theres this thing in the bleachers at wrigley field

what you do is you keep your cup of beer after you drink it and stack the empties as the game goes on.

eventually you might have this long snake of cups at the end of the game if you… have a close relationship with drinking.

so shout out to the Cubs social media dept for this Elf on the Shelf tribute to bleacher bums.

of which i am one. even though two old styles is all i need out there.

amber and i have the most interesting relationship. many people probably think that it revolves around my hot bod and fancy clothes.

while that may have been true at the beginning, her home cooking has been responsible for me gaining a few but she doesnt mind. far as i can tell.

but because she doesnt drink, i stopped drinking too. not that it was ever that big of a part of my life but ive maybe had four beers all year? it almost seems impossible for a man who loves Isla Vista, Hollywood and the Bleachers so much.

i hear some say that they are happy that UCSB isn’t really a party school any more. but i would disagree. i think it’s good to discover your tolerance at that age. i think it’s great to see that The Guy who can drink the most isn’t really the achievement we think it is as we’re doing that beer bong.

although i gotta say, when i was driving Uber and this Korean CEO told me that heavy drinking is part of the biz culture there, it was a little shocking.

like logically what does it prove if the CEO of Hyundai can drink a giant pitcher of a gross assortment of spirits? and how is it disgraceful if the CEO of Samsung can’t? am i really that much of a hippy dip idealist that all i care about are the quality of the crap and its price?

tell me a good story.

tell me about the hardest you ever fell in love.

blow my mind with some truism you got from a fortune cookie.

i went to a college where they were snorting ether off dirty rags and then playing Defender and Ms Pacman side by side and switching machines after each time they died. who cares how much Jager you can pound.

tell me something cool.

she me something beautiful.

sing me a song on a broken piano in the back where the kegs are.

drinking is fine, but it’s the set up, not the tale.

you might remember i ran into Deryk from Sun-41 at the tom petty show

AOiiZmC

when was that, last june? wow, time flies.

anyway he looked terrible and i think i said so.

sum

actually i probably didnt say so because one of the things about LA is you dont say things like that

why? well i probably looked pretty terrible

and i wasnt standing next to a tall skinny model who was wearing AA pants

and super tall shoes.

but also, if someone has hit the bottom you dont blawwwwg about it

unless your name is Perez and youre bound for hell.

i was at the bar a lot that night but bro was stationed there.

maybe he was happy just listening to Petty play the small club.

maybe he was happy standing next to his girl and singing a long

and drinking.

to be honest i thought about that a lot that night: why isnt bro watching?

why is he just drinking?

well now we know.

the new madonna record is better than the new ting tings record

motorhead shiraz dont you find that odd?

dont you think that when youre young and impressionable you should be more creative and fantastic?

maybe madonna has more to prove. maybe madonna has more help. maybe madonna is just a little bit better than yr average bare.

im gonna see the los angeles clippers play basketball tonight.

there are so many things i have to do before i get to do that. mama mia.

i have to write like 5-6 more blog posts for work. im covering for some writers.

i have to shave my march beard off.

i have to eat a lunch consisting of more than wheat thins.

i have to write like 5 people emails.

have i mentioned i have the greatest tax man of all times? fyi?

the other day i got this scary letter from the IRS saying i owed $8,000. if you havent noticed, the busblog doesnt have ads, so how was i supposed to scrape up an extra 8 gs? instead i went to H&R block and met a pleasant gentleman named Walter Huberwald who not only made it so I didn’t owe no $8,000

but i would be getting close to $3k back.

he said the gov’t may ask me to pay a small penalty.

yesterday i got a letter from the state and yes i owed a penalty:

$10.59.

