nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, December 16, 2015

    i wonder why disney is doing this 

    star wars is gonna make so much money.

    hateful 8 is trying its best not to make so much money.

    sometimes i wonder about the evil men do.

    how some think they have to be these super aggro winner take all alpha dogs

    and i know a few women who prefer that sort of king of the jungle hoo haw

    if anything this makes disney look terrible

    and its the only knick on star wars’ incredible launch.

    if i was disney i would not only let the hateful 8 play at the cineramadome

    but i would say it was a terrible misunderstanding

    and buy all the seats one night and give them to the troops or some shit.

    which is why people are knocking down my door to make me their ceo.

  2. Sunday, November 29, 2015

    why howard stern should quietly retire at the end of this month 

    beth sternonce upon a time there was a man named howard stern

    who, unquestionably, was the most interesting and successful radio performer in the history of the medium.

    he was number one in the usa for decades on terrestrial radio

    and then he moved over to satellite radio when less than 1 million people subscribed

    and now close to 30 million people pay for the radio service

    his station is the most listened-to channel on the network

    but he is unhappy, and he has been unhappy for most of his life.

    his movie Private Parts, which he starred in, humorously showed his struggle to the top: bosses who didn’t understand him, rivals, the government – but since then he has had a divorce, a sidekick who attempted suicide, another who got and then beat cancer,

    and an awkward stint as a judge on an nbc talent show.

    he’s been with his basically perfect model/wife for over 10 years, his show regularly breaks news with it’s one-of-a-kind censor-and-commercial free one-hour plus celebrity interviews, one of his long-time guests Donald Trump is the front runner for the Republican nomination for president

    but howard stern is unhappy.

    this is a man who works, on average 7 days a week.

    often he will work a week or two, take a week off

    note: his work weeks are three days.

    and he is unhappy.

    most reports say he gets paid $100 million a year, a number he automatically denies, but no other number has surfaced.

    and he is unhappy.

    howard and bethA-list celebrities like Jennifer Anniston invite him to parties, the most talented late night host (Jimmy Kimmel) considers him an idol and one of Howard’s closest friends, and his unmatched ability to make stars of The Unlikely continues to roll on.

    but he is still unsatisfied, so i say he should just quit.

    i love him, i want the best for him,

    but he’s done it all, said it all, and maybe said too much because we know how unhappy he is.

    howard says he hates traveling, so he should just sit around his compound in florida, and stare at the wall.

    he should have sex with his pretty wife, paint, and eat at Nobu.

    if he gets sick of it in a couple of years it would be one of the most celebrated comebacks ever.

    but for now he should say nothing until the final show

    and then on that show have billy joel play as he tells robin how great it all was

    and then he should reach into a bucket and give bababooey $5 million for putting up with his nonsense

    for all of those years

    and then Artie should roll a red carpet in through the studio

    and then Jackie should walk down the carpet while tossing rose petals

    and then one after another, lesbians of all shapes and sizes

    should walk down the carpet, in various states of undress,

    and when they reach the end of the carpet, should start making out.

    as Sour Shoes sings a medley of appropriate songs.

    and then howard can go off and try to be happy.

    as he deserves it.

    oh so much.

  3. Sunday, September 6, 2015

    top ten best howard stern interviews 

    howard stern's best interviews

    the king of all media has quietly racked up some of the most insightful, fearless and entertaining interviews over the year. here are ten examples of his sitdowns.

    10. Russell Brand

    9. Jay-Z

    8. Insane Clown Posse

    7. Jenny McCarthy

    6. Quentin Tarantino

    5. JFK Jr.

    4. Sarah Silverman

    3. Madonna

    2. Tracy Morgan

    1. Borat

  4. Tuesday, September 1, 2015

    three thoughts from bill murray 

    Bill Murray

    about a year ago the chicago-born comedian was on the howard stern show and they had a really great conversation. here are three interesting little chunks from that chat.

    on being single

    “Well… I do think about that. I do think about that. I’m not sure when I’m getting done here. I have kids—I have children that I’m responsible for—and I enjoy that very much, and that wouldn’t have happened without women. I don’t think I’m lonely. It would be nice to go to some of these things and have a date, have someone to bring along. And to go play golf in Scotland, that would be fun. But there’s a lot that I’m not doing that I need to do—something like working on yourself, self-development, and becoming more connected to myself. I don’t have a problem connecting with people, my problem is connecting with myself. And if I’m not really committing myself really well to that, it’s sort of better that I don’t have another person. I can’t take on another relationship if I’m not taking care of the things I need to take care of the most. What stops us from looking at ourselves is that we’re kind of ugly if we look really hard; we’re not who we think we are, and we’re not as wonderful as we think we are.”

