Sunday, February 10, 2013

    sounds like your girl danielle had a good time the other night 


    I have to say my mind is most preoccupied
    with that of a kiss (my heart too)
    I dont know maybe it is nothing
    but my yearning and longing for intimacy
    I certainly feel this intense passion
    like I said maybe it is nothing
    clearly he is a good lover
    I am just perpetually obsessed with having something
    totally intense–a connection that is just inexplicable
    but works
    I am looking for the stuff rock songs are made up of
    I am not seeking anything short of……

    an excerpt from this week’s keeping it real

  4. Wednesday, February 6, 2013
  5. Thursday, January 31, 2013
  6. Saturday, December 8, 2012

    today is danielle’s birthday, shes 24 

    ive met a billion people over my so called life.

    most were fine.

    a few repulsive.

    and because ive spent most of my life in california and illinois, most were beautiful.

    but danielle knows no peers.

    funny, verbose, sexy, creative, dreamy, fun, and totally ready for a photo session at any moment – it’s no surprise that men melt at her very touch.

    its almost like what happens when you put a 110 volt boom box into the socket of a european hotel suite. things get really loud and bright and then it blows out.

    danielle is like no other.

    san dieger rarely knows what to do with its superstars and danielle is no exception.

    the boys havent been good to her, usually fizzing out upon contact.

    the jobs havent known what they have on their hands.

    but fortunately the bartenders know whats up and danielle hasnt paid for a drink down there since she moved there in 20-blahblahblah.

    men have promised to leave their wives for her, led zep decided to get back together in her honor, and some say obama killed bin laden but everyone knows he was reading Keeping it Real in the hours leading up to his demise but didnt care because he was so enthralled and distracted from her world famous blog.

    earth is better for having danielle walk on its crust.

    california is sunnier because of her.

    and her used underwear would be sold for thousands on ebay

    if she wore any.

    happy birthday baby.

  7. Monday, November 26, 2012

    danielle can find no cute guys to love her 

    she writes in her post “gluttony”:

    I would rather leave my number on a piece of paper for a guy that is not going to call
    then to never leave the note at all.

    I would rather put my heart and my soul out there
    and take a chance for no reason at all then to take a chance
    then to never live at all.

    I would rather fly across the country to feel love for a weekend
    then to sit on my couch in my apartment every weekend watching dark Scandinavian movies
    which I love by the way.

    ive never cared for san dieger

  8. Thursday, October 25, 2012

    danielle forgot something 

    danielle in my camaro

    I missed my love’s birthday. And I am sorry.
    I would like to say for the record I am still in the
    acceptable realm of belated birthday wishes.
    I did have an overwhelming sensation while riding my bike
    that went something like this,
    ” Oh…Hmmm, (la la la ride my bike look so nice la la la) why,
    why do I feel like something is amiss,
    is because I missed something?
    Hmmm, did I forget something? Like a birthday?
    Oh shit, it was Tony’s Birthday. Fuck”
    I think you clearly get the idea.
    And albeit, a shitty thing to do especially because I love
    birthdays, AND it is one of my bestest and closest friends too.
    The internal alarm clock DID go off( I am a great IAC–internal alarm clock)
    And I am unbelieveably punctual
    but not

    My LOOVVVEEEE, Please Forgive me.
    Ha, le blogger de bus would never be as
    upset about this as I am–he just wants me
    to blaaawwwggg
    You are the bestest my love
    Happy Birthday! Happy Belated Birthday!
    Lets have fun in real life soon. I come visit, K?


    read the rest of danielle’s latest blogpost here

    she keeps it real.


  9. Tuesday, September 18, 2012

    hey danielle 

    remember that thing that i said you should do for 45 days?

    and you should write a book about it?

    i started it last night.

    perhaps we should do it together.

    perhaps your book and my book can be sold together.

    mooshed perfectly.

    or maybe when you flip over the one book, you see the other book.

    then we can go on the today show together and yuck it up with matt lauer.

    you’ll win him over and all the viewers will make us rich.

    anyways i started last night and its…. interesting.

    thats for sure.

  10. Monday, September 17, 2012

    danielle came to hollywood yesterday 

    for some reason i didnt think she’d arrive via shopping cart, but Danielle is always ahead of the curve.

    expect a trend to spread across the nation soon.

    your girl was in town to see the semi-secret Sea Wolf show that happened yesterday in North Hollywood.

    hosted by KCRW’s Gary Calamar (my old boss from Licorice Pizza), the Federal bar was packed and the free mimosas flowed.


    afterwards we hung out with her mom and sister. and then, sadly, poof she was on the train and back in san dieger.

    but i kept the shopping cart as a souvenir.

    after the show we talked to ABC of SF who told us theyre gonna play a real show in November.

    although someone whispered there may be another secret show next month.

    lets hope!