nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, August 12, 2015

    everything i want is impossible 

    isla vista

    a beautiful black xbi lady doctor today told me that i should get surgery on my hands and wrists and stop dicking around with the compression sleeves and icy hot and just let trained professionals cut and yank and remove all the bad stuff thats causing me pain.

    all i want is you.

    that and to go back to isla vista when a band could play on your balcony as the sun set and the keg settled in the ice bucket and the ladies of the house said hey

    hey hey


    ho ho.

    i just want to buy a house one day and not have to rob a band first to do it.

    i just wanna write a book one day that will get taught in the same college class where Bukowski is taught but i aint got no stories like his to tell and they dont teach him to the kids no way anyway so why do i even think we’d both get taught when theyre obsessed with all the gold standards of yore who were fine and all but come on pappy.

    pretty girl got in my car yesterday and said home james and i said if only. as if. you wish. turned out she was in the wrong Benz. and i said arent we all bb, arent we all.

    got home and jeanine had done my laundry, hung my drapes and worked out a way the cats could sit in my windowsill and give eskimo kisses to the one eared black stray who lives under the house and this morning i got paranoid that he would give them fleas so i shut the window and they meowed in such a way that woulda broken any normal mans heart but i have no heart any more and i aint been normal since leon bull durham let that ball go through his legs in san dieger which is why i hate san dieger and wont ever name my kid leon bull durham

    thats for damn sure.

    but what do i want? i wanna girlfriend who, if i was in jail with a 5 million dollar bail, would bond me out after she won the powerball even though im probably the lamest heroin dealer in the world. she still believes in me and doesnt want me in jail even though now that shes a millionairess could get any man in the world.

    except for the busblog. bc the busblog only cares about ur heart.

    and when he kisses the right girl with the right heart sees a hippie band jamming on a balcony on DP in IV

    as the sun is setting

    and the old keg is getting pulled out as the new keg is getting lowered

    into the tub of ice, topped with red solo cups, one of which has this name scribbled on it


    but we ignore that bc shes a good kisser.

  2. Tuesday, December 2, 2014

    is it wrong to want to go back 

    isla vista

    when i was younger i always wanted to go backwards.

    when i got to cali all i wanted was to go forwards.

    i see people stay in the same place and do pretty much the same thing and it makes me curious which is the best way.

    last night i had some people over at my place. it was weird saying that ive been there for 13 years.

    it’s nice to have cheap rent, but if i had a 30 year mortgage id be more than a 1/3 through it by now.

    but thats crazy because 13 years ago they shouldnta even rented me an apartment i was so broke and worthless.

    regardless i want to go back to isla vista. not because it needs me, it’ll be fine, but because it’s the prettiest

    and wildest, and most magical spot ive ever lived in.

    the dora the explorer in me says, hey lets find somewhere even better.

    we have half of our lives left to find more. lets find more and better and tastier.

    but isn’t that being gluttoney? ive found the spot. why more?

    but then the lewis and clark in me says, when columbus landed on plymouth rock

    that was fine. and when we kept going west, that was even better.

    but imagine if we stopped at kentucky.

    and the mark twain in me says, never stop at kentucky.

  3. Tuesday, July 29, 2014

    hell yeah isla vista 

    planet of the apes

    i saw so many great movies at the IV Theater

    and lectures and learned so much.

    basically everything i know about art history.

    a class i never enrolled in, because it was packed. but i went anyways.

    too bad the apes took it over.

  4. Thursday, May 29, 2014

    over the years ive written so much about isla vista 

    paddle out

    it’s a magical place with so much more to offer than the sex drugs and rock n roll

    not that theres anything wrong with those things.

    yesterday the students, who are mourning in a bigger way than i remember they did in 2001, held a paddle out

    ucsb paddle out

    two days after they filled harder stadium.

    ive always been proud to be a Gaucho.

    we are uniquely unique from most colleges, and not just because of the geography

    but sometimes, like yesterday, it all comes together beautifully.

  5. Wednesday, May 28, 2014
  6. Tuesday, May 27, 2014
  7. Sunday, May 25, 2014

    this guy had lost has phone and instead of just walking around to look for it 


    he called an uber to drive him about a mile to his daughters school and then a half mile to the park

    and then a few blocks to the 7-11 and then a mile back to his crib.

    the ride earned the driver about ten bucks but it took nearly an hour.

    ten bucks an hour isnt the reason people like to drive ubers.

    the reason people like to drive ubers is while the daughter was in the back seat she said something about Frozen

    so the driver said, would you like to hear Let it Go?

    she was probably 6 years old. adorable. black girl with a pink tshirt with the peace symbol on it.

    the music started and she started singing every single word.

    louder and louder as the chorus kicked in.

    even her dad started humming along to the hit.


    the xbi doc says i eat too many tacos.

    i says he talks too much.

    yesterday was slow. who knows why. i was distracted. my spidey zen senses werent in tune.

    was it the disturbance in the force regarding what was happening in 93117?

    who knows. im too sensitive a poet. so i found myself parked behind tacos arizas and those puppys aint gonna eat themselves.

    although their C rating says you shouldnt bet against it.

    and of course as soon as i do my beeper goes off and i drove up to the residence and it was classy

    so i threw a perfectly good taco into the trash can.

    some religions send you to hell for that.


    guy turned out was a master beer maker. successful. bearded. soft spoken. bi costal.

    he said the people of miami love the heat but they cant afford to go to the games

    yet the people who go to the games arent all that crazy about hoops.

    he said he likes the food better in LA.

    i was all, is it true that the women wear as close to nothing as possible, but in a stylish manner?

    he said, yes, they enjoy being seen.

