my nephew stole the hearts of all the busblog readers
Sunday, November 18, 2018
Thursday, November 24, 2016
starting with you, my family, and friends,
and all the great food we get to enjoy.
the Cubs of course especially Theo Epstein and the brewers of Old Style Beer.
I am thankful for my health, and the health of Emily Ratajkowski.
I am thankful for my great job,
my side hustle,
and high speed internet. I am thankful for my cats even though they are super weird and pretty much ungrateful and entitled.
I’m thankful for my khaleesi
and all my Uber and Lyft passengers who all want to take selfies with me for some reason.
I am thankful for the Obey sample sale, Howard Stern, Baba Booey, Fred, Sour Shoes,
Fat Artie, and Robin’s health. I am thankful for the Internet, all my past and future loves.
I am thankful for German engineering, Mike Tyson,
and all my high school friends who have now had their dreams come true
– thanks to the Cubs, Theo and the brewers of Old Style.
I’m thankful for Taylor Swift, Rihanna, cheap gas, Anna Kournikova,
Charles Bukowski, Iceberg Slim, the Truest,
and I pray for good health for Kanye West.
I’m grateful for Little Armenia, Hollywood Blvd., and Sunset Blvd where the freaks come out.
I am thankful for my president, Canadian McDonalds,
all of the jobs of my past, the voters of California who made weed legal,
Isla Vista, rock music,
my college friends who continue to rock, the Hollywood Bowl,
Canadians who move to Cali,
the readers of the busblog, the moon,
my favorite book The Bible, KFC $5 Fillups,
left handed leadoff hitting shortstops who happen to be my nephew,
and President Abraham Solomon
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
im a freshman at high school and i just got my schedule. NONE of my friends from junior high are in any of my classes. zero.
you’re old, will life always be this freaky and unfair?
signed, selena gomez
well before you were born, i moved from illinois to california. i didnt know anyone at the city college that went to, but first quarter i started talking to this really interesting girl with ripped stockings and words all over her shoes and red lipstick and a stay away vibe. she soon became my girlfriend.
a couple years later i didnt know any one at uc santa barbara and within hours i met some of the people who have remained my closest friends for the rest of my life.
and im much shyer than you are.
in fact i made so many life long friends at college that almost all of them could be put in one of two categories: my hippy friends (below) and my newspaper friends (above)
now would i have met these people if for some reason a few of my friends from high school joined me in moving to LA? who knows. maybe. but maybe not.
the thing is when you have zero friends, you end up making some.
when you already have some, you might not get a lot of new ones.
i had a really good high school experience. and i think one reason was was because i got to meet a whole lot of new people, and learn from them, and grow.
for the next eight years you are going to be in an enviable position where the primary thing you have to focus on is learning
may i recommend learning everything.
from every body.
also, join the band
Monday, November 23, 2015
so when my family flew from chicago to vegas yesterday and they saw a black pilot they were all
do you know tony pierce?
brotha said who? they said xbi. chopper one?
homie said, busblog?
and, to quote donald trump, bing bang bong, our little angel babe was the new co-pilot
and everyone got free popcorn.
babe loves popcorn.
so yeah, now we’re all out here in sin city, which is an interesting place for little kids to be
there was once a time when vegas catered to kids, but im pretty sure that time is gone, thankfully.
but i do know that its still the time for adults, so im gonna be a terrible uncle and stay drunk all day
and then eat all night and get drunker. that way they know that booze is bad and they should stay away from it.
life lessons from drunk uncle.
Saturday, September 20, 2014
i was all ma, why here? she said, it was Kylas choice. i was all wha? she said, dont ask.
anyways kyla has braces now and her gift to my mom was her favorite Glade Plug-ins.
we ate three different versions of french fries and then assorted burgers and booze. it was nice.
nephew tyler was in great spirits because he had an assist during his soccer game
and also because i wasnt telling him how they made the chicken tenders he was eating
he also drank milk and played under the table and generally enjoyed himself like a kid
Babe was probably the happiest. she ate her food, a little of tylers
then when no one was looking she got out of her chair and grabbed some food off the table behind us.
THAT was probably the funniest thing i’d ever seen.
the dude was all, oh dont worry we’ve got kids too, it happens.
afterwards i went to my favorite store in the world and bought a Cubs hat
because if this rain stops, tomorrow we’re going to Wrigley Field,
finest ball park on earth.
and i hear they’ve been waiting for me.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
i said of course, it went to the rooms of the senior citizens and a few days later they were dead.
xbi was all yeah and havent you noticed an awful lot of cats around your house. dont you think that means something?
i said yeah it meant a very irresponsible cat hoarder didn’t take care of her business when she was evicted.
xbi was all, keep telling that to yourself. and just like that the pain was excruciating. i walked in the rain to the ER
but called my doc saying which hospital should i go to? the one i know will only cover ER stuff
or this other hospital that actually omg might have a urologist in the house. he said, suck it up agent.
