busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, December 23, 2004

    someone emailed me complaining 

    that i havent really told a lot of bible stories this Christmas season, and it’s true, i havent told any.

    metafilter had an interesting debate yesterday and someone said that Christmas isnt really a holy season, it’s a holy day. that the bastardization and commercialation of Christmas has turned it into a season as opposed to a day.

    with that said, i dont see any problems with talking about the birth of Jesus a few days before his birthday.

    right now for example it would be pretty scary if i was Joseph and Mary with nowhere to go and the Messiah about to be born. one of my favorite characters in the bible is Joseph and his inability to do the ONLY thing that he had to regarding the son of man: find a place for Mary to deliver the infant.

    to me that makes the story believable, and very Homer Simpson moment to fail at finding a proper inn or crashpad for the son of God.

    i also like that King Herod was after the little baby Jesus the minute he was born and pissed that he was even born in the first place.

    but my favorite passage in the birth of Jesus is when Joseph found out that his virgin wife was pregnant. in a word he flipped out.

    18This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. 19Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

    20But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. 21She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus,[c] because he will save his people from their sins.” – Matthew 1:18

    to me this makes sense and makes me believe in the virgin birth story because it seems very realistic that a religious man like Joseph would be really pissed/confused/angry if he found out that he married a woman who is suddenly pregnant.

    anyway, thats my two cents this morning. i hope your Christmas Eve eve is magical and great.

    bored housewife (pictured) + sk smith + my virgin bride moxie

  2. two years ago 

    this week

    she was from another planet. plainly. probably another time as well. her private parts had a sort of suction going on that was equal parts creepy/wrong and omg/omg.

    her name was <3

    i said, less than three?

    she said, i dont make fun of your name, please dont make fun of mine.

    i agreed and the suction continued.

    when she kissed me i time traveled in my mind. except i had no control of where i went.

    because my luck is sometimes rotten, i ended up in the gift shop of the smithsonian in 1989. i wanted to look around the museum, but it was after hours and i didnt have full control of my feet.

    when we stopped kissing i came back to earth. or wherever it was that i was.

    i opened my eyes and four of her hands retracted quickly. without moving her head she looked up and to the right and began whistling a carefree tune.

    we went back to kissing and i time traveled into the very near future. exactly what i was resisting. i tried to pull away from the caress but i phsyically couldnt.

    it was judgement day. two rows of white men with long white beards and pitchforks sat to the right of me while two rows of black men with long white bears and lightening bolts sat to the left of me.

    the opening strains of hells bells were being played and two giant feet and legs that reached into the heavens stood in front of me.

    everything was happening via esp.

    how dare you!

    im so sorry.

    why didnt you?

    laziness. sloth. igorance. selfishness. fear of success. assholeness. apathy. fear. pride. age.

    you will ruin the mix.

    i know it.

    you never went to church.

    it was so dull.

    you could have taken over.

    i could have?

    why do you think you were ordained?

    cuz you needed me?

    pride! i dont need you.

    cuz you wanted me to?

    and what do you do when you dont get what you want?

    i bitch.

    no whiners in heaven.

    no!

    hasta, fucker.

    one of the feet rose. it looked to be made of cement. he wore sandals. a shadow blanketed me, blotting me out of sight.

    she pulled away shreiking. i had bitten into one of her tounges.

    someone busted through the door on a pale horse and swept

    suddenly alone

    and dreading the inevitable future.

    fuzzy co (pictured) + tiffany + buzzmachine + xtx

  3. Tuesday, December 21, 2004

    well here we are a few days before Christmas 

    and the busblog book How To Blog has been on sale for less than a month.

    the results?

    120 books sold thus far.

    so yes, now i am a millionaire.

    thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU!

    whats intersting about doing it this year through cafepress is that they tell me the name and country or state of the purchasers and its awesome to see that people from the carribean are buying this bad boy and people from europe and asia and even florida and texas are picking up my masterpiece.

    it’s also nice to see so many unfamiliar names. im not sure if that means that people are using stolen credit cards but, whatever works, right?

    having a book gives you an excuse to get on tv shows and radio shows and sadly its been busy at the xbi so i havent been able to persue those avenues as much as i probably could have, but being rich and famous has never been the goal of anything surrounding the busblog. the goal has been to put out good shit and impress the ladies. period.

    it’s always good to remember why youre doing things.

    and strangely this book might help me get into grad school, which im applying for as we speak.

    life is so different for the college applicant. today i ordered my transcripts from my various colleges and i was able to do it all online. how awesome! if only i could do everything online.

    maybe in the year 2000.

    so anyway, for everyone who bought my book online. thank you. for everyone who sent me money and had me send them books, thank you.

    and for all the fly girlies who knock on my doors and windows whose intentions are not always good, thank you so much.

    and for all of you who plan on buying the book after the holidays, thank you in advance.

    all of this has been a successful venture into self publishing that i mostly enjoyed doing, and now will probably do again.

    there are some bugs that need to be ironed out, but theyre tiny bugs. teeny bugs. bugs so small i cant even believe how small they are, but they need to be worked out.

    and next time, i promise to write an even better book.

    you can always be better.

    well, maybe you cant be better, but i can.

    ask anyone.

    the state im in (pictured) + kitty bukkake + flagrant

  4. Monday, December 20, 2004

    abrasivist was nice enough to take a picture 

    of himself reading americas new favorite self published blook, how to blog.

    if you too have pics of you reading your copy, feel free to email it to busblog at gmail dot com and i will put it on the blog too

    and link yr ass.

    you know it’s good luck to have this book dont you?

    oh yeah.

    some say if you rub it on your bald spots you will grow hair.

    some claim that they are sending their copies to the middle east to spread world peace.

    your mileage may vary.

    but i hear the lakers all bought a copy after they found out the heat all bought copies and secretly say that it is the reason for their 8-game winning streak.

    all i gotta say is it cured my athletes foot.

    and im slightly taller now.

    in other news i sent my buddy ken layne the link to the blog that we discussed this weekend ganked my shit. he sent me back an email laughing saying, “no wonder they’re hiding that mess.”

    its nice to have friends.

    come back a little later today when we will have an email from our girl karisa who writes us from the frozen tundra of new england.

    abrasivist + if it seems like im linking raymi a lot its cuz she blogs alot + krix