nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, December 27, 2020

    theres this thing in the bleachers at wrigley field 

    what you do is you keep your cup of beer after you drink it and stack the empties as the game goes on.

    eventually you might have this long snake of cups at the end of the game if you… have a close relationship with drinking.

    so shout out to the Cubs social media dept for this Elf on the Shelf tribute to bleacher bums.

    of which i am one. even though two old styles is all i need out there.

    amber and i have the most interesting relationship. many people probably think that it revolves around my hot bod and fancy clothes.

    while that may have been true at the beginning, her home cooking has been responsible for me gaining a few but she doesnt mind. far as i can tell.

    but because she doesnt drink, i stopped drinking too. not that it was ever that big of a part of my life but ive maybe had four beers all year? it almost seems impossible for a man who loves Isla Vista, Hollywood and the Bleachers so much.

    i hear some say that they are happy that UCSB isn’t really a party school any more. but i would disagree. i think it’s good to discover your tolerance at that age. i think it’s great to see that The Guy who can drink the most isn’t really the achievement we think it is as we’re doing that beer bong.

    although i gotta say, when i was driving Uber and this Korean CEO told me that heavy drinking is part of the biz culture there, it was a little shocking.

    like logically what does it prove if the CEO of Hyundai can drink a giant pitcher of a gross assortment of spirits? and how is it disgraceful if the CEO of Samsung can’t? am i really that much of a hippy dip idealist that all i care about are the quality of the crap and its price?

    tell me a good story.

    tell me about the hardest you ever fell in love.

    blow my mind with some truism you got from a fortune cookie.

    i went to a college where they were snorting ether off dirty rags and then playing Defender and Ms Pacman side by side and switching machines after each time they died. who cares how much Jager you can pound.

    tell me something cool.

    she me something beautiful.

    sing me a song on a broken piano in the back where the kegs are.

    drinking is fine, but it’s the set up, not the tale.

  2. Thursday, January 2, 2020

    hi 2020 

    Gonna do some things different this year.

    gonna use my iPad more. Gonna use my good camera more. Gonna learn how to edit audio for podcasts better. Gonna learn about the Valley. Gonna talk to the people. Gonna talk to them in a way that isn’t stupid…

    Gonna blog every day now that I’ve got this iPad going.

    Gonna get closer to Amber. Gonna go to church more. Gonna do things faster.

    Today I goofed off and didn’t work like I wanted to for a number of reasons. I was tired I was mad and believe it or not I was a little hungover and just wanted to be lazy.

    I know I’m not the only one on 1/1 who didn’t feel 100 percent this morning, but I hardly ever drink, so the shot and a beer i had yesterday, as nice as they were because they were with cool people, fucked up my day.

    Gonna keep not drinking.

    When i first met Amber and she told me she was sober I didn’t drink on our first dates which was a bit weird for me because i had not made a move on a girl without the benefit of the liquid courage, and so when i did finally kiss her for the first time sober it was a tiny boost to my confidence like, hey, you don’t need that shit.

    Now that i hardly drink at all… when i do it fucks me up.

    Dont get me wrong i still love a good margarita, or a sip of some good rum, or a glass or two of wine,

    And this might sound cheesy, but I’d much rather have a real conversation with someone, where we are both just looking each other in the eyes and keeping it real.

    So today i learned how to input my recordings into Garage Band. I learned how to do blog posts on my iPad. I got real with Amber and said we are gonna learn how to really talk to each other on a higher plane, an XBI level, almost. So tomorrow i want to learn how to cut seconds out of a part of an audio bit. And i need to go to East LA to ask some strangers some controversial things.

    I am stoked to have made it to 2020. I enjoyed talking with my niece on the phone today.

    And i especially liked telling her, now that Illinois has legalized weed, do not, i repeat do not eat edibles, and if you’re gonna smoke any weed, grow it first in your grandmas basement.

  3. Tuesday, May 20, 2014

    you might remember i ran into Deryk from Sun-41 at the tom petty show 


    when was that, last june? wow, time flies.

    anyway he looked terrible and i think i said so.


    actually i probably didnt say so because one of the things about LA is you dont say things like that

    why? well i probably looked pretty terrible

    and i wasnt standing next to a tall skinny model who was wearing AA pants

    and super tall shoes.

    but also, if someone has hit the bottom you dont blawwwwg about it

    unless your name is Perez and youre bound for hell.

    i was at the bar a lot that night but bro was stationed there.

    maybe he was happy just listening to Petty play the small club.

    maybe he was happy standing next to his girl and singing a long

    and drinking.

    to be honest i thought about that a lot that night: why isnt bro watching?

    why is he just drinking?

    well now we know.

