nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, January 11, 2018

    how do you prove you’re creative 

    how do you show someone you’re the one

    how do you say im a great leader but im also good on a team

    what if you show them a goal where its you and four of them

    and they say but wheres your teammates?

    can you say my teammates are in my heart?

    can you say my teammates passed me the puck?

    can you say my teammates are the wind beneath my wings?

    how do you do anything if you think about it so much?

    yogi berra was in this terrible slump and his manager casey stengel was all, yogi do this

    then his teammate mickey mantle said, yo yogi try this

    then his other teammate billy martin said, pizan why arent you doing this?

    so yogi went to the plate and struck out.

    he moped back to the dugout and before anyone could say anything he yelled


    how do you tell them you could always hit

    how do you tell them the luck in your life has always been your great teams

    not your hits?

    and your wins were always shared experiences that you loved loved loved

    which is why youre still friends with everyone.

  2. Monday, January 13, 2014

    wayne asks “how about what they wanna do to Dodger Stadium for hockey?” 

    la-sp-dodgers-stadium-outdoor-hockey-game-20140112 oh you mean beach volley ball in left field, a Kiss concert in RF, and inline skating at homeplate?

    with appearances from Wayne Gretzky and Vin Scully

    and omg fireworks?

    i think only the writers of The Simpsons can find any humor in this.

    this is why Canada secceeded from The Union.

    this is why Bin Laden is rolling in his “watery grave”.

    this is why Dodger Stadium is cursed.

    this is why Magic Johnson was a terrible head coach.

    this is why people point at LA and laugh and laugh and laugh

    and then buy tickets by the millions.

    why must they do this to inline skating?

  3. Monday, February 11, 2013

    everything cool happens in bakersfield 

    friday night their incredibly entertaining minor league hockey team,

    the condors

    brought a real condor center ice during the national anthem.

    now if there was one thing i loved when i sold peanuts for the giants

    back in the day

    was when someone wanted to do something insane during the anthem.

    this guy thought it was a good idea to try to put this weird huge bird

    in the middle of an ice rink

    and of course hilarity ensued.

    funny, yes, but not quite as epic as when around this time last year

    they had a beautiful bench clearing brawl against the Ontario Reign

    if i ever had to live anywhere near the 99

    i would have season tickets to the condors

  4. Sunday, January 6, 2013
  5. Monday, June 11, 2012
  6. Thursday, June 7, 2012

    kings fans are good fans 

    went to the staples center last night to see how the kings fans would react if they won

    found out learning how nice they are in defeat

    in this photo above the pretty girls are saying “great so we have to win on Saturday, ok.”

    meanwhile Santa (who summers in Hollywood, obvs) was despondent

    because you dont let your opponent off the hook when youre at home.

    even a puckhead knows that.

    so yeah, Saturday in Jersey, tune in.

  7. Wednesday, June 6, 2012
  8. Tuesday, June 5, 2012

    lebron lebron lebron 

    heres what lebron james did wrong:
    all he had to do was be a hero and stay in his hometown forever.
    was i a hero and stay in my hometown forever?
    good try, but my hometown wasnt begging me to stay.
    lebrons was.
    but lebron moved away like a mean girl to miami.
    tonight lebron got beat at home to a bunch of older gentlemen.
    rarely does karma strike back as instantly as it seems to have
    upon the head of king james.
    watch tomorrow as good fortune lands in the lap
    of LA Kings fans who have waited patiently for their cup.
    good always wins out in the end.

  9. Tuesday, May 29, 2012

    two summer interns asked 

    people of Los Angeles about the LA hockey team, The Kings

    the team that no one thought could do it,

    but who ended up in the Stanley Cup Playoffs.

    the people of LA are way more into the Lakers

    and now the Clippers than the Kings

    but thats only cuz LA loves winners and if the Kings win, then alls good

    heres some video that i made me LOL today

  10. Wednesday, May 23, 2012