busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Tuesday, April 16, 2019

    there are times when its scary to blog 

    and those are the times when you know youre alive

    demons dont haunt the heads of the dead.

    for a while there were sooooo many bloggers. this one. that one.

    lots of them kept it real and those were nice. and then there were those who just bullshitted over and over and youd be like, are you serious?

    and maybe they were but i dont think so.

    i think after a while people like all the attention and comments and ad sales and fighting

    but i dont.

    i like peace and love, tranquility and ease.

    which is why when its scary to blog, i need to remind myself that one,

    no one reads this any more (good) and two,

    people never think that your weirdo little secret shame is terrible. unless it is terrible and in that case you should seek help. but i read tons of blogs back in the day and no one was copping to super bad shit. nor should they have. most people are decent folk who feel bad over small things.

    the trick is to not let those small things hold you down forever.

    and thats the shit they should teach in school.

    i have not been having the best luck with the job search. companies who should be knocking down my door wont even text me back. if i didnt have this incredible excess of confidence and Trust in the Universe, i would be panicking right now.

    heres what im thinking about doing in the very near future if i cant get some nibbles on my resume.

    im gonna get a charlie chaplin bowler hat and a cane. and then an old suit thats too big for me. and some white boards.

    im gonna dress up like chaplin and go to hollywood blvd with a camera around my neck and a tripod with a big black sheet hanging from it. like old school camera setups had.

    one white board is gonna say “let me take your picture.” and there will be little “free”s all around the words. maybe there will be a huge price tag taped to it that also says Free.

    and it will be free. because who doesn’t love free?

    I will flip the white board around once in a while and it will say “I will send you the picture, also for free, via email.”

    and i will. because i am a genius.

    i will take a few pictures of the people. posing. not posing. sad. happy.

    i will not speak to the people. i will show the facial expressions with my own face. which will look like a mime charlie chaplin, btw.

    i will also point with my cane. one thing i will point at is an ipad where they will give me their name, email address, and order number. their order number will be the number that i will write on a movie styled clapboard. i will take a picture of them holding that clapboard before i take the actual picture. that way i know who to send the next picture too.

    after they enter the order number on the ipad, a screen will pop up and say, “would you like to tip this fine photographer?” and there will be options $2 $5 $25.

    next to the $25 it will say Best Value

    but i will treat everyone the same. i love people. and i love hollywood blvd. and i love taking pictures of people.

    if they dont wanna tip thats fine because later that night when i get home i will email them their pics and in the email will be direct links to amazon and paypal and venmo and they can have one last chance to tip me. and if they dont so what.

    anyone who tips will also get a thank you email. and on that email it will say, you are a wonderful person.

    it will also say, because you are wonderful, you are qualified to be in a book that i may have out one day.

    additionally: i have a secret instagram for all of this. if you would like to be on the instagram click here and if i have your permission to use this picture in a book one day maybe click here.

    and i bet they’ll click there.

    if things go well i will dress up as different types of people to mix things up.

    tomorrow, for example, i would dress up as a french man. beret. striped shirt. i will point with a baguette.

    my fear is someone may want to steal my camera. so i will have it around my neck. not sure where i will store the ipad.

    also not sure if i should have props, so if people want to wear a funny hat they should be allowed to.

    but i want these to be sorta nice 50mm portraits that they will actually like,

    that will look good on a secret instagram

    or in someone’s house as a fond memory of the time they got their picture taken for free

    on hollywood blvd

    by a dude in a boba fett costume

    who never talked, but pointed at things with a baguette.