  4. Thursday, August 9, 2012
  5. Friday, March 30, 2012

    the new madonna record is better than the new ting tings record 

    motorhead shiraz dont you find that odd?

    dont you think that when youre young and impressionable you should be more creative and fantastic?

    maybe madonna has more to prove. maybe madonna has more help. maybe madonna is just a little bit better than yr average bare.

    im gonna see the los angeles clippers play basketball tonight.

    there are so many things i have to do before i get to do that. mama mia.

    i have to write like 5-6 more blog posts for work. im covering for some writers.

    i have to shave my march beard off.

    i have to eat a lunch consisting of more than wheat thins.

    i have to write like 5 people emails.

    have i mentioned i have the greatest tax man of all times? fyi?

    the other day i got this scary letter from the IRS saying i owed $8,000. if you havent noticed, the busblog doesnt have ads, so how was i supposed to scrape up an extra 8 gs? instead i went to H&R block and met a pleasant gentleman named Walter Huberwald who not only made it so I didn’t owe no $8,000

    but i would be getting close to $3k back.

    he said the gov’t may ask me to pay a small penalty.

    yesterday i got a letter from the state and yes i owed a penalty:


    God bless you Walter.

    you will be getting a bottle of red very soon.

  6. Sunday, March 18, 2012

    trading up 

    graffiti creates jobs

    peaking upon peak
    rounding up

    so whats your plan i was asked

    world domination
    mixed marriages
    baby mommas
    limited profiles

    suggested retail prices.

    what kinda pants are those?
    power cords.

    someone said she looks good
    someone else was all, shes 22,
    who dont look good at 22?

    hmmmmm i thought.
    and kept drinking.

    bartenders drunk someone said.
    he sure was something. staring at the register.

    finally cuz it takes one to know one
    someone goes he’s stoned.
    hes not wobbly.
    hes just staring at the colors.
    musta smoked something i aint smoked
    in quite a while,
    someone else said.

    and got a free beer off him.

  7. omg tony pierce yr my favorite blogger 

    ben & friends

    what would you say if a beautiful gurl came up to you on St. Paddys night saying those things?

    if youre me, you dont believe it. youd think its a joke or a terrible hoax.

    if youre you you might soak it in or play it cool or get embarrassed

    or you might actually own it.

    truth of the matter is i had all day saturday to write and i didnt.

    so on saturday night when i actually did write it was sorta a “have to” instead of a “get to”

    and i thought to myself, “now may be a good time to retire this 11 year old blog”

    then two hours later my buddy ben’s special lady friend comes up to me with all those compliments.

    no seriously, never stop writing, she continued. you are so good, so romantic

    and i know some of what you write is true no matter what you say.

    after a while she brought over her friend, we all started drinking green beer.

    soon they were dancing. even the bartender was dancing. all was well.

    there was luck of the irish.

    we are all lucky. lucky to be here.

    lucky to have another shot at things.

    lucky to meet new people, experience new things,

    and try to improve on toning down that incessant chatter in our minds that say

    no you cant.

    somewhere someone thinks you’re number one.

    own it.

    and say thank you nice angel.

  8. Wednesday, March 14, 2012

    karisa wants to go to vegas 

    karisa drinking game i dont wanna go to vegas.

    her sister n law zsa zsa wants to go to vegas too.

    now for SURE i dont wanna go to vegas.

    her actual sister alissa wants to go to vegas three.

    and then her other friend.

    its like those hooligans who get swept in the river during a storm.

    they dont really wanna end up in the river,

    its just nature

    and momentum.

    and karma.

    and maybe satan’s evil paw.

    fool ends up in the river flailing around.

    which means i will soon be in sin city like last time.

    last time i went to vegas twice in two months.

    i didnt care.

    in fact i wanted to jump in the river. and did,

    and the river spit me back out.

    after it was over karisa was all what the hell?

    when i fully came to i explained:

    its a drinking game.

  9. Thursday, February 23, 2012

    pretty girl met me at a bar 

    strange and she was talking and normally i look at peoples mouths when they talk

    because i want to see every word.

    but this time i just looked at her eyes to try to read her mind.

    smart girl but i couldnt figure out if she was naive or crazy or what.

    cuz i wanted to say, cant you see that you should be talking to Anyone except me tonight

    you should be drinking with that loser over there, or that dbag over there


    and for damn sure you shouldnt have just typed your phone number into my phone.

    i was tempted to say, look in my eyes. what do you see.

    but i didnt want her to look there.

    i wanted her to read my lips

    which were whispering

    fly away little birdie

    there are better branches you can coo on.

    taller poles you can perch from.

    cooler holes to hide in.

    funner drafts to glide on.

    but bars make things fuzzy, and music makes things groovy

    and sometimes it doesnt matter what people say or do

    theyre just gonna be into you.

    right, rihanna

  10. Thursday, February 16, 2012

    matt good played St. Rocke in hermosa beach last night 

    karisa and matt good

    i pretty much hate hermosa but karisa had never seen matt before
    and she lives over by there, so i was all lets go and she was all totally

    matt was happier than i have ever seen him.
    he was drinking, telling jokes, talking about hockey

    most of the people there were from canada it seemed.
    one lady was heading to brazil
    another lady had just flown in from washington dc.

    one woman yelled at matt and said:
    matt was all, do you have season tickets?
    she was all YES!
    he replied, well i guess you’ll see them again, dear.

    and then he rocked.