busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, October 21, 2016

    well that was easier than predicted 

    cubs dodgers

    im not usually a nervous man. but i was nervous for a few innings last night at Dodger Stadium.

    sitting next the the razor sharp nicole cifani in the second row of the upper deck we had a perfect view of the cubs taking a 1-0 lead through 4 innings. i hadnt really eaten all day (bc nerves) and had only drank about 16 ounces of my 20 ounce beer so i thought it would be a good idea to put something in my stomach.

    i also think the irresistible aroma of garlic fries were getting to her as well.

    plus i wanted to meet up with todd and bob downing’s nephew who had bought my extra tickets higher up in the stands.

    and as we were walking along the promenade past very long lines for refreshments the dodgers started rallying.

    it got very loud. dodger fans hadn’t seen their team win a world series in 28 years. they werent there to crown the cubs. and in this city of champions usually their wishes come true.

    as we waited to pay the dodgers tied the game up. walking around was usually what i did to help the Cubs get hits but alas it was now working for the home team? F word!

    so i mixed things up a bit. Todd looked despondent and the peppy young Downing could probably use some newer friends near him so i suggested that nicole and i sit with them up behind the foul pole in left.

    nicole mama mia was that a rougher, different crowd from where we originally were. big, tough, fat mexican dudes, drunk from lots of things stood up and chanted for their team. some would eventually get escorted out by well-staffed security and LAPD. we saw tattooed latinas warned by security to take it easy on the profanity. we saw a huge but quiet hispanic gentleman pointed at by a grim faced guard who said, “GET DOWN HERE NOW!” he obliged and never returned to his seat.

    there were a few Cub fans around us who cheered at a respectful level because lets face it, if there was going to be a fight it was going to happen in this far, high corner of the park. and lo, around the 7th inning, when things looked dire for the Dodgers who were making unforced errors and giving up walks and hits and homers to the young buck Cubs, a giant latino man with a white tshirt rushed towards another while trying to be separated by a well intentioned girlfriend or wife.  angry looks exchanged but not blows. as kids with Yasiel Puig tshirts watched, fascinated. as Dodger fans seemed to be taking it out on themselves.

    so disappointed. all of them. as this very well might be the last time they see their team.

    not Ice Cube in the box seats, not Vin Scully who made a guest appearance in the press box, and not their heroes on the field could turn their scowls upsidedown.

    by the 8th i wasnt nervous any more. the Cubs had extended their lead to 6 runs, every time there was a close play the replay went against the home team. and the fans slowly made their way to the exits.

    and then, it was done. the Cubs had come back from the deficit with two resounding back to back wins at Chavez Ravine and the plane ride back to Chicago would certainly be livlier for the Cubs than the Dodgers. Now the teams face off on Saturday with the Dodgers putting their ace, Clayton Kershaw on the mound and the Cubs will counter with the MLB ERA leader, the mysterious and unassuming Kyle Hendricks for Game Six. It’ll be do or die for the Dodgers.

    And a trip to the World Series if the Cubs can pull it off.

    After a nite cap at Little Joy followed by some grub at Tacos Arizas, Nicole and I said good night but not before she invited me to her church on Sunday.

    but i wanted to tell her, ive been at church all week.

    and it was good.

  2. Wednesday, October 19, 2016

    there seems to be two types of people in the world 

    dodgers cubs heyward

    1. people rooting for the cubs to break their 108 year-old curse

    2. people who find great joy in kicking Cub fans when they’re down.

    this is nothing new to long time followers of the North Siders. it starts with White Sox fans and moves in every direction from St. Louis all the way to LA.

    and it’s cool. this year the Cubs were the favorites to go all the way and everyone likes to knock off the big boys.

    but how can you really be the overdog if you have never even been to the World Series in 70 years? let alone won it?

    last night i was at the game, i wore my hat and jersey, we got lucky and had tickets next to a large group of Cub fans but Dodgers fans were plentiful.

    the Cubs were down early and i tried my little trick of moving around the ballpark to generate some “luck” and as we were climbing some stairs we came across two gentlemen that Ralphy666 warned me about: both Hispanic, heavily tattooed, strong, and talking hella trash.

    the stairs were between the upper deck and the super upper deck. they were enclosed, narrow, and it was just us and them. no security, no witnesses, nowhere to run.

    You’re wearing the wrong colors, ese, the bigger one said.

    Are you kidding, I joked, you should love the colors I’m wearing, we just spotted you three runs.

    the logic stunned them for a minute. just long enough for us to pass by.

    we were walking up, they were walking down.

    at some point we realized they doubled back and were following us.

    i wasn’t scared. why would i be. the only thing i was scared about was they were going to buy us beers for our generosity

    and it would be a Bud Light.

  3. Saturday, October 15, 2016

    Wow, who knew Bill Plashke was such a sad sad little fat man 

    cubs wrigleywith such little knowledge of baseball?

