nothing in here is true

  1. Monday, March 27, 2017
  2. Friday, February 12, 2016

    i was 20 years old when i first went to europe 

    12729303_10153897631218057_806972817262673055_nin fact i turned 21 in florence, italy.

    but before i made it there i traveled from London to Paris to Switzerland back to Paris then to Munich then Denmark and then Sweden.

    in Sweden i met a bunch of 20-somethings who hosted my stay

    and they reminded me of a lot of my friends who i grew up with in Illinois.

    one guy in Sweden, the class clown, sorta, showed me his key chain

    it only had three “keys” on it.

    he told me, in broken English,

    “this one is my house key, this one is my car key”

    and then he held the bottle opener and said,

    “and this, this is the Key of Life”

    everyone laughed.

    the other day while i was at the Apple Store, i realized that i too have simplified my key situation to his.

    wherever you are, Hans, here’s looking at you.

    hey do!

  3. Thursday, August 29, 2013

    the ugliest american of the day 

    apparently in the tiny island of Malta the roads are as narrow as the minds of some americans

    in this video, shot by some visiting Brits, a Maltese driver refuses to back down to a US driver

    who sounds and acts a lot like formers Steelers head coach Bill Cower.

    unfortunately he is a US Embassy worker. whoops.

    so enraged was this man that he didn’t realize that his enemy’s back window was rolled down for a good two minutes

    road rage is a serious thing, america.

    here in the mean streets of LA we learn to check ourselves because the gentleman in the other car

    just might be having a bad day and will be forced to use his AK.

  4. Monday, July 23, 2012

    you shoudnt tell old stories 

    maybe to your grandkids, only.
    when youre camping. and theyve had too many s’mores.
    i told an old story today at the whole foods
    in the sushi aisle and it didnt go over that well.
    little know fact: i review all the jokes i told all day
    when i jog at night around hollywood blvd.
    my brain just has nothing better to do no matter what
    is blaring through my ipod.
    people dont realize it but i think about radio all the time.
    i pay for it. how many people pay for it.
    i pay for the newspaper and radio.
    am i 100 and 25?
    radio has it all. who we kidding
    and the newspaper, how can you not wanna know things
    let alone, everything?
    this girl got up leaving her friend behind at the table
    what was i gonna do, just sit there?
    if you read the paper every day, every page
    you have nothing to fear when you meet a brazilian girl
    named rosa
    just let your eyebrows talk.
    thats my tip of the day.