God bless you Walter.

you will be getting a bottle of red very soon.

trading up

graffiti creates jobs

peaking upon peak
rounding up
flipping

so whats your plan i was asked

world domination
mixed marriages
baby mommas
limited profiles

suggested retail prices.

what kinda pants are those?
power cords.

someone said she looks good
someone else was all, shes 22,
who dont look good at 22?

hmmmmm i thought.
and kept drinking.

bartenders drunk someone said.
he sure was something. staring at the register.

finally cuz it takes one to know one
someone goes he’s stoned.
hes not wobbly.
hes just staring at the colors.
musta smoked something i aint smoked
in quite a while,
someone else said.

and got a free beer off him.

omg tony pierce yr my favorite blogger

ben & friends

what would you say if a beautiful gurl came up to you on St. Paddys night saying those things?

if youre me, you dont believe it. youd think its a joke or a terrible hoax.

if youre you you might soak it in or play it cool or get embarrassed

or you might actually own it.

truth of the matter is i had all day saturday to write and i didnt.

so on saturday night when i actually did write it was sorta a “have to” instead of a “get to”

and i thought to myself, “now may be a good time to retire this 11 year old blog”

then two hours later my buddy ben’s special lady friend comes up to me with all those compliments.

no seriously, never stop writing, she continued. you are so good, so romantic

and i know some of what you write is true no matter what you say.

after a while she brought over her friend, we all started drinking green beer.

soon they were dancing. even the bartender was dancing. all was well.

there was luck of the irish.

we are all lucky. lucky to be here.

lucky to have another shot at things.

lucky to meet new people, experience new things,

and try to improve on toning down that incessant chatter in our minds that say

no you cant.

somewhere someone thinks you’re number one.

own it.

and say thank you nice angel.

karisa wants to go to vegas

karisa drinking game i dont wanna go to vegas.

her sister n law zsa zsa wants to go to vegas too.

now for SURE i dont wanna go to vegas.

her actual sister alissa wants to go to vegas three.

and then her other friend.

its like those hooligans who get swept in the river during a storm.

they dont really wanna end up in the river,

its just nature

and momentum.

and karma.

and maybe satan’s evil paw.

fool ends up in the river flailing around.

which means i will soon be in sin city like last time.

last time i went to vegas twice in two months.

i didnt care.

in fact i wanted to jump in the river. and did,

and the river spit me back out.

after it was over karisa was all what the hell?

when i fully came to i explained:

its a drinking game.

pretty girl met me at a bar

strange and she was talking and normally i look at peoples mouths when they talk

because i want to see every word.

but this time i just looked at her eyes to try to read her mind.

smart girl but i couldnt figure out if she was naive or crazy or what.

cuz i wanted to say, cant you see that you should be talking to Anyone except me tonight

you should be drinking with that loser over there, or that dbag over there

anyone

and for damn sure you shouldnt have just typed your phone number into my phone.

i was tempted to say, look in my eyes. what do you see.

but i didnt want her to look there.

i wanted her to read my lips

which were whispering

fly away little birdie

there are better branches you can coo on.

taller poles you can perch from.

cooler holes to hide in.

funner drafts to glide on.

but bars make things fuzzy, and music makes things groovy

and sometimes it doesnt matter what people say or do

theyre just gonna be into you.

right, rihanna

matt good played St. Rocke in hermosa beach last night

karisa and matt good

i pretty much hate hermosa but karisa had never seen matt before
and she lives over by there, so i was all lets go and she was all totally

matt was happier than i have ever seen him.
he was drinking, telling jokes, talking about hockey

most of the people there were from canada it seemed.
one lady was heading to brazil
another lady had just flown in from washington dc.

one woman yelled at matt and said:
OMG I LEFT THE CLIPPERS GAME EARLY TO GET HERE
matt was all, do you have season tickets?
she was all YES!
he replied, well i guess you’ll see them again, dear.

and then he rocked.

these contain champagne

oj and champ

have you noticed that i havent been blogging a ton a ton?

yeah me too.

ive been pretty busy party rocking, i mean working.

today at work i went 5 hours without taking a break and i went in the break room for some water

and i saw this, all these plastic glasses with OJ and champagne.

even though it’s Thanksgiving weekend and i could have been ok with a mimosa,

for some reason i have a hard time drinking at work

i like to be at 100% when im here.

i like to rock super hard when im getting paid. and then rock half super hard at night

when im either researching for work or actually working on the side.

for the xbi

im a freak.

also i dont like pulp in my mimosa