nothing in here is true

  1. Monday, September 19, 2016

    im in chicago and how about this, im about to hang with aj 

    jeanine ajwhen i was in college aj and i wrote together, rocked out together, we even had a rock and roll radio show together.

    the only thing we didnt do is get it on together. i shoulda told her, look at me, i have my hair, i look great in the cubs shirt that i will later wear in vegas. and i weight 125 lbs. whats not to love?

    she loved me but not *that* way. which was a bit sad in a way but it led to great diary entries in my creative studies diaries class and poems and short stories.

    one thing led to another and jeanine and i started dating and then we moved in together. we were super in love. maybe in a sick way. we got these friendship bracelets which are painfully visible in this photo and i think i wore mine for a year or two. i think i also had one on my ankle. i was nuts. we were all nuts. all three of us shoulda probably gotten it on right after this picture was taken but we were sweet kids not wearing any makeup, not putting any product in our hair, probably not even wearing underwears.

    i love this picture because you can just see all the love we had and have for each other beaming through. it was taken right outside of AJs pad affectionally dubbed “the playpen”. mons pubis or the wonderfuls were about to play. some jungle juice was being prepared in a nearby garbage can. and the neighbors were for sure peeking through their curtains at the parade of beauty and freaky. i think the year was 1990. either that or 91. def one of my all time favorite pictures.

  2. Saturday, January 30, 2016

    millions of years ago dinosaurs rocked the earth 

    daily nexusi was recently told that things are different for the kids today who get to put out the news at what once was the greatest party school in america.

    and it’s true things are different than when i was there.

    first of all there was no internet.

    imagine that. imagine having to communicate, research, write, record, and arrange


    pretty much by hand

    with the help of some very slow and expensive computers and photography equipment.

    the phones were landlines and i dont recall there even being an answering machine in the office.

    all the lines you see on that page were pasted up by hand. each one has a size.

    we used rulers and pens and pencils and paper and we always got the paper out. on time. the photographers used film that they had to develop and then print, and yet if there was a large gathering on DP after a big basketball game, where couches were lit on fire and the fire was lit on fire, the story was reported, edited, and published, and the photos were too.

    you bet your ass things are different today.

    today, if they worked together, the college community along with the paper could take the pictures and report and opine and review and video and sneak over some tips and share it on facebook and and and

    but just like the 100th monkey said, you gotta lead by example

    if i was back in IV writing for the paper, id set up IV Hall Monitors. a few people on each block whose “job” it was to do simple things like take pictures of the block each week, and be available when and if anything went down of note. id have them all share a group twitter account. you wouldnt have to pay these kind souls.

    if you love IV it should be an honor to simply report back on your magical block.

    id also be all over periscope in a huge way.

    not to mention snapchat.

  3. Monday, January 25, 2016

    dear tony, could you date rihanna? 

    rihannait would be tough to date rihanna, not because i’m pretty bad at handling high maintenance ppl,

    but because my mom doesnt like her.

    which is sad because there arent all that many black super dooper pop super stars in the world

    and youd think shed be rooting for her

    but the day my little niece around the monopoly table started singing

    bitch better have my money

    was pretty much the last straw.

    riri’s travel wouldnt bother me, i’m self sufficient and sometimes the xbi… well lets just say sometimes the busblog is written by committee.

    deep down we understand why rihanna is the way she is. if i was one of the prettiest women in the world and every year or so my records just blew up, and every tom dick and harry was trying to get their dick in me, and i was rocking the courtside seats and just getting prettier and prettier magically and kanye and paul mccartney and lord knows who else wanted to perform with me, and i was getting grammys and co-starring in Battleship

    it would either turn me very humble, or the opposite of that.

    especially if i looked smoking hot in a rain coat.

    could i date her? yes. should she date a blogger? no. would we be a match made in heaven? probs. would i take her to isla vista? no. thats my little special place. would i let rihanna help me build a Motel California on del playa?


