nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, January 10, 2016

    mcdonalds has mozzarella sticks 


    ramie is a beautiful woman who loves mcdonalds nearly as much as i do. tonight i was all i hear they have a new thing going on over there. she said what, i said i dont know thats why i wanna go and find out.

    IMG_6670i thought i heard they had this thing where you could get two small things for $2 and it turned out to be true.

    you could get small fries, a chicken sandwich, a mcdouble, or three mozzarella sticks.

    mozzarella sticks?!?!

    indeed. so i was all fuckit i want like those, some fries, a mcchicken and some mcnuggets

    the sticks were fine, but petite. sorta not worth it even for a buck. maybe if you have a kid.

    and the weird thing is they dont have any options to get any larger size. like id pay $5 to get 20 of them. brotha needs 20. they also have to figure out how to make them stringier. the marinara sauce was fine, but any time im sitting down at a mcdonalds – which is rare – and i ordered something dippable, i’ll ask for hot mustard.

    hot mustard is something no other mcdonalds has. they should exploit that.

    they should introduce a new character

    something sexy, and yellow, and spicy and delicious that adds a punch whatever it’s spread on.

    angry drunk marge simpson?

  2. Sunday, December 27, 2015

    it happens every time, yet i do it every time 

    DLR tree topperany day i have a REAL day off, meaning no real work and no uber, i will wake up, fix myself a mimosa, and turn on the big tv to play XBox and the little tv to play tv.

    the laptop will give me a third screen. and the iphone will be playing some music.

    my senses get overloaded and i get a headache around noon that throbs for three or four hours.

    thats when i stop drinking, get some aspirin and turn off a few screens and maybe take a nap.

    when i revive around 6ish, i feel fantastic, like David Lee Roth doing the jump splits off the Van Halen drum riser.

    but i will usually fall into the same trap of turning on the video games and tv and i’ll get back to it. fortunately i dont get a late night headache – god knows why, but i dont.

    today is sunday, so i did all of that while watching the Fargo tv series of the first season. mama mia, what a great show. but now it’s 10:27pm and i wanna go out. i should have told the pretty girl who texted me during my headache to text me back around 11pm but that sounds like a booty call and we bloggers are way above that sorta thing. the thing is next week i have off and i plan on actually relaxing because oscar season gets into full swing in about a week so this is my last bout of doing jack shit for a while.

    these last few days have involved a lot of noodles.

    Christmas Eve Sass and i ate some delicious hot pot in pasadena and i nearly died of spicy joy. my sinuses will be clear for all of 2016. remind me to go back there again. whats the name? hmmmm something Sheep.

    then last night Ali and i were gonna eat some thai but she called an audible and we ended up at Blossom and those bowls of Pho were so big that my leftovers fit into a large bucket that i delivered to Jeanine when i got home and it helped soothe her flu.

    and tonight Jeanine made some delicious spaghetti and my noodle trifecta was achieved.

    i have a good life.

  3. Wednesday, October 21, 2015
  4. Monday, August 10, 2015

    what do you do with two canadians who want dinner? 

    poutine menu

    sass and emilio had never met somehow even though they went to the same college at the same time and hung in the same circles and knew the same ppl and danced the same dances and wore the same clothes and sang the same songs and played in the same bands and took the same classes and rushed the same sororities.

    but you know what brought them together?


    i mean the busblog

    and hollywood.

    and you.

    so it was time to celebrate and eat stuffs so we had poutine in hollywood!


    it wasnt bad. but as i like to say, the only bad poutine is no poutine.

    since emilio is a vegetarian because he “loves” animals,

    sass and i chose the duck poutine because jack in the box rarely has duck anything

    and i gotta tell you, ted nugent, littlefork’s duck poutine, despite not having actual cheese curds

    and technically not even being truly poutine

    is damn good american poutine

    sass and emilio

    afterwards we dropped off sass in a dark street in the hollywood hills

    so if she gets discovered in some manson family gang in a few months

    just know that her last really good meal was with moi and vous

    while a guy played 80s tunes from his laptop

    and i drank a margarita.

    quebecois everybody!

  5. Wednesday, May 6, 2015

    yesterday was cinco de blah blah 

    FYF Festinstead of drinking for no reason i took a walk because of my new Stepz app. do i wanna live forever? no. but while i’m here i dont wanna be a fat cow who can barely do anything physical.

    i also dont like having heart burn or back aches or all the other things im bound to have now that im 7 thousand years young.

    so i walked even though it was cold. (60 degrees).

    walked and walked and realized i was near a mexican grocery store. i love eating fish but the only fast food joint i know that serves grilled fish is Yoshimomo and all they serve is Tilapia which im told is the ugliest fish in the sea and will kill you if you eat too much of it.

    not sure i wanna die from fast food so i inspected the fresh fish the grocery store had, chose a big slab of Salmon, and some chips and salsa because it was cinco.

    walked home, george forman grilled it, and it was delicious.

    even had some leftovers for tonight and for the kittens.

    because my car has been in the shop ive been reorganizing my home. why? who cares. because no one else is doing it.

    found my favorite shirt which i thought had been thrown out by my maid.

    sorry connie!

    theres a damning line in Bob Dylan’s “Idiot Wind”, it’s the last line of the song actually where Dylan concludes

    We’re idiots, babe
    It’s a wonder we can even feed ourselves

    and I can totally relate.