    One of the many ugly things he claims in his pouty whine in this morning’s paper is the Cubs intentionally lost games so they could draft Kris Bryant – never once giving credit to the Cubs for picking the sole star to emerge so far from that draft and the Cubs didn’t even have the top pick.

    He amazingly includes hating on the Cubs for the rainstorm on the East Coast that rained out a Dodger game.

    And claims the Cubs have “fancy new bleachers”. As someone who has actually sat in those bleachers recently I can tell you that they’re just as “fancy” as those at Chavez Ravine.

    They are backless benches. Fancy in the way tap water and vanilla ice cream is fancy.

    Or salt.

    Or bitterness from unloved and untalented writer as his home team is about to face its doom.

    There were many stories an actual columnist could have written as a table setter to this league championship series but Bill Plaschke chose to dip his pen into the inkwell of jealousy and unexpected bile all while shaking his fist at the storylines and metaphors that The Media has echoed over the years – not the fans – about goat curses and lovable losers.

    And no one has played that piano as much or as beautifully as Vin Scully, but for some reason Plaschke just happened to overlook that fact. As if he hadn’t heard it hundreds of times from the lips of the retiring and beloved narrator.

    Scully, who is clearly who Plaschke is subtweeting in this piece, gutlessly, foolishly, sloppily. Without the poetry, nor the precision, nor heart to just come out and say it.

    It must be so cold there in that shadow.

  4. Sunday, September 25, 2016

    Vin Scully’s last words on tv 

    the Dodgers won, thus clutched the NL West with a walk off homer in the bottom of the 10th

    then they gave Vin the floor and he had a little speech which led into this

    weirdly awkward song sung by Vinny to his wife back in the day

    which then lead into Randy Newman’s I Love LA

    Vin has more than deserved his strange little request.

  5. Sunday, August 28, 2016

    Dodger fans, SMH 

    Dodger fans

    Friday Todd and I went to the Cubs Dodgers game.

    I splurged a bit and bought these $100 tickets in the Executive Level. The waiters come to your seat. The seats are cushioned. We were in the front row of the section. The bathrooms are nice.

    We sat there for a few innings and some guy in a USC Keck Medical jacket says youre in my seats. Turns out we were one section over. He and his clan watch the game for maybe 3 innings and then in the top of the 6th leave.

    Todd and I don’t notice it for about an inning, but they never come back.

    The cliche about Dodger fans coming late and leaving early held true, even on a Friday night, even against the best team in baseball, even in a 1-run game. Even though the Dodgers are fighting to stay on top of the West.

    It’s like, why are you buying these seats if you’re not going to actually sit in them?

    Lets hope he had buddies in a better section or in a luxury suite, but i dont think so. There were many empty seats in the Executive Level and all over the stadium.

    Maybe Ben Welch of the Times can investigate this weird, decades long, phenomena.

  6. Tuesday, August 23, 2016

    keira-anne from canada-eh asks what the heck 

    chris with mickey mouse

    keira-anne writes: What the heck? You were holding out on me. I had no idea there was a Dodgers Mickey at Dodger Stadium!

    there isnt. and there never was. it was all trick photography.

    but there once was…

    in the year 2010 major league baseball’s all star game was played in anaheim stadium, which is a few miles away from a certain Land.

    circling the stadium were Mickey Mouses painted in the colors and logos of all of the teams.

    vandals destroyed all but two of them: everyone’s favorites, the Cubs and

    the extremely suspicious Dodgers.

    the Cubs donated theirs to a Chicago-area children’s hospital

    and the Dodgers tucked theirs away in the basement of the Alamo.

    weirdly, the basement of the Alamo has a Higgs-Bottom escalator that runs directly into the basement of Dodger Stadium

    Mickey LA gang signand the other night after the Guns n Roses show, my buddy Chris and I were roaming around the basement of Dodger Stadium and remembered about this superfast escalator to Texas and seeked it out.

    sure enough, right behind a door that said Next Week’s Dodger Dogs was a hole with a ladder that brought us to the Higgs Bottom transporter and in less than 10 seconds we were in the basement of the Alamo.

    Chris brought a beer with him to see the effects of beer after particle transfer travel: it turns flat, but gets colder

    after rummaging around the Alamo we took a picture of the birthday boy, took a picture of where Ozzy peed on the Alamo (not pictured), took a picture of where Pee Wee took a tour of the Alamo, and then we zipped back to Cali.

    heres what i can tell you. youd think the Alamo would be cooler. also, youd think a Dodgers Mickey Mouse would be displayed like all the time.

    are the Dodgers and the Mouse mad at each other for some reason?

    do kids just lose their damn minds when theres a Mickey Mouse statue right in front of their eyes?

    is the Dodger Mickey Mouse super bad luck and thats why they shipped it to Texas in the middle of the night?

    none of these questions will ever be answered, sadly. but the next time youre in San Antonio, you’ll know how to get to LA in seconds.

