nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, October 16, 2014

    has it been hard without television or the web? 

    2CXLO yes.

    but the good news is the cats and i are bonding and im reading the bible every day.

    and im cleaning like mad. which mostly consists of throwing everything out.

    even the good stuff.

    which i have a lot of.

    two closets which have been jam packed with muck for the last 12 years are now far less mucky. one ended up empty!

    mom you should stop reading the rest of this blog post

    i found a dead uh visitor in one of the closets. it got lost in the clutter and couldnt find its way out and cursed me with its last mini rodent breath. i didnt even know what it was when i picked it up but when it landed in the garbage its dust formed a familiar pattern.

    and it squeaked screw you busblog.

    there were two themes in the closets: music and smut. far too much of both. in wild assortments of delivery devices.

    all of it must go. some of it has already gone.

    realized i have three drills. im not mr handy, sorry ladies, but i know how to work a drill. i have two 18″ bits so i can put a hole through pretty much anything in your home: brick, stone, marble. you do learn a few things in the xbi.

    so many remote controls. the grandest collection of AC adapters. and then there are the love letters.

    how can a man have low self esteem with the reams of beautifully handwritten letters women from around the world have given me, and yet, alas, it’s true. in my mind no one has ever really wanted me, and if they had it was a passing fad, and that was only due to intoxications.

    but then i read a few of these and i was like, are those seriously for me?

    one woman typed using a typewriter while taking a bath and drinking. after each paragraph she would type

    drink time. ding!

    then she drew a picture of herself. and it was fantastic!

    who was this tony pierce of days gone by?

    who knows and who cares, it’s all now being recycled somewhere in Irwindale unless a junkie needs to wipe his bloody spike off on it, in which case, bon appetite.


  2. Friday, October 10, 2014

    busblogs dont explain things with words 

    kyla and tyler in 2008which is ironic because of the blog the poems the stories the novellas and the text messages.

    busblogs explain with actions.

    in a perfect world all there’d be is scoreboard. results. stuff.

    i hear some people say oh he means well or oh he has a good heart but in real life what were his actions. they werent good.

    my actions are so good theyre boring. my words are so boring theyre dull.

    theres two things ive noticed in my waning years on this crust: people like to do things with me on nights where i want to uber

    and people want to talk talk talk to me on the phone.

    bill murray invented the perfect way of life. he got a cell phone to text his sons and he got an 800 number for people to


    to reach him. but for the most part he never calls anyone back. unless it’s awesome.

    i love the people. all the people. theres probably only 4-5 people i dont love and they know who they are.

    they wronged me in brutal ways and never apologized so the hell with them.

    the rest i love and they all know the best days to hang out with me are weekdays after work minus fridays.

    and they also know not to make me call them on the phone. i know i have a pretty voice. how about i just whisper it.

    i also dont like to be told what to do. if you ask nice i’ll probably do it. especially if you whisper it.

    do these things mean that i’ll never be married and tied down with a mortgage and kids and soccer practices

    and animals barking as im trying to watch the bears game in my study?

    is bill murray happy?

    not even the barking dog in my neighbors apartment is happy and that fucker can lick his own nuts

    so what chance do any of us have

  3. Wednesday, September 10, 2014

    theres only a few things i want in my life 


    love, of course.

    honesty. as in super dooper really real. which isnt so hard.

    people around me who dont believe that the world is a certain way or destiny isnt a hard and fast rule

    or that we are doomed to only do the things our parents did.

    if i ever have kids i dont want them to think that they can only do the things i did.

    i want them to know they can be better. that they can break through whatever barriers i met.

    i want them to know the world is weird and wonderful and random and beautiful and one minute you might be alone and content

    and the next minute you can be in a house with a new girlfriend, and old girlfriend, and two cats.

    and then the day you might be totally alone again.

    old girlfriend might be moved into a new pad. new girlfriend might be done with you for the week.

    and neighbors might have wanted to adopt young Prince and young Michael.

    yes you can try to have a safe stable life but not if you want higher highs.

    not if you wanna learn weird stuff and embody it.

    and then write it down for you and you and you.

    in a few years i will start writing.

    this was just exercises to cure my carpal.

    tonight amber and i are going to a fancy french restaurant.

    i may even wear pants.