    on what’s great about california

    “In-N-Out Burger is a great hamburger. I remember being in Las Vegas once and for some reason the ride that they give you is a 91-foot limousine, and I said to the [driver], ‘In-N-Out Burger?’ He could barely get this thing through the drive-thru, and while he was in the parking lot trying to get this thing in, I just hopped out and went in. And I tipped him in In-N-Out coupons. It’s a great burger. They do a great job with it. The French fries are made out of real potatoes, the burger is great and you can get it all kinds of ways, and it tastes good. It’s definitely the best franchise burger by a million miles. There’s no comparison. I mean, it’s not even close.”

    on famous whiners

    “I do not like people that complain about being famous, but I say to people, ‘Hey, you want to be rich and famous? Try being rich, and see if that doesn’t cover most of it for you.’ You have a bunch of dough, you can be as kind as you want, and you can be invisible. No one has to know you have a bunch of dough, and you can behave any way you want. You can be a secret kind of person.”

    heres the whole deal:

  5. Friday, April 4, 2014
  6. Saturday, February 23, 2013
  7. Tuesday, February 12, 2013
  8. Saturday, January 12, 2013

    todays the king of all medias birthday, hes 24 

    vP2t6K4Conly howard stern has gotten away with charging people to pay for radio

    and then only working three days a week.

    if that doesnt make him your hero how about this:

    he says exactly whats on his mind

    he’s filthy rich

    his wife is beautiful, wonderful, and has a heart of gold.

    he interviews people better than anyone.

    sadly the demons in his life appear to be overwhelming:

    he doesn’t seem to truly enjoy his success

    he doesnt seem to like himself

    he doesnt get the respect that lesser broadcasters get

    his longtime sidekick robin seems extremely ill.

    so what are the lessons we can learn from howard?

    – be careful what you ask for

    – appreciate yourself

    – your best asset is your uniqueness, own it

    ive been listening to howard for maybe 20 years now,

    every day.

    hes a bigger influence on my life than you probably know.

    so what’s my favorite interview he’s given? probably the one he did in 1996 with JFK Jr.


  9. Monday, September 10, 2012

    Geoff Boucher confirms he’s leaving the L.A. Times 

    Geoff Boucher, Suzie Reynolds, Chris Lee – Coachella 2008

    While many were watching the Raiders on Monday Night Football,

    Hero Complex superstar and veteran Times journalist tweeted this sad message

    Howard Stern’s stylist Ralph Cirella then asked

    and then Boucher tweeted the tweet heard across the galaxy

    there is a disturbance in the Force,

    rock with caution.

    [Update, Tuesday: Geoff writes: Thanks everyone for your thoughts and words and sentiments. It is very strange and sad to leave the paper after 21 years but it is completely my choice. I’m going to gamble and bet on myself and what I’ve learned over these past few years with the Hero Complex success. As a friend of mine in Metropolis says, you can’t fly until you take a leap…]

  10. Thursday, July 12, 2012

    happy birthday Disco Demolition 

    i do not like the White Sox.
    which is ironic because i have like 18,000 white socks.
    but in 1979 the White Sox did something beautiful
    they let a 24-year-old shock talk host from a rock & roll radio station
    invite the city of chicago to come to a double header for 98 cents
    if they brought in a disco album which they would blow up in between games.

    back then people had taste and the White Sox couldn’t draw a crowd
    despite having the always innovative Bill Veeck running the place
    despite having Harry Caray and Jimmy Piersal calling the games
    despite having Nancy Foust tickle the ivories on the organ
    despite having hard alcohol served generously all through the stadium
    and despite the wackiest uniforms – ever.
    they looked like black and white pajamas for colorblind clowns.

    but Steve Dahl, the predecessor of Howard Stern, and Disco Demolition
    packed the place, and people had to sneak in to get in.
    and once they got in and once they blew up those records
    mayhem ensued.
    whats amazing about this video is how little security baseball teams had
    back in the innocent pre-1980s days.

    and just like Sox fans, of course they stole home plate.