    de nada

  7. Monday, August 8, 2016

    keira-anne and miss 604 are in town 

    rebecca and keira

    two of my favorite BC bloggers Miss 604 and keira-anne.com have come to your favorite southern california metropolis and they really wanted to go to a Dodger game.

    why? well because all they have in vancouver is professional softball and semi-pro ping pong

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    and lord knows they dont have Super Dodger Dogs

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    thanks to a fascinating dude who went to camp with Rebecca, we got incredible lower level seats (for free) that were perfectly situated in the shade and yet pretty much right behind home plate

    13912837_10154416349836465_3128556104451470831_n

    the dude is named Preston and he travels around the nation where he creates art based on baseball stadiums. he also draws Disney princesses sporting the baseball jerseys of the park he’s at. he tweets where he is sitting and his fans come running to collect free art.

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    it was a hot day on Saturday so we walked around the park to take in the sights. it was Keira’s first MLB game.

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    it was also my first Dodger game of the year, so when we bought beers i was so shocked that it cost $17 a beer that it didn’t sink in until yesterday that the Dodgers were gouging their fans that horribly.

    $17 is more than i pay for a half a tank of gasoline.

    how is one beer equal to half a tank of gas?

    Magic Johnson and the Dodgers should be ashamed.

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    to protest we drove over to Echo Park and drank MexiCokes and ate real tacos

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    then we went to Mohawk Bend and drank actual beers

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    and then we went to Tony’s Bar in DTLA and ate actual pizza next door.

    brunch

    along the way we even picked up Emilio Reyes (not pictured) and had a delicious brunch.

    everyone went to Disneyland yesterday. today and tomorrow expect to see some pool party action.

  8. Wednesday, April 13, 2016

    why i like to sit in the bleachers 

    one day i want to make a tv series, a sit com, about angels in heaven and how they look down and comment and futz around with this or that to make things better

    in one of the episodes i want to explain why wrigley field in chicago was clearly aided by Someone Above

    in part because there isn’t a bad seat in the house

    other than those behind poles

    and how the best seats in the joint are probably the humble backless benches in the bleachers

    i like to sit there because, and no disrespect, but i believe the best fans are there

    in the olden days they used to also be the most frugal, but due to the secret getting out that the bleachers are so unique at wrigley, the same bleacher seats that i used to pay $3 for in high school now go for $64 and can cost three times the price of sitting in the upper deck ($21).

    at dodger stadium the secret isnt out yet so theyve converted the right field bleachers into an all you can eat gorgefest. for as low as $33, but your ticket includes unlimited Dodger Dogs, nachos, popcorn, peanuts, Coke products and bottled water. if i ran the joint id also have people guessing your weight, giving you back scratches, and doling out investment advice, but

    at Wrigley you feel right on top of the players when youre in the bleachers.

    at Dodger Stadium, they dont want you that close. theyre nervous. maybe they should be nervous. everyones trying to be a star in LA.

    in Chicago we already know we’re stars. if youre trying to prove something to people, youre probably an out of towner.

    theres some good seats at Dodger Stadium, but not many, which is why i prefer the bleachers there. at least its fun, theres free food, and you get to meet some colorful fans from the IE

  9. Saturday, October 19, 2013

    heres to the last Dodger victory of the year 

    joe kelly loses

    St. Louis nobody Joe Kelly, best known as the guy who broke Dodger shortstop Hanley Ramirez’s rib with a wild pitch likes to do an unusual thing

    he likes to stand at attention after the National Anthem is sung until everyone from the opposing team goes to their dugout

    Last night Dodger nobody Scott Van Slyke, best known as Andy’s son, decided he was gonna out-stand Kelly

    After a while, home plate umpire Greg Gibson called BS on the whole thing and told both guys to end the shenanigans

    When Kelly left his post the Dodgers celebrated in what would be, literally, their last hurrah of the season.

    Baseball, been around since forever, and yet theres always some new crazyass wrinkle to make it fun

  10. Monday, October 7, 2013

    i like it when people go for it 

    kershaw

    when they dont do the super safe thing that everybody else does

    when they dont do the same old thing that THEY do all the time

    but instead when they do the absolute right thing at the right time

    out of love

    and passion

    and to see OMG HOW BIG CAN I BE

    you can tell when people are at that point because they’re loud and sweaty and crazed

    aliand SMILING

    theyre not drunk or wasted or bitter or shady

    they have their goal right there out there for everyone to see and they are clear about it.

    clayton kershaw had never pitched on just 3 days rest but he said gimme the ball

    imma pitch and win this game and we wont need to fly out to the dirty south

    we’re gonna win and chill right here in lipstick city.

    and then his coach Donny Baseball said wow how am i supposed to say no

    and then the front office of the dodgers said

    omg THIS IS WHAT WE PAY HIM MILLIONSSSSS FOR: ROCK CRAZY MAN

    and that spirit is contagious

    which is when the team wins

    in spectacular fashion.

    so go for it.

    you still might lose,

    but at least youre not a dirty coward.