nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, September 4, 2015

    cat lady checking in 

    the kittens

    its been a little over a year since these kittens showed up on my doorstep like some modern day moses story and im a tad surprised that we havent had any drama

    the biggest issue ive had with them revolves around trimming their nails.

    the boy cat is pretty agreeable under his own terms (he must be sleepy) but the girl cat is always suspicious of Everything and constantly on guard and is a tougher customer.

    my coworker suggested i get them some Calming treats which it turns out is like kitty ecstasy

    with jeanine around they have turned on me and she doesnt want to be the bad cop so yesterday i tried the calming treats and within about an hour they had slowed their roll a little

    after two hours they were downright lazy and groggy. i put them on the book case, i put them in the hamper, i put them in ridiculous poses and they played along.

    then i cut their nails. it was a dream.

    last night they both slept all night with no monkey business and even this morning they are lovable and sleepy and easy to deal with.

    do i want to drug my animals often? no. but it is nice to know i have this tool in the cupboard for when they get a little to big in their britches.

  2. Wednesday, January 23, 2013

    Maybe little by little I’m fumigating 

    tommy lee jones

    Nick Tosches being interviewed in Esquire this month…

    Scott Raab: The theme apparent in all your books is, to me, a fearless quest for what’s at the heart of human knowledge.

    Nick Tosches: We’re finite creatures, doomed to never get a fraction of what wisdom it would take to deal with infinity. This book has a lot to do with the unbelievable power and beauty of that almost unattainable freedom. Since none of us really gets to know it, we don’t know what extremely powerful dangers might lurk in it.

    SR: One of the things that I’ve seen more often in your writing recently is an idea best expressed in Ezra Pound’s line “Do not move, Let the wind speak.”

    NT: Those words of Pound, the “120th Canto,” say it all. You’re never gonna outwrite the movement of the white clouds and the blue sky. You’re never going to. There are times when I try to write beautifully, but I don’t know if I’m trying to exorcise my own demons. If I am, there are other ones lurking beneath, because they keep coming out. Maybe little by little I’m fumigating.

    SR: I think exorcising them is out of the question. Who are you without your demons?

    NT: That’s probably true, but it’s not a truth that we wanna just accept flatly. Look at it like this: This is the most fucked-up species that ever pissed on this planet. What do we have? We have three “one true” gods. Count ’em. Three. And underlying everything is this question: Did man invent good and evil before he invented the gods to protect him from evil, or did he invent the gods first in order to say, “Look, I don’t want anybody fucking my wife, so you’re gonna go to hell if you do that”? All these acts of cowardice, all these gods. We’re just completely fucked up. This is a race of demons.

  3. Thursday, August 23, 2012
  4. Monday, July 23, 2012

    a year ago today amy winehouse died 

    one of the best things i learned from Bob Forrest about how to deal with friends

    and loved ones who are struggling with drug and alcohol addiction

    is to be as loving and as unconditionally kind as possible.

    he said no one can be forced into rehab

    and for many people, including himself, you have to go several times.

    if not dozens of times.

    he said the 12 step programs dont work for everyone

    but there are other rehab facilities other than those.

    anyways, just like Jesus’ last commandment,

    Bob suggests that we just love each other.

  5. Friday, January 27, 2012

    her initials were A. R. 

    big family

    i grew up in a neighborhood that was heavily italian.

    i was in sixth grade.

    i knew nothing about nothing.

    i was such a brain dead child that i rode my bike everywhere all day all the time and didnt need water.

    maybe id have a glass of hawaiian punch IF IT WAS THERE

    somehow the girls knew exactly what was going on because suddenly there was a party one night

    we all showed up and there were all these games id never played

    light as a finger, stiff as a board

    crazy bloody mary

    and of course spin the bottle.

    before i knew it i was in a bathroom with one of my best friend’s girlfriend.

    shes the one with the feathered hair on the far left of the photo above.

    he was sick, but there she was in the circle for spin the bottle

    and suddenly there she was in the bathroom with me.

    and she shut off the light

    and my life was forever changed.

    when i got home my mom thought i was on drugs.

    close, ma.

  6. Thursday, January 26, 2012

    im very disappointed in demi moore 

    laughing gas

    first ashton, and now laughing gas?

    i mean we are all addicted to certain things: drugs, booze, douchebags, blogging…

    but at 49 years old, wealthy to high heaven, beautiful, beloved: and the best you can do is whip-its while sobbing over king trucker hat?

    oh how the mighty have fallen.

    deep down i dont blame demi. i blame ashton.

    demi wasnt dying hard like this with my man bruce willis.

    and i know i know people are responsible for their lives, but to me the number one person who is most influential in your life is the one you get naked with.

    and if that person is letting you slide into a ridiculously stupid dark place, not only is it on you but its on them.

    i thought he loved you. i thought he was your bff. i thought you were “together”.

    or were you really just stopping each other from sexxing others?

    for if you were really together then youd help each other keep it together.

    demi allowed ashton to fully fly his douche flag, which is a fail – we need women to help us!

    and now ashton is clearly the impetus behind demi’s free fall into the hospital. punk!



    you need to get it together, cuz clearly your man is still very much a boy.

    now get outta that ER bed and rise like laz

    and much hotter laz

    and quit letting the ‘bag rub off on your game.

  7. Saturday, March 19, 2011

    say hi to Kurdt 

    courtney lovein a new book about to come out by former village voice writer Neil Strauss comes this claim that Courtney Love once offered to snort the remains of Kurt Cobain with the journalist.

    “She walks to a dresser, pulls open a drawer, and removes a square-shaped tin. She removes the lid, revealing a plastic bag full of white ashes. A faint smell of jasmine emanates from the tin.

    “LOVE: Too bad you don’t do coke. Otherwise I’d suggest taking a metal straw to it.

    “STRAUSS: Yeah, I don’t think that would be the right thing to do.

    “LOVE: I’d like to though.

    this makes me sad on several levels

    and i really hope its not true.