not dark yet / time out of mind / 1998

Shadows are falling and I been here all day
It’s too hot to sleep and time is running away
Feel like my soul has turned into steel
I’ve still got the scars that the sun didn’t let me heal

There’s not even room enough to be anywhere
It’s not dark yet, but it’s getting there

Well my sense of humanity is going down the drain
Behind every beautiful thing, there’s been some kind of pain
She wrote me a letter and she wrote it so kind
She put down in writin’ what was in her mind

I just don’t see why I should even care
It’s not dark yet, but it’s getting there

Well I been to London and I been to gay Paree
I followed the river and I got to the sea
I’ve been down to the bottom of a whirlpool of lies
I ain’t lookin’ for nothin’ in anyone’s eyes

Sometimes my burden is more than I can bear
It’s not dark yet, but it’s getting there

I was born here and I’ll die here, against my will
I know it looks like I’m movin’ but I’m standin’ still
Every nerve in my body is so naked and numb
I can’t even remember what it was I came here to get away from

Don’t even hear the murmur of a prayer
It’s not dark yet, but it’s getting there

you can do this you can do this you can do this

any time i think that something might be too hard

or that someone has set up a stumbling block for me to trip on

or that because no one else has done it before, i cant

i think about bob dylan who never wrote these words but epitomizes them perfectly

you can do this you can do this you can do this

fuckers known as the greatest lyricist and songwriter of all time

yet if you went up to 100 people maybe one of them can sing you a song of his all the way through

but it would probably take you 500 people to find that one.

does that mean that his songs are any less special? no it means that they are complex and twisted and gnarled and break the rules of what pop music is “supposed” to be like.

which should be the goal of creative people. and ps we are all creative people.

you can do this

dylan was booed when he omg dared to put down his acoustic guitar and plug in and play an electric.

he was criticized — and is still maligned for not being a great singer

when he recorded a number of “Christian” or “Born Again” records he was ridiculed and those magnificent pieces were considered unworthy for his canon.

but did he pay any mind? did he pack up the plantation? did he give in to those who were a few steps behind him?

no he kept moving. which is why you can do this you can do this you can do this.

being a leader can be lonely, the bugs hit your windscreen more than those riding comfortably in your wake,

you have to blaze the path by cutting down the weeds with your machete of love,

you have to shake hands with the natives and build bridges and repair roadways

the others can simply coast behind you and tell their friends how much progress They’ve made in half the time it took you

but you know

to lead means to make the map, to learn the language, to set up milestones and alliances

to follow means to look out the window and take in the view.

even in a road race of a thousand cyclists there’s only one leader

and with each strenuous pedal he’s saying

you

can

do

this

you can

do this

you can do this

because yes you can.

this is barely even on a bob dylan album

it didnt make the cut for Blonde on Blonde even though dylan took 19 takes of it.

even though it’s amazing.

even though even with the abrupt ending, it’s perfect.

Yes, you, you just sit around and ask for ashtrays, can’t you reach?

the only way you can buy it is to spend $33 – or stream it.

how incredible is that? its almost like he doesnt want us to have it.

this is how art should be.

all the time.

art should always play hard to get when its this good.

yesterday was cinco de blah blah

FYF Festinstead of drinking for no reason i took a walk because of my new Stepz app. do i wanna live forever? no. but while i’m here i dont wanna be a fat cow who can barely do anything physical.

i also dont like having heart burn or back aches or all the other things im bound to have now that im 7 thousand years young.

so i walked even though it was cold. (60 degrees).

walked and walked and realized i was near a mexican grocery store. i love eating fish but the only fast food joint i know that serves grilled fish is Yoshimomo and all they serve is Tilapia which im told is the ugliest fish in the sea and will kill you if you eat too much of it.

not sure i wanna die from fast food so i inspected the fresh fish the grocery store had, chose a big slab of Salmon, and some chips and salsa because it was cinco.

walked home, george forman grilled it, and it was delicious.

even had some leftovers for tonight and for the kittens.

because my car has been in the shop ive been reorganizing my home. why? who cares. because no one else is doing it.

found my favorite shirt which i thought had been thrown out by my maid.

sorry connie!

theres a damning line in Bob Dylan’s “Idiot Wind”, it’s the last line of the song actually where Dylan concludes

We’re idiots, babe
It’s a wonder we can even feed ourselves

and I can totally relate.