had to do a bunch of junk on saturday

ran around with my head chopped off

found a secret entrance to the xbi in burbank that they forgot was there

slipped in, said hi, stole a bagel, took off

a quick hi bye gotta fly like you see in the videos

and then the day was mine but i wanted to get a car wash and i couldnt find any car wash joints in burbank so i just drove drove drove

until i was in downtown LA and i found one but it wasnt moving

the little tokyo car wash

it was tiny and it had 4 cars in there, maybe 5 and i waited but it wouldnt budge so i said screw this, the next car wash is 8 minutes south, fine. but as i drove that way i passed a spot that advertised Oriental Rugs $22.

im old enough to know that signs are the biggest liars of anyone but i figured even if it was twice the price thats exactly in my budget.

anna kournikova of all people has been nagging me to “update” my apartment. she says i have the same old tired stuff in there as when we were first in love and rolling around on the floors.

i said hey ive got two new tvs and at least 4-5 new posters gimme a break, but i know what she meant

got to the carpet place, looked at the rugs, and boom there were a bunch for $38 out the door.

pointed, dude took it down, rolled it, taped it, leaned it next to the register, i gave the lady two 20s she gave $2 back

walk out with the carpet over my shoulder

smelliest homeless dude you ever saw goes, yo buddy

i gave him my $2 and i was out like seacrest

saw elvis costello play at the ace in downtown

elvis costelloseen elvis play maybe 8-10 times? but never saw a show at the remodeled united artists theater and mama mia is that place killer

i originally bought a pair of tickets the day they went on sale, but they were terrible and no one jumped out and said take me take me so i sold them saturday and bought a single ticket in the third row balcony

took a lyft over. driver was indian. super nice guy but horrible driver. says he lives deep in the inland empire but he always gets one ride that takes him into LA and then hes stuck here.

so he drives around until he gets to downtown and then hopes some asian guy wants to go to san gabriel, but he can also get unlucky and a tourist wants to go to the beach

he said he wasnt going to risk his luck and said as soon as he dropped me off he was heading home.

elvis had a big fake tv behind him. most of the show it was just him solo with one of his dozen guitars. he played on the piano a little too.

i gotta say, as much as i love him, i always thought that he was a weak instrumentalist but after this show im glad to say i was wrong wrong wrong. he was perfectly good all by himself on guitar or piano and added with his incredible vocal range it was quite a treat.

wisely he brought opening act Megan and Rebecca Lovell of the Larkin Poe to accompany on a generous amount of numbers. one was on mandolin played like a rhythm guitar the other on a type of lap steel that emitted some haunting leads

their background singing were lovely and it spiced up the presentation a tad harking back memories of when Prince played with those twins a few years back

the best moments were when Elvis moved away from the mic and the amplifiers and just sang to the crowd within the perfectly acoustic 90 year old theater

everyone hushed up as one of the finest songwriters with one of the best voices

cried out to the full house

who loved every second of it.

that starkness, intimateness, that Jungian throwback to the campfire or the cliffside

it was so raw so natural and the type of thing you can only do with a great song

elvis played like four encores, many with the girls

i ran into broome, brendon and kpcc’s alex cohen.

the couple in front of me couldnt stop talking or moving. i know it was a concert, but come on.

afterwards i avoided the mob scene of ubers and the one taco stand, walked a few blocks. weather was perfect. like a summer night. found an empty taco truck got two tacos and ate them right there.

took a lyft home. mexican guy. he complained how someone wiped his hotdog fingers with ketchup all over his seats and how another lady spilled her red bull and lyft wouldnt pay.

i said, no food or drinks in the ride, g. and he looked at me like i was an a martian.

last night i saw something i never saw ever in my whole time in LA

zombiesi was at a fabulous book release party for your girl AJ whose new book is called “Woman On Fire” which you can pre-order right now and it will arrive next week.

we were on the rooftop of the Standard hotel in downtown LA.

i was advised before i arrived that the rooftop bar has rules against baseball hats and any other sports-related clothing.

which is really just code for, well, you know what it’s code for.

so i left my Cubs hat at home, however if it wasnt for AJ i would have said f-you, the standard, this is america, i love the Cubs and ive lived perfectly well never returning to Harvard & Stone or The Edison for their similar uppity dress code.

arrive, dont get carded because i look old, wait for the elevator, and hear the security guard tell a guy he cant go to the roof because he’s wearing flip flops. and i think, Jesus wore sandals, are you telling me the Messiah wouldnt be allowed up there neither?

make it to the top and notice a super hot woman looking at her phone. then right away a guy who looked a shlubby as me taps her on the shoulder and says, “mandy?” she says, “hi fred.” and they dont hug, they just go to the elevator and go down.

i was all, i think i just saw a hooker and a john!

and america, i saw that same scene two or three other times last night on that rooftop. the same rooftop where you are not allowed to support your baseball team because that rooftop is so fucking classy.

it did have great views and it was fantastic hanging with AJ and i believe i gave her a good idea about how to market her book in a way that literally involves fire.

got a couple tacos on 7th street, took the subway home, and passed out with my pants on.


I’m on Jury Duty


I’m really sleepy cuz I had to be here at 7:45am and when ppl ask me how I stay looking so young I tell them two things:

You’re only as young as your girlfriend feels.


I don’t wake up at ungodly hours.