  4. Thursday, December 17, 2015

    25 years ago tonight i partied with these hippies 


    i had two groups of friends at ucsb, my nexus friends and my hippie friends.

    the last thing i ever thought i would turn into when i went to santa barbara was a hippie

    but these people got me. and got me good.

    it starts with the love. so much pure pure love. not that the nexus didnt have it too,

    they did, but these kids, we went through it.

    i dont remember ever being as poor as i was with them, or as happy.

    yes winning best in state at the nexus was pretty close

    but i lived with these people. couches were slept in.

    trips were taken.

    i learned so much with them, from the dorms

    through today.

    it’s probably not fair to compare the nexus and the hippies

    but the circles intersected with one person: greg mcilvaine

    he was in san nic dorm too, and we were friends, and he loved thirsty thursdays and all that

    and when greg met the nexus, thats when you get Mons Pubis

    the perfect melding of hard rock (the nexus) and psychedelia (pictured, above).

    i am the luckiest man in the world not because of the things ive seen and touched

    but because of the people ive had the great great fortune to meet and party with.

    it blows my mind that we got “dressed up” for our Christmas party,

    which we put together because we knew it would be our last one all together,

    twenty five years ago.

    why didnt anyone tell us that time flies

  5. Tuesday, November 10, 2015

    you know what, maybe the kids of today aren’t ready for this jelly 

    breakup party

    if you recall, a couple of weeks ago i got upset that the kids of UCSB and the staff at the Daily Nexus were ruining their lives because they are neither fighting for their right to party, nor are they properly partying.

    the Nexus was kind enough to repost my screed and once it was up there some of the kids replied and called me names. i fought back, as i normally do. but after awhile i got it.

    these youngsters were doomed.

    they have been raised all wrong, they don’t understand rock music, courage, or life without cell phones: how could they understand Isla Vista?

    in my day when a man in I.V. broke up with a woman that he had dated for 2 years, we’d throw a party and invite our three favorite bands (pictured, above). how could they relate to that? they arent even allowed to have one band at their break up party.


    and theyre ok with that.

    whatever it is that they see when they see us they dont want. and i can understand that. they dont know why we are happy. they dont know how we got here. they dont know how many paths are available to them, and because their role models are former Disney stars and EDM DJs, they rightfully think life is a bunch of baloney.

    omg swipe left, bruh!

    they say things skip a generation. maybe thats the case for IV too. maybe these kids really do want to study, but they dont want to learn. we wanted to learn. we wanted to live. we wanted to date a different girl every day for a week. we wanted to ingest one different thing a night every day for a month. we wanted to see Janes Addiction and then be them. We wanted to see the Grateful Dead and then be hippies.

    we wanted to start newspapers and make poetry books and fight anyone and everyone and dance and kiss and dance and kiss and dance.

    these kids want to graduate.

    i cannot judge. even though im full of judgement.

    they are living in a world we could have never imagined when we were there.

    and we lived in one that they dont believe.

    it’s ok.

    we should have a break up party.

  6. Wednesday, November 4, 2015

    Dear Tony, What would you suggest as a solution to over-policing of Halloween in I.V? 

    snoop dogg with guests at the mtv vmasJustin asks: What would you suggest as a solution to over-policing? The problem is not unique to IV, students have always been treated with less respect and take advantage of by law enforcement or even the school

    1. Challenge any and all “ordinances” that are applied to IV that are not applied to any other part of SB County. Cops can’t punish you for shit you haven’t done yet. That is what a 6pm noise ordinance is. Challenge it in the papers. Shoot video of you interviewing the sheriff asking him how it’s constitutional and why it’s not happening in his neighborhood. Find out who wrote this ordinance and who voted for it. Wear their faces on tshirts. Name dirt fields after them. Create drinking games in their honor. And then call in the ACLU and Matt Welch’s Reason Magazine as they are the defenders of freedom. You are not powerless.

    2. Peaceful organized protests where you invite the media and get arrested. The real media like CNN, Los Angeles Times and  KCRW. A college town isn’t allowed to play music on a weekend after 6pm? How many times do they have to re-make Footloose (1984) till someone calls bullshit loudly and clearly? If everyone carries a boom box and marches around Isla Vista protesting the ban on music after a certain time and cute boys and girls like you are sent, one-by-one into an overflowing SB county jail BECAUSE OF LOUD PLAYING MOZART (seriously, Mozart, the papers will eat it up), the ordinance will be overturned.

    3. After you attend a Halloween concert at the Thunderdome by an artist first known for rapping about killing an undercover cop, and made internationally famous for singing about smoking weed and being a pimp, and then arrived at the MTV music video awards in 2003 holding dog leashes attached to two women: realize that the lifestyle that you should be fighting for is tame in comparison to Snoop’s, a man who has shown that you, too, can live the life that you want to live and you too can be successful for BEING YOURSELF.  Snoop D-O-double G told you about his life for an hour, you sang along, and then you marched quietly to your overpriced and overcrowded apartment and bowed down to those who love to oppress you. Be inspired by the music you listen to, don’t let it tame you!

