i went to the food bank

i talked with Glen for close to an hour.

such a great guy.

he told me about his dad and how he met his mom in Taiwan

and how he was in the air force

and how he bought this motel and is gonna fill it with homeless people

and teach them great things

and then he asked me what i was up to

i told him about this community fridge i finally found near my apartment

he gave me extra food to put in there.

even a case of beer!

(i kept have the beer for myself)

may was really good, blogging wise

my goal each month is to post at least one thing a day and in may i went over.

i think part of the reason i was productive is because i wasn’t worried about the Medium blog any more, and i was sorta working for this thing, and it filled me with creative ideas, of which i gave to the thing, but i also gave to this thing.

and now that energy is spilling over to the forthcoming podcast which i will start working on this week.

today i have to wake up before 10am to go to the benz repair shop to get some things worked on that i shoulda gotten done a year(!) ago but covid.

hopefully he doesnt find a million things. and also hopefully i can fall asleep soon so i can wake up early.

i am eating creamed spinach and generic minestrone soup.

for all of 2021 i have cooked for myself. it’s a little bit of a miracle. the creamed spinach is probably a ripoff because it was $6 for two bags. you put a bag in the microwave for five minutes and out comes a good sized serving of Popeye’s favorite.

do you know i love you? i do.

the last time i had a colonoscopy the dude was all, for a guy who eats fast food as much as you claim, you are super clean in there, but one thing youve gotta do: more green leafy vegetables. and i asked, is creamed spinach ok? he said yes but take it easy on the cream.

the soup is generic low salt like old men eat. i get low salt because they say the only reason people like certain soups is because it has lots of salt in it. so this is how i judge canned soups. if it can taste good without cheating, then cool. sometimes i’ll add chicken or peas or beans to make it a real meal. sometimes i’ll air fry a thick slice of bread.

but tonight i just nuked that spinach and called it a night.

this has been a very weird first half of a year.

things have already happened that i did not expect at all.

im very curious if this podcast will make things even weirder but weird good, for the back half of this

please let it be so, God.

i made so little money last year

the state wants to give me my income tax return

but they want me to prove i’m me because they can’t believe im actually alive.

not only am i alive but i learned so much during the Plague

for one, i learned how to cook because eating out is so expensive in LA

and the things i like for some reason costs like $15 in the world

but only like $2 at the grocery store.

on Fridays they sell a whole, cooked chicken for $5.

i take these rubber gloves and just peel all the meat and skin off that thing and put it in a big thing of tupperware. that’ll last a week.

because what i’ll do is open up a can of soup, a can of kidney beans, a half cup of frozen peas, and some of that chicken. maybe a little rice or pasta if i have some left over.

thats like lunch and dinner right there, especially once i air fry some big ass slices of sourdough.

maybe ill slice some avocados on top

and cheese

and MSG

and hot sauce

and salsa.

super easy.

just as good as melrose.

we are going on the fourth month of my bachelorhood

it is weird not having a beautiful woman in my home.

after four years you get used to things.

one thing i got used to was her cooking for me.

and since i have been unemployed, it’s not like i can just have Postmates cook for me.

so i have been going to the store several times a week, i make all the things i like: ribs, shrimp, beyond meat, rice, pasta, and so many peas.

but my favorite thing to do is get a can of soup and dump a bunch of frozen peas in there, then some pieces of $5 rotisserie chicken and a starch of some sort.

the soup brings the flavors i would never be able to create.

lately ive been air frying some thick pieces of bread.

serves 1 all day.

dont tell anyone but i might be getting a job soon

and like all the other jobs i shoulda already got,

it is idealistic and needed, creative and inspiring

and if everything goes right i’ll be able to do it from whereever i want, which includes the tropical island of maui

or tokyo

or jamaica

or for a month or so, wrigleyville, illinois

maya rudolph was the host of snl on saturday

and they did this nice thing as a tribute to her mom, minnie riperton.

they posed her in these images based on her mom’s albums.

minnie’s mom, like jeanine’s died at 31 of breast cancer.

i talk to my mom all the time and i dont know what i would do without her.

just today she sent me a photo of a box of baseball cards from a department store

and luckily i was near the phone when it dinged

do you want these? she asked.

and indeed i did!

my mom told me that because the world is upside down right now she forgot that easter is next sunday and therefore her annual easter basket will not arrive on time.

but i must say it’s ok.

ironically, minus amber, my house is filled with food, in part because i have little appetite.

everythings crazy. everything.

something crazy happened just today.

i was on facebook, because im addicted. and someone said

if you are 50 or over they just opened the floodgates and if you get on it you can get an appointment to get your vaccination shot in the next few days.

and sure enough i got one for tuesday.

which means on wednesday imma

do exactly what i do now

stay up late

wake up at noon

think up crazy ideas that might be crazy enough to work

read everything that twitter can feed me

try not to pick fights with strangers

and then smoke weed around 2am in hopes of getting to sleep by 4.

what have i been eating? glad you asked.

theres been wild sales on campbell soup lately. like $1.50 a can.

i’ll put one of those cans in a pot

then i’ll add a bunch of peas or carrots or broccoli because george bush didn’t like em.

then i’ll toss in some pasta or rice.

basically beef it all up real good.

then when its almost done i’ll top it with some shredded cheese which melts real good

then i’ll grab an avocado and put that on top.

i do the dishes about every 3-4 days.

cooking cleaning and helping peoples dreams come true.

theres a lot of asian hate going on

i dont get it.

these asswipes are freaking out.

they’re panicking for some reason.

maybe they havent traveled much but the world looks a lot different than their local walmart parking lot

and YET there are some similarities.

depeche mode said it perfect – people are people so why should it be you and i should get along so awfully?

one thing id like to do when things are back to normal and i have irons on the fires so to speak

id like to go to a different thai joint in thai town every day for a month

with a different person who really knows what to order

and every day write about it.

maybe people wont tune in every day and maybe some days the person doesnt know shit about thai food, fuck rules

but people would def read some of it.

sometimes she wants to go on a drive so we take a little drive

theres been some girls who ive had a spiritual closeness with

some who could do it all with a kiss

one who was rich, some who were poor, three who loved to fight

one who hated me touching her, and one who hated me not touching her.

but one thing almost all of them loved doing was going for a little road trip.

drive she said.

she requested neptunes net but i wanted to head east old man

cool!

took sunset to caesar chavez through east LA. she said she wanted chinese. theres chinese over there but you get tempted by all these other delights.

even two tacos from jack in the box will get me to pull over since they’re only about a buck and a quarter.

but we kept going. slowly. happily.

the sun was out, the mountains way back in the distance were snow capped.

there were some clouds up there for decoration.

after a while we approached the prettiest soup plantation and i was all wanna

but she wanted chinese. good for her.

wound up at some dim sum spot that seemed legit. clean. big. easy parking.

went in and well attended for the late hour. a family at a big round table over there

an older asian couple on a fourtop.

a nice little table was empty over in a corner

how about over there we asked the young lady?

oh nooo tooo small.

manager came over in a suit. have a seat here, he said pointing at a big table close to the register and the front door. clearly they wanted passers by to see a famous blogger was dining with them.

but it was cold there. and way too close to the tv that was showing childrens programming.

how about over there? i asked him.

oh nooo so smallllll he said and we sat down.

menu came out and she was not impressed. im not feeling this place, she said. then lets leave i said, i dont owe nobody nothing. but shes polite. we muscled through.

soon another lady came by. spoke zero english. maybe 10 people working on the floor i dont think any of them could tell us what was on the menu

fine with me.

ive been watching these youtube guys who travel the world and no one understand anyone.

did any of those girls understand me?

but sometimes you just point and pray.

what came out were the most delicious shrimp steamed in a dumpling.

vegetarian fried rice that was moist and tasty with slivers of egg that didnt seem like any eggs ive been eating

bok choy, and i dont eat a lot of vegetables, but these tasted like something else entirely, chicken maybe.

taquitos with shrimp, basically

and these tiny little pot pies that squirted when you bit in,

so it’s best to just let them explode in your mouth.

some girls get riled up after a surprisingly great chinese meal way out east

other girls say omg lets stop at starbucks

this is how weird i am

im a sucker for deals. like the biggest sucker. in the world. ever.

like my hero kurdt cobain, i have a very delicate stomach. when i was in college i weighed like 112 pounds. id go to the dining commons and get a bowl of jello and a few pieces of bread with butter. maybe a scoop of ice cream afterwards but id get “full” really fast because if i ate any thing more than a little something my stomach would rage at me like WTF tony!

even though my waistline has expanded greatly over time, it’s rare that i will finish my plate. the other night chris and i went to the pacific dining car because they were selling steaks for $1. of course the sides were $13 each and he ordered a martini that set him back $16. but we got out of there for $50 before tip. anyway, as good as the steak was, i still have half of it in the fridge. stomach hates red meat.

stomach also isn’t crazy about pizza. but im from chicago. and even though LA pizza can’t even compare to chicago pies, im a sucker for deals and pizza hut emailed me this special offer for a large 2 topping for $5.99. but you have to pick it up. no problem.

amber’s bus stops near the closest pizza hut to us so i said yo i’ll meet you in the parking lot in a half hour. im getting us a pizza. it’s warm right now. 75 or so. so before i drove there, i went to a local mini market and got a mexicoke for me and a sparkling water for her. then i grabbed a blanket and after we got the pizza i drove up the little hill to a little park and we had an impromptu picnic.

which she loved.

but here i am now at 1:27am with the worst stomach ache because duh. stomach hates pizza.

but that pizza was basically free!

been eating a lot of baked goods

croissants, toast, bagels
i know i know but hear me out

then ambers friend needed a couch to crash on for a few days
so ambers like fuck that, take the whole place

my.space.bar.isnt.working. ah there it is

anyways so now we’re gonna go on a little road trip since we have someone to watch the cats

is this the right time for any of this? no. is there ever a right time for anything?

all i know is my neighbor of many years backed her stuff and i got a moving van

and i thought high tailed it to somewhere but tonight shes up there

with  a man!

and theyre just laughing and laughing which i hadnt heard in a little while

so cheers to that and cheers to her

maybe shes been eating some baked goods too.

this food bank keeps texting me

if you pay $40 they give you two huge shopping cart of food and drink and vegetables and 7 loaves of bread and rice and frozen things like a case of burritos

and everything is about to expire and if you dont buy it they give it to zoo animals who are gonna be fine

aint no one ever heard of a zoo animal dying of starvation.

but still its hard to roll up in there with a benz and fill up the trunk and back seat with food earmarked for the poor but the poor are too poor to drive down there and volunteer for 4 hours or hand over $40

plus amber gets stressed out trying to

  • find room in our fridge for all of it
  • eat it
  • watch it stare at us and slowly age as we try to eat it all

so i was like, it’s just $40, why dont we give away as much as we can on the way home

keeping the stuff we really like

and anything thats left over will probably fit in the fridge.

seriously who needs 200 tortillas and 5 lbs of frozen lox?

lets give it away and we will feel stoked and they will feel stoked and we end up with 6 heads of lettuce

and 22 apples.

she goes, its my day off, please dont stress me out.

i hug her and apologize and then flash my man boobs.

and then the food bank texts me again

this time in spanish