this, taken from the red carpet before the awards gives you a little taste of the star power
Saturday, November 16, 2013
there was a birthday party for ali at my favorite hollywood hotel
and we learned an interesting rule: you cant just carry in a case of beer
and 10 pounds of ice into the swanky joint.
fortunately theres a teleporter in the backseat of the xbi mobile.
the party was held in one of the poolside bungalow rooms so the sliding glass door was opened and boom there was a dj, the pool, interesting people
and lo there were excellent people inside the bash
i met a nice gentleman who works with ali at activision who travels the world promoting call of duty
alis sister was there who spent the last two years in downtown chicago getting a degree at depaul, it was fun to talk with her about how much she misses it.
and of course lots of alis friends were there
it was super fun and this morning i got a txt apologizing for nothing in particular
which was crazy, but proof that it was a successful party
alis actual birthday isnt til tuesday so if you have fun this week its because youre in the midst of her birthday week
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
dont believe the internet. they may say things like cats love steamed carrots
but these cats have no love for steamed carrots.
i’ll tell you what they love. they love tuna right out of a can and they love dry cat food.
the web says that i shouldnt feed them tuna because then they can get stuck up i only love tuna disease.
so i bought a small bag of dry cat food yesterday ($4) and put it on my porch.
the three stray cats came rushing over — and then a fourth followed! a fourth?!?!
was there a whole litter under my house? was the 4th a neighbors cat looking for a midnight snack?
i kept the front door open as they ate and two came in to sniff around
but they didnt get anywhere close to me: the magic human who bought them their dinner!
my neighbor thinks the cats are abandoned from a former neighbor who recently moved out.
so shes gonna find out if they are spayed/neutered.
i told her lets just let them live under the house and she was all, you cray homie.
which is true of course, internet.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
but he did stand his guard.
finally he said, my name is meshach, i have no collar
and no ID and seemingly no home
i am a black cat that somehow survived halloween in hollywood
not to mention the new moon on friday
and last nights lunar eclipse.
i thought to myself for a split second, sure i’ll adopt a talking black cat
ive often wanted a black cat but then todd got one
and i was ah man would this make me a hipster?
i said, meshach imma leave the door open and get you a bowl of water
and i took my sweet time getting the water and sure enough, when i turned around there he was
and cautiously entering through the door were not one
but two other cats.
this is my brother shadrach and my other brother abedenego.
shadrach was sniffing around and abe was all not so sure about any of this mess
i opened up a can of tuna and put it in a plate and set it on the ground
the cats retreated and then slowly approached the plate and chomped away
one of them made its way into my bedroom closet while the other two ate
eventually meshach said we could use lodging, do you know of any?
i said theres a hole in the grate underneath the water hose, that’ll get you under the house
this is a safe neighborhood, if youre still here tomorrow i’ll bring you some actual cat food
and they walk-ran out the door and later i saw one standing guard atop the brick wall
three cats makes you a cat lady
Monday, October 28, 2013
music, movies, and tv
and coca cola.
yesterday this very wise man wrote on my facebook wall: i couldnt name one Lou Reed song to save my life.
and i thought what sort of life are you leading where you dont know any velvets tunes by name
i dont mean that in a judgemental way, more a curious way
sort of life are you leading where you dont wake up on sundays to sunday morning
or when youre climbing a roof to align a directv dish you dont hum a little satellite of love
or when someones mean to you you really dont say
vicious, you hit me with a flower.
tv is constantly on except when im blogging
and the movies is seriously something i try to do once a week
this week the vistas got 12 years a slave which might be a bit heavy after seeing capt phillips
but i used to have this deal i made with myself to see all the movies the vista shows
since its such a great theatre and if you go before 5pm its $6.
perhaps someone would look at me and ask well what sorta life do you have left
after consuming all of that media, and the internet, and sports, and the blogosphere
and the bible, and the drip drip drip of my kitchen sink
and the mexican chatter at the taco truck.
other day i was getting some grilled chicken and this muscular black dude comes up to me and says i dont need any money but i could use your phone, dont worry he sees me im not gonna run off with your iphone
and he looks over by the subway stop and sure enough theres a sheriff car up on the sidewalk near the fence and hes looking at us.
black dude holds out a piece of paper with a 323 number and i say fine, dial it up man.
and we stood there for an uncomfortably long period of time where he talked to this dude on vermont and 3rd? oh no, vermont and 103rd. well do you want me to come over or not?
look im a personal trainer, your people are going to like me, dont worry about that. so what time? well why would your phone be in airplane mode for a few hours?
maybe i’ll just get on this vermont bus and head down there. i dont like to be in your part of town at dark. so 5? ok i’ll call you i a few hours.
i sanitized my phone as soon as i got home cuz the whole thing gave me the willies.
which is weird because i bet you that guy could name a lou reed song.
Friday, October 25, 2013
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
But the reason we put up with it is because on Tuesdays and Wednesdays it’s $3. Even an unemployed loser like me can afford that.
For some reason the LA city works dept put signs on my street this morning at 8am saying temporary no parking from 7am-4pm. Tow away. They wanna fix the pipes under the street.
We have this problem in LA where 100 year old water mains are exploding. So thanks for being proactive but THE TIME TO TELL PEOPLE TO MOVE THEIR CARS ISNT THAT MORNING ITS THE DAY BEFORE!
Stuff like this is why I have high blood pressure.
What if I wanted to sleep in today, the morning after my birthday? What if I had parked my car in front of my house and flew to Manhattan for a few days for a job interview?
Would I have returned to a missing (dirty) car?
This is why people move to the woods. This is why people lose their minds. This is why people just go to the movies all afternoon to escape. And eat popcorn and fall asleep in the balcony.
This is why I’m fat.
Monday, October 21, 2013
bittorent can help anyone exchange files legally, but its most popular service
is it speeds up the process of pirating music, software, and movies from strangers.
at first glance its hard to conclude that the advertisement is to somehow legitimize the site
or rub in in the eye of hollywood that their biggest export’s biggest foe
is somehow above the fray.
despite what kim dotcom says, bittorent, like mega is primarily used to shirk the law.
this is the first time ive ever seen a billboard saying
remember, when you break the law, do it with us.
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Friday, October 4, 2013
i heard water wooshing through the pipes last night in my apartment.
it sounded like any time my upstairs neighbor showers or washes her clothes or flushes.
after awhile the back room where my water heater is started getting really warm and the water sound continued.
because my life is insane right now, i washed all the dishes in my sink, of which there were lots.
the water got hot but not scorching hot. i called my neighbor to ask her if she had a leak in her apartment.
she said she wasnt home but would rush back to see.
an hour later she said it wasnt her. i went outside to see if there was a stream of water, no.
i put the flashlight under the building and yep there was water leaking like crazy.
i listened closer around my water heater and it didnt seem like it was coming from my house
but damn was the metal on my water heater hot as the blazes.
so i went to YouTube to find out how to turn off my water heater.
two minutes later i had shut the gas off and turned off the water to the heater
and boom, problem solved.
sometimes the issue is you.