    4. Ask the cops in the paper, on video, and whenever you see them on the streets “how can LA have several hundred thousand people march down Santa Monica Blvd on Halloween night, drinking, smoking, and carrying on, and there are only 3 arrests; yet when a paltry 500 walk around DP there are 28 arrests? WHY ARE YOU TARGETING ANYONE YOU CAN IN IV? ARENT YOU JUST FALSELY JUSTIFYING YOUR OUTRAGEOUS NUMBER OF OFFICERS?

    5. Only wear SB Sheriff’s uniforms as costumes next Halloween, next weekend, and  at any mass party that you organize. Add a floppy dildo as a garnish. You are college kids. Fucking act like it! I pity the cop who decides he’s going to arrest thousands of students for dressing up as The Out Of Towners that are actually ruining the IV scene.

    6. That student-run radio station that is never used properly: KCSB-FM 91.9 in Santa Barbara. Every Friday night make them play that ridiculous robot music that you kids love more than real rock, the kind St. Cobain gave his life for. Stream KCSB through your iphones and listen to it on your Beats headphones and DANCE IN THE FUCKING STREETS. This sends a royal fuck you to the illegal noise ordinance and you get to do the one thing you’re not going to do in your 30s: get laid after dancing. Invite the media to film the Quietest Block Party in America. And when the cute reporter sticks a mic in your face say, “we’d prefer to dance like every other free person in America, but [name the people who voted for and wrote the noise ordinance] passed laws that prevent us from listening to music in our own homes. We are not criminals. We are Americans who want to boogie.” And then put on your sad, brightly colored overpriced headphones and shake your ass.

    7. Start rock bands. This Halloween has proven that you are all too soft and coddled. Too many of your parents attended your little league games and dance recitals. And none of you can play guitar. This must change. Rock and roll will save your soul and trust me, your souls need saving. Learn the three chords and the truth. Once you have mastered the peaceful protests  and everyone is in a band, the day the ordinance falls every band needs to play on every block in Isla Vista. Because America.

    8. CHALLENGE EVERYTHING STUPID THAT LIMITS YOUR FREEDOMS GOING FORWARD. IF THEY DONT DO IT TO PEOPLE IN MONTECITO THEY SHOULDNT DO IT TO YOU. CHALLENGE IT IN THE NEWSPAPERS YOU RUN. CHALLENGE  IT ONLINE, ON SNAPCHAT, ON PERISCOPE, TWITTER, FACEBOOK, AND IN THE STREETS. Clearly no one else is doing it for you. Good! Do it yourself. And the power of the pen is still the mightiest weapon of them all. The pen is now also the phone. Use it or lose it!

  7. Monday, November 2, 2015

    500 people walked around Isla Vista on Halloween on Saturday 

    isla vista halloween 2015

    dear students of ucsb

    no one forced you to go to the greatest party school in the world.

    you coulda gone to cal poly. you coulda applied at long beach state.

    dont laugh, they have a fucking pyramid at long beach state.

    instead you chose UCSB. U Can Study Buzzed.

    and on top of that you paid much money to live in Isla Vista. greatest town there ever was.

    it’s great because it’s close to the beach, everybody’s beautiful, and the best parties are thrown there. legendary ones that cant even be mentioned because words are just dumb sounds compared to what goes down on dp, sabado, trigo and the others.

    103015-Isla-Vista-Halloween-2_mefrats are a joke, but especially so in 93117 because besides the town being super fun, the people who go to school there wisely reject the idea that you have to buy your friends and lose your individuality in a bizarre struggle of forced acceptance.

    fuck. that. shit with a 6 foot beer bong hanging from a rickety balcony.

    you have your entire life to be a boring disgusting sellout

    terrified of offending this one or that one.

    you will have decades upon decades to dress like a bozo and say yes to things that inside you dont agree with one bit.

    but when you’re in college you get to lose yourself while you find out who you are.

    it’s the expansion and contraction of the universe. and the universe is you.

    you get to grow your hair like you want, kiss who you want, dance like you want, think all the things youve never thought before, be in bands, try new clubs, eat new foods, meet new people

    and best of all dress up as something obnoxious, slutty or hilarious and walk down isla vista’s main street with your friends on Halloween

    and laugh and laugh and laugh.

    and laugh.

    unless you totally fuck up and forget you’re free.

    you live in america, fellow gauchos, the land of the free and the home of the brave.

    it is not brave to sit back and let the so called law tell you you cant play music after a certain hour.

    it is not brave to watch cops year after year come in to your town and treat you like youre some criminal, like you did something horribly wrong, like you are some slimy kid with no rights or lesser rights or temporary rights

    sheriffsyou have exactly the same rights as anyone else in this whole country.

    for example you have the same rights as the 100,000 people who came to West Hollywood on Halloween and dressed up and laughed and drank and smoke and made out and, you know fucking had a Halloween.

    three people were arrested in West Hollywood during the biggest bash in all of LA saturday night.