The best part of jury duty of course is you get to keep your community civilized.

The second best part is you get to have lunch with your friends who work downtown.


Today I will get to eat with young Sarah A. who worked for me way back in the LAist days.

We have a lot to catch up on.


We might even talk about this very tragic death.

a dear friend is arriving into town. she asked me for somewhere fancy to stay

mary pickford

she said she also preferred a location where there would be good celebrity watching.

i gave her some recommendations by the beach and in hollywood. she asked me about downtown.

this is what i said:

DTLA is not fancy. It’s dirty and worn and experiencing a very slow revitalization.

In the day it looks like Tijuana on steroids.

At night it looks like NYC having a hangover.

There is one exception, hotel wise, in DTLA: The Millennium Biltmore, which is also old. So old the first Academy Awards were held there. They even have a tea room. The rooms are small and zero celebs go there unless they’re doing a photo shoot for Vanity Fair (bc the architecture inside and out is Victorian and beautiful.

she said perfect! we just booked a room at the Ace! see you soon!

and that’s why i’ll never write a tour book.

Long day yesterday omg


one of the interesting things about the Oscars is Nominations Day which is really Nominations Morning

all through the night the nice people of Price Waterhouse Coopers and the Academy work together

in an amazingly secure building where telephones are confiscated, the Internet is turned off

no tweeting

and communication with the outside world is forbidden.

PWC make sure the votes are accurately counted and the Academy feverishly puts together materials for the press


this happens all night long because at 5am all of the entertainment press are fed breakfast at the Academy HQ

and then ushered into the Samuel Goldwyn Theatre to get set up for the announcement


then at exactly 5:38am Academy President Cheryl Boone Isaacs and ridiculously dashing Chris Hemsworth reveal the noms

for some reason i didnt know Thor was so tall or had such an interesting Aussie accent


afterwards all the reporters broadcast right there from the theatre to all over the world


then we rush back to our offices to put together graphics that end up on our site and social media streams


big shout out to my cohort Vanessa who knocked these out beautifully while the clock ticked in the early AM


meanwhile another group of staffers, with white gloves, gently stuff the envelopes for the fortunate nominees

so they can be invited to the Nominees luncheon, the Academy Awards, and the Governors Ball.

it is a week of tough preparations followed by a day or two of hurry up and dont wait.

thus at 2pm when i finally left the office i was exhausted and just wanted a taco with a nice girl from canada


luckily there was one in town who bought me a variety of nosegays and took me on a tour of DTLA


which concluded with a rooftop reunion with another canadian which is the way every day should end


truly exhausted i couldnt even make it to my hollywood bachelor pad so i drove to my secret DTLA lair

and saw a Deadhead spare tire cover on a Land Rover and sang

dont look back you can never go back.

got 10 hours sleep, woke up, and blogged to you


whoops, drank too soon

ali and katie

last night i went drinking with ali and katie (pictured) to celebrate the new job i thought i was gonna get

the perfect job which would lead to the perfect path for me.

but Fate doesn’t want things to go perfect because, i guess, without friction theres no poetry.

no one wants to hear how beautiful the meadow is and how pretty the sunset was

what they want to see is the struggle and how you roll with it.

in college i was taught that when you wrote tales “create lovable characters and totally screw them over”.

for the record i dont feel totally screwed over.

there are people who are in way way way worse places in their lives than I am.

im healthy, i have a fairly decent resume, and i have an amazing network of amigos.

and my credit good.

and my cubs hat collection is on point.

tron swansonits just annoying because i thought this next chapter of my life was being written.

the bad part about these kinds of rejections is you never know what happened.

you never know if it was you and who you are or what you wrote or what you said.

or if it is something that had nothing to do with you. like did someone with power say oh crap no i want my nephew to have that job.

in the good book sometimes the Lord hardens peoples hearts so that different results can happen.

and you just have to go with the flow and trust and continue to live from a place of integrity and calm.

last night we were drinking downtown and ive never been approached by more homeless people in my life.

waiting for tacos, walking to the bar, walking to the car… hey man sorry to bother you BUT

one guy we met was from New Orleans and he had the best lines. but they were suggestive.

i wish i could remember his lines they were so good. and usually id give the guy a buck.

but i gave this other guy a buck and i gave this lady my quesadilla.

i just wanted to get the ladies to their car and get back to hollywood.

and when we got into the car the once polite bum is now saying he hopes our car flips over.

just remember, as bad as things are, you probably arent a homeless guy in downtown LA

with questionable manners.

totally drank with your boy jason ross last night


i had about three margaritas and a beer and a taco and im just now mostly recovered


took the subway and saw a guy get a ticket for not buying a ticket. twas sad.


i asked Jason where you wanna drink? he said, take me somewhere you love. we went to La Cita and he loved it too.


after a few there we walked over to seven grand and saw a guy walk from outside to inside and puke. twas gross.973756_10151618133193057_1444231123_n

not even the artwork wanted to see the literal yuppie scum


it was nice hanging out with the former nexus editor & chief and walking around DTLA with him


when i got home i saw this note on the ground and im still trying to figure out how it was used


decided i need to make some new art


and maybe get a band formed, as ben suggested

crazy thing about Jason, he looks exactly the same as he did a zillion years ago

and is just as funny.


makes you wanna puke.