nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, May 12, 2019

    this year i didnt get my mom flowers for mothers day 

    if i could go back in time, i would start

    Reasonably Priced Flowers by Phone

    because for the last million years ive been getting my mom flowers on mothers day and on her birthday and i cant remember more than one time when she took a picture of them that i was satisfied.

    they either looked sickly or somehow wanting. and there never seemed to be as many as i had thought i had ordered.

    and so often things seemed too expensive for what i was getting.

    in my Flower Fone world, a dozen roses is $30, tulips are $25, gerbers are $20, and the deluxe double mixed would be $40.

    for $100 we’d go nuts in a way that you’d always wanna give us $100. free vase, babysbreath, chocolate, and sparklers if its a night time delivery.

    online we would do totally insane things like Remember what you ordered last time, Not ask you for all your info over and over, and Thank you for repeated business.

    every now and then we might just send you free flowers out of the blue because what the hell else am i gonna do with left over flowers that i couldnt sell before they start wilting? throw them away? never! give em to your customers, jethro!

    this year i got my mom an amazon echo. she says its because i want her to be able to say Hey Alexa, ive fallen and i cant get up! but the truth is, i love it. i used to use the clapper for my bedroom christmas lights, now i say alexa turn off the lights. i used to have to tell siri a million times to play Tsar, now alexa not only plays it but the echo dot speaker is fantastic.

    basically, she works as advertised. the google nor the siri does. so thats what my mom gets.

    she says she doesnt want a new tv for her room but shes getting one for her birthday i dont wanna argue.

    anyways, this isn’t a picture of my mom, but it’s how i see her.

  2. Thursday, April 11, 2019

    wildfires to wildflowers 

    my mom says God can fix everything, just be patient

    there were very few things she shoved down my throat

    very calm, trusting, freedom-loving woman.

    she didnt bother me about church and for the rest of my years i loved the good book

    she didn’t bother me about literature and politics and music, and i love those too

    she didnt tell me i watched too much tv or wrote too much

    she encouraged me in whatever i loved, and i thank her for that.

    and any time i see beautiful flowers i think of her.

    this weekend when amber and i drove through malibu and thousand oaks (pictured)

    and we saw all the wildflowers, i wanted to fly my mom out here to see them with her

    because they’re poppin right now, big time.