  6. Wednesday, January 28, 2015

    i want chips, like all the time, in my mouth 


    it’s what makes me fat, im certain, but what can i do.

    those and the drive thru visits. and the lack of exercise.

    but what i want, always, as in right now, are chips. any sorts.

    doritios, bbq, oil and vinegar, cheetos, fritos, sun chips, avocado chips,

    but especially funyuns, like right now, like in my mouth.

    the problem with funyuns though is they ruin your breath for a good day.

    no amount of mouthwash will wash that onion out.

    so like what if a nice girl wants to kiss you?

    you can point to your cheek and have her kiss there, but youre supposed to be a man.

    on top of that youre supposed to be a gentleman, which means everything about you should smell fantastic.

    most importantly your breath. which it wont if you eat funyuns.

    i dont even like onions is the thing but i love funyuns.

    thats how crazy i am.

    so usually the only time i indulge in my favorite snack is late at night

    once i know theres no chance for a pretty girl to wanna smooch with me.

    it’s also a good booty call device because if someone txts you and says whattya doin

    and its 2:15am, you can honestly say, i just downed a bag of funyuns

    and if they say can me and my bff come over you can say

    i just downed a bag of funyuns

    and see if they giggle and say


  7. Wednesday, January 21, 2015

    had some great soup last night with my buddy chris 

    green mind

    if you woulda told me when i was a little leaguer that id be a man who would pay $11 for a salad at lunch

    and $10 for a bigass bowl of vietnamese soup for dinner

    i woulda told you, this is why my momma doesnt let me talk to strangers.

    when chris said he wanted to have dinner i was all hmmm where can we go. thai? chinese? armenian?

    then he said “somewhere healthy” and i forgot hes been on this health kick for the last couple of years.

    so as we were driving down sunset i said hey how about some Pho

    he said sure.

    i said you want local casual pho or hipster pho

    and before he could answer i said lets see what the hipsters are up to.

    and not only was it great but we ran into former KPCC lovely and now LA Times artist, Lily

    who was not eating pho, i dont even know what she was eating but it wasnt soup.

    probably because she was all i aint paying no $10 for a bigass bowl of soup.

    but man were we happy with our choice.

  8. Friday, September 12, 2014
  9. Monday, June 9, 2014

    xbi has a time machine they dont tell anyone about 


    some agents are actually from the future which is why they can predict it so well.

    the only problem with time travel, so ive heard,

    is you have to make sure not to affect real change in the future

    my trick, i mean their trick is to give advice

    since no one ever takes advice

    you’ll never have to worry about screwing nothing up.

    last night sass and i ate noodles and she told me an amazing story about

    a psycho young woman from europe who doesnt even exist.

    i was eating a fried catfish.

    crazy can text and email and all these other things but shes probably total fiction.

    when i asked the waiter if the catfish was whole or cut he said


  10. Saturday, March 22, 2014

    did you know theres valet at the baskin robbins in silver lake 


    nothing in here is true. thats how rumors get started. this is sass rocking the napcore stylz.

    she asked to see what i was doing for brunch and i realized that the reason canadians love brunch so much

    is because theres an unnecessary u in there.

    we sat inbetween a bunch of people on the patio who thought it was cute to bring their little dogs along.

    im sorry but i love dogs however the last time i checked this wasnt paris.

    i dont see kanye up in this piece, leave yr dogs at home.

    all they get to do is walk around under your table, smell, and wish they were back home


    sass gave me a sticker and i realized i probably need stickers for a variety of reasons besides the fact that ppl should have stickers

    this guy has a great sticker. whoever he is. i want stickers of all my friends. id stick a todd francis over here

    a ben sullivan over there. a couple jeanine natalies under there.

    it could be a thing. faces of people all everywhere.

    that would give the under table dogs something to look at.


    had the Devil’s Mess: three scrambled eggs with turkey sausage.

    because its silver lake not only was everything organic and local, but it was so sustainable that

    you only got to eat them right after they gave birth to their replacements.

    the egg yolks came from discarded mcdonald yolks from their egg white mcmuffins.

    next time i need to remember to ask for no onions because it was fantastic.

    sass invited me to go to kung fu with her but im a pacifist.