nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, June 1, 2012

    never underestimate the internet 

    apparently a comic book company has decided that a fictional character is gay

    so they announced it today and this otherwise unknown morality group, One Million Moms,

    wrote on their facebook wall a warning about the news. hilarity ensued:

    i heart facebook

    god bless the web.

    meanwhile their sister brother site, One Million Dads, appear to be slackers

    in the last three years they have only had four things bother them,

    and one is playboy being sold in 7-11s. thats all youve got, dads?

  2. Thursday, May 24, 2012

    woody allen on Life and mark cuban on post-FB Wall St. 

    “Say goodbye to the individual investor on Wall Street. Whatever positive impression they had of the IPO market and the stock market in general was just torched to the ground. When everyone you know associated with the stock market is telling you and the media is confirming that this could be a huge IPO that will make money for those lucky enough to get shares and the opposite happens, goodnight. All confidence in the stock is destroyed. Put your money in the bank or if you want to gamble, at least slot machines in Vegas pay out 98pct.” – Mark Cuban, blog maverick

  3. Friday, February 24, 2012

    she deleted me from facebook 

    kirsten dunst

    it wasnt the first time. wont be the last.

    if its thursday shes deleting me.

    when i was a kid i wanted to be a baseball manager.

    for one reason because i wanted to be able to yell at umpires and get kicked outta the game.

    kick some dirt on them, spit while yelling, get the crowd going

    and then get sent to the showers.

    im the nicest guy shes ever known and i get thrown out weekly.

    right now im making her parents a mix tape, and i get shut down

    as if

    when i was a kid i wanted a girlfriend.

    for one reason because i always imagined that you could do fun romantic things with em

    like row a boat through an impressionistic painting and then have a picnic

    play led zep for her on the lute, duel with zorro with a flute

    get the crowd going

    then get sent to the showers.

    when i was a kid i was an idiot.

  4. Wednesday, June 29, 2011

    i follow Capt. Morgan on facebook 

    today he asked “Tell me something great you did today. Let’s raise a glass to you.”

    these were the best ones.

    Dena Kennedy At 37 while all the kids were on break at the pool i totally rocked a double front flip . . . . .

    Jimmy Robbins made it thru another shift without sticking a pen in anybody’s neck.

    Jenelle Hehman I went down in the crawl space for the 1st time and turned on my own sprinklers.

    lison Sarah Hungry I got out of bed. End of greatness.

    Paul Ubaldini i helped an AMERICAN Veteran

    Trish Neal San Diego Zoo. And then got drunk

    Michael Stein ‎120 degree weather with body armor… I need a drink!

    Sean Hochreich I held the fn Stanley Cup :)

    Patrick Larson I “graduated” from my anger management classes! CHEERS! LOL!

    Megan Zegers I ran a 5k without walking for the first time in my life!

    Dan Cawley i shaved my neck beard off today

    Dana McHenry I farted loudly in the library.

    Continue reading “i follow Capt. Morgan on facebook”

  5. Sunday, March 27, 2011
  6. Wednesday, March 23, 2011
  7. Friday, February 25, 2011

    omg tony answers your questions of love 

    in vegas at the palms

    Will Campbell asks: Oh shnit! Uh, OK. When? No, wait. Why? Ahhh… right. What happens if I break that new rule?

    The skies will darken then open, bitter tears from angry angels will fall, and pop will lose its fizz in cans and bottles everywhere. luckily you’ll probably be forgiven since you’ve been a reader here for a good 60-70 years. so a virgin will probably need to be sacrificed or something. nothing serious.

    Karisa J asks: are you gonna rock out with us tonight???

    Two nights in a row? Are you sure the universe could handle that? As much as I adore the shirtless, shlubby, balding young disco singer (and i seriously hope you make out with him mid concert) – and as much as i love that venue, i have plans to drink with an up n coming rock star near my hood. so if you are looking for an afterparty hit me up.

    Mark Z asks: You know everything, how can we improve Facebook?

    This isn’t anything you can do yourselves. But you should encourage people to keep it real about their Relationship Status. If there’s one thing I hate about Facebook it’s people who can be honest about everything, show everything, but when it comes to Relationship Status they’re suddenly all mum. They don’t tell you when they’re broken up, they dont tell you when they’re off the market, and some dont even tell you if they’re married. Please allow me to make a Facebvegasook App (remember those?) that says “What’s Probably Going On” where based on Check Ins, emails, chats, etc. a program can return the results of “She’s probably [doing] [this guy].”  and/or  “She’s probably [dating/married to] [this chump].” People can always deny it, and it just may be wrong, but i bet it wont be.

    Also revert back to your old photo galleries, this current thing is as pretty as one of those temporary spare tires, and works just as smooth. Quit fixing things that aint broke.

    Curious George wants to know: Hey Tony what blog won the week?

    This may be the easiest question of the week. Wonkette. Not only did they seem to out Sarah Palin (or her people, or one of her supporters) for creating a silly sloppy sockpuppet (are there any other kinds?), but earlier in the week one of their readers tipped them off to Wikipedia pages being used in the LA state legislature’s rotunda next to statues as if it wasnt a big deal. That post turned things into a big deal: not only did it inspire a LA lobbyist to write in for comic relief, but the post alerted the State that something was amiss which they immediately changed.

    And finally President asks: Must everything that happens in Vegas stay there?

    There should be one place where you should be allowed to unbutton, let yr hair down, and let your freak flag fly. As honest we pretend to be with ourselves, truth is we’re on guard a lot. We have walls. There should be one place where you can go, let loose, and not be judged. Somewhere what you do won’t end up on your permanent record.

    Most of the time when I go there I don’t do anything illegal or immoral – and neither do most of the people who visit there. I just enjoy the energy. The options. The gluttony and spectacle. I love the food, I love being able to carry a beer from the bar to the street to a cab to the next casino. To me that’s America, the way it was supposed to be. It’s also the only place I like to dress up and stay up all night. Not New York, not LA: Vegas.

    It’s also one of the few places I like to go, sometimes alone even, and just sit in a nice hotel room and write and not leave for a long time. It is a very spiritual place for me, in a weird way, and safe, and I think that it’s because the underlying theme of “…stays in Vegas…” is one of forgiveness.

    and the only thing better than forgiveness, is forgiveness prior to the sin.

    some people need that sort of permission. especially those of us who may have some evil pent up nagging for attention that must be addressed.

    Some address it by gambling, some address it by having naked girls sit on their laps as metal riffs rip through a dark club, some just want a safe well lit place to drink while dressed as a hooker.

    When the founders created America, I’m glad they planned on a place like Las Vegas. This country totally needed such a town.

    Oh wait, right under the wire Basart asks: When are you setting up the PS reunion that you mentioned that you wanted to do?

    You know Karisa asked me that yesterday. I love how the two most organized people I know are asking me to set this grand thing up. Fine. What month is this. Almost March? March is Pisces. Too emotional for reuinions. April then. May’d be better. But April is better. April 1? No one would believe it. It is a Friday though. April 8? That was the day Hank Aaron hit 715. Fine, April 8.

    I’ll make a Facebook group. Thanks for the nudge Ken!

    Update: Created!

  8. Thursday, August 26, 2010

    lookee here, it’s Mark Milian once again 

    explaining a new facebook feature

    with David Sarno, and special guest Dan Gaines.

    very funny way to talk about a new feature in a way big newspapers rarely do.

    also tip of the hat to Tim French who filmed it and Myung who cut this video.

    Tim was my guy when i interviewed Hef and Bruce Willis and Myung was my dude whene I went to the mansion for Halloween. They rock mightilly.