  4. Tuesday, August 5, 2014

    what do i do when people are mean to me: nothing 

    Bob Dylan with Get Born sign

    what does the boulder do? what does the mountain do? what does the sea do?

    they keep on giving the invisible finger to the haters, the polluters, the fakers, the liars.

    its the ones without courage that im the most concerned with tonight as i fly chopper one for the first time in years.

    did i steal it? you cant steal whats invisible. you cant steal whats been stolen.

    you cant steal a mans best friend.

    what does the chopper do when its soul mate is back in the saddle? it hums.

    only eddie van halen can play that one guitar with the stripes.

    only babe ruth can swing that 39 ounce mammoth bat.

    theres only one busblog only one chopper one only one person meant to fly those things

    and it sure aint Fear.

    mr t pitied the fools.

    me, i never liked being called t

    so he can pity those fools too.

  5. Tuesday, July 29, 2014
  6. Friday, July 25, 2014

    flashback friday: the girl who also liked newspapers 


    deep down im a very old man. actually not that deep.

    while in college i went hiking my freshman year with a bunch of new college friends.

    they thought it would be funny to wake up, sprinkle granola bars with lsd

    and give them to all of us sleeping amigos as the sun rose.

    i knew something was up because who giggles and says eat this tony unless evil lurks.

    it was quite a way to wake up, lemme tell you, and that whole morning slash afternoon i whined

    why are we hiking? whats the point? why did we sleep in the dirt? black people dont do this!

    and i realized that i was like a weird milk chocolate candy bar.

    on the outside i was beautiful and smooth and delicious

    and in the creamy center i was full of youth and sweetness

    but right in the middle of that i was this hard old nut maybe a million years old.

    which i was reminded up not that long ago when i woke up in a hotel suite with a pretty girl

    who for some reason thought it was ok to put her tea service on our bed

    when there was a perfectly good night stand right next to her.

    she was all, shut up grandpa and read this to me as i fall back to sleep.

  7. Saturday, July 19, 2014

    it’s so dry the ants and the spiders wanna come in 


    there was a spider

    and im all, trust me i understand but dont we leave the garden hoses drippy enough

    dont the neighbors do their laundry omg every day?

    arent we constantly pouring out a little for the homies who aint here?

    and the ants were all, you realize you work for us, dont you?

    and the spiders were like you know what we do when you sleep, right?

    and the walls said you know we talk when youre outta the house.

    so i burned everything down.

    all of it.

    still, the ants came back the next day

    and crawled over the burnt shells of debris

    and sipped from the endless puddles left by the fire hoses

    and said thanks, now clean this crap up.

  8. Thursday, July 17, 2014
  9. Monday, July 14, 2014

    somewhere along the line things got backwards 

    aubrey plaza

    when i was a youngster i was under the belief that i could do anything.

    i played baseball all day in the summer time with maybe one can of warm grape soda

    never water, and barely any food, and we played till the sun went down.

    the realization that i couldnt do anything coincided with the day someone threw me a curve ball.

    the ball looked like it was spinning to my head but then swerved right across the plate.

    that next day i discovered that my girlfriend at the time, in art class

    was playing footsies with the guy next to me

    as she was playing footsies with me.

    then i moved to california and nothing bad ever happened again.

  10. Wednesday, July 9, 2014

    the only answer is yes 

    come with

    everything else is so boring.

    everything else is just different layers of the same flavorless cake.

    long live LA but so many girls out here dont even eat cake unless its cupped.

    do you know how many girls i know who were good at certain things but said no

    or different flavors of that so often that i was all

    who told you thats even one of the options

    columbus didnt say no. or zeppelin.

    hendrix didnt say no and hes dead but is he

    gravity says no all the time and we do everything we can to say

    f-u gravity and your naysaying. we surf its no’s and make it ours.

    even little girls skipping are all say no again, say it.

    yes sounds good in any language

    even in silence

    even just with the smile

    even just with the eyes.

    yes is yes is yes even to a dog even to a log

    even to a god.

    which is why the good book has way more ouis

    than hold up theres. and i quote:

    for if you had the faith of a mustard seed, you could move mountains.

    but you keep saying nah.