    well that makes one of us.

    i do everything i can to blend in.

    i guess i can do that when im dead.

    we shared a mutual affection towards The Clash

    and we both agreed how genius the heinekin promotion was at coachella

    where if you brought heinis to the show they would keep them cold for you in their “house”


    after i dropped him off i saw this annoying parade of kids in duck hats and dogs and leashes.

    annoying because it was so slow and a pretty wide thoroughfare.

    i think people think its ok for cute things to break laws and be unsafe.

    the light turned green right after i clicked this picture and five seconds of my day was

    wasted at that intersection.

    i considered writing a letter to my congressperson.

    but hell if i know her/his name


    about once a week a transgendered or crossed dressed person is my passenger in my ubermobile

    usually it’s female names.

    the last few have been very tall skinny half naked people and

    it seemed like they wanted to talk but they didnt really wanna talk

    one passenger however did tell me they were just in a dungeon

    doing a photo shoot

    so when you drive around LA just think

    there are dungeons

    and photo shoots

    of all sorts happening.


    i am probably the only person who sees little art or value in this and yet people love it so much they cant contain their love

    if there is a small town or metropolis who wants to draw a literal moth-to-light constant stream of people

    all you need to do is hook up 100 street lights in a simple pattern

    and turn them on at night.

    they will love it so much they’ll even come in the day time.


    tried the new grilled talipia meal at yoshinoya as i was getting my car detailed across the street.

    it was definitely ¡m m!

    grilled fish, good portions, over rice, with a side of the crappiest salad you could imagine = $6

    the lemon garlic butter sauce turned the good into great


    likewise one psycho with messed up priorities

    and access to guns and hundreds of bullets.

    can turn great into sad.

    my man sean wallace reminds us what the sean white band taught us on their

    i.v. e.p. n.a. on l.p. or c.d.

  8. Saturday, May 24, 2014

    one of the best things about bukowski is he was not pretty 

    bukowski with catand yet he still got laid.

    truly valuable lesson because any man can strut around if he’s tall handsome and wealthy

    imagine youre squat, pockmarked, fat and you live a block from skid row.

    if you can pull with all that working against you then yeah people should read your books.

    last night a rich pretty boy from the valley drove a new bmw around a college town and shot at blonde girls who in his mind wouldn’t give him the time of day

    he killed six college kids including one that he ran over.

    in a series of youtube videos he said he was frustrated because he was 22 and hadnt even held a girls hand let alone had sex with anyone

    despite being what he considered to be beautiful.

    charles bukowski needs to be taught in every school.

    bukowski too was dismayed by a good chunk of american society but he pushed through.

    in fact the main themes of his poetry and prose is no matter what cards you are dealt, you play them

    you dont turn over the table, you dont cheat, you dont raise your fist at the sky and ask why wasnt i born a six foot five water polo god

    you do you your thing, you make your own luck, you turn to the woman next to you

    and you accept what comes next.

    despite being ridiculously prolific, bukowski would sometimes go back to his masterpieces and edit them before they were published or placed in an anthology.

    the 1977 poem The Crunch probably would have resonated best with last night’s killer who was quickly shot dead by local sheriffs.

    here are the three versions of it, all great in their little ways.

    “there is a loneliness in this world so great
    that you can see it in the slow movement of
    the hands of a clock”

    states bukowski. plainly. almost scientifically.

    please tell me the city college virgin wouldnt have seen himself in this bit from the final edited version:

    “we forget the terror of one person
    aching in one room
    cut off
    watering a plant alone
    without a telephone that would never

    the lesson of bukowski is he can bust out with something like that, such a clear stark blast

    but when he’s done he pours a glass of wine,

    smiles to himself

    drinks the wine, alone or otherwise

    and feels beautiful inside

    where it counts.

  9. Sunday, April 6, 2014

    who brings a bat to a hornets nest convention? 

    riot cops

    1. cops need to knock this off

    2. kids need to stop parking on del playa during busy nights

    3. college needs to allow free parking on campus on busy weekends for anyone with a student ID

    4. county needs to stop limiting residence’s access to live music, it only causes anger and resentment

    5. kids need to stop inviting their idiot friends to IV on busy weekends

    6. cops need to be transparent before during and after they use non lethal weapons including chemicals

    7. university needs to take responsibility for what happens in Isla Vista, that includes communicating expectations and procedures

    8. this has been going on for 50 years, the police can’t pretend they won’t know what is bound to happen, when they show up in force and parade down the party street spraying  chemicals on the people. there needs to be a plan in place before Halloween that explains what the goals are and what will happen at Halloween, and that plan should be made public.

    9. the plan should be one that does not allow for chemicals or projectiles being shot at the people. lets all grow up.


  10. Thursday, March 27, 2014

    a super star of stage and screen just gchatted me 

    harry carayand said why dont you have any tattoos

    i said omg if the bible allowed tattoos id have so many dumb and weird ones

    for sure id have one for the Daily Nexus

    probably one of my english teacher Robyn

    tons about the cubs, AC/DC, the replacements and Tsar

    probably my moms birthday on my heart

    93117 in gothic across my buff back

    it wouldnt end

    maybe some bukowski quotes like sass has

    screw it, why not a whole poem.

    one behind my neck that says if lost return to 6850 Del Playa

    maybe one on my chest thats a recreation of my drivers license

    a bible verse or three

    a picture of angus young

    maybe on my belly something that looks like tacos going into my large intestine.

    and yes, a tattoo of my kidney right around my faulty kidney

    and of course the harry caray logo on my shoulder right where the cubs had the patch because there was only one harry and i hope people never forget him because we should all have that sort of boundless energy inside of us.