busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Tuesday, June 4, 2019

    the cats are asleep, the girl is asleep 

    it’s 4:06am and I’ve gotta be up at a reasonable hour.

    whoops one of the cats is awake. Prince.

    dry heaving.

    i fed them wet food as a treat because the cubs broke out of their losing streak.

    he probably ate too much, cuz i never give them that.

    id switched over recently from a non name brand to something more moist, let’s say.

    they both loved it.

    amber dared me to get all the crap out of my apartment thats been piling up over 20 years.

    she did not say it in a fairy tale voice, i’ll tell you that.

    so today i began because i have a hard time resisting dares.

    i found my first press pass, my high school ID, and a baseball i got signed by Baba Booey when i interviewed him for the Times. what a good guy.

    i also found my diary from college on a 5 1/4 floppy.

    in order to read it i will have to buy an Apple IIc, which i just may because I would love to know what i wrote.

    i have had a super weird and wonderful life.

    this part right now feels like a free fall.

    but there is this ride at Disney World that they used to call the Twilight Zone. it’s an elevator drop ride. the truest and i rode it like 10 times because it’s amazing.

    you go in an elevator and they dick around for a while then they drop you

    and you think youre gonna die.

    every time you think that’s it, the thing is broken.

    and then Disney steps in and slows it down to a smooth end.

    and you’re so relieved that you didn’t die that you get right back in line and do it again.

    i’m not going to die. nor does it feel like it. maybe this is the dicking around part, who knows.

    but i know how it ends.

    with smiles and relief.

  2. Tuesday, August 23, 2016

    keira-anne from canada-eh asks what the heck 

    chris with mickey mouse

    keira-anne writes: What the heck? You were holding out on me. I had no idea there was a Dodgers Mickey at Dodger Stadium!

    there isnt. and there never was. it was all trick photography.

    but there once was…

    in the year 2010 major league baseball’s all star game was played in anaheim stadium, which is a few miles away from a certain Land.

    circling the stadium were Mickey Mouses painted in the colors and logos of all of the teams.

    vandals destroyed all but two of them: everyone’s favorites, the Cubs and

    the extremely suspicious Dodgers.

    the Cubs donated theirs to a Chicago-area children’s hospital

    and the Dodgers tucked theirs away in the basement of the Alamo.

    weirdly, the basement of the Alamo has a Higgs-Bottom escalator that runs directly into the basement of Dodger Stadium

    Mickey LA gang signand the other night after the Guns n Roses show, my buddy Chris and I were roaming around the basement of Dodger Stadium and remembered about this superfast escalator to Texas and seeked it out.

    sure enough, right behind a door that said Next Week’s Dodger Dogs was a hole with a ladder that brought us to the Higgs Bottom transporter and in less than 10 seconds we were in the basement of the Alamo.

    Chris brought a beer with him to see the effects of beer after particle transfer travel: it turns flat, but gets colder

    after rummaging around the Alamo we took a picture of the birthday boy, took a picture of where Ozzy peed on the Alamo (not pictured), took a picture of where Pee Wee took a tour of the Alamo, and then we zipped back to Cali.

    heres what i can tell you. youd think the Alamo would be cooler. also, youd think a Dodgers Mickey Mouse would be displayed like all the time.

    are the Dodgers and the Mouse mad at each other for some reason?

    do kids just lose their damn minds when theres a Mickey Mouse statue right in front of their eyes?

    is the Dodger Mickey Mouse super bad luck and thats why they shipped it to Texas in the middle of the night?

    none of these questions will ever be answered, sadly. but the next time youre in San Antonio, you’ll know how to get to LA in seconds.

    de nada

  3. Wednesday, December 16, 2015

    i wonder why disney is doing this 

    star wars is gonna make so much money.

    hateful 8 is trying its best not to make so much money.

    sometimes i wonder about the evil men do.

    how some think they have to be these super aggro winner take all alpha dogs

    and i know a few women who prefer that sort of king of the jungle hoo haw

    if anything this makes disney look terrible

    and its the only knick on star wars’ incredible launch.

    if i was disney i would not only let the hateful 8 play at the cineramadome

    but i would say it was a terrible misunderstanding

    and buy all the seats one night and give them to the troops or some shit.

    which is why people are knocking down my door to make me their ceo.

  4. Thursday, January 31, 2013