he said go home, load up on drugs, sext, and in the morning the xbi urologist will be back in Cali.
and even though he’s xbi and theyre clearly trying to get me to crack, i like him, hes my doctor. he told me to quit that one job that lead to the good job and the great job after that.
technically im xbi too but not really, so maybe deep down hes not really either.
plus at some point youve GOTTA trust somebody.
if the xbi has taught me anything its: the easiest opponent to crush is one who has no allies.
so even though i puked off vicodins yesterday, i downed one, heated up some chicken my maid left me yesterday, and asked a young lady to show me what im missing.
she said hows this
and that actually did make me feel better for a little while.
unfortunately i struck out with everyone else and realized either i need to get wilder friends or educate the world on this brand of experimental medication
and then when i was begging a lovely canadian to just show me what shoes she was wearing and she replied by taking a snap of her chipotle salad
in came a totally unsolicited text from my mom. with this amazing picture of my niece.
and i was all omg ive been barking up the wrong tree.
you need to survive this asteroid field of kidney stones not for selfish personal reasons
but so you could help others, especially those in your family.
i need to teach my niece how to throw elbows in the paint.
my sister is too sweet and my brother in law is too logical
uncle tony needs to bring a lil east hollywood into the lives of the holy family girls bball squad
that is my secret purpose
if, of course, i live through the night.
which looks like a long shot.
and its raining like how that great poet described it many moons ago
the rain, it rains, and it pours on a little pink girls bike
half falling down no kickstand
im damned why wont he say it
in a holding cell not hell but close
someone in the cloud has a rope
but theyre scared id use it the cheater way
and youd see dangling converses
in the morning with milk but i got better plans dear fans
so thank you, most badass niece
Friday, January 3, 2014
now im really sad i didnt make the trip this year out there.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
to misquote president obama, if i had a son he’d look a lot like my sisters son tyler.
he’d be light skinned, thin, and hopefully a switch-hitting shortstop batting lead-off.
he’s introverted, focused, cantankerous, and melts in the presence of his adopted little sister.
tyler is the kind of guy who would be drafted in the first round by the chicago white sox
and refuse to sign because he’s a cub fan.
he’s stubborn, talks trash while creaming you at video games, and impervious to bs
he will watch the demo mode of madden studying the invisible wrinkle in the matrix
so as to use it against you in the 4th quarter when it matters
he has no interest in food, chit-chat, or mindless banter – and never has.
but if he hears Psy or the Wiggles on the tv, he’ll take the thumb out of his mouth
and dance like a freak.
might even take off his damn pants.
or better yet, take a disco nap on the dog
in the cage
you can’t stop him, you can only contain him.
god bless you little man. don’t ever change.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
it’s true my sister has accomplished more in her life already than i’ll ever in mine, but thats fine.
she was always better in school, had more friends, and certainly had way more drive.
she’s had to amazing children of her own, has not one but two giant homes,
and has even adopted a poor black child.
her generosity and big heart led to her rescuing dogs and cats and birds and gerbils and swimming pools
and an amazing hot tub, and me, all ive seemed to rescue are 99 cent tacos from the jack n the box.
she helped elect the first black president, she’s always there for our mom,
and shes such a good daughter in law that she often drives across the midwest so the kids can visit their grandparents
be it through rain sleet or snow.
im very proud of my sister, someone who couldnt be more different than me.
she has done many things that i would have said now why you wanna do that
and then it turned out that it was a really good thing to do.
i love you angie! happy birthday!
Thursday, October 31, 2013
my moms mom only had one sister, juanita. aka mimi. that was probably all she needed.
my grandma was a smart tough woman, and my aunt was maybe a little tougher. its not surprising that she spent her life in the steel city.
she had little tolerance for bs – and less so as she got older.
when the clock turned 90 on her she started doing interesting things like sending me back letters i wrote her when i was a kid.
at first i was all, what the heck? but when id talk to her on the phone id understand: she knew this day would come. and she knew id probably get more out of it than the garbage man.
aunt mimi and uncle bill were huge steeler and pirate fans. they were right there during the we are family world serieses and the steel curtain super bowls.
somehow they got the autographs from lots of the players and sent them to me.
she smoked, she drank, she never lived in a nursing home or an old folks home
and she hung in there kicking till 96.
20 years ago, after uncle bill died, she got a portrait taken of herself.
then sent it to my mom.
it was very large.
my mom was all, ooooooo kaaaaaaay.
but my mom put it in the guest room, where i sleep when i visit there, and this summer when i was there i thought to myself
oh my god, Aunt Mimi totally took a selfie 20 years before it was cool.
glad youre reunited with uncle bill! hope he’s still eating raw hot dogs!
<3 Aunt Mimi <3