    28 people were arrested in Isla Vista despite only 500 of you walking around town.

    how is that possible?

    it’s possible because you are allowing it to be possible.

    it is possible because you are listening to the losers who tell you bullshit like “it is what it is”

    we’d be speaking french german or spanish if this country believed in “it is what it is” and thank God above we dont.

    we are americans, we are gauchos, and we are free.

    trust me, there will be more than enough opportunity for you to bend over to fear and take it and pretend it isnt totally humiliating

    for this brief period of your youth, i beg you,


    sure, some of you may die.

    but right now, hardly any of you are living.

  8. Wednesday, August 12, 2015

    everything i want is impossible 

    isla vista

    a beautiful black xbi lady doctor today told me that i should get surgery on my hands and wrists and stop dicking around with the compression sleeves and icy hot and just let trained professionals cut and yank and remove all the bad stuff thats causing me pain.

    all i want is you.

    that and to go back to isla vista when a band could play on your balcony as the sun set and the keg settled in the ice bucket and the ladies of the house said hey

    hey hey


    ho ho.

    i just want to buy a house one day and not have to rob a band first to do it.

    i just wanna write a book one day that will get taught in the same college class where Bukowski is taught but i aint got no stories like his to tell and they dont teach him to the kids no way anyway so why do i even think we’d both get taught when theyre obsessed with all the gold standards of yore who were fine and all but come on pappy.

    pretty girl got in my car yesterday and said home james and i said if only. as if. you wish. turned out she was in the wrong Benz. and i said arent we all bb, arent we all.

    got home and jeanine had done my laundry, hung my drapes and worked out a way the cats could sit in my windowsill and give eskimo kisses to the one eared black stray who lives under the house and this morning i got paranoid that he would give them fleas so i shut the window and they meowed in such a way that woulda broken any normal mans heart but i have no heart any more and i aint been normal since leon bull durham let that ball go through his legs in san dieger which is why i hate san dieger and wont ever name my kid leon bull durham

    thats for damn sure.

    but what do i want? i wanna girlfriend who, if i was in jail with a 5 million dollar bail, would bond me out after she won the powerball even though im probably the lamest heroin dealer in the world. she still believes in me and doesnt want me in jail even though now that shes a millionairess could get any man in the world.

    except for the busblog. bc the busblog only cares about ur heart.

    and when he kisses the right girl with the right heart sees a hippie band jamming on a balcony on DP in IV

    as the sun is setting

    and the old keg is getting pulled out as the new keg is getting lowered

    into the tub of ice, topped with red solo cups, one of which has this name scribbled on it


    but we ignore that bc shes a good kisser.

  9. Tuesday, December 2, 2014

    is it wrong to want to go back 

    isla vista

    when i was younger i always wanted to go backwards.

    when i got to cali all i wanted was to go forwards.

    i see people stay in the same place and do pretty much the same thing and it makes me curious which is the best way.

    last night i had some people over at my place. it was weird saying that ive been there for 13 years.

    it’s nice to have cheap rent, but if i had a 30 year mortgage id be more than a 1/3 through it by now.

    but thats crazy because 13 years ago they shouldnta even rented me an apartment i was so broke and worthless.

    regardless i want to go back to isla vista. not because it needs me, it’ll be fine, but because it’s the prettiest

    and wildest, and most magical spot ive ever lived in.

    the dora the explorer in me says, hey lets find somewhere even better.

    we have half of our lives left to find more. lets find more and better and tastier.

    but isn’t that being gluttoney? ive found the spot. why more?

    but then the lewis and clark in me says, when columbus landed on plymouth rock

    that was fine. and when we kept going west, that was even better.

    but imagine if we stopped at kentucky.

    and the mark twain in me says, never stop at kentucky.

  10. Tuesday, July 29, 2014

    hell yeah isla vista 

    planet of the apes

    i saw so many great movies at the IV Theater

    and lectures and learned so much.

    basically everything i know about art history.

    a class i never enrolled in, because it was packed. but i went anyways.

    too bad the apes took it over.