nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, September 10, 2014

    theres only a few things i want in my life 


    love, of course.

    honesty. as in super dooper really real. which isnt so hard.

    people around me who dont believe that the world is a certain way or destiny isnt a hard and fast rule

    or that we are doomed to only do the things our parents did.

    if i ever have kids i dont want them to think that they can only do the things i did.

    i want them to know they can be better. that they can break through whatever barriers i met.

    i want them to know the world is weird and wonderful and random and beautiful and one minute you might be alone and content

    and the next minute you can be in a house with a new girlfriend, and old girlfriend, and two cats.

    and then the day you might be totally alone again.

    old girlfriend might be moved into a new pad. new girlfriend might be done with you for the week.

    and neighbors might have wanted to adopt young Prince and young Michael.

    yes you can try to have a safe stable life but not if you want higher highs.

    not if you wanna learn weird stuff and embody it.

    and then write it down for you and you and you.

    in a few years i will start writing.

    this was just exercises to cure my carpal.

    tonight amber and i are going to a fancy french restaurant.

    i may even wear pants.

  2. Tuesday, August 5, 2014

    what do i do when people are mean to me: nothing 

    Bob Dylan with Get Born sign

    what does the boulder do? what does the mountain do? what does the sea do?

    they keep on giving the invisible finger to the haters, the polluters, the fakers, the liars.

    its the ones without courage that im the most concerned with tonight as i fly chopper one for the first time in years.

    did i steal it? you cant steal whats invisible. you cant steal whats been stolen.

    you cant steal a mans best friend.

    what does the chopper do when its soul mate is back in the saddle? it hums.

    only eddie van halen can play that one guitar with the stripes.

    only babe ruth can swing that 39 ounce mammoth bat.

    theres only one busblog only one chopper one only one person meant to fly those things

    and it sure aint Fear.

    mr t pitied the fools.

    me, i never liked being called t

    so he can pity those fools too.

  3. Tuesday, July 29, 2014
  4. Friday, July 25, 2014

    flashback friday: the girl who also liked newspapers 


    deep down im a very old man. actually not that deep.

    while in college i went hiking my freshman year with a bunch of new college friends.

    they thought it would be funny to wake up, sprinkle granola bars with lsd

    and give them to all of us sleeping amigos as the sun rose.

    i knew something was up because who giggles and says eat this tony unless evil lurks.

    it was quite a way to wake up, lemme tell you, and that whole morning slash afternoon i whined

    why are we hiking? whats the point? why did we sleep in the dirt? black people dont do this!

    and i realized that i was like a weird milk chocolate candy bar.

    on the outside i was beautiful and smooth and delicious

    and in the creamy center i was full of youth and sweetness

    but right in the middle of that i was this hard old nut maybe a million years old.

    which i was reminded up not that long ago when i woke up in a hotel suite with a pretty girl

    who for some reason thought it was ok to put her tea service on our bed

    when there was a perfectly good night stand right next to her.

    she was all, shut up grandpa and read this to me as i fall back to sleep.

  5. Saturday, July 19, 2014

    it’s so dry the ants and the spiders wanna come in 


    there was a spider

    and im all, trust me i understand but dont we leave the garden hoses drippy enough

    dont the neighbors do their laundry omg every day?

    arent we constantly pouring out a little for the homies who aint here?

    and the ants were all, you realize you work for us, dont you?

    and the spiders were like you know what we do when you sleep, right?

    and the walls said you know we talk when youre outta the house.

    so i burned everything down.

    all of it.

    still, the ants came back the next day

    and crawled over the burnt shells of debris

    and sipped from the endless puddles left by the fire hoses

    and said thanks, now clean this crap up.

  6. Thursday, July 17, 2014
  7. Monday, July 14, 2014

    somewhere along the line things got backwards 

    aubrey plaza

    when i was a youngster i was under the belief that i could do anything.

    i played baseball all day in the summer time with maybe one can of warm grape soda

    never water, and barely any food, and we played till the sun went down.

    the realization that i couldnt do anything coincided with the day someone threw me a curve ball.

    the ball looked like it was spinning to my head but then swerved right across the plate.

    that next day i discovered that my girlfriend at the time, in art class

    was playing footsies with the guy next to me

    as she was playing footsies with me.

    then i moved to california and nothing bad ever happened again.

  8. Wednesday, July 9, 2014

    the only answer is yes 

    come with

    everything else is so boring.

    everything else is just different layers of the same flavorless cake.

    long live LA but so many girls out here dont even eat cake unless its cupped.

    do you know how many girls i know who were good at certain things but said no

    or different flavors of that so often that i was all

    who told you thats even one of the options

    columbus didnt say no. or zeppelin.

    hendrix didnt say no and hes dead but is he

    gravity says no all the time and we do everything we can to say

    f-u gravity and your naysaying. we surf its no’s and make it ours.

    even little girls skipping are all say no again, say it.

    yes sounds good in any language

    even in silence

    even just with the smile

    even just with the eyes.

    yes is yes is yes even to a dog even to a log

    even to a god.

    which is why the good book has way more ouis

    than hold up theres. and i quote:

    for if you had the faith of a mustard seed, you could move mountains.

    but you keep saying nah.

  9. Monday, June 16, 2014

    people should pretty much always say yes to me no matter what 


    i really dont know why they dont.

    but the more i learn about phil jackson and stanley kubrick and alfred hitchcock and orson welles

    the more i realize that in every ones life there are people who say oh hell no

    no matter how many miracles youve shown them or good times youve had.

    thats one reason i said yes to the pretty girls yesterday when i was 30 seconds away from watching the game of thrones finale.

    to eat chicken.

    if more people just said yes to fun things the world would be funner.

    ironically here are the people that no one ever said no to:

    dick cheney


    the bank of america

    the NRA

    and the people who allocate more money to military and jails than to schools and health care.

    so maybe once everyone finally does start saying yes to everything i propose,

    i should start getting nervous.

  10. Thursday, June 5, 2014

    it’s always worth it, even if it sucks 


    I still can’t believe she used me so ruthlessly. So dishonestly. So halfassedly.

    Why steal from someone who’s giving you everything you ask for and bonuses? Why kill the golden goose for his beak? Why steal the cage bird’s cage?

    I was so trusting if she had said let’s make a lil xbi agent named Lil. or LOL. or Lil LOL, I woulda said fine.

    Y not. The worlds ending anyways. The beginning of the end is almost over. Even the black president isn’t the answer. Which is a little shocking.

    We live in a world where a fricken lime costs the same a candy bar.

    Yes let me bring infants into this fixed game.

    And then leave me and make me pay child support for decades.

    Instead she stole. Small things. Dreams. Hopes. PTO days. Who does that?

    It’d be like robbers saying we’re here for the boxed wine.

    She used to feed me bananas and then chocolate sauce and then mini marshmallows and then love.

    She coulda just said maybe we should just buy a few acres in Baja and freaking grow some damn limes. Can’t be that hard.

    But no.

    And I’m mad but that’s like being pissed the truck missed hitting you.