heres the thing about LA that visitors are confused about

LA is in a constant state of change.

demographics, housing, cars, fashion, drugs, music, art

it’s all building on itself, it’s moving and growing and

never stopping

so yes you can try to parachute in here from new york city

and you can see if your predetermined expectations are realized

but then you might make a wrong turn and see the most interesting thing

something that no magazine has ever written about

and then what do you do?

do you dare be original?

do you trust your bosses wont yell at you?

or do you just come straight out and say, LA is a caterpillar that is turning into a butterfly

and then a sports car

and then a train wreck

and then a forest fire

and then a drought

and then a race riot

and then a gang bang

and then Woodstock

and then and then and then?

or do you just say fuck that and pay attention to the one thing you loved

and report back on that

because aint no way youre gonna describe the past future and present of shit

not you

new yorker.

i had a big interview today.

it was with a company that i really love, and i wouldnt have to move, and i could do what im good at and i would get health insurance

the person interviewing me said, “wow thats a good question” after each of my questions, and i hope that’s a positive thing. who knows.

i had studied up on some things that were in the job description. and that was fun. like cramming for a final. but those things never came up. it was only a 30 minute interview. thats all it was supposed to be. i don’t think i made any unforced errors.

afterwards i wanted to walk around and get rid of all the nervous energy but it was raining.

later i watched the cubs bash a bunch of home runs.

then i drove for tacos at a taco truck. it has a competing truck around the corner from it that specializes in “plant-based” tacos. echo park, bless your heart.

before ordering my tacos i walked into the drug store to get a healthy blueberry juice. Blue Power or Blue Machine, whatever… and as i was waiting in line two women walked in. and as soon as they got in, the dog that was trailing behind them stopped, looked at all of us in line, and took a leak, right there on the carpet.

the lady holding the leash was so embarrassed. “he never does this,” she said.

both cashiers sorta smiled because whattya gonna do?

when it was my turn i said, “i bet thats not the craziest thing thats happened at this walgreens.”

they both said, nope.

for Chris’s birthday we saw Guns n Roses

chris and mickey

any time a band books two or more nights at a venue the odds are very good that the 2nd or 3rd night will have lots of empty seats. got lucky and they were practically giving really good seats away at the dodger stadium show for the former glam rockers.

chris drove over. we had some postmates guy deliver us Bossa Nova and we took an over to the stadium. crazy ride. driver told us he was a car salesman and uber has hurt his business so badly that hes thinking about driving full time. i told him if he does it he has to contact me because i want to set him up with a reporter, probably Steve Lopez, to write the story.

got to the show just in time. it was good. Slash is obvs still pissed at Axl but will take the tens of millions of dollars they will each make on this tour.

it was good because this is the way it should be. you shouldn’t come home and find your Uncle is your Step Dad or you have to share a room with a teenage runaway. Slash should be playing with Axl and Duff should be there. not only does it fit, but it sounds right.

and then that makes way for Steven Adler to sit in for a couple of songs. all smiley and shit.

echo park

it’s weird to think that Guns doesn’t have three hours of original material to play. so they served up plenty of covers: Live and Let Die & Knockin on Heavens Door are normal, but they also did Raw Power, Wish You Were Here and the guitar solo from Beautiful Tonight. random dad rock.

Afterwards we walked down to Sunset and Echo Park was alive and beautiful. we are so lucky to live in this city. we were amped. a bit buzzed from the beers and the energy of the show. lots of Slash.


Chris really needed to pee but every bar had a line coming out of it. when we stopped by Little Joy i asked the doorman if Hayley was around. he said no and 2 seconds later there she was with her man.

we rejoiced and hugged and exchanged greetings.

then walked all the way to mohawk bend and got an uber home.

fun night.

Guns could have used more explosions.

when i was in high school the hottest girls in class were the Lancettes


even though in this photo they look like cheerleaders, they weren’t cheerleaders,

they were better than cheerleaders.

sure at parades they’d bust out the huge pom poms and throwback outfits

but at halftimes of games and pep rallies they did routines that made every one in the house stfu and stare.

something was magical about them when i was in school.

they were like Mean Girls, except they werent mean.

they were sexy as anyone, but not the slightest bit slutty.

and as far as i remember they were all like straight a students.

all while floating around with an air about them like they were barely trying.

after our senior party i woke up in a hotel room in Schaumburg wrapped in cassette tape

in my leather jacket hungover on Malibu rum surrounded by snoozing Lancettes

we were all clothed (no one had sex in my class) and i’m pretty sure zero kissing took place

but when i woke up i was all, yes, i can die now because im already in heaven. and i was 17.

last night while at a going away party in Echo Park on Sunset Blvd at Little Joy Cocktails

i noticed a young lady who had a bit of a little magic about her

the lancette and jose

she came over and shook my hand and introduced herself and commented on my Cubs hat

and she said oh my parents are from the northwest suburbs, i said thats where im from

she said Bloomingdale?

i was all, Lake Park High?

she was like no way did you go there.

i was all, blow my mind and tell me you were in the marching band.

she was like, nah i was a Lancette.

so yeah, the world is the tiniest place in the entire galaxy.

if i ever wrote a picture book

american apparel ad

which is something id rather write instead of like a novel

or a tour book

or a blogger tell all

or a secret history of the xbi

or an autobiography of isla vista

i would make a book of

“things i always look at when i drive around LA”.

it would start with the american apparel billboard next to the burrito king

at the intersection of Alvarado and Sunset in echo park.

i think they own it cuz Dov lives nearby.

i love it because it always changes and sometimes its mildly outrageous.

if i was AA i would have a live cam on it

or a new picture every times it changes.

and have it linked off their website somewhere.