my day was ruined because of a cancelation

there was a time i woulda blown my top about such a thing

but im so much older now.

water under the bridge man

then a delivery didnt happen.

also frustrating. because wtf.

but when you think about the grand scheme of things

the ballet that we are forever dancing with each other

a slam dance at times,

you realize we should celebrate all the times we actually do connect

we should marvel when souls really do meet

because we do

the mom of a dear friend died

we talked about it today

and it put things in perspective.

most dudes have a hard time talking about things like this

especially some of the xbi dudes i hang out with

our i-aint-got-no-feelings-man facade is what gets us through the day

but sometimes we forget to trust each other

and just let the guard down a little

bc we bros, dude

i told him over and over, i am here for you

whatever you need, lemme know

but i dont even know if he would ask for anything even if i could ask.

a good friend who is a woman, however

straight up texted me and said

can you babysit tomorrow.


so that’ll be the first time ive done that

in maybe 40 years?

partied with friends twice in a week? thanks obama!

everyone brought their lookalikes to os and kims backyard.

i got there at 4 and didnt leave till 1.

justin ordered three of the largest pizzas LA makes.

so many of our friends were there which was funny because os and kim were out of town. only two used the pool even though we all had swim suits

i think we just wanted to say hi hi hi hi to each other and chat because we hadnt seen each other in literal years.

i tried to be funny and start a very dark game

because it was so odd that every single child that has come from our friends is just cooler and smarter and just like their parents

so i said, ok, now lets vote on who is the Worst kid our friends have made.

lots of laughter

i drank three beers.

didnt pee once

hung out with friends because they already had COVID and beat it

i wanted to hug them hello but they said, you better not

which is weird, shouldn’t we know by now if it’s ok?

and haven’t we been told that if you get it, that’s it, you can’t spread it any more?

it was nice though. friends. talking about new things, olden times. everything.

we drank water and ate guacamole.

chatted about sex drugs and rock music.

psychology, psychiatry, and the pros and cons of letting your cat be outdoor cats.

they live closer to coyotes than i do but they didnt seem all that scared for their feline

they were more worried that because i have so many more cars around me

and people

that my now 6(!) year old cats probably might not be able to make the adjustment to knowing that a car will run them over if they dont move, b, get out the way.

it all came about because i was explaining how uptight i get when i post pics of them and ppl call them fat.

all house cats are fat, one of my friends said

which makes sense, if you dont get any steps in of course youre not going to burn off your kibble.

finally they just told me something i have always known and usually live by

but for some reason when it comes to Prince & Michael i have a hard time with:

fuck what other ppl say

a lot of people were super nice to me today

carolyn and ben and A’magine and especially ken layne who talked to me for so long

im not a phone talker anymore but i had such a hard morning that i got on the horn and yapped

i needed, most of all, to know that i was not alone in this galaxy

which is funny because Ken is a UFO expert.

and during our epic convo he asked me if i had ever seen an alien

i had to admit that i had not, but i told him about an outer body experience i had

which he says counts but he was being generous.

sometimes i think the aliens arent going to be the space creatures we imagine

but people who vote by the millions for dudes who dont deserve their support

like how are so many poor people voting for republicans who dont give them covid checks?

are the poor aliens?

and you know, maybe the dems should just concede abortion if thats the only thing thats keeping people from voting for them

i know they got mad at obama for helping poor people have access to health care, but at this point why not try some tom foolery with abortion rights, federilly, and say its all states rights and if Arizona wants to say you cant have abortion there then we all chip in to fly women from AZ to CA to let them do with their bodies as they wish.

meanwhile after a while millions of people just have no more excuse to support a party that the klan supports.

are the klan aliens too?

wouldnt that be spectacular if they were?

it would make way better sense.

cuz right now why would a white guy *hate* black people? we are the victims. shouldnt it be the other way around? blacks worked free for 400 years, why hate us?

but if racists are aliens because in a galaxy far far away they got their ass beat by a planet of black folks who were mean to them, then yes i could understand. but this shit right here is confounding.

ken and i talk about once a year because hes not a phone talker much neither, same as ben

we’re just dudes who do our own thing and every blue moon

which today was

we’ll text first and say can i call you

and the other guy will say is everything ok?

and we’ll say, in this economy? ha!

and then we’ll blab for a couple hours and be grateful of long friendships built in mutual admiration and it would have been a great podcast but fuckit some things are just right the way they are.

it’ll be interesting to see how this day turns out

i have a life changing document i need to submit either today or tomorrow

id like to do it today because tomorrows ambers only day off for the week

and we are scheduled to hang out with my sister and her kids

it’s 244pm and i really should reread all 10 pages, cut it down 30% and shock the world.

then i need to mail an ebay sale i made.

youd think those two things could be done before 420 but i am sooooo bad at mailing things it’s nuts

and as for the life changing document, ive been procrastinating it this long

because i was waiting on something else to happen but who knows if that will ever happen

who knows about anything

which is why you really should take life into your own hands

be the captain of yr own destiny

and just do the things you wanna do

thats what my friends convinced me to do saturday night at 333am after the brothers steve show

and because my friends are the greatest, i think i may follow their advice

have i told you i have the greatest friends? i do.

And some of them have the greatest backyards where on special occasions we gather, sing songs and celebrate how lucky we are to know each other.

Last night we showed love to the birthday boy Dylan Callaghan who serenaded us with originals and covers by The Lemonheads, Teenage Fanclub and many others.

I don’t drink a lot of booze these days, but I’ve gotta say, because I knew it was gonna be a long, warm, beautiful night I did have a glass when I arrived. And maybe another after that, and maybe a third (!) soon after.

I am such a sucker for a good red wine and Dylan and his wife had such a delicious spread of food, a bartender, and a wide assortment of people.

I arrived at 9… left around 3.

It’s hard to believe in luck. But I must say, of the things I am eternally grateful for, it is the people who I met in college who are such delightful people.

We can talk about anything. They are all so smart and talented. Rarely do we focus on “the good old days” because we continue to have new good days.

When they talk about their kids or their dogs or their jobs or their cars it’s almost always funny.

We laugh and laugh at pretty much everything.

And time flies on nights like last night the same way they did when we were beachside in Isla Vista.

Thank you God for these people. Probably the biggest blessing in my life.

she said come over here, i was all where


said under here

i said underwear

we were in the south of france in the rain on a farm

in a barn

outside the kids were playing in the pool

little mint sprouts growing all around the edges

i guess theres no chlorine in the pool to kill em

maybe they aint got chlorine in france i thought

poor french

we gave em mcdonalds, spaghetti-o’s, 3D movies, and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter, but somehow chlorine – which sounds french – didnt make it on the boat.

it was 20 years ago.

even then i felt old.

thats the funny thing about life, you’re never really where you wanna be in life

or the age you think you should be

or in the car you think you should drive

but for that week all was right.

all was perfect.

for that week the cows were the right ones

the wine, the friends, the girl, the hair, and even though we were poor

we all got on planes and jetted over seas in the summer to party hearty.

because maybe all the time

everythings more perfect than we think.

you know someone respects you

and considers you their friend

if they send you pics of their naked body covered in either



stress rash

sun rash

BDSM bites

and/or panic attacks.

for some reason Mary thinks I’m a doctor.

far as i know her man is a world renowned surgeon, but me she sends her gross pics to.

but i’ll take it because i have nothing better to do than sit in bed with a differnt hot blonde doing gross google searches as the tv flickrs and the cats peek under the closed door and the wind


and the trucks back up outside

beep beep beep beep

called my city representative yesterday.

got his lackey.

actually got the lackey’s assistant.

that dude DID NOT want me to leave a message, but i convinced him to allow it anyways. i left a message.

dude left ME a message the next day which was full of baloney.

one thing i like about Mary is she isn’t full of baloney. at least not to me. which is something that i also consider respectful.

when people feed me bs i consider it this:

Tony, I know you’re not a dummy but i’m hoping on this one topic you are, so heres a ton of malarkey im gonna toss at you.

because you probably are a dummy.

but im not.

i just dont know what causes rashes.

and im secretly trying to find something – anything – else to look at in your nudes.

today Ben got married

today LA’s favorite son, Ben Sullivan, founder of, soup kitchen hander outer, and all around great guy, got married to equally wonderful Soomi.

a few weeks ago they took me out to dinner and asked me if i would “speak” at the pre-wedding celebration which was held last night in Kim n Os’s backyard of children and swimming pools. they said i would be the MC of the event which would also include live music from our friends, delicious tacos, and so much booze and friends from literally around the world.

it was a super special night. the Lord kept the rain from coming down and inspired me to write something that everyone said was good. It was both a tough crowd because they are all amazingly talented writers and an easy crowd because they had been drinking for a good hour before i got the Mr. Microphone.

here’s a transcript of my sermon/speech/toast thing

Love love love love love
All you need is love
Love is a battlefield
Love is an elevator
There’s ups, theres downs. The doors slide open to a new floor, you roam around and you get lost on it. Alone.
But if you’re lucky either a door opens or you have the courage to knock on one.
And magic happens.  Love!
And changes everything.
You can’t sleep, theres a skip in your step, you’re suddenly singing along to the radio.
Your fruit punch soda tastes bubblier
Your burritos taste guacamolier.
Even the birds in the trees and the barking dogs in the alley seem to be saying fuck yeah buddies.
Fuck yeah.
We are in this beautiful backyard tonight to celebrate the bubblier fruit punch soda that is Soomi and Ben.
We are the birds in the trees who will always be around them as more than just witnesses — but as supporters
And inspiration, and quiet protection for their special union.
Not that it’s needed, but because we love them and are inspired ourselves.
Soomi comes to us from Jin Hay Goo, South Korea in the Dirty South Eastern part of the proud country.
Jin Hay is known for it’s 10-day Blossom Festival in the Spring when all the pretty girls of town go out to the square with cute little bouquets of blossoms and call out
Which, weirdly, is Korean for Tony.
Recently the neighboring cities of Changwon and Masan joined Jin Hay to make a bigger, stronger city
and in a way that’s whats happening here.
Benjamin J. Sullivan was born in Staten Island, NY
true story
He came to California to sing for Guns n Roses but when he saw Axl in person he was all ok all right.
But he continued his love of music.
The other day I asked Ben if there was any song that reminded him of his fiancee? He said Either Cindy Laupler’s True Colors or Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison
He continued:
Which coincidentally both involve colors. Which may be because “the world before Soomi went from a perfectly acceptable but somewhat muted sepiatone to one that is so much richer and bright, and, well, what’s the synonym for colorful? Whatever it is: that.”
A few days after that I asked Soomi when did she first have the hots for Ben?
She said on their third date – somebody was counting – they went to a dinner theater. Dinner Theater? BEN!
But it was very funny, reportedly, and she was laughing and he was laughing and she looked at him and saw his eyes wrinkled and thought it was adorable.
Ben says that the thing he loves most about Soomi is her “open heart to others.
“Those who obviously need it, like the lonely neighbor, or men and women on Skid Row, or the less obvious who need it but whom she can just tell.”
We all know Ben also has a huge heart, the longtime president of the nicest guy in america competition,
Soomi says she fell for Ben in an unusual but beautiful way.
“I sent him a paper my friend had just published on the economics of microbial trade.”
I had to Google it too. It broke Google.
But Soomi said, “Ben wrote me back and said ‘when you send me things like this it makes me recognize that I’m more than a little bit in love with you.”
And she said at that point she couldn’t deny that she was in love with him too.
Last August they were on vacation. They were going to a fancy seafood restaurant in Carlsbad.
Soomi said, “He insisted on putting on a coat. When we left the hotel, he was obviously so nervous that he could not make any eye contact with me. So I knew it was probably coming, so I thought I would stay cool up until the time comes.”
But when he popped the question she was totally overwhelmed.
Here’s to their champagne